


My Fellow Hedonist

by ILookDaftWithOneShoe



Series: My Fellow Hedonist [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: AU, Drama, Humour, Hurt/Comfort, Loki is a BAMF, M/M, and a slut, and so is tony, avenger!loki, avenger!loki AU, but i love it, fuck first and question feelings later I guess, man this story is gonna be a monster, there are just so many tolkien references man i have a problem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-18
Updated: 2013-06-30
Packaged: 2017-11-18 23:09:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 53
Words: 122,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/566296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ILookDaftWithOneShoe/pseuds/ILookDaftWithOneShoe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'"Tony Stark, the man behind the mask," Loki purred. "To business. I would rather avoid lawsuits if humanly possible, so working out some rules now is advisable."</p><p>Tony quickly learned that behind that cultured accent and those perfect manners lay an arrogant, sarcastic dickhead, and Tony couldn't decide where he liked Loki or wanted to kill him.'</p><p>AU starting from the end of Iron Man 2.</p><p>Loki is an English businessman, an arrogant, handsome, genius billionaire playboy philanthropist, and when he moves to America, develops a supersuit and starts a rivalry with Tony Stark, he catches the attention of SHIELD.</p><p>Soon, the Tesseract gets stolen by a dichromatic bastard from outer space, and things get real fast.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Sparkly Shit Suit

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this is my first proper fic of any length, and it has this huge long elaborate plot which we're going to get into in a while.
> 
> This AU features the Asgardians as normalish humans, and Loki as a Stark-esque arrogant hedonist.
> 
> For now - any questions, just ask, and I'll cry happy tears everywhere if you comment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Editing note 8/09/2013: I altered this chapter because it was wibbley with some continuity. Loki and the Sparkly Shit Suit are in character with the rest of the fic now.

In 2010, Laufeyson Corp completed its takeover of Valaskjalf Ltd and rival company Utgarda Co and moved its headquarters from London to New York.

Most assumed that the move was an indication that Laufeyson Corp was readying itself for the world stage.

Unbeknownst to all except the Board of Directors, the real reason behind the relocation was that company founder and CEO Loki Laufeyson had just bought and consequently screwed over both his adoptive and real father's life's work.

But hey, they'd screwed over his childhood, so they were even now.

Laufeyson Corp specialised in innovation, mostly in the field of electronics and clean energy, which was greatly aided by their CEO's genius intellect and love of creation. Naturally, with a field like that, parallels were immediately drawn between Laufeyson Corp and Stark Industries.

Many more parallels were drawn when people realised that Loki Laufeyson was an arrogant, handsome, billionaire, genius, playboy philanthropist.

Loki gave a presentation at the Stark Expo on his latest advance in sustainable power – micronuclear batteries with a theoretically infinite life, or, more accurately, a half-life of around a third of a billion years. After his presentation, he took home a pair of supermodels and vanished for a half a day.

Very Stark-esque.

Tony Stark didn't actually meet his new competitor until after Vanko died. He'd watched a press conference of the tall, raven-haired man; Loki was a born entertainer, holding the crowd in his palm as soon as he took to the podium.

"I am certain I will be working with Tony in one capacity or another. Thank you and good afternoon." Loki smiled winningly as he left the stage, being followed out by security as his short, exciteable-looking PA gesticulated boldly.

Tony had decided to keep an open mind on Loki Laufeyson; he was obviously smarter than Justin Hammer and maybe he was a nice guy. He'd certainly been the picture of an amiable gentleman in the conference.

He was going to find out soon in a meeting anyway.

-O.O-

It was held in Tony's Malibu home. Loki flew down especially for it, and met Tony in the conference room.

In a break from tradition, Tony was genuinely paying attention at this meeting.

"I'm Tony Stark, and it's good to finally meet you, Mr Laufeyson," Tony said formally, itching to break out the scotch and really get to know this guy.

"Tony Stark, the man behind the mask," Loki purred. "To business. I would rather avoid lawsuits if humanly possible, so working out some rules now is advisable."

Tony quickly learned that behind that cultured accent and those perfect manners lay an arrogant, sarcastic dickhead, and Tony couldn't decide where he liked Loki or wanted to kill him. Either way, Tony was getting a headache, and when Loki finally excused himself, saying "If you will forgive me, I am nearing the completion of my biggest project yet, and coming from me that is definitely something," Tony was almost relieved.

Pretentious asshole.

-O.O-

Loki wasn't sure what to make of Tony Stark. It was like looking at a slightly distorted and far shorter version of himself. Certainly it was more entertaining to speak to Stark that it had been to talk to his adoptive father, Odin Valfodr, or his real one, Farbauti Laufeyson, who both had a way of making business even more boring.

His competition was smart, too, something Loki craved after growing up with his comparatively dull adoptive brother.

His competition was also Iron Man. Even before Stark's adventures in Afghanistan, Loki had toyed with the idea of using his knowledge of energy to build something similar in the field of bodysuits. It had irked him greatly that his idea had taken two years longer than Stark's, but it was now past the final testing stages and well and truly ready to be used. He'd bought a stretch of desert in New Mexico especially for that purpose.

The day after his meeting with Stark, Loki was on-site and being geared up for the first human test run of what he'd mentally dubbed the 'Sparkly Shit Suit.' He'd named it that at 3am, after having to redraft wiring designs for the umpteenth time when he realised that his current design would probably set him on fire, and wouldn't that be a bitch.

Now Loki really hoped he hadn't made a mistake as he dressed in a leather bodysuit and boots with a special rubber polymer for soles. There was every chance Loki could die today testing this, but Loki had make every measure towards his own safety, and it seemed cruel to test it on animals or other people. It was Loki's idea, after all.

Delicate gold alloy wire was threaded from the breastplate down to his bare hands in the suit. Loki's heart was pounding under the leather, but outwardly he was calm.

Maybe this was a bad idea.

But, hey, Carpe Diem, right?

"Prepare to activate phase one," Loki said when the wires were in place.

"Are you sure, boss?" One of his technicians said. "You seem a bit nervous."

"Considering I may be mere ashes on the concrete in a few minutes, I have every right to worry," Loki replied smoothly.

"Yeah, I suppose. Thought you'd put a brave face on."

"Bravery is by far the kindest word for stupidity, don't you think?" Loki said. "Activate phase."

A slight yip of pain escaped from Loki's throat as electricity surged through his body. It was a fierce hum of pleasure-pain that made his fingers tingle and his teeth hurt. His heart pounded roughly in his chest, working overtime to keep everything functioning.

It was easy to get used to it, though, like being on a sugar rush. Loki took several deep breaths, making sure he was still alive. Once he was confident everything was working the way it should, he said "Phase success. I still seem to be alive. Activate phase two in two minutes."

"Are you confident you'll survive this? You've done good work today, you could call it quits," Another technician asked. "It's one thing to give yourself a little tingle, another to electrocute the fuck out of yourself in the name of science."

"I'll either succeed, or I'll be killed too quickly for me to feel anything," Loki replied. "Either option works for me."

"It's just, I think if I watched you explode I'd be traumatised for life."

"Fortunately, I wouldn't feel a thing, and I'm sure monetary compensation will cure your trauma. So yes, I still wish you to 'electrocute the fuck out of me'," Loki deadpanned.

There was silence for a short while as Loki readied himself for what he was fairly certain was going to be excruciating pain. It was almost a relief when the countdown started. Anticipation was no mercy.

When they activated the phase, Loki's heart stopped beating, his brain stopped working, and he clinically died for a second as his lithe frame was sent awash with electricity.

Loki knew nothing except the fact that his heart was beating at speeds that  _had_ to be illegal as his vision and hearing whited out for a moment. He'd miscalculated, with too much electricity; he'd have to fix that next time. He vaguely registered that he'd been making a few strange noises and baring his teeth. As he grew self-aware again, Loki noted that he was still standing in the vast warehouse, and all eyes were terrified and locked on him.

But fuck, he felt  _fantastic._

He said that out loud and everyone sighed in relief.

"Running at working capacity?" Loki enquired. The man controlling his suit nodded, disturbed by the fact that his boss really shouldn't have been alive.

"Excellent. Movement test, now." Loki felt surprisingly normal, considering the wattage in his body, though he had was experiencing an odd feeling, like he was vibrating at high frequency or like energy could come off him at any moment. He walked around the warehouse, enjoying the powerful feeling that the electricity was giving him. When he was confident that he was fine (besides his heart, which was beating out of control in a way that couldn't be healthy) he returned to the testing area.

The thing was, Loki was still in a buttload of danger. The next phase was removing control of the electricity from the mainframe and instead tying it to Loki's own brainwaves. There was every possibility Loki's brain would melt and bubble out his ears, and Loki knew that very well.

"Activate phase three in two minutes," Loki commanded, before looking out a skylight at a patch of blue sky. Considering he could be dead in two minutes, the cliche of admiring the view suddenly didn't seem out of place.

Then the countdown started and Loki prayed to gods he'd never believed in that he'd survive.

Instead of death by brain boiling or explosion, all that happened was Loki felt a surge of endorphins and a curious awareness of the energy within himself.

"It all seems to be going fairly well," Loki said assessingly. "I'm going to go outside to test."

As Loki went to walk out the bay doors, he decided to test a theory that he'd formed regarding his current state.

That is, the concept that he could convert himself to light energy and travel anywhere almost instantly.

As soon as he willed it, Loki found himself outside in the searing heat of the Chihuahuan desert. His heart had jumped weirdly on the transit, but aside from that he felt incredible. All his techies started clapping when they saw his shift, and he gave a theatrical bow.

Loki then turned his attention to the large wooden targets set up a short distance away. How he was controlling the electricity, he had no idea, but it felt – well, rather like he'd thought having an extra limb would feel. In any case, he lashed out with a hand, feeling the energy move as he commanded it, arcing from the tips of his fingers to tear a huge burning hole in his target.

Aw yeah!

Loki Laufeyson was a motherfucking  _superhuman._

Probably not a hero, but super nonetheless.

Loki spent another 20 minutes blasting the shit out of his targets before he powered down and tugged himself out of the leather suit, his head throbbing. It was rough on his body, but  _damn,_ was it awesome.

-O.O-

The next day, Loki was accosted in his office by a Mr Nick Fury, who at first wanted him to hand over the Sparkly Shit Suit, and when he declined, enquired after his future intentions. Loki assured him they centred around pissing Stark off, attracting attention, and promoting his company. And, yes, if he had to, he might help save the world. Loki then asked how they'd found out about the suit, and Fury chuckled enigmatically as he said SHIELD had eyes everywhere, which was no comfort to Loki.

Finally Fury left, and Loki ordered his PA to bring him a bottle of Aquavit to drink while he worked on prettying up the Sparkly Shit Suit.

-O.O-

A few days after that, Loki had practised in the suit again, and his PA Darcy Lewis had suddenly requested holiday time, which she had never asked for before. Needless to say, Loki was suspicious; she was his close friend and she would've told him a lot sooner. Curious, he granted it on the condition she found herself a temporary replacement. She found one in record time, a muscular, middle-aged man she introduced as Bart Clinton.

Loki had a sixth sense for bullshit, and this was tripping all his alarms, especially seeing how overqualified 'Bart' seemed to be.

It took Loki all of three days and a few educated guesses to uncover that 'Bart' was Clint Barton, codename 'Hawkeye' of SHIELD. He was tempted to just throw the spy out of his tower, until he decided to humiliate him first as a warning to Fury.

So he called Barton up to his office on the top floor of Laufeyson Tower and invited have a seat on the couch. Loki sat gracefully on the armchair across from him, a glass of Metaxa in hand and a slightly predatory smile on his face.

"Mr Clinton," Loki said. "I've been meaning to have a proper conversation with you since you arrived, but I've been rather busy."

"It's okay, man; I don't think I'll be here long anyway," Barton replied. "What do you want to talk about?"

"How did you meet Darcy? We've known each other for many years and she's never even mentioned you," Loki felt a tickle of amusement as Barton searched for a response to give. "Never mind. Don't stretch yourself with the tough questions, you poor, beleaguered soul. If it helps, I've an easier one for you."

"What's that-?" Barton was interrupted by Loki putting down his drink and darting, cat-like, to straddle his lap and pull him into a fierce, hungry kiss, to which Barton responded first with confusion, then with a tentative enthusiasm.

Loki pulled away to purr hotly into Barton's ear. "My question is, could you deliver a message to your boss, Agent Barton?" Barton froze, tense, under Loki. "Tell Fury not to spy on my business."

Barton swore a blue streak as Loki climbed off his lap and stood over him smugly.

"Server?" Loki called to his voice-controlled house OS. It wasn't an AI like Stark's, but Loki hadn't wanted another personality around the place. "Server, send Director Fury the surveillance film of Agent Barton's and my interaction, and attach this message: 'Before this agent is allowed to return to undercover duty, he should be reschooled in the fields of cover stories and preventing the tongue of his target contacting his own'."

"Fuck you," Barton snapped, standing up. "Never should've taken this mission; you're as bad as Stark. Do you know what you just did?"

"Yes. I got you demoted to paperwork and security checks. I also don't care. Now get out of my office before I fry you," Loki said sharply.

"Fuck you, you promiscuous bastard." Barton said, calling the elevator and leaving.

Loki threw himself down on the couch and laughed at his reaction.


	2. Douchebaggery Isn't A Superpower

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is already 11 chapters long on ff.net, so I'll just post them once a day till I catch up.

A week later, Loki was down in New Mexico practicing in the Sparkly Shit Suit when his cell phone began ringing from the table he'd left it on.

He powered down and checked the screen. Blocked number. This boded badly.

Answering the phone to find Fury snarling at him was unpleasant. It was even more unpleasant to learn that Fury wanted a superhero in New Mexico  _now,_ and Loki was on-site, so naturally, he was the  _perfect_ candidate.

Loki actually chuckled when Fury called him a hero, but agreed to help if only for the purpose of testing his suit in action.

-O.O-

Loki was not expecting to see what he found in the little desert town of Puente Antiguo.

It was like a troll...but made of ice...and 15 fucking feet tall...and chewing on a building...and Loki needed to get it away from the town,  _now_.

He materialised behind it and zapped it up the ass with a low-powered bolt. It whirled around angrily and snarled at the tiny, leather-clad creature that had  _dared_  to attack it, rather typical of large, dumb predators. Loki had known people like this thing in high school.

Loki teleported back a short way, goading the ice troll into pursuit.

It stumbled down Main Street, trying to catch Loki, but Loki stayed just outside its reach. When one swipe came a little too close, Loki mused over designing a helmet and some proper armour for his suit, instead of the single layer of leather protecting his billion-dollar self.

Finally whatever the fuck it was had followed Loki to a bare stretch of desert a little way from the town. Loki had been instructed to kill the creature, and he hadn't been planning to follow that order until he realised the ice beast was suffering a  _lot_ in the blazing desert sun.

Loki had been through enough to know that scorching torture was no fun. So it was a mere act of mercy that led Loki Laufeyson to kill a frost troll in the Chihuahuan desert with an intense blast of lightning.

-O.O-

SHIELD debriefed him, oddly enough, even though there was very little to say. An ordinary-looking agent named Coulson came to talk to him, and Loki couldn't shake the feeling he was being tested.

-O.O-

Tony Stark had been expecting a big rundown from SHIELD over the whole Vanko incident, so he wasn't surprised when, a few weeks after, he was directed to a large, empty warehouse with a single lonely desk in the middle.

He  _was_ surprised, however, to find Loki Laufeyson lying lazily across said desk like a very well-dressed prostitute.

Tony sunk into a low chair without a word, waiting for Fury. If Loki wasn't going to say anything, then he wouldn't either. Loki's head turned to the side to look at him and the corner of his mouth curled into a smirk.

"Oh, piss off," Tony said. Loki was just an incredibly annoying creature.

The annoying look on Loki's face increased.

Tony wondered how Loki had become so wealthy with such an annoying face. He supposed he could admit it was a pretty face too.

As the one-eyed man marched in, Loki sat up, leaving Tony basically at eye level with Loki's crotch.

Classy.

It didn't help that Loki sat with his knees four miles apart. Fortunately, as Loki was looking insolently at Fury, he didn't seem to register that Tony was inadvertently staring at his crotch.

That was some good sewing on those pants. Yep. That suit jacket complimented Loki's waist. Great clothing.

"Gentlemen," Fury said, breaking Tony's spell of checking Loki out. Loki pivoted on the desk to face Fury, so Tony was now staring at his ass.

Tony shook himself – control yourself, Tony! – and shuffled his chair sideways to see around Loki and that tight ass.

Fury frowned at Loki sitting on the desk all over his papers and began to speak. "Now, you two both know why you're here."

"I must admit, I don't know why, but I could make an educated guess," Loki said at the same time as Tony said "I don't know why _he's_ here. I know why I'm here: 'cause I'm awesome."

Fury sighed and gave a short description of the Avengers Initiative to Loki, who shrugged and said "I believe I saw the name in Agent Barton's file."

"That still doesn't explain why he's here," Tony frowned. "Are we making him the official Avengers coffee boy?"

"You pair of annoying assholes are here for the same reason: You were being considered for the Avengers pending a psyche evaluation," Fury said.

"Which is why you sent Agent Barton," Loki nodded. "And that ended badly. Think about it; I'm arguably the brightest mind in the country, and you assigned  _him_ to me. How did you think I wouldn't figure him out?"

"Seriously, what is Laufeyson doing here? Douchebaggery isn't a superpower," Tony said irritably.

"Neither is alcoholism, yet here you are," Loki quipped smoothly.

This reminded Tony that Loki was an asshole, despite how good his ass looked in that suit. "Go fuck yourself," Tony countered.

"Anyway," Fury growled. "I'll spell it out for you." He spun a computer monitor around to face the two billionaires, and opened a clip of Tony fighting Vanko's drones.

Tony was delighted. He looked extremely professional. "See that, Laufeyson? That's style."

Loki snorted as Fury then called up a clip of Loki luring the ice troll away from Puente Antiguo, then destroying it in the desert. "I think, Stark, that you were just outdone."

"What the fuck was that?" Tony said.

"If it makes you feel any better, I began designing that a few months  _before_  your little adventure in Afghanistan," Loki said, that smirk reappearing.

"That's not even in the same class as Iron Man," Tony said. "I hate you, you know that, right? And can I play with it?"

"May I experiment on your suit, Stark?" Loki said sarcastically. "No? Well, there's your answer."

Fury cleared his throat. "We're up to speed-"

"What's your, uh, superdude name? Or are you the bad guy?" Tony cut in.

"I'm the Almighty Loki," Loki replied dryly. "Anyone attractive in my general facility should prepare to kneel. Which, naturally, excludes you."

"Yeah, right. At least I don't look like I just wandered in from that emo club on Vine," Tony snorted. "Anyway, Nicky boy, what were you saying?"

"I said, now we're up to speed, your psyche evaluations are complete. I brought both of you here at the same time because your results are nearly identical," Fury deadpanned.

Fury passed a file across the table and around Loki, who made no effort to move. "This is Agent Romanov's assessment of your suitability for the Avengers Initiative. Take a read."

"Okay..." Tony perused the file. Loki had turned to listen out of curiosity. "Compulsive behaviour. That was last week. Prone to self-destructive tendencies...In my defence, I was dying."

"Oh, were you?" Loki said curiously. "Whatever of?"

"Mind you own, Snow White," Tony frowned. "And... Textbook narcissism." He thought about that for a moment. "Agreed," he said, and Loki chuckled.

Fury took the file off Tony before he could read more and handed Loki his. "Owing to the fact Agent Barton's mission was compromised, interviews of your associates and your public appearances were also used in your profile."

"Well, that's no good," Loki tutted. "Have you ever heard of a public persona? And where is the lovely Barton? May I see him?"

"Your people know you well enough to give us a full profile. Barton, front and centre."

Clint Barton dropped from the roof to beside Fury's desk. "Yes, sir. May I ask why Mr Laufeyson wants me here?"

"I just wish to see the man who compiled this." Loki waggled the folder. "Now, let's see what you think is in my head." Loki opened the file and read aloud, and Tony listened carefully, because yeah, he was curious. "'Loki Laufeyson fits the typical profile of a psychopath, displaying key traits up to and including: Lack of guilt or empathy, emotionally shallow, easily bored, impulsive, irresponsible, inflated sense of self worth – hm. My self-worth is very proportional. I really am better than everyone else – pathological lying, manipulativeness, charming public persona, and – what's this? Promiscuous sexual behaviour?" Loki went wide-eyed and innocent. "Barton, I felt we had a special something."

"You harassed me!" Barton snapped.

"You shouldn't have let me. Anyway, this list is missing 'juvenile delinquency'. Aside from that, all seems in order," Loki said, casually waving the folder back at Fury.

Fury took the folder back. "Both you two also share trust issues, an inability to follow orders, and a blatant disrespect for authority."

"I can follow orders," Loki sniffed. "I just don't follow orders from you."

"And I don't disrespect authority," Tony added. "I disrespect you, and the US Senate, but I don't disrespect  _all_ authority. That'd be silly."

"It doesn't matter. The decision's been made," Fury said. "Both your hero alter egos are suitable for the Avengers."

"I don't want-" Loki started, but Fury waved him down.

"However, both of the men behind the suits have been deemed to be too volatile and individualistic to be part of a defence team." Fury finished.

"Oh, what a huge pity. I've been declined a part in something I had less than no interest in," Loki said dryly, jumping off the desk. "If that is all?"

"We'd appreciate it if you could aid SHIELD in a consulting capacity," Fury said.

"Sounds dull," Loki sighed.

"You couldn't afford me," Tony agreed.

"Farewell, then. Barton, call me," Loki smirked lasciviously as he left.

"I really hate that guy," Tony frowned at Loki's retreating back.

"So do I, but fact is he made himself into a superhero, so we had to check. You two princesses are perfect for each other." Fury said, before leaving with Barton.

-O.O-

Loki and Tony barely saw each other for some time after that, except at clean energy or innovation conferences, where they competed for attention constantly and exchanged sharp verbal barbs whenever the opportunity presented itself.

Loki spent most of his time running his company, minding his own business and improving the Sparkly Shit Suit. The suit's leathers had been stylised now, with a fitted tunic, armoured chest piece, titanium alloy bracers, and a stiff leather overcoat to protect both the user and the wiring. He'd also added a touch of drama, with a horned helmet, tinted gold like the other metal accents.

Loki thought he looked awesome. In a kind of Dom way.

Meanwhile Tony spent his long stretches of time in his workshop, pausing periodically to go to conferences and meetings and occasionally eat.

Tony had largely ignored the pressing problem of Pepper. Yes, they'd kissed on that rooftop, but Tony was starting to think that'd been a heat-of-the-moment thing. Instead of just taking her out to dinner like a grown-up, Tony had buried the problem in work and one night stands and refused to listen to Rhodey telling him to do otherwise.

So really, what happened in March, 2011, shouldn't have surprised him.

It was an awards gala, where Loki was receiving an award for his strong entrance to the American stock market. Tony was there to shake hands and smile at the right people. Turned out the right people were very boring.

Tony had been keeping one eye on Loki because he really wasn't in the mood for assorted vitriol; an encounter with Loki always lead to poisonous words, and Loki seemed to enjoy the exchange.

Weirdly enough, as the night wore on, not only did Loki not bother Tony, but he seemed to have vanished altogether.

Tony went to find Pepper, but he couldn't find her anywhere. He checked his phone; she'd left a voicemail saying she deserved to kick back for once and had gone home with an (unnamed) guy. Tony had a worrying feeling that the two events were related. Pepper and Loki actually got along very well, something he'd noted with distaste.

His opportunity to confirm his suspicions came when he spotted Loki's PA, Darcy Lewis, animatedly conversing with a crowd of people. She was that type of person, likeably vivacious.

Miss Lewis turned when he called to her, and immediately started talking. "Mr Stark! Mr Laufeyson said to tell you that despite his arrest, Mr Hammer still owns the rights to-"

"I'm not interested in business right now, Miss Lewis. Where's your boss?" Tony said.

"Come on, man, call me Darcy. And Lokes – Mr Laufeyson - has left. He gets bored really easily. Last I saw, he was leaving with some girl," Darcy said. "Which isn't exactly a surprise. He's a slut, if you'll pardon the un-businessy language."

"Who was she, do you know?" Tony asked, fighting off emotion.

"Some ginger. Hey, actually, I'm pretty sure it was that chick that runs your company. Pepper Pot, right?"

"Potts," Tony corrected automatically. "Will she be okay? I mean, Loki may be an asshole, but he wouldn't do anything, would he?"

Tony wasn't mad at Pepper, nor was he particularly mad at Loki. He was annoyed at himself for wussing out and not just talking to Pepper so this couldn't happen.

...Okay, he was a  _little_ mad at Loki too.

"Come buy me a drink," Darcy smiled. Tony went and sat down with her at the bar.

"Look, you and Loki are similar, right?" Darcy said.

Tony nodded hesitantly.

"He's not looking for a relationship. I mean, he's had two, ever, and neither lasted more than a month. No offence to Pepper, but she's a one night stand. And how do  _you_  treat one night stands?"

"I treat them okay. I can be a bit blunt the morning after," Tony thought vaguely of getting Pepper to throw people out while he hid from them. "But definitely not badly."

"Same with Loki. Mr Stark, Miss Potts will be fine." Darcy reassured. "Besides, she's tough. Like Loki could upset her."

"Call me Tony. Mr Stark sounds so formal," Tony said.

Their drinks arrived and they sipped in silence for a moment.

Darcy broke the quiet. "You guys are, you know. Really similar. Like, personal histories and stuff."

"Yeah, people have said," Tony agreed.

Darcy made a  _but there's more_ kind of hand gesture. "I know Loki better than anyone in this country, keep that in mind. And what I especially know about him is that he hard as it is to tell, he does have a heart. He's just always hiding it with that front of being a little bitch. So try not to kill him, please."

"Yeah. You know about him and that ice troll?" Tony asked. "It was suffering, it couldn't stand the heat. And he put it out of its misery."

"He does have a heart," Darcy repeated. "Now, buy me another."

-O.O-

Despite Darcy's suggestions to the contrary, Tony went home alone, thinking about what she'd said.


	3. It Sounds Dirty And I Like It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get a little weirder for Mr Stark.

Tony didn't see Pepper again until two days after the gala.

There may have been a lot of shouting.

Tony was still angry at himself, and all that anger and frustration ended up being directed at Pepper.

The argument was mostly Tony reiterating 'I can't believe you slept with him, of all people!' in various ways while Pepper came up with alternate versions of 'If you wanted me, you should just have asked me out!'

She may have had a point.

Eventually it descended to Tony half-crying (but he wasn't crying, and don't tell anyone) and Pepper breaking the glass door of his workshop with a spanner and heading upstairs in a weirdly calm way.

Tony calmed himself, grabbed bottle of scotch, and sat down to work on the designs for a new Stark Tower in New York. He needed a change.

-O.O-

Eight months later, in November, Loki was trapped in a phone conference between Pepper Potts and Justine Hammer when Darcy bustled in, turned his TV to a news channel, and handed him another phone. He promptly apologised to the two businesswomen and hung up on them. Darcy wouldn't do this unless it was important. Sure enough, he was greeted by Agent Coulson's dull tones as he put the phone on speaker.

The subject of the call soon became apparent: the top story showed that a grandstand had collapsed onto an underground area of a stadium and broken through into the main sewer beneath. Several people were lost in the rubble, so amazing superhero Loki was to help where he could.

Loki wasted no time in heading to his personal lab and grabbing his secondary copy of the Sparkly Shit Suit he kept there for this very purpose. Then he teleported to the stadium to what he could do to help.

The weird thing (or a weird thing, there were several) about the Sparkly Shit Suit was that it actually enhanced Loki himself, as well as the freaky lightning powers and whatnot. It added strength and speed and gave him quicker reflexes, which was a bonus. He'd need the strength to tear away the wreckage and find the missing people.

Unfortunately, that did come at the cost of an unhealthy heartrate and pounding headaches after a while.

It didn't come as a surprise to him that Iron Man was already tearing through the rubble; he'd known that Stark was in town, commissioning some ambitious building project.

"Gimli, son of Gloin!" Loki smirked when he appeared near Tony.

"Oh, short jokes now. Real mature. Maybe I should just start calling you the Jolly Green Giant," Tony's voice was cybernetic through his suit, but the sarcasm was obvious.

"Remember, Stark, that people find height attractive," Loki got to work tugging away debris, teleporting into empty spaces and burning away wreckage. "A sign of virility and successful genetics."

"Yes, but unlike you, I have a soul, and people find that attractive," Tony projected his voice louder so Loki could hear him.

"Miss Potts did not seem to mind," Loki said sharply.

Apply cool water to that burn. "You're an asshole, you know that?" Tony growled. Then he gasped as the removal of a large chunk of reinforced concrete revealed a hand that JARVIS identified as still living. Just.

"Laufeyson, get down here!" Tony shouted. Loki materialised in front of him, immediately helping free the trapped person. Tony held up the concrete panel that was pinning her while Loki eased her free.

It was a slim young woman, and she'd stopped breathing as they aided her. Her heart stopped soon after, and Tony swore a blue streak as he hunted for some way to revive her.

"Stand back," Loki said authoratively, his hand sparking slightly. Tony complied, and Loki crouched next to the woman and placed his hands on her chest. Electricity surged from his slim form into hers; she gave a spasm, gasping suddenly as Loki pulled her back to life.

"We need a paramedic!" Tony hollered. Uniformed officials came dashing over to attend to the woman.

"You had to grab her rack, didn't you, Laufeyson?" Tony grinned.

"It was the only way," Loki said innocently. "It's not my fault her cleavage conceals her heart."

"Sure it wasn't. Hey, help me lift this."

Of the eleven people missing, ten were unearthed and nine were alive. All thanks to Iron Man and his unknown ally.

Official emergency services took over the hunt for the last person, leaving Iron Man to talk to the press. Loki hadn't bothered; he needed to get the suit off. He'd never worn it for so long before and he had an impressive headache.

Loki couldn't help but feel that suit was hurting him, even though his tests indicated he was fine.

-O.O-

The next morning, Loki almost purred when he spotted the magazine Darcy had left for him in his favourite armchair in his living room. Immediately he headed downstairs to invade Darcy's office and wave the magazine to her.

"Look at this, Darcy!" He said with a grin. "They named me! Lightningrod. It sounds dirty, and I like it."

"I thought you'd appreciate that," Darcy laughed.

"I don't understand how they don't recognise me, admittedly," Loki frowned. "The shoulderpad of the overcoat is the Laufeyson Corp logo, and I've always considered myself to be fairly distinctive-looking."

"Probably the helmet," Darcy reasoned. "Your black hair is pretty distinctive. You know, I used to think you dyed it?"

Loki raised an eyebrow. "Why would I colour my hair?"

"Why wouldn't you? But I thought you were a natural blonde, mainly cause everyone in your family is."

"Darcy, you know this. I'm not actually related to any of them."

"Yeah, but my brain tends to leap to strange conclusions."

Loki sighed patiently and changed the subject swiftly. "What are my obligations for the day, Miss Lewis?"

"All professional now, are we? Okay, you've got a meeting with the head of R & D, that's at eleven, and at three I said you'd complete your phone conference with Pepper and Miss Hammer. Aside for that, you're free to hug kittens or plan acts of villainy or whatever you do in your lab."

Loki, being Loki, instantly analysed her words and said "Pepper? On first name terms, are we?"

"We had coffee and discussed tips for looking after you and Tony respectively."

"I do _not_ need 'looking after'," Loki frowned.

"That's what Tony said."

-O.O-

Loki was a lonely person, mostly by choice. Childhood had made him independent and he'd never tried to find companionship as he reached adulthood. Darcy was the only person who'd honestly befriended him; everyone else seemed to be a vague association or just a working relationship.

Mostly he just worked, letting circuitry and charged particles amuse him instead of bothering with the irrationality of people.

Tony was a little different. In theory, he enjoyed other people, but in practice his interpersonal skills were a little shaky.

He'd apologised to Pepper, and they were friends again, but Loki had scuppered any chance of a relationship there may have been. Tony was starting to realise it wouldn't have worked anyway; it would have been like dating his mother.

November passed, leading into December, party season. Despite the fact that Tony was no longer running Stark Industries, he was still publicly recognised and was therefore dragged to multiple parties. And, hey, parties were all good. The frustration of being around people was balanced by alcohol and attractive people.

Speaking of which, Loki was at some of them, though Tony tried to avoid the green-eyed snark machine if at all possible. At one point they managed a civil conversation about Iron Man and Lightningrod that quickly descended into many, many dirty puns that left both of them a little confused. Mostly, though, it was either avoidance or cutting insults.

The SI Christmas Eve party was particularly good. Seeing as it was just for Stark Industries, Loki wasn't there, so Tony felt a lot better about relaxing, drinking a lot, flirting shamelessly and thoroughly enjoying himself.

He spent Christmas Day with Pepper, Rhodey and a hangover, choking back his nausea to have a surprisingly wholesome and familial Christmas dinner.

Tony had decided to spend New Year's Eve with JARVIS and his helper robots, making improvement to the Iron Man suit where he could.

It was around 10pm when JARVIS alerted him to someone at the door.

"Who is it?" Tony said through his welder's mask.

"My systems have been compromised, sir. I cannot say." JARVIS replied.

That was rather terrifying, considering JARVIS was probably the most secure computer in the world.

"Fine. Bring up video feed."

"My systems have been compromised, sir." JARVIS repeated, bringing static up onto the screen Tony was watching.

Tony grabbed one of his gauntlets and headed upstairs. Anyone who could hack JARVIS was instantly deserving of his respectful concern, and was probably a decent opponent in a fight.

He couldn't see a car outside, nor could he spot who was at the door; it was raining too hard.

Gauntlet at the ready, he cautiously opened the door.

Loki was standing there, perfect hair plastered to his face, clothes soaked, holding a bottle of scotch. He looked paler and more fragile than Tony had ever seen him.

"Greetings, Stark," Loki said, holding the bottle out to him.


	4. They Don't Count As Emotions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, this got weird fast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the short chapter, but it makes more sense this way

"What're you doing here?" Tony frowned at the dishevelled man on his doorstep.

"I found myself in an ill mood, and went in search of companionship," Loki deadpanned, waving the bottle at him.

"You? In a mood? And you came all the way across a continent?" Tony said disbelievingly. He could comprehend Loki having emotions, but making them visible, especially to Tony? Something big must've happened.

"Contrary to public opinion, I do have emotions," Loki shrugged. "At least one or two."

Tony realised that Loki had to be freezing, and invited him in, taking the scotch off him.

"It doesn't count as emotion if you just alternate between orgasm and indifference," Tony pointed out. He caught a vague whiff of tequila as Loki passed him. Huh. "You pre-gamed on tequila? That's rude, man. At least drink the good stuff."

Loki made a decidedly insubordinate face at Tony, pulling of his dark overcoat and hanging it up. Then he slipped his Laufeyson Corp smartphone out of his blazer pocket, searched for something, and held it out to Tony.

** 'English Businessman Commits Suicide' **

"Yeah, I saw that. So what?" Tony said.

"Read it properly," Loki insisted.

"Well-known businessman Farbauti Laufeyson...Laufeyson? Shit! That was your dad?" That hit Tony like a punch in the chest. He'd met Farbauti before, in passing, but he'd never connected him to Loki, and he supposed he'd never connected Loki with family. And all of a sudden he was thinking of when his dad died, even if they hadn't been close; maybe he and Loki could call a ceasefire, just for tonight.

Loki confirmed that with a nod. "My birth father, at any rate. Apparently he had had enough."

"Shit, Snow White. That sucks. If you're looking for alcohol and daddy issues you've come to the right guy," Tony said honestly.

He led Loki to the huge open-plan living room, gestured for him to take a seat and grabbed a couple of glasses.

"To fathers," Tony said, saluting Loki with scotch.

"And their many failings," Loki agreed, throwing back his drink with the ease of someone well acquianted with the strong liquor. Come to think of it, Tony didn't often see him at events without a glass in his hand.

They sat in silence, both considering life and sipping their drinks.

"So. Tell me about him," Tony said finally.

"Truth be told, I barely knew him," Loki said bluntly. "I wasn't kind to him when we finally met."

"Huh?" Tony said. His brain then caught up with him, and he said "What  _is_ the deal with you, him, and that old bastard Odin? Sorry if you like him, but I didn't."

"He is an old bastard," Loki snorted, draining his drink. "I do suppose I owe you an explanation in exchange for your hospitality. He adopted me."

"But you had a living father," Tony said. He kind of wished he knew more about Loki; it'd make reassuring him a hell of a lot easier.

"Who had a nervous breakdown after my mother died," Loki answered. "Parenthood's a bitch when you lose two infant sons and the wife who was giving birth to them in the same day."

"Holy shit," Tony said. "I'm sorry."

It wasn't the best thing to say, but there really wasn't anything to say. Tony compensated by pouring Loki another drink.

Staring pensively at his glass, Loki said "People don't recover from loss like that. He never did. I learned I was adopted in my mid-teens and left as soon as I could."

"Well, at least I can justify not liking Odin now beyond that his eyepatch reminds me of Fury," Tony joked weakly.

The corners of Loki's mouth twitched. "Clearly I've had enough to drink, judging by the fact I'm telling Tony Stark my life secrets."

"My parents died when I was a teenager, Loki," Tony said. "There are worse people to talk to. And stuff. I'm not good at this sort of thing; it's Pepper's job."

A slight look of amusement passed over Loki's face, before he went on. "Farbauti killed himself because my company ran his out of business, then bought his."

"You know what, Laufeyson? If he liked you, then that probably wasn't why, and if he didn't like you, then it's not your problem," Tony said. "Another drink?"

"Mm-hm," Loki said, waving his glass for a top-up.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but you didn't drive, so how the hell did you get here?" Tony said, changing the subject.

"I did not," Loki confirmed. "I've been working on something new."

"Oh yeah? What?" Tony was instantly full of curiosity. Their personal issues aside, Tony actually thought some of Loki's creations were clever. Not that he'd tell him. "Rocket rollerblades?"

"A showman never reveals his secrets," Loki smirked, his mood clearly lifted.

"Come ooooon, Snow White," Tony said, waving his discarded gauntlet. "I'll trade you an thing for an thing."

Now Tony had Loki's attention. "You have a deal. Fetch me a tablet."

Tony did, and Loki settled into a discussion of travel at light speed, electricity, and compaction and conversion, finishing by teleporting across the living room with what turned out to be the chunky device in his pocket.

Show off.

Tony wasn't about to be outdone. He went through the inner workings of the repulsor and gauntlet. It was refreshing for both of them, talking about their passions with an audience intelligent enough to understand what they were talking about. Tony could see the fascinated sparkle in Loki's amazing green eyes; he recognised from his own reflection on a screen while working.

"...And that's what makes me Iron Man," Tony said, finishing with a hiccup. The bottle of scotch was half-gone and they were more than a little drunk, Loki especially for what he'd drunk before he arrived.

"And that's what makes you the Man of Iron," Loki agreed.

"It's not actually iron, you know. It's a gold-titanium alloy."

"I'm not actually a lightning rod, I'm battery powered," Loki pointed out.

"Lightningrod," Tony chuckled. "That sounds so rude. It's like 'Beware my rod of lightning',"

"Or 'this man is made of iron, if you know what I mean.'" Loki said, surprising Tony with a wicked grin.

Tony started laughing hysterically. "What about the helmet? 'Lightningrod's horny'."

Loki snorted and drained his fourth glass of scotch. "Darcy continually mentions the amount of leather and likens it to bondage."

"Kinky, Snow White," Tony sniggered.

"Sirs, the countdown for the New Year will begin in half an hour." JARVIS said.

"I'm not kissing you at midnight," Tony said firmly to Loki.

"Stark, you wound me. I'm always told my true talent is in my tongue." Loki said, his voice smooth and sensual all of a sudden.

Tony's brain raced through the possible implications of that. Then he decided against playing Loki's game, no matter how his cheekbones looked, and said "Does that mean you can do the thing where you tie knots in cherry stems?"

Loki laughed in surprise, a clear, genuine laugh that Tony didn't think he'd heard before. "Honestly, I've never tried."

The next ten minutes were spent drunkenly tangling cherry stems with tongues. Loki could do it, but Tony gave up and lay on the couch, polishing off the remaining scotch and trying not to think incurably dirty things about Loki's skilled mouth.

Tony was hugely disturbed by how much he was enjoying Loki's company. They were matched in intelligence, eccentricity, snarkiness and promiscuity, and it was hard to decide whether or not he hated him. Probably a little of both.

After the cherry stem incident, Tony unearthed more scotch and they settled on the couch to complain about their fathers until JARVIS warned them the countdown was about to start.

"I have a feeling," Tony said, a little slurred. "That 2012 is going to be a big year."

"As do I. I foresee big events on the horizon." Loki agreed.

The countdown began. As it reached single digits, Tony clinked his glass against Loki's and said "Happy New Year, you pretentious asshole." in a surprisingly friendly tone.

"And the same to you." Loki smiled, finishing his scotch.


	5. Don't Call Me Cupid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...What happened

Loki teleported back to New York a half-hour later. Tony was rather disappointed to see him go.

He'd assumed, not illogically, that the New Year's exchange of painful pasts and alcohol would mark a change in their antagonistic relationship, but the next time he saw Loki they were right back to sharp insults and mockery, Loki acting like it had never happened.

In mid-February, Tony attended a meeting at Loki's HQ in New York. Loki was there, and he was uncharacteristically subdued and quiet.

Tony liked Laufeyson Tower, though he'd never tell its owner that. It was dark and sleek and it would certainly be in competition with Stark Tower for attention.

After the meeting, Tony got into an elevator with Pepper, who pressed the button for the top floor.

"What're you doing? That's Loki's living room, he'll murder us," Tony blurted.

"Darcy and I have been plotting together. It's Loki's birthday and he'll just work through it, so get in there and be nice." Pepper said firmly.

"Why me? He hates me!" Tony whined as the elevator shot upwards.

"No, he doesn't. Play nice." As the elevator doors opened, Pepper shoved him out and smacked the door close button.

Cruel villain. Though at least being forced to visit Loki gave him a Get Out Of Jail Free card for next time Pep wanted him to do something.

Loki's living room was not what Tony had expected. There were no Iron Maidens or racks, for a start. The whole room was lined with bookshelves, except for one wall, which was taken up by tinted floor to ceiling windows overlooking the city. There was an oak bar, a couple of sofas, and a squishy, worn leather armchair that Tony thought was probably Loki's favourite. The room was big, and led off into a few other rooms, probably bedroom and bathroom among others.

The man himself was curled in the armchair in the shadow on the rain-splattered windows, thumbing idly through a worn copy of J. R. R. Tolkien's  _The Two Towers._

"Happy Birthday," Tony said awkwardly.

Loki flinched, sitting up, before seeing Tony and schooling his features back to their usual perfect composure.

"Why are you here, Stark?" Loki said irritably. He got to his feet, clearly not wanting to seem too comfortable around Tony.

"Darcy and Pep have been conspiring against us. They didn't want you locked up in here by yourself all day," Tony explained. "Sooo...Your birthday's Valentine's day? Seems a tad ironic, Cupid."

The last word had barely left his mouth when Loki crossed the room in a flash and snatched him by the collar.

"Do  _not_ call me that!" He hissed. Then he seemed to remember himself and let Tony go, looking a little surprised at himself.

"Okay, sore subject," Tony breathed. "I'd say I'm stuck here for the afternoon, so I'll request less strangling and more manners."

"That was purely reflex, truth be told. People are always so fickle about being choked," Loki said dryly. "And Darcy is always trying to make me socialise. I have my work for companionship; a feeling I'm sure you know."

Tony made a noise of agreement and sat on a couch. He was pondering Loki's words; something about being analysed by the man made him want to push back, to burrow under that mask and see exactly what happened in the brain of Loki Laufeyson. With that in mind, he said "You were bullied in school, right? Because you were smart. And you always fought back. But no matter how well you did, your dad never cared, so you acted out until he noticed you. Eventually you got sick of that shit and just left. Am I right?"

Loki looked ever so faintly surprised, and Tony knew he'd scratched something. "Yes." Loki said finally. "I imagine you know that through experience?"

"Too true," Tony answered. "Shit happens. But we're the rich guys now."

The look of self-satisfaction on Loki's face was brief, but definitely present.

Tony wasn't done pushing, though. "And I'm obligated to ask; what's your poison?"

"Elaborate. I accidentally ate cyanide once, but I have a feeling you're not referring to that."

"One thing I know about personalities like ours, they always have a vice. What's yours? Sock puppets? Needle drugs? Singing in the shower? I mean, aside from the really noticeable alcoholism."

"Sock puppets. It is all I think of. I have a problem, Stark, and I need help," Loki's eyes widened earnestly.

"You ass. I was being sincere."

"As was I," Loki said wryly. "It's my birthday, Stark. I don't wish to discuss my past history of drug use."

"What do you want to talk about, then?"

"If Darcy had kept her mouth shut, you wouldn't be my problem, and so, nothing," Loki said, returning to his book and nestling in the leather armchair.

Tony sat awkwardly on the couch for a while as Loki ignored him. It wasn't long before he got bored and decided to peruse the bookshelves.

Loki was clearly a man of eclectic tastes. There were several thousand books in the room, all carefully cared for, and Tony found a bit of everything. Advanced physics manuals, well loved; a well-thumbed copy of _Yertle The Turtle_ ; every book by Tolkien; an old, tattered copy of  _The Ugly Duckling;_ The  _Complete Works of Shakespeare;_ an unread copy of  _50 Shades of Grey_ that had been unceremoniously stuffed behind a full set of the  _Encyclopaedia Britannica._  The latter he pulled out curiously, seeing as it didn't seem like something Loki would read. The writing in the front said 'To Loki. Stop sleeping around before you catch diseases. Love, Darcy.' Tony chuckled to himself and put the book back where it had been.

"What?" Loki said.

Tony repeated the inscription aloud, and then added "Your birthday present from her?"

Loki didn't say anything, but his black eyebrows drew together in irritation slightly.

"Why don't you celebrate your birthday, anyway? If you had a party you'd probably be given a private island or a key to the Pentagon or something," Tony said.

"Being expelled from a birth canal is hardly a cause to celebrate. I haven't celebrated my birthday since my 15th," Loki said tetchily.

"What happened?"

"It was a bad day, and none of your business," Loki snapped.

"Oh, come on, Mr Grumpypants. Have a drink. Talk to me. Pin the tail on the donkey," Tony urged. "Cut loose. You're a year older today."

Loki rolled his eyes and climbed gracefully from his armchair. He made his way to the bar, unearthing a bottle of something, pouring himself a glass and gesturing to ask Tony if he wanted any.

"What is it?" Tony asked.

"Aquavit," Loki said, sipping it smoothly.

"You can afford the finest drinks available to mankind, and you're drinking Scandinavian pisswater?" Tony said incredulously.

"I like it. Do you want any or not?"

Tony nodded, and Loki sat on the bar stool next to him, sipping thoughtfully.

What were they supposed to talk about? The stock market? Superhero business?

They sat in silence until Loki had an idea. "Do you recall, nearly two years ago, my stormy relationship with Agent Barton?"

Tony had to think back; it had been a long time ago. It surprised him to realise that Loki had been in his life for two years. "Wait...Didn't you assault him or something?"

"Close," Loki smirked. "Server, call file of my confrontation of Bart Clinton."

"Bart Clinton...What kind of disguise is that?" Tony laughed. "Is Server an AI? I did it first; I get dibs on the Nobel Prize."

"No, it's not. I couldn't enjoy another personality around here. Server, play file."

The huge windows turned into a screen, showing Tony a side-on view of Loki's confrontation with Barton, Loki mocking his lack of answers and then jumping him.

Tony was laughing his ass off by the time Barton was cursing and heading for the elevator. "No wonder he doesn't like you, you sassy bastard!"

"It's probably a good thing I was rejected from Fury's Avengers; I can't imagine he and I working together with any success. He's too fun to laugh at," Loki smirked, running a finger around the rim of his glass.

"We don't play well with others," Tony agreed. "If I'd known it was your birthday, I would have stolen some blueprints off Fury for you or something; a nice weapon of mass destruction or maybe a back massager."

"Never mind; you've inspired me now, I'll take them myself."

"Could you? Security's pretty tight," Tony said without thinking.

"If I can hack your weak little systems, then I can't imagine anything could stop me from crashing SHIELD's," Loki hissed, acid green eyes suddenly blazing.

"Weak systems? JARVIS is the best. That's what SHIELD gets me to design their systems, not you," Tony retorted. He was really starting to put his foot in it.

"No, that's because you're grovelling for their approval and I'd never stoop so low, " Loki snapped.

"I'm not looking for anyone's approval," Tony snarled. "Especially not yours, you psycho."

"I'm hardly psychotic. There's a difference between psychotic and psychopath, or did you fail that class?" Loki said coolly.

"You fucking tried to choke me!" Tony said. "How in any way is that not psycho?"

"Like I said, it was reflex. I'm sure you're more than used to a little cruelty."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"For a supposed superhero, you do seem to land yourself in a great deal of  _stupid_ situations," Loki said, the corner of his mouth curling up poisonously.

"I'm not  _stupid_ _!"_ Tony snapped, slamming his glass down onto Loki's oak bar with a little more force than was perhaps necessary.

Almost involuntarily, Loki snatched a mint green cloth from the other side of the bar and gently rubbed the slight graze on the wooden finish.

There was a hell of a lot of tension in the air as Loki pendatically examined the oaken bar, then glared at Tony.

"I don't know why the fuck Pep though this'd be a good idea," Tony scowled. "Maybe she thought I could make you less of an asshole. Well, she was wrong."

"I think you'd not be a good guide in the world of decency," Loki said acidly.

"Not a chance," Tony said. "But I can tell you one thing, Laufeyson. I might be a lot of things, but at least I'm nothing like you."

That bitter half-smile made its way onto Loki's pale face again. "Wrong again, Stark."

Tony wasn't sure what he could say to that. He wanted to hurt Loki, and all in all, he wasn't even sure why, though at least partially it had to do with the fact Loki had the gall to call him  _stupid._ Tony had been called many things, but unintelligent was usually not one of them, and he wasn't going to take that lying down.

It seemed Loki felt similarly; he looked like he really did want to strangle Tony. The pair of them were only a few inches away from each other on their stools.

Another moment of tension, and then:

"Stark," Loki said lowly.

"What?" Tony said irritably.

Loki leaned forward a little to murmur in Tony's ear. "Don't take this as a sign of anything but boredom, but I want you."

Tony felt overly warm all of a sudden. "...What...?" He repeated dumbly.

"I still don't like you, but it's my birthday and I'd rather not argue when I could be enjoying myself," Loki explained, still in his low purr, still in Tony's ear. "What do you say?"

Tony was caught up for a moment. If Loki meant what he was saying, then Tony had an opportunity to cut the arguing and actually enjoy his afternoon, and with someone who had just as much to lose as he did by spreading word around. And Loki really did have a nice ass.

Tony's answer was to forgo sweet or gentle and tangle a hand in Loki's thick black hair, tugging his head back and scraping his teeth over his neck.

Loki chuckled, bringing his hand still damp from his glass to Tony's throat, pulling him away from his neck to draw him into a harsh, biting kiss that forewent a soft press of lips and cut straight down to a slick fight of tongues that was definitely missing some affection, his other hand tugging at buttons, working to remove Tony's suit jacket. He unbuttoned Tony's shirt quickly, and Tony couldn't figure out why until Loki stared calculatingly at his arc reactor.

He looked like he wanted to eat it.

"That is amazing," Loki said, his free hand hovering an inch from the glowing blue surface.

"Yeah, okay, you get a boner for technology. I'm starting to think you only want me for my nightlight," Tony felt just a touch nervous at how close Loki was to it; he didn't want Loki to kill him.

"Perhaps another time I'll take it off you forcibly," Loki mused, before bringing his lips back to Tony's.

Loki had not been exaggerating at New Year's when he'd claimed a talented tongue; it twisted and teased in Tony's mouth, sending ripples of heat down his spine. Tony was getting a bit more aggressive, tugging at Loki's clothes, when Loki broke the kiss and said "Couch. Now."

They didn't move with great speed, too caught up in the surprising pleasure of each other's mouths and wandering hands. Tony quickly unbuttoned Loki's shirt, running his hands over Loki's smooth, surprisingly well-developed chest. He'd worked the shirt off Loki and was currently working on the front of his pants when Loki fell back on the couch, pulling Tony down to straddle him.

It kind of caught Tony, then, that he was about to have sex with Loki, his biggest competitor in business and a total asshole, albeit an attractive one. "What that fuck are we doing?"

Loki looked pissed at the interruption. "In theory, these are the actions run through before sex. Feel free to interpret them as you wish," he said prissily, clearly disinterested in conversations that could lead to more arguments.

"No, I mean, is this going to be a thing now?" Tony said, moaning quietly as Loki sucked a bruise on his throat.

Loki stopped what he was doing - _dammit -_  to glare at Tony. "If you're looking for a boyfriend, Stark, then you're straddling the wrong man. I'd recommend singles' night at the Brooklyn Community Hall."

"I can live with those terms, then," Tony said, slipping his hand into Loki's pants.


	6. Happy 15th Birthday, Loki!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A brief break from the main events to explain some things, including Loki's hatred of...well...everything

From when he'd started precociously walking and talking, nobody had doubted that Loki Valfodr was smart. The kid always fiddled with everything, building and destroying, especially when it came to electricity. He was designing experiments while his brother was outside playing football.

Loki's favourite experiment, performed at the tender age of 4, had been testing whether or not 7 year old Thor could survive a shock from a wall socket. This experiment had been run a total of three times before their mother, Frigga, had caught and scolded Loki. Fortunately, Thor had only gotten minor burns and very frizzy hair.

He'd excelled at school, skipping years 2, 6 and 10, meaning that he entered Year 11 in the same class as Thor. This also meant that all his classmates were big 15 year olds, while Loki was a small, skinny 12 year old stuck with the big kids.

Needless to say, he was pretty severely bullied. After the third time Loki came home covered in mud with his clothes ripped and his schoolbag suspiciously damp, Frigga sent him to kickboxing lessons. Loki was a studious kid, and soon the bullying stopped. At least, the physical bullying. He still got called midget and fairy and Cupid (the latter because his birthday was Valentine's Day) but no one dared to try anything after he'd broken some fingers.

He'd received a police caution for that, but Loki quickly learned that he was pretty much incapable of feeling guilt.

Actually, Loki's worst problem at school was Thor's asshole friends. Apparently being the little brother of their closest friend didn't stop them from giving him shit about everything ever. Thor didn't even seem to notice what was going on, turning a conveniently blind eye to the fact that every day at school was a battle for his brother.

Thor had to repeat Year 11, so Loki moved to a year ahead of him. The fact that his younger son was a genius had never really been of much interest to their father. But, did you hear? Thor made the 1st XV! How exciting! And Loki was beginning a correspondence degree in physics, which was boring.

Loki wasn't particularly close to his father, so that never bothered him much. He was as happy as an emotionally stunted genius could be in his situation.

-O.O-

If Loki Laufeyson had to sit down and say what the worst day of his life was, he'd say that it was his 15th birthday.

Tuesday, February 14th, 1995.

Loki had never really been one for birthdays. At age 5, he'd told his class that the reason for this was that he didn't think being born without dying was a cause for celebration. He'd then sat down and taught his whole class about where babies come from in great detail. His teachers had been appalled.

At age 10, he'd told everyone the reason for this was that he didn't like people giving him presents, because he'd then be obligated to go to their parties and he really didn't want to.

At age 15, he just wasn't interested in people remembering that his birthday was Valentine's Day and getting another round of stupid nicknames.

As such, he'd avoided mentioning it to anyone in the weeks leading up to it, so he couldn't be too surprised when Odin forgot and went to work early. But Frigga, lovely Frigga, had woken him up with a big hug and said she was so proud of her darling baby boy. Loki really loved his mother. His father, no, probably not, and he and his brother had grown apart, despite how close they'd been when they were younger.

Loki had gotten ready and gone to school with a big slice of chocolate cake in his lunchbox. He was meeting his girlfriend of three weeks, Sif, out the front of the school. Loki didn't really do the whole relationship thing, but it got some bullies off his back – Sif was  _scary_ – and she was gorgeous. That worked for him.

The day turned to shit  _fast_ when Sif got her serious face on and said she wanted to talk to him.

"Loki, you know I like you, but this...what we have, it isn't serious, right?" Sif said gently. Loki nodded, his brilliant brain going through every possibility and landing on what was unfortunately probably the right one. His heart sank. "I need to come clean, and now is a good time, before it gets...personal."

Loki didn't say anything, just fixed her with his big green eyes and silently implored her to continue.

"I'll just say it," Sif took a deep breath. "I don't think we should see each other anymore."

Loki tried to summon emotion, but he couldn't. "Okay," He said blankly. "May I ask why?"

"I don't think we're that compatible, Loki," she said.

"Thor?" Loki asked her.

They both knew what he was implying. Since she was young, she'd always had a crush on Thor, but he'd usually viewed her as one of the boys.

Sif didn't like to hurt Loki, because while she was right in their relationship going nowhere, it felt cruel to cut him off from another source of companionship, no matter how brief it had been. But she nodded anyway.

That actually got an emotional reaction from Loki, a sharp stab of betrayed anger that made his heart hurt. "It's fine," Loki deadpanned, already well-practiced at hiding feelings. As he turned to head to his first class, he heard Thor's heavy footsteps behind him as the blonde man muttered something to Sif.

"Loki!" Sif said. "Why didn't you tell me it's your birthday? I'm sorry, Loki, I shouldn't have-"

"It's fine," Loki repeated coldly. "I'd rather you told me than kept it from me; this way I'm not being kept in the dark."

"I'm so sorry; I didn't mean it to happen like this. But happy 15th birthday, Loki," Sif said.

Loki just walked away from her and his brother. His mood got a little darker as he heard more footsteps.

"I knew there was something special about Valentine's Day!" A prissy voice said from behind Loki. "You're old enough to not piss your pants now, fairy. You proud?"

"Shut the fuck up, Fandral," Loki snarled. He kept walking, but he could hear Fandral and Volstagg behind him, and Thor telling them to stop.

Loki knew it was childish, but he wished Thor and Sif would stand up for him a bit more. Volstagg generally just teased, but Fandral could be distinctly nasty when he wanted to be.

"Are you even allowed to talk like that, Cupid? You should respect your elders." Fandral smirked.

"Leave me alone, asshole. I don't deserve this from you," Loki snapped, storming away from them. Screw school; he didn't deserve to put up with this shit on his birthday. He'd skipped school before, whether Frigga would believe it or not, and there wasn't a chance he was standing around to get abused by Thor's horrible friends.

He made it to the crossing outside school before they caught up with him. Loki looked both ways; the road was clear for now, but just as he went to cross, a heavy hand laid on his shoulder.

"I wasn't done with you, birthday boy," Fandral sneered.

"What is your problem, Fandral!?" Loki shouted. "Are you jealous? Are you stupid? _What_ is your motivation for harrassing me like this?"

"Natural selection, Cupid," Fandral said with a smirk.

 _Oh god that's not even how natural selection works,_ Loki thought in exasperation. He made an odd noise of frustration and rage before jumping onto the road to cross.

He registered the scream of brakes and shouting before a searing pain shot all through the side of his body.

_Fuck!_

Then there was Thor's face, and a Toyota Camry, and the driver yelling for someone to get help, and Loki couldn't move and didn't want to and black was oozing into his vision and  _fuck_ his leg hurt.

After having such a fan-fucking-tastic morning, Loki was just  _done_ with consciousness and alertness and all the shit, and he collapsed, letting his mind slip into oblivion.

-O.O-

Loki woke up in hospital, numb and tingly instead of the harsh pain he expected. A nurse was talking to the man in the bed across from him, and when she was done he called her over.

"I was hit by a Camry and brought to this hospital, yes?" Loki said, his voice harsh and rough, lacking its usual cultured finesse. The nurse nodded. "Could you pass me my chart?"

It was probably not protocol, but Loki made a sorry figure, swaddled in a hospital bed, bruises lining his face where it'd smacked the bonnet of the car. The nurse unclipped the chart and handed it to Loki.

The skinny boy's heart sank for what seemed to be the billionth time that day. Complex fracture in his leg, cracked ribs, broken fingers, freshly realigned dislocated shoulder –it had hit the car and been wrenched back- whiplash in his neck, and a concussion. He was surprised he was thinking so coherently, but he was Loki, and his brain had always been his greatest asset.

At least he was full of painkillers.

He scanned the chart for any new knowledge. Even in its compromised state, his brain yearned for material.

His eyes fixed on his blood type.

Oh, gods, no.

Not today. Not after all the  _shit_ that he'd been through.

It couldn't be happening-they had the wrong chart, or something, this wasn't right, he had to match, his blood type had to match his family, he couldn't be  _fucking adopted!_

"Loki?" Frigga said gently from the doorway of the hospital dormitory.

"What is this?" Loki said, and he knew he wasn't making sense, but he didn't care.

-O.O-

"We kept the truth from you so you would never feel different," Frigga had said, and really, efforts towards making Loki feel accepted had been mostly unsuccessful.

Then Loki had told her to get out, and  _no_ he didn't want to speak to his 'father', and when Thor had come to see him, Loki had thrown him out too. That asshole had slept with his sort-of girlfriend. He could get the fuck out.

The driver who had hit him came to apologise and check he was still alive.

Then the worst visit happened. Fandral and Volstagg apologised, too, somewhat dourly, making Loki think that Thor had put them up to it.

He threw a jug of water at them and accidentally reinjured his shattered fingers. Loki was going to be off school for ages, might have permanent side effects, and they couldn't muster a proper apology? He was ambidextrous, but favoured his right hand, and that hand had been crushed by a car.

This was a new low. He'd thrown out everyone who claimed to love him; thrown things at everyone else. Yes, his family probably still loved him, but Loki didn't want to hear it.

There was an overwhelming urge to just give up now. He could do it, just give up caring, find a knife or a bottle of pills and end the fight. But stubbornness won out; he wouldn't give  _anyone_ the satisfaction of beating him. No. He was going to do better, Loki was going to fight back, and he'd make himself better than all of them just to spite them.


	7. Not Exactly Marriage Material

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not only is Loki not a snuggler, but he's also not putting up with any crap.

"Stark. Get up. Your pants are vibrating; I'd go so far as to assume you have a text."

"We're a bit past last names now, Snow White. And I don't care. Your couch is comfy."

"Apparently a Mr. Hogan will be picking you up in three-quarters of an hour."

"Don't read my texts, you dickhead."

"I do what I want, Stark. Get in the shower and clean up. You're a mess."

"No. Ask nicely."

"Get in the shower or I'll fry you."

"You don't have your suit."

"Get in the shower and I may consider blowing you."

"What a classy offer from a prominent member of society. I'll have to accept."

Well, what was Tony supposed to say?

-O.O-

Happy seemed ever so slightly suspicious of Tony's freshly showered appearance, and that fact that Tony was hiding his throat, but made no comment, to Tony's relief. No, he wasn't going to regret fucking Loki – twice – but he'd rather not suffer Happy and Pepper's judgement.

Darcy, though, she knew Loki way too well. She had decided to take him to dinner, do something nice for him, but the second he walked out of his private elevator she started laughing.

"What is it?" Loki said, instinctually smoothing his black hair and wiping his face clear of lipstick.

"You've got  _that_ face on," Darcy grinned. "I knew it."

Loki sighed, remembering Darcy's previous attentions to 'the face'. But he wasn't always one to crush Darcy's games, so he acted coy and said "What face?"

"Hair not obsessive-compulsive perfect, unusually cheerful behaviour, and most importantly of all, that tiny little spot of blush on each razorblade cheekbone. Loki Laufeyson, that is your post-sex face."

Loki cursed. "Fuck. I thought I had stopped doing that."

"You can't hide your fuckventures from me. I know everything," Darcy cackled.

"That isn't a word," Loki tutted.

"Cry over my butchery of the English language later. How was he?" Darcy said curiously.

With anyone else, Loki would have insulted them and left, but it was Darcy and there was no point with her. "He makes the top five, which, considering my past, is quite the achievement."

"Oh, it is! So, does this make you two a thing now?" Hopeful was the only word to describe Darcy's tone.

Loki snorted. "Unlikely. I would borrow a word of yours and call it a hatefuck."

Darcy's face fell. "Please? Aw, c'mon, I can totally see you two together riding off into the sunset or whatever."

Loki rolled his eyes. Darcy had always had this theory that all Loki needed was love, like he was the Grinch or something. Darcy was actually the only exception to the rule that Loki couldn't like people for extended periods of time, so that rather hindered the whole power-of-love approach. There wasn't a chance in hell he'd date Darcy again, either.

"Darcy, I think you're living your sad, barren sex life vicariously through me," Loki told her. She didn't deny it.

At dinner, Darcy asked increasingly probing questions about Tony while Loki nibbled at his food, inwardly delighted that the blazer he was wearing covered up the mess of bruises left on his collarbone.

"So, did you like your birthday present from me?" Darcy grinned impishly.

"I don't need erotic novels, Darcy," Loki said irritably. "Especially crude bludgeonings of language like that one."

"How d'you know it was badly written if you didn't read it?" Darcy said cheekily.

Loki sighed. "I read a little of it. It was terrible. Also, I'm not a desperate middle-aged woman and didn't find it even a little arousing."

"You still fucked Tony, though," Darcy pointed out.

"It was a better option than arguing," Loki shrugged.

Loki was getting too hot in the restaurant, blessed as he was with a low body temperature, but taking off his blazer would bare his t-shirted collarbone to Darcy, and he didn't want to begin the line of enquiry into Stark's sexual prowess again.

He was cursing himself for his lack of forethought, hoping that Stark was having a worse time.

-O.O-

Tony, in fact,  _was_ having a worse time with the bruise on his throat. He'd managed to hide it from Happy, but it was purple and rather noticeable, and Pepper wouldn't be so easily fooled. He'd hardly regret it though, thinking of Loki's strong hands on his waist and the clever mouth on his.

Tony barricaded himself in the half-finished lab at the nearly-done Stark Tower and rang Pepper instead of risking a face-to-face meeting. Mostly, he just wanted to tell her off for forcing him into Loki's life again.

-O.O-

The next month, things got rather awkward, because Tony had planned to power Stark Tower with a large arc reactor. It wouldn't have been a problem, but he was having surprising issues engineering said reactor.

He  _could_ spend weeks working on it, and send the completion date of the tower back.

Or he could just ask the world authority on electricity, Loki, to give him a hand and he'd be done in a week.

Tony had voiced that thought to Pepper, and she and Darcy got together again. That was how Tony found himself being tossed into Loki's private lab for another playdate.

Like Tony's, Loki's lab was his sacred happy place. A lot of the tech was homemade and only worked logically for its owner. The main difference between their labs was that while Tony's was a labyrinthic mess, Loki's was tidy to the point of obsessive-compulsiveness.

Loki himself was running calculations on a holographic screen while reading the diagnostics from a test that had apparently involved scorching a chunk of pig flesh.

Tasty.

Tony smirked when he realised the rather noticeable similarities to last time he was having a playdate with Loki.

Loki was focused, every sense trained on the analysis of the seared pork. For once, he was casual (though still meticulously clean) wearing a green t-shirt and tight black jeans that showed off his ass and gave Tony flashbacks of fucking Loki in the shower.

Loki heard his approach and turned, expression unreadable.

"Hey, Snow White. Nice ass," Tony grinned.

Loki sighed. "Darcy and Pepper again?"

"Yeah, but it's kind of because I needed to ask you something and you're not exactly open to listening to me."

"If you're proposing, Stark, I must warn you that I'm not exactly marriage material. White washes me out," Loki deadpanned.

"Haha. No. This is actual Stark and Laufeyson business."

Loki immediately grew serious, clearing away his porky experiment and gesturing Tony to his computer.

Tony immediately took in as much of the screen as he could, and laughed out loud. "Are you serious? Your suit is actually called the Sparkly Shit Suit?"

"It's better than 'Iron Man'. Anything is," Loki retorted. "What's your business?"

"Calm down, Sparkles," Tony said, before explaining his situation with the arc reactor.

"So you came to the one man who can outdo you in all respects. Very wise," Loki smirked.

"I dunno. There's at least one way I'm greater than you," Tony said, not subtly shooting at glance at Loki's crotch.

"Short of hunting down a ruler, this debate will not be settled right now. Now, explain the reactor in greater detail to me."

Tony was allowing his attention to wander more than a little. He retrieved the fried pigskin from the biocontaminant container and waved it at Loki. "What's this? I'll be explaining the arc reactor, so we can do the whole info-for-info deal."

Loki thought that was reasonable, so he said "I was considering embedding the wire from my suit subcutaneously, but it's currently not possible," He nodded at the burned pig flesh. "Now, explain your reactor."

"Try not to get hard for the tech," Tony grinned, using a tablet to illustrate the inner workings of what powered his electromagnet.

Loki absorbed the information like a sponge, his brain instant whirring into overdrive.

"I'll do it, mostly for the challenge," Loki said finally. "And of course, to prove that I know your work better than you."

"Cram it, Snow White," Tony snarked. "...There's a 'but' in here somewhere, isn't there?"

"I want you to publicly acknowledge my involvement," Loki said, a look on his face not unlike a cat that'd gotten the cream.

"...Okay. So long as it works," Tony was a little resigned.

Loki began to explain his thoughts on the reactor, getting Server to record his dictation and begin designing schematics as he spoke.

Once the basic plans had been laid, the dialogue switched from creating sufficient amounts of Tony's homemade element, Starkium, to power the reactor, to space travel, to experimental astrophysics, to Einstein-Rosen bridges, then to their differing views on the makeup of the universe. The latter subject then turned to a fierce argument, which quickly descended into pointing out each other's character flaws (of which there were many). The shouting match at some point morphed to Loki sticking to his proven effective tactic to stop arguments and fucking Tony over a workbench, leaving fresh bruises over his shoulders and neck.

Neither of them quite knew how an argument could turn to sex like that. All they could really figure out was that if hatefucking was an Olympic sport, they'd take home the gold.

Then Loki gave Tony his work number, waited for him to get dressed, and kicked him out.

-O.O-

Loki, if anything, was a man of his word. As promised, his adjustments were received by Tony before the end of the week, meaning construction could begin on the full scale arc reactor.

Tony held a press conference to announce that Stark Tower would be the first completely cleanly powered building of its size in the world. Then he made eye contact with a smirking Loki in the crowd, swallowed his pride, and said that none of this would be possible without the help of Loki Laufeyson.

Everyone's surprise made Tony feel a little edgy. His speech teacher when he'd taken over Stark Industries had once said that to calm himself down, he should imagine the crowd naked. Looking at Loki in his charcoal suit, he thought that was a bad idea that could potentially annihilate any dignity he still had.

Loki seemed to realise this, and he stripped off his suit jacket and rolled up his sleeves. The man was a paragon of control and planning.

Tony had to admire the seductive bastard; Loki would have extra business now, because even the great Tony Stark went to him for help.

-O.O-

It was May, 2012, when Stark Tower was completed, and Tony and Loki's world changed for good.


	8. Hardly For The Good of Mankind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, people, this is where the plot actually starts. Please review if possible = D

Tony was underwater, replacing protective covers over wires with something of Loki's own design.

When he was done, it lit up bright blue, and Tony soared from the water into the Manhattan skyline.

"Good to go on this end," Tony said smugly, his suit relaying his words to Loki in Stark Tower. "The rest is up to you."

"Have you disconnected yourself from the main grid? It would be rather embarrassing if you overloaded the system, Stark," Loki said. Loki had wanted to be at the start-up of the arc reactor he'd helped with, so he was sitting in Tony's private living room in Stark Tower analysing the energy readings.

"Stark Tower is about to become a  _beacon_ of self-sustaining clean energy," Tony confirmed, flying into sight of the tower. "Light her up."

Loki activated the reactor, and the tower lit up, particularly the large 'Stark' written across Tony's balcony.

"It looks like Christmas," Tony grinned. "But with more...me."

"You can never go wrong with Laufeyson tech, Stark."

"Oh, sure, Sparkles. Like it wasn't mostly my idea anyway," Tony said, flying onto the suit dissembler and removing the Iron Man.

JARVIS spoke up as the suit was removed. "Sir, Agent Coulson of SHIELD is on the line."

"I'm not in," Tony said flippantly. "I'm actually out."

"Sir, I am afraid he's insistent." JARVIS replied.

"Grow a spine, JARVIS. I'm talking science with America's favourite douchebag," Tony said before heading inside.

Loki was casual, black t-shirt and tight jeans, staring at a screen. "Well, Stark, it seems you didn't fuck it up," he said without turning around. "I'm surprised, to be honest. You can take the credit for that."

"Oh, come on. This is your baby too. Some of the credit's yours; like, 1%."

"Without my help, this would have exploded in your face while I laughed," Loki tutted. "I think I played a significant role."

"An argument could be made for 2%. 3% at a stretch." Tony admitted.

"It's hardly my baby," Loki placed his hands on his narrow sides. "These are not birthing hips."

Tony choked on his champagne. "So you're not carrying my child?" He said after his airways cleared. "I'm disappointed. I fucked you hard enough."

"Unfortunately, that isn't how anatomy works," Loki said with a theatrical sigh. "I have to go. If I stay here too long people might think I like you."

"Ugh, good point. Get out," Tony said, flapping his hand at the elevator as JARVIS spoke up again.

"Sir, the telephone. I'm afraid my protocols are being overridden."

"Stark, we need to talk," Coulson's voice said from the little screen.

"You have reached the life-model decoy of Tony Stark. Please leave a message," Tony said stiffly. Loki smirked from where he was waiting at the elevator.

"This is urgent," Coulson insisted.

"Then leave it urgently," Tony replied.

The elevator, containing Coulson, opened in front of Loki, who cursed under his breath before plastering on his most amiable smile and saying "Coulson. How lovely."

"Kiss-ass," Tony said, flipping Loki off. "What is it, Coulson? I'm kind of in the middle of something here."

"I'll assume I'm invited in," Coulson said. "I can't stay long."

Loki made a cheering motion behind his back.

"A situation has come up. We'd like you two to take a look at it," Coulson said, handing Loki a screen.

"Official consulting hours are between eight and five every other Thursday," Tony frowned.

"I don't even work here," Loki added. "And certainly not for you."

"This isn't a consultation," Coulson deadpanned. "It's a matter of world security."

"This isn't about the Avengers Initiative, is it?" Loki deduced. "I wasn't interested, and neither of us qualified anyway."

"Yeah, something about him being a raging psychopath and me being volatile, self-obsessed and not playing well with others? Which I knew. So what does the big pirate want?"

"This isn't about personality profiles anymore," Coulson answered. "As I said, world security."

Tony took the screen from Loki and headed across the room.

"No, whatever it is," Loki said bluntly to Coulson. "I'm a private citizen, and I'm not forced to follow the whim of your government."

"You might change your mind when you see it," Coulson said with the faintest smile.

"Sparkles?" Tony said, gesturing Loki over.

The screens showed files of the other people considered for the Avengers – Agents Barton and Romanov, Captain America, and a big green rage monster who was apparently called Bruce Banner on better days.

While Tony cast his eyes over his potential teammates, Loki had eyes only for the Tesseract, staring eagerly at the energy readings.

"That is amazing," Loki breathed. "Coulson, tell me about it."

"It's called the Tesseract. Stark, your father fished it out of the ocean while looking for Captain America. In theory, it has enough potential energy to power the planet, but it was taken," Coulson called up security footage.

In a blue flash, a creature appeared at one end of a vast hall, stooped over and clutching an ornate staff.

Fury spoke to the creature as it dragged itself to its feet. You could see it more clearly now – split chromatically down the middle, face half dark blue, half light blue, and its clothes two-toned to match, with pointed ears and a wicked smirk that suggested that he wasn't here to make friends.

A battle quickly broke out, the creature easily destroying the SHIELD agents in the room.

Fury tried to engage it in conversation as it did...something to someone using its staff. Loki jolted when he realised it was Agent Barton that had just inexplicably joined the creature's side.

Then it said to Fury "I am Malekith, the Accursed. Give me the Tesseract."

Loki was almost disappointed by the lack of drama.

Fury wasn't going to, but it stopped being his choice after riffing with Malekith and getting shot in the chest by a mind-controlled SHIELD agent.

The feed cut out in a wash of blue.

"I'm to get you to do the background reading and deliver you to the base tomorrow, but you both have your own transport, so I'll be leaving you," Coulson said as he left.

"So you're in now, Sparkles?" Tony said to Loki.

"Yes, but hardly for the good of mankind," Loki murmured, looking fixedly as the projection of the Tesseract. Its glow reflected in his eyes, making them appear a glassy blue instead of the usual acid green. The sight unnerved Tony more than he could explain. "Did you see those energy readings? Consider the infinite possibilities for creations I could make with that much raw energy..."

"You  _really_ get a boner for tech, don't you? And that's a good reason to get it back – think of the dangerous things this two-face could do with it." Tony frowned. "I think my dear old father told me something about this. It was used to make powerful weapons in World War II."

"True. I can always claim it to be my civic duty," Loki mused, eyes still focused on the screen.

"Come oonnnn," Tony urged. "It'll be boooring without you."

Loki shrugged. "I might as well. I'm flattered you long for my presence, Stark."

"Good. I'm a little pissed at Fury for dragging us into this, but I suppose we can't help being amazing."

Loki wandered around behind Tony and murmured silkily into his ear "Perhaps we could hunt down his desk? As retribution?"

He definitely had Tony's full attention now.  _That voice._ "What for?" He said, feigning nonchalance.

"You know how I vent my frustrations," Loki breathed.

"I haven't got any problem with that," Tony chuckled.

Loki straightened up and acted like he hadn't just been using his  _I think I will fuck you now_ voice. "Anyway, I have to go. If I stay any longer I'm at risk of catching your diseases."

Tony was a little disappointed; he'd been enjoying Loki's company. Funny how he could thoroughly enjoy Loki one moment and want to choke him the next. "Well, why don't you just stay?"

"Hardly, Stark. We have homework. I'll see you tomorrow," Loki said, strolling to the elevator and leaving.

-O.O-

Loki was pissed off.

He'd come to the Helicarrier, nice and obedient for the first time in his life, and when the Face Trace had spotted Malekith in Stuttgard, Germany, Loki had assumed he'd be called in for help.

No.

It was fucking  _Captain America_ and Agent Romanov and  _Stark_. Loki wanted to strangle something; he'd asked to go, and Fury had denied him, saying that he wasn't necessary. Loki didn't like people saying no to him.

Loki had vanished to the lab on the Helicarrier, started working out new weaponisation functions for the Lightningrod, and then settled down to watch security camera footage of Malekith.

The two-toned bastard had just turned up in some posh social function, scattered a whole crowd of people with his freaky little face, and ripped some guy's eye out.

Then he'd skipped any cute little theatrics and started blowing random people to bits with his sparkly sceptre. If he'd wanted SHIELD's attention, he certainly had it.

There were hysterical people running away and charred corpses littering the ground by the time Captain America turned up and smacked Malekith in the face with his spangly shield.

Turns out Malekith was a tough opponent in a fight, shrugging off all punches with ease. He was right about to cut the Captain's throat when Iron Man soared down from the heavens and shot him in the chest.

Loki chuckled to himself at Tony's subtlety.

Between Iron Man, Captain America, and Black Widow in a plane, Malekith surrendered.

They all seemed rather pleased as they dragged him into the plane, but Loki knew better. He was, after all, well-known for his ability to sniff out a lie. As a child, this trait had hardly endeared him to his classmates, and at the age of 32 this power was still going strong, ringing some fierce alarms at the apparent ease of Malekith's surrender.

It seemed Tony wasn't entirely convinced, either, but he captured the whatever-the-fuck-Malekith-was and took him out of there, leaving hordes of traumatised Germans scurrying about.


	9. The Man Of Obedience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bear with me through all the movie stuff, it's really just setting the scene for the main plot which comes after.
> 
> Also, I'm not writing out the movie word for word, because if you're reading this you've probably seen it at least once. And the plot is just a tiny bit different 'cause we have sassy. intelligent Loki instead of big friendly Thor.

"He saying anything?" Fury growled to Natasha as she flew the plane to the Helicarrier.

"Not a word." She replied.

"Just get him here. We're low on time." Fury said, cutting transmission.

Tony and Steve were murmuring to each other about Malekith, who sat there with a vicious smirk on his face.

"This guy packs a wallop." Steve warned.

"Still, you are pretty spry, for an older fellow." Tony said dryly. "What's your thing? Pilates? It's like calisthenics. You might have missed a couple things, you know, doing time as a...capsicle."

"Fury didn't tell me he was calling you in." Steve said, slightly irritably.

"Yeah, well-woah!" Tony yelped as Loki suddenly appeared, ridiculous horned helm and all. "What're you doing here, Princess?"

Malekith looked at Loki, his dark eyes glittering with interest.

"I was bored, Stark. I do not take kindly to being left at home." Loki replied idly, examining Malekith with a bright-eyed fascination.

"Does Fury know you're here?" Steve said.

"No," Loki said disinterestedly. To tell the truth, he really, _really_ wanted to know more about Malekith. Call it his natural curiosity. "What are you, Malekith? Why are you lying?"

Malekith scrutinised Loki. "You remind me of a Jӧtunn I met once. Loptr. Son of the King, and prince of Jotunheim."

Loki was unperturbed by Malekith's words on the surface, though his brain immediately shot into overdrive, processing every alien word. "Is that what you are? A...Jotunn?"

Tony and Steve were just surprised Malekith was speaking, least of all to Loki of all people.

"No. I am Svartalfar, the last of my race, and far superior to your kind," Malekith said. "It doesn't really matter what I tell you; my plans are going to happen regardless."

"That's awfully confident of you," Loki said, wondering if he could bluff Malekith into telling him anything.

"I've not been beaten yet," Malekith said, smiling viciously to reveal shockingly white teeth.

"Nor have I," Loki said coolly, arcing electricity between his hands for emphasis as Tony approached menacingly.

"We're not going to go down easy, whatever your plans are," Tony said, slinging a metal-wrapped arm around Loki's shoulders.

Loki's knees buckled a little under the weight, losing control of the electricity, which arced into a panel and temporarily disabled the plane's electricity.

"Stark!" Loki yelped as the plane shut down and listed sharply. He clung to the nearest secure object – Malekith's harness – which came undone and sent Loki and Malekith tumbling across the plane. Steve clung to Tony (which would later be denied), Natasha frantically tried to restart the plane, and Loki and Malekith's combined weight smashed the door control and sent the pair of them tumbling in the sky.

-O.O-

Loki fell, desperately trying to keep his helmet on. As a failsafe, the suit didn't work without it, which he was starting to think was a bad idea. Malekith was falling faster, smacking onto a rocky outcrop with a sharp cry while Loki teleported to land smoothly next to him.

The Svartalf gave a low groan as Loki lifted him by his throat to look at him eye to eye.

"My master would like you," Malekith rasped. "If you weren't a pitiful mortal, he'd have you here instead of me."

"Shut up," Loki snapped, sending an electric charge through his hand and knocking Malekith unconscious. He clearly wasn't going to get anything of use out of him.

Given the choice, Loki would take Malekith to imprisonment in the Helicarrier, then have a cup of tea and consider the events of the last day. Constant movement did not suit him; he was a man of planning.

However, he was not given the choice, as Iron Man tackled him off the rocky mound.

-O.O-

After Tony had boldly leapt from the newly restabilised plane, Steve rapidly tugged a parachute onto his back.

"I'd sit this one out, Cap," Natasha warned from the cockpit. "They can sort themselves out."

"I don't see how I can leave them," Steve said, tightening fastenings and preparing to leave. "We're supposed to be a team. I think they need a reminder."

"Those two have been fighting for years. They're not pulling any punches, but they'll reach a middle ground if you give them a minute," she replied.

"I don't think we have a minute to give," Steve said, launching himself from the plane.

-O.O-

Loki hit the ground hard, his helmet flying off and one of his vambraces cracking as Iron Man pinned him down.

"If you want me, Stark," Loki gasped, hands scrabbling for his helmet. "This is hardly the way to go about a proposition."

"You  _asshole,_ screwing things up like that!" Tony snapped, holding Loki down.

Loki stuffed his helmet on and teleported out from under Tony, planting a foot on Tony's helmet and holding him down. "You distracted me! He was willing to talk to me!" Loki snapped. "You're making it worse; now he's unrestrained!"

"You were disobeying orders!" Tony flew forward, knocking Loki off balance.

Loki teleported onto Tony's back as he flew, saying "Oh yes, Tony Stark, the man of obedience, I forgot!" and snatching and breaking an exposed cable on Tony's wrist joint. The Iron Man's left hand repulsor sputtered and died, sending it spiralling sideways into a tree.

Having teleported to safety, Loki stood in a small clearing, waiting for Tony to deforestate himself.

As Iron Man flew at him, Loki loosed a blast of lightning, making Iron Man stumble and spark and Loki's pulse jackhammer.

"Power at 400%, sir," JARVIS informed Tony behind his visor.

"Well. How 'bout that," Tony said airily, blasting Loki head over heels.

Loki vanished just before he hit the ground, reappearing with his hand grasping Tony's neck angrily.

Then he did something he hadn't known he was capable of doing: crushing the metal around Tony's windpipe, sensing the electricity there and  _pulling,_ dragging the energy from Tony's arc reactor. The suit usually worked by pushing electricity outwards; now Loki had it doing the opposite.

Tony had hardly expected Loki to start shutting down the electromagnet that kept him alive, and he was rather panicking now it was happening. He was about to swallow his pride and apologise for annoying him when something round and patriotic smacked both him and Loki in the helmets.

Loki unceremoniously dropped Tony the ground, where he sucked breath into his lungs and clamped a gauntlet over his arc reactor.

"Break it up, you two. We're supposed to be a team," Captain America shouted.

"Fuck that," Loki muttered as Tony made a rude hand gesture.

-O.O-

Bruce Banner watched nervously as a handcuffed Malekith was walked past his lab. The Svartalfar saw him and smiled wickedly, and Bruce felt an ominous foreshadowing in the air.

-O.O-

Fury locked Malekith in a glass cage and warned him of the safety mechanism, namely, dropping him several thousand feet out of the Helicarrier to be turned into so much Malekith mush.

Malekith responding by verbally jabbing at the Hulk. Then he said something which made Tony and Loki instantly check in:

"You've missed your chance. To have the Tesseract, to have power,  _unlimited_ power, and for what? A warm light for all mankind to share? And then to be reminded what  _real power_ is." Malekith sneered.

"Well, let me know if  _real power_ wants a magazine or something." Fury frowned, leaving the containment area.

-O.O-

"He's not very nice, is he?" Bruce said as the feed cut out to the cage.

"Malekith's going to drag this out," Steve said. "Let's face it; we know nothing about this guy. He just turned up. It's only thanks to Loki that we even know what species he is."

"I wouldn't go so far as to say we know nothing," Loki said, relishing the opportunity to show everyone up. He'd thought of a few things they hadn't, and, well, then was as good a time as any to stake him claim as the alpha brain. He clearly wasn't going to make it as the muscles. "We know plenty from his behaviour. As far as I can tell, Malekith needed the Tesseract, which he took away and hid. As proven by the rather bizarre things he was shouting in Stuttgart, he clearly means to take over the Earth through one mean or another. He can hardly expect to beat us by himself, nor could he win with a few dozen brainslaves. The Earth's population is simply too great.

"Therefore, we must consider the potential uses for the Tesseract. With limited time before we find it, he cannot possibly hope to weaponise it. But what we  _do_  know about it is that it can be used as a doorway. If he's planning to take over the Earth, what would you imagine would be coming through that doorway?" Loki finished, slightly breathlessly. Everyone looked rather impressed.

"Maybe it's not a complete disappointment we brought you along," Natasha said with the hint of a smile.

"You're saying he's got an army. From outer space," Steve concluded.

"So, he's building another portal." Bruce added. "That's what he needs Erik Selvig for."

"Selvig?" Loki enquired.

"He's an astrophysicist," Bruce informed him.

"I know; he's a family friend," Loki said.

"Malekith has him under some kind of spell," Natasha said. Then she looked away and said. "Along with one of ours."

"I wanna know why Malekith let us take him," Steve said. "He's not leading an army from here. He practically walked into our hands."

"I don't think we should be focusing on Malekith. He's nuts. Did you see the mess from Stuttgart? You can smell crazy on him," Bruce said.

"Oh, I agree," Loki said flippantly. "But he still has a plan that we don't know, so disregarding him would be rather foolish."

"Fine, well, let's look at the mechanics. What's the iridium for?" Bruce wondered.

Just then, Tony decided to make his entrance. "It's a stabilising agent," he began, his tone know-it-all. Then he turned and muttered something to Coulson at his side. Coulson nodded and left. "It means, the portal won't collapse on itself like it did at SHIELD."

"I know, Stark. I did the reading too," Loki said irritably.

"No hard feelings, Sparkles. But don't you dare choke me again, or I'll call the safeword," Tony frowned, smacking Loki gently on the arm, which earned him a glare. "The iridium also means the portal can open as wide, and stay open as long as Malekith wants."

Tony called to the people on the computers, who all looked at him. He looked around for a moment and said "That man is playing Galaga! Though we wouldn't notice. But we did." Then he put his hand over one eye and swivelled to see the screens around him. "How does Fury even see these?"

"He turns," Maria Hill said shortly.

"Sounds exhausting." Tony said. "The rest of the raw materials, Agent Barton can get his hands on pretty easily. Only major component he still needs is a power source, of high energy density." While patrolling the screens, Tony subtly stuck a bug to the side of a computer, where it blended in smoothly. "Kickstart the cube."

"When did you become an expert in thermonuclear astrophysics?" Hill said flatly.

"Last night," Tony quipped.

"As did I," Loki said churlishly, annoyed at his lack of recognition and the amount of theatrics Tony felt it necessary to resort to.

"No one cares, Loki," Tony said, and Loki just rubbed his face in frustration. "Selvig's notes. The extraction theory papers. Are Sparkles and I the only ones who did the reading?"

Steve spoke. "Does Malekith need any particular  _kind_ of power source?"

"He'd have to heat the cube to 120 million Kelvin just to break the energy barrier," Bruce said.

"Unless Selvig has figured out how to stabilise the quantum tunnelling effect," Tony replied.

"Well, if he could do that, he could achieve ion fusion at any reactor on the planet," Bruce said as Tony paced a little closer.

Tony was delighted. "Finally. Someone who isn't an ass-" He frowned at Loki "-Who speaks English."

"Is that what just happened?" Steve asked. Loki was about 5 minutes away from throwing a temper tantrum.

"Good to meet you, Dr Banner," Tony said, shaking Bruce's hand warmly. "Your work on anti-electron collisions is unparalleled, and I'm huge fan of the way you...lose control and turn into an enormous green rage monster."

"...Thanks." Bruce said.

"Dr Banner is only here to track the cube," Fury boomed, walking into the room. "I was hoping you might join him."

This conversation continued for a while, Loki getting more and more bored by the fact that no one was paying attention to him, until Tony and Bruce excused themselves to go to the lab. Loki swore and followed them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, by mentioning Loptr, I did just say there are two Lokis in this AU.
> 
> Control your dirty thoughts.


	10. My, You Are Dull

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki wants people to pay attention to him, Malekith is a dick, and Tony and Bruce are science bros. Business as usual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cannot apologise enough for the fact that the next few chapters are basically just saying what happens in the movie. Loki's new role and Malekith's different actions mean that there are slight changes and I pretty much have to write them down, so...sorry.
> 
> But once the movie is over we move into some real plot, which will be a lot more interesting, both for you to read and for me to write.
> 
> Reviews make ponies smile.

All through his childhood, Loki had not been the centre of attention, his adopted brother had. When he left home and eventually started his own company, everyone suddenly miraculously developed an interest in him (or his money), and it had stayed that way until now.

Now he was on the Helicarrier, and he was being upstaged by both Tony Stark and the Tesseract, and he was getting really, really irritated. So he was messing around.

"This attacker of ours is rather dull, do you not think?" Loki said to Tony.

Tony, who was tapping away on a screen, chuckled and nodded. "Yeah, he could have done such a better job with the dramatics. 'I am Malekith. Give me the Tesseract.' That couldn't have been more boring if he'd  _tried._ "

"He could have used something more interesting, like 'I am Loki, of London, and I am burdened with  _glorious_ purpose'," Loki said theatrically.

"Nah, I was thinking something a little more demanding, like 'I'm Tony. Kneel down and suck my sceptre.'"

They both started laughing at the dirty jokes when Bruce interrupted them.

"The Gamma rays are definitely consistent with Selvig's reports of the Tesseract," Bruce said as he scanned the staff. "But it's gonna take weeks to process."

Loki was scrutinising it, using his upgraded smartphone to examine the staff more thoroughly. The phone was one of his favourite personal inventions: It was capable of performing nearly every scan, analysis or program imaginable, and carry out all the functions of Server at Laufeyson Tower. A teensy supercomputer, not yet available on the open market.

Tony started using a documentary style voice. "And here we have the elusive Loki Laufeyson, seen in his natural habitat getting hot 'n hard for technology."

Loki was used to the technophile jokes, so he ignored Tony. "It is running on energy, of a sort," Loki murmured to himself. Bruce and Tony kept talking while he ran his own tests, most of which benefited their cause in no way.

"All I packed was a toothbrush," Bruce chuckled, looking both at Loki's superphone and the multitude of equipment Tony had brought.

Tony smiled back. "You know, you should come by Stark Tower some time. Top ten floors, all R & D, you'd love it. It's candyland."

"Replacing me, are you, Stark?" Loki said, getting him a shock on the butt with the prod Tony was holding. "Ow!"

"Thanks, but the last time I was in New York, I kind of broke...Harlem..." Bruce said.

"Well, I promise a stress-free environment. Low tension. No surprises," Tony said nonchalantly, shocking Bruce on the hip with the prod.

"Ow!" Bruce gasped, turning to look at Tony, who was examining him closely in case of hulking out.

"I really was expecting more of a reaction," Loki said, his naturally cool demeanour covering the jolt of fear.

"Hey!" A voice called from the corridor.

"Nothing?" Tony said disappointedly.

"Are you nuts?" Steve said angrily as he walked into the room still wearing his Captain America suit.

"Jury's out," Tony quipped.

Loki chuckled from where he was crouched next to the staff.

"You really have got a lid on it, don't you?" Tony said to Bruce. "What's your secret? Mellow jazz, bongo drums, huge bag of weed?"

"If there's any going around, I could do with some to put up with Captain Patriotism," Loki smirked.

Steve frowned disapprovingly at Loki, who raised his eyebrows. "You shouldn't be using drugs. They're bad for your health. And is everything a joke to you, Stark?"

"Funny things are," Tony shrugged.

"Threatening the safety of everyone on this ship isn't funny," Steve chided. "No offense, Doctor."

Loki's sense of humour tended towards the inappropriate, and he was delicately biting his lip so he didn't laugh in Steve's face. That would probably lose him a few brownie points.

"It's all right," Bruce shrugged. "I wouldn't have come aboard if I couldn't handle...pointy things."

"You're tiptoeing, big man," Tony said affectionately, already liking his new science buddy. "You need to  _strut."_

"And you need to focus on the problem, Mr Stark," Steve frowned.

"You think I'm not?" Tony retrieved a packet of something. "Why did Fury call us in, why  _now?_ Why not before?"

Loki straightened up to look at Steve. "Stark is correct. Between myself and him, we are the two leading authorities on clean energy, and we were unaware of the Tesseract until it was taken. Between the three genii in this room, we have enough brainpower to achieve nearly anything, and yet we were kept in the dark on this. My assumption is that their intentions for the Tesseract may not be wholly innocent."

"You think Fury's hiding something?" Steve said.

"My, you  _are_  dull," Loki sighed, continuing with his scans. "Stark, you should get along well with him."

"Cram it, Sparkles. Captain, he's  _the_  spy. His secrets have secrets," Tony said, throwing a handful of blueberries into his mouth. Then he turned to Bruce. "It's bugging you too, isn't it?"

"Ahh...I just wanna finish my work here, and..." Bruce said.

"Doctor," Steve said firmly.

After a moment's hesitation, Bruce said "'A warm light for all mankind', Malekith's jab at Fury about the cube."

"I heard it."

"Well, I think that was for both Loki and Tony. Even if Barton didn't tell Malekith about the Tower, it was still all over the news, including that Loki helped Tony."

"The Stark Tower?" Steve asked. "That big ugly-" Tony shot him a look "Building in New York?"

"He has your number there, Stark," Loki cackled.

"Cram it, Sparkles," Tony repeated.

Loki was getting bored of this conversation, seeing as Steve was mostly interested in talking to Tony. He'd had an idea anyway; the staff was powered by energy from the Tesseract, but so far all his tests supported it could be powered by alternate energies too, including electricity.

Loki might just be obtaining a magic staff in the future, if he could convince Fury that it was better in his hands than in Malekith's.

-O.O-

Things turned to shit shortly after that. Malekith wound up Natasha, SHIELD wound up everyone because they'd been making weapons of mass destruction, Tony wound up Steve while Loki said 'Unf, can you  _feel_ the sexual tension?', Steve shouted at Loki, Loki laughed at everyone, then everyone wound up everyone.

The line that forced the tension to a climax was Tony and Steve, squaring off, glaring at each other with alpha-male distaste was: "Big man in a suit of armour. Take that off, and what are you?"

Tony, all casual disdain, replied "Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist."

"That's a good one. I'm putting that on my resume," Loki said lowly, which made Tony smirk a little and Natasha shrug amusedly.

Steve shot Loki a  _shut it_ look and replied "I know guys with none of that worth ten of you. And I've seen your type. The only guy you fight for is yourself. You're not the guy to make the sacrifice play, to lay down on a wire and let the other guy crawl over you."

"I think I'd just cut the wire," Tony said, all confidence.

Despite that, Loki could tell his words were affecting Tony, and in a display of solidarity that surprised everyone, he said "I'm sorry, Rogers, but anywhere within a ten metre radius of me is a morality-free zone. Fortunately, everyone here qualifies for entry, barring you."

Steve shot Loki a distasteful look, and his next statement was definitely addressed to both of them. "You know, neither of you might be a threat, but you'd better stop pretending to be heroes."

"A hero, like you?" Tony said. "You're a laboratory experiment, Rogers. You can't lecture Loki and I on being  _ordinary_ when everything special about you came out of a bottle."

At that moment, there were no alliances of a common cause in the room, perhaps barring Loki and Tony's stand against prettying themselve up and pretending to be noble.

"Put on the suit," Steve challenged Tony. "Let's go a few rounds."

"I'm voting Greek-style," Loki said airily, a blunt challenge to Steve's authority. "Naked and oiled."

Tony was surprised at how openly Loki was on his side. They did have a lot in common.

The tension broke for a moment as Natasha actually smiled at Loki's proposition and Fury checked that Bruce was calm.

They bickered for several more minutes, all conflicts a long way from resolution.

And then Malekith's lackeys found it prudent to blow a hole in the Helicarrier.

Everyone went their separate ways - the room had been blown apart and everyone was forced in different directions. Loki just saw Tony and Steve leaving together safely, but Bruce and Natasha had fallen through the floor and were likely in a lot of danger. Which was bad, because he did rather like those two.

 _Really rude_ , Loki thought, as he dashed to storage to put his suit on. He really needed a way of putting it on faster than just stripping to his underwear and tugging the suit on. What if someone attacked while he was mostly naked? It wouldn't be a first, but still, it wasn't a pleasant thought.

Bruce hulked the fuck out and came after Natasha, and Loki shocked it to distract it from her, and then it attacked  _him –_  Loki was feeling particularly virtuous for not just teleporting away and leaving Natasha to have her neck broken. As he learned quickly, the Hulk did not take kindly to his enemy teleporting away as he swiped at him.

Meanwhile Tony and Steve tried to restart an engine that Barton had shut down, hindered a little by Steve's inability to understand any kind of electric device. Had he heard this exchange, Loki would have facepalmed. Or slapped Steve. Probably the latter.

Loki panicked for a second when he realised that this was a plan to get Malekith out while knocking SHIELD to its knees. He teleported to Malekith's containment area, only to see Malekith walking out of his cage.

Loki's brain whirred into overdrive – Malekith had magic, or something like it, the cage didn't just open like that, something seemed wrong with what he was looking at – when someone grabbed him from behind and shoved him into the box.

Malekith, obviously, grinning wickedly. "You  _are_  a smart one. You saw through it, didn't you?" He meandered over to the control switches.

Something was stopping Loki from teleporting, and he had a sneaking feeling it was Malekith. He swore, knowing better than to pound on the glass.

"I am  _almost_ sorry to do this," Malekith said theatrically. "Your talents are most definitely wasted on a human." With that, he flicked a switch, which opened a gaping maw beneath Loki.

One of Malekith's lackeys in the room dropped to the ground as a familiar monotonic voice said "Move away please."

"Coulson!" Loki said with relief, seeing the agent holding a pistol.

Malekith shot a glance at Loki and drew back a little.

"You like this?" Coulson said, waving a pistol. "You might be tough, but there aren't many living things that can deal with having their head shot in," He cocked the pistol. "You wanna find out? – Auh!" He groaned as a blade pierced through his ribcage with a sickly crunch.

Loki winced as Malekith drew the sceptre from Coulson's chest and left the agent to fell to the ground with a cry.

Malekith just seemed mildly amused by the whole ordeal. He gestured to the blood-soaked tip of the staff cheerily before returning to the control panel, flicking a switch, and dropping Loki from the Helicarrier.

-O.O-

Tony finally got himself out from where he'd been stuck in a rotor – thank you, Cap – and helped restabilise the ship while Cap picked off the remaining soldiers.

Natasha beat the pudding out of Barton, who seemed to recall her just as she kicked him for the last time.

Hulk climbed onto a plane and destroyed it. It then exploded, propelling him through the sky.

Fury found Coulson, who'd shot Malekith in the chest before Malekith left, and listened to Coulson's last words.

Then he made the call. Coulson was dead. Everyone froze, crushed in that one moment.

From there, they agreed to work together. Even Barton, as he was free of Malekith's spell.

Barring Loki, who was lying unconscious in a field of flowers like he was starring in bad porn. Again.

-O.O-

Loki let lose a multilingual stream of curses that could make a nun cry as the cage dropped from the Helicarrier. Whatever preventing him from teleporting was still working, and probably would until he got out of range of Malekith.

It was most undignified being tumbled against the walls, hands on his head to hold his helmet on – fuck the failsafe, the suit needed to work without it, he'd fix that as soon as he had the chance – and he was glad Stark couldn't see him as he pushed himself to teleport, sparks fizzling over his body as he tried and failed to escape.

Finally something gave and he willed himself to the outside of the cage, just as it hit a rocky promontory and was crunched to pieces. Loki himself hit the ground with a lot less force, but still enough to throw his helmet off and send him rolling across a grassy field, unconscious, his raven hair full of flower petals.


	11. We Are Not Soldiers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lack of sanitation makes Loki upset, Steve tries to be serious, and Tony banters with a psycho elf.

Loki swam back into consciousness. Every part of him hurt – he was only human after all, not exactly designed for high-speed impacts with the ground or anything, really.

And there was  _dirt_ in his hair.

That got Loki forcing himself to sit up. What he wanted now was a thorough shower, and a book, and maybe some dumb slut to mess around with. Instead he needed to find his helmet and get back to the Helicarrier.

As Loki searched, he went through everything he knew about Malekith's plans, trying to predict his next move.

He found his helmet with one of the horns embedded in a tree, and swiftly tugged it on so he could warn the Avengers and prepare them for the next move in this intricate game.

-O.O-

Tony stood in what had been Malekith's containment chapter, staring wistfully down the chasm Loki had dropped down, hoping with all his heart the man had survived. He'd never realised exactly how he thought of Loki of not exactly a real person, just a thing that existed and happened to be a pain in his ass, but Loki had a past and a future and was a very real human being, and there was every possibility he'd been killed when Malekith had stopped him from teleporting.

The idea that Loki might be gone hurt him more than he'd admit.

 _I'm sorry, Rogers, but anywhere within a ten metre radius of me is a morality-free zone._ Loki had defended him.

He was interrupted by his mournful thoughts by Steve walking into the room.

"Was he married?" Steve asked from the other end of the gangplank.

"Loki? Oh, hell, no. He told me himself – 'not exactly marriage material'," Tony said with a bitter smile.

"I meant Coulson," Steve frowned.

"Oh, ah, no," Tony said awkwardly. "There was a, uh, cellist, I think."

"Sorry," Steve said. "Coulson seemed like a good man."

"He was an idiot. So was Loki," Tony said bluntly, trying to remind Steve they were down two men, not just one. But Steve hadn't liked Loki; maybe it wasn't much of a worry to him that Loki could be out of the picture.

"Why? Because they believed in heroes? Because they tried to stop Malekith?" Steve said.

"Because they tried to take on Malekith alone."

"They were doing their jobs."

"Ugh. Don't try to convince me Loki's any kind of hero, because I know him better than you and he's really not. And Coulson, he was out of his league. He should've waited," Tony said irritably, walking past Steve to leave.

"Sometimes there isn't a way out," Steve said.

"Right. I've - Loki!" Tony grinned involuntarily when Loki suddenly appeared, much as he had on the plane while they were transporting Malekith.

"There's always a way out, Captain," Loki said with his wicked smile.

Tony was torn between a desperate desire to hug Loki, bury his face in his chest and never let go, or be rude as heck.

He chose the latter option, not wanting to throw himself onto Loki and set himself up for further mocking. "What the  _fuck_ were you thinking?!"

"Believe me when I say that being dropped from the skies wasn't my intention," Loki said coolly.

Tony took a deep breath. "Don't do that again. I was almost actually worried about you, and that's bad for my reputation."

"Loki. I'm glad to see you survived," Steve said, breaking the moment.

"I am sorry for the loss of Agent Coulson," Loki said gently.

Steve looked gloomy. "I've lost soldiers before."

"I am not a soldier," Loki acidly reminded him.

"I'm not marching to Fury's fife," Tony told Steve.

"Neither am I. He's got the same blood on his hands that Malekith does. But right now we've got to put that behind us, and  _get this done,_ " Steve said firmly.

"Fortunate that I know where he is, then," Loki said triumphantly.

" _What!?"_ Tony and Steve said in eerie synchronicity.

"Is it not obvious? Stark, he needs a power source. He's already mentioned he's aware of the arc reactor in Stark Tower, and meanwhile the two people who could potentially be guarding it were cleaning up his mess on the Helicarrier and lying unconscious in a paddock respectively. He doesn't need to look for some obscure power source when the most powerful one he could imagine is sitting out in the open," Loki explained.

Tony let all that run through his mind for a moment before saying "Well, son of a bitch."

-O.O-

Steve went to fetch Natasha from a medical bay.

"Time to go," He told Natasha.

She nodded, and then said "Go where?"

"I'll tell you on the way. Can you fly one of those jets?" Steve asked.

Just then, the bathroom door slid open and Clint walked out. "I can."

Steve looked at Natasha for confirmation that Clint was on their side. When Natasha nodded, Steve turned to Clint and said "Got a suit? Well, then, suit up."

-O.O-

True to Steve's word, everyone suited up. Steve got his shield, Clint his bow, Tony repaired his suit, Loki brutalized his helmet to disconnect the failsafe, Natasha reloaded her weapons, and Bruce, a long way below them, was handed pants by the elderly cleaner of the warehouse he'd smashed into.

Tony and Loki cut the theatrics, Loki teleporting to Central Park while Tony leapt from the Helicarrier and flew there, leaving their teammates to commandeer a jet.

Meanwhile Agent Hill confronted Fury about how he'd lied to the Avengers. Fury said they'd needed the push.

Oddly enough, it occurred to no one that Loki hadn't even been present for said push and he was more inspired than any of them. When asked, Loki would just say he really, really didn't like to be beaten.

-O.O-

Loki looked around for signs of impending warfare, wondering if Darcy was okay. If there was going to be a battle, then he wanted her out of NYC,  _now._

He teleported to the tower as fast as he could. Darcy jumped from where she'd been playing Commander Keen, very surprised to see him, especially all dirty.

"Lokester! What's going on?" She said cheerfully.

"If I'm correct, and I usually am, then New York is about to become a battleground, and I want you out of here," Loki said, speaking rapidly. Without waiting for her to reply, he snatched her by the arm and teleported them both to his beach house in Miami.

She reeled from the sudden moment, and just caught Loki saying "Keep safe," before he was gone again.

What had people said about Loki having no heart?

-O.O-

Tony soared above his own tower, seeing a bizarre device that had the Tesseract oscillating in the centre, connected to a laptop run by no other than Erik Selvig.

Tony tried to bargain with Selvig, tried to threaten, but it was pretty obvious by the blue sheen in Selvig's eyes that free will and persuasion was not a factor here. He even tried shooting the device, but it rebounded his repulsor blast and sent him spiralling backwards.

So that wasn't going to happen.

He hovered, trying to think of a plan, wishing Loki was here because he always had a plan, when he spotted Malekith standing on his balcony smirking at him.

Dichromatic bastard.

Tony swooped down to the suit dissembler, not feeling even slightly comfortable around Malekith, but for what he had planned it would make a better impression to go in unarmed.

Malekith was standing in his living room, as confident as Loki had been in this room not long ago.

"Please say you're going to bring the tall one to talk to me. He's so much more... _interesting_...don't you think?" Malekith said. "Unless he died, but that doesn't seem too likely."

"Nope. Big guy's still alive and kicking. He's got nine lives, you know." Tony bantered smoothly, walking down to his bar. "Now, Two-Face, I'd offer you a drink, but after all the shit you've pulled I'm not inclined to waste the good liquor on you."

"I doubt I'd enjoy any of your Midgardian alcohols anyway," Malekith sneered. "Why are you here? If you plan to attack me, I must remind you of this." He said, waving his sceptre.

"Yeah, yeah, glowstick of destiny, I know. Whoop-de-doo. Look, I don't like you, and I'm not here to parley, at least not in a friendly way," Tony said. "You nearly killed someone I sort of like, and you  _did_ kill someone I do like."

"What are you here to do, then? Monologue?" Malekith said, grinning and exposing his sharp teeth.

"Nope." Tony said flippantly, sneaking his hands to the suit's homing bracelets on the bar and slipping them on. "Actually, I thought I'd threaten you a bit."

"You should have left the armour on for that," Malekith sniggered. "A short Midgardian could hardly intimidate me."

"Hm. Well, I'll give it a try," Tony said, brushing off the height jibe and pouring himself a scotch.

"Come now. What have I to fear?" Malekith said, surprisingly good-humouredly.

"The Avengers," Tony said. Malekith looked unimpressed, so Tony shrugged. "It's what we call ourselves. Sorta like a team. Earth's Mightiest Heroes type thing."

"If these are truly Earth's mightiest, then I'm not exactly  _scared,_ " Malekith said.

"It takes us a while for us to get any traction, I'll give you that," Tony shrugged. "But there's six of us, and between us we should be able to kick your skinny two-toned butt."

"I very much doubt that."

"When they come, and they will, they'll come for you," Tony said, walking around the bar to speak to Malekith in earnest.

"So? I have an army," Malekith said condescendingly.

"We have a hulk," Tony said seriously.

"I thought it went the same way as the tall one," Malekith frowned.

"You're missing the point – there's no throne. There's no version of this where you come out on top. Maybe your army comes, and maybe it's too much for us, but it's all on you. Cause if we can't protect the Earth, you can be damn well sure we'll avenge it," Tony said, perhaps a little dramatically.

Now Malekith looked dangerously serious. He advanced on Tony, mismatched eyes staring him down like he was prey and said "How will your friends have time for me when they're so busy fighting you?" He raised his sceptre, which gave a low hum as it charged to do the whole mind control thing.

Tony felt a sharp panic roll through him, but he couldn't move, like he was making eyes at a cobra. Malekith raised the sceptre and pressed it against his chest, Tesseract energy roiling along its length, and –

_Tink!_

Nothing happened.

Relief washed through Tony's body. He was consumed by a random desire to laugh and make an inappropriate joke, a bad habit he'd probably picked up from Loki.

Blame the victim.

Malekith repeated the procedure, bringing the recharged sceptre to Tony's chest with another  _Tink!_  Nothing happened again.

"That usually works."

Having little to no self preservation instincts, Tony said "Well, performance issues, not uncommon..." Malekith looked pissed off, but Tony's mouth was running on adrenaline. "One out of five, I-"

Malekith snatched him by the throat and threw him to the ground.

"JARVIS," Tony said urgently, trying to get to his feet. "Any time now."

As Tony stood, Malekith grabbed him by the neck again, bringing his mouth to Tony's ear. "You will  _all_ fall before me," He breathed harshly, which was 100% disturbing and what was personal space?

"Deploy!" Tony said, his voice a little muffled by Malekith's hand. He just briefly saw JARVIS deploy the latest version of his suit before Malekith lifted him a little higher and tossed him backwards through the windows.


	12. Why Him? Why Today?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's teamwork, fighting, and Loki getting punched in the chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is *hooray* the second to last chapter where I follow the movie, so I'm free to start the real plot now!! *cheering*

Tony plunged towards the pavement, praying to any gods – religion unspecified – that the suit reached him before he turned into so much genius billionaire playboy philanthropist red mush on the pavement.

He felt the suit start to assemble around him, too slow, oh my god he'd die and people would laugh at the hole in the pavement he'd made, no he wanted to die in bed with some leggy model wrapped around him, not like this, but finally the suit encasing him properly and he activated his repulsors and surged into the sky.

Malekith stood in his living room, giving him a shit-eating grin. He raised his staff, preparing to blast Tony, but Tony struck first and knocked him off his feet with a repulsor blast.

Tony wanted to stay and finish the job, catch Malekith while he had the chance, but he was distracted by something a little more pressing.

That is, Malekith's bizarre Tesseract-based creation sending an extreme torrent of blue energy to the skies. This was the portal, the one Loki had predicted, and they'd been too late to stop it being made.

On the other side of the portal, an army moved to action.

-O.O-

Tony did what he could, flying up to the portal and loosing every piece of concealed weaponry he could – which was a lot of explosions – but even with the best technology in the world, he was quickly being overrun.

Where the heck was Loki?

-O.O-

Loki was rueing the fact he couldn't fly. He'd teleported to the top of the tallest building that wasn't Stark Tower and was shooting flashes of lightning at the alien invaders, but at this distance he couldn't get too reckless without endangering people.

He saw Stark, soaring through the air, and he most definitely could see a point of attack. He concentrated, and appeared on Tony's back much as he had back in the forest, only this time they were working together.

Stark swore as Loki's sudden appearance placed him off balance, but as soon as he realised that Loki was fighting with him, not against him, they united, Loki using lethal, terrifying bursts of chain lightning to bring down huge numbers of Chitauri, and the Iron Man getting recharged with the flashback from every blast.

They couldn't catch every Chitauri, of course, but they were certainly slowing them down.

-O.O-

Meanwhile, a long way below, the Chitauri they weren't catching were wreaking havoc on the streets of Manhattan, cars and road being destroyed as people fled screaming.

The citizens desperately hid inside, hunting for shelter from what must have seemed to be the apocalypse.

-O.O-

High above it all, Malekith stood on Tony's suit dissembler, enjoying the pure chaos and destruction the arrival of his Chitauri had caused. His master would be most pleased, and maybe he'd come out of this whole affair in one piece.

As Tony swooped past of the trail of several Chitauri flyers with Loki on his back, Loki spotted the elf on Tony's balcony and nimbly teleported to meet him.

For all of his claims toward liking Loki, it wasn't exactly convenient having him turn up now, so Malekith lunged at Loki, staff bared.

Loki shocked him as he dove through the air, making Malekith stumble and miss his mark, the sceptre taking a chunk out of the rock balcony.

As Malekith struck again, Loki remembered that he didn't actually have a real weapon to fight back with, and nimbly danced backwards instead of trying to block. His vambraces were in no condition to stand up to that blade.

Loki liked to push buttons, though, and as Malekith charged for a magical blast Loki snatched the end of the staff and diverted the blast to blow the 'RK' from 'STARK'. Then Loki backhanded Malekith with a metal vambrace. Malekith gave a snarl of rage and tried to smack Loki in the face with his staff, missing narrowly and clattering Loki's helmet across the balcony.

-O.O-

Natasha, Steve and Clint finally arrived, consulting with Tony on the situation, who firmly told them they were in the shit and as far as he knew Bruce was still lost and Loki was bitchslapping an angry elf.

-O.O-

The plane containing the three recently arrived Avengers swooped down to check Loki wasn't getting his ass kicked.

Malekith kept striking out at Loki despite an obvious lack of success, Loki dodging or teleporting with an almost inhuman agility. He took a moment to swing sideways and fire a blast at the ship, destroying a wing, but Loki swiftly took advantage and punched him in the nose, sending blood running down his face. The elf snarled and lunged forward with his sceptre, and for once Loki moved too slowly and felt the blade pierce his forehead.

It wasn't deep; Loki had moved fast enough to avoid having his brain skewered, but blood was running down his face into his eye, and Malekith knew he was getting the upper hand.

As Malekith swung forward once more, Loki ran about ten different calculations and moved swiftly, the sceptre's point passing through where he had been and embedding itself deep in rock. While he was distracted, Loki called on his years of kickboxing training and gave a high kick, his booted foot slamming Malekith in the face.

Malekith cried out in pain, Loki taking advantage of his distraction and grabbing his shoulders, sending a powerful electrical pulse through Malekith and paralysing him to the spot.

-O.O-

While this was happening, the half-destroyed plane veered sharply and hurtled toward the ground, unable to support itself while missing a wing.

Fortunately they managed a semi-skilled crash landing and poured from the plane, working as soon as possible to help civilians.

Clint could've cried when he saw what emerged from the portal next; a huge behemothy snakey god-knows-what, surrounded by another horde of Chitauri on their little flying platforms.

Why him? Why today? Why couldn't they have attacked some other planet?

"Stark, you seeing this?" Steve asked over the comms.

"Seeing," Tony said as he flew through the skyline, trying to catch the attention of the behemoth. "Still working on believing. Where's Banner, has he shown up yet?"

"Banner?"

"Just keep me posted," Tony said, before switching off comms. "JARVIS, find me a soft spot."

-O.O-

"Give this shit up, Malekith, and maybe – just maybe – I won't kill you when this is done," Loki snarled.

Malekith managed a bitter laugh. "You seem certain of your victory," he said.

"I don't like to be beaten," Loki shrugged, increasing the voltage to see if Malekith would scream.

Malekith didn't; instead he pulled a tiny knife from his armour and tried to stab Loki's abdomen with shaking hands.

Loki froze, expecting a sharp dose of pain. For just a second, he was unfocused, and Malekith took advantage of this, pulling himself from Loki's grasp and shoving him back.

Loki realised the knife had plunged through leather, nothing more; he grabbed Malekith and shocked him again, and Loki could feel Malekith's strength failing from repeated strikes.

Malekith was beginning to realise he couldn't win. As a feint, he dropped to his knees, surprising Loki once more into releasing him, and then he checked his timing and rolled backwards off the balcony.

As he landed on a Chitauri cruiser, he vaguely registered he'd left his sceptre behind.

Damn.

-O.O-

Steve, Natasha and Clint were hiding in the shadow of a taxi as Malekith and several Chitauri flew overhead.

As they saw the chaos erupting on the street near them, they formulated a plan and got to work, trying to minimilise casualties, calling on every single piece of training they had, but they were never trained for  _this_.

Clint and Natasha worked together to do as much as they could, but really, two pistols and a bow weren't much against an army. Steve tried to assemble the local police force into rescuing people.

-O.O-

Tony's attempts at attacking the behemoth were failing miserably. Its shell was just too thick, but at least by shooting it with a few missiles he had its' attention. It turned around, smashing a few buildings, and started to pursue him.

Tony wasn't sure if he was delighted or horrified. Probably the latter.

-O.O-

Clint and Natasha were fighting hard, but slowly getting overrun, when Steve leapt over to help. He started to knock the Chitauri down, but a huge electrical blast killed the Chitauri present, somehow without hitting any of the Avengers.

Loki gave a fey grin, standing on a car above them like a dark leather-clad angel, though the freshly retrieved horns were a tad satanic.

"Hey there, boys and girls," He chuckled.

"What's the story upstairs?" Steve said seriously.

"There is an impenetrable field surrounding the cube," Loki informed him airily.

"Sparkles is right," Tony said over the comms. "We've gotta deal with these guys."

"How do we do this?" Natasha said.

"As a team," Steve said, and Loki rolled his eyes.

"I have unfinished business with Malekith," Loki said tetchily.

"Yeah?" Clint said, polishing an arrow. "Get in line."

"Save it," Steve said. "Malekith's trying to keep this fight focused on us, and that's what we need. Without us these things could run wild. We've got Stark up top; he's gonna need to-"

Steve was cut off by the putter of a scooter engine. Bruce had finally arrived.

The assembled Avengers walked over to him, Loki barely suppressing the desire to laugh.

Battle suited Loki better than he'd thought; moving quick, each to his own, he was enjoying himself more than he'd suspected he would.

Bruce walked towards them a little awkwardly. "So," He said, gesturing around them. "This all seems...horrible."

"I've seen worse," Natasha commented.

"...Sorry." Bruce replied.

"No, we could use a little worse." Natasha said with the tiniest crook of a smile.

"Do I get an apology?" Loki sniffed. Bruce smiled at him, and Loki nodded respectfully back.

"Stark, we got him," Steve said over the comms.

"Banner?" Tony replied.

"Just like you said."

"Then tell him to suit up. I'm bringing the party to you," Tony said, soaring around a building, chased by the behemoth.

"I don't see how that's a party," Natasha said dryly.

Everyone braced themselves for an attack. Tony soared low down the street towards them as Bruce turned and readied himself.

"Dr Banner!" Steve said warningly. "Now might be a really good time for you to get angry."

"That's my secret, Captain," Bruce replied with a backwards glance. "I'm always angry."

And with that bold exit line, Bruce submitted into his transformation into the Hulk and punched the behemoth in the face.

-O.O-

Then was when the battle commenced in earnest. All stops pulled, everyone fighting, occasionally working together, trying to save the world. They were killing Chitauri, lots of them, but it wasn't enough, especially after a few more behemoths came through the portal.

Through all of the small victories, they were losing.

This was a fact that was annoying Loki to no end. At one point, he'd added significant force to his migraine by clinging to the top of a very tall building and sending huge bursts of chain lightning into the Chitauri horde. It wasn't like he wasn't working hard enough; six people just weren't enough to face down an army.

He and the Hulk had worked together and brought down a behemoth, which he was rather pleased about, only the Hulk had finished the assault by punching Loki a fair way across the room. That hurt. A lot. Even with the Sparkly Shit Suit up and running, both his body and his pride were going to have some bruises.

-O.O-

Erik Selvig came to on top of Stark Tower, having been knocked out by Tony's attempt to breach the energy shield around the Tesseract.

His mind felt uninhibited, free; he had been released from the spell Malekith's staff had placed on him. He stumbled to a vaguely vertical position, observing the sheer chaos around him.

-O.O-

Somewhere, a long way away, Nick Fury was debating with the council over the sensibility of turning Manhattan into a crater.

Unfortunately, Fury lost.


	13. Lovecraftian Patches Of Stellar Mindfucking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The bomb goes boom, Tony gets groped and Malekith has his own ideas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am free from the movie after this *insane laughter*

Loki was getting tired. Yes, the suit gave him excellent endurance, but it messed with his heart rate and gave him a migraine like he'd never felt before, to the extent that if he stopped moving, his vision went blotchy. That, and all the exertion had stopped the gash on his forehead from sealing properly, covering his face with blood. He was fighting like a hellcat, and it still wasn't enough.

Things got a little more productive after Natasha commandeered a Chitauri flyer. Loki really enjoyed watching that, not only for her ass but for the sheer skill and dexterity involved.

She ran up, leapt nimbly onto a car, boosted herself off Cap's shield and soared high like a Russian assassin falcon, grabbing a flyer and hooking on like it was monkey bars, not an outer space moped.

Natasha got Malekith to chase her down,  _coincidentally_ passing Clint, who shot at Malekith. Malekith caught it, using his freaky elf reflexes, but Clint had got one over on him; It was an exploding arrow.

As his flyer exploded and smashed the 'ST' from 'STA' on the tower, Malekith smacked down  _hard_ onto Tony's balcony, rolling ungracefully and settling against a barrier.

Natasha followed, flipping gracefully off her flyer to land smoothly next to the Tesseract device, trying to find a way to shut it down.

-O.O-

Malekith was getting really angry now. He forced himself to his feet, and, spotting his sceptre still imbedded deep in the balcony, he quickly moved to tug it out.

As he headed forwards, none other than the Hulk leapt up onto the balcony after him, grabbing him and tossing him through what remained of Tony's floor-to-ceiling windows.

Malekith tumbled through the air and hit Tony's bar, scrambling to his feet and shouting at the Hulk: " _Enough!_ "

The Hulk paused for a second to look at him curiously.

"You are, all of you, beneath me!" Malekith ranted. "I am Svartalfar, you dull creature, and I will not be bullied by-"

The Hulk simply grabbed Malekith by the ankle and smashed him repeatedly into Tony's nice new floor until he stopped wriggling.

"Puny elf," Hulk said dismissively as he walked away.

Malekith made a high-pitched whining noise.

-O.O-

Natasha advanced towards the Tesseract, trying to figure out a way to break through the force field.

"The sceptre." Said a voice behind her. Natasha turned to see Selvig propped up against the side of the building.

"Doctor..." She said.

"Malekith's sceptre," He breathed. "The energy. The Tesseract - you can't protect against yourself."

"It's not your fault; you didn't know what you were doing," Natasha reassured gently.

Selvig thought about this for a moment before saying "Well, actually, I think I did. I built in a safety to cut the power source."

Natasha suddenly felt a spark of hope. "Malekith's sceptre."

"It may be able to close the portal," Selvig said. "And I'm looking right at it." He looked down towards Tony's balcony where Loki had left the sceptre embedded in the rock like the Sword in the Stone.

-O.O-

By himself, Tony managed to take down a behemoth by doing a Jonah-style plunge through its body and out the other side.

He hit pavement hard, systems flickering, and as soon as he stood up Chitauri were onto him, shooting him down.

Clint ran out of arrows, Loki was hurting in about 50 different places, and Steve had lost his cowl at some point.

Quite a lot was riding on Natasha at this point.

-O.O-

Fury tried to stop the nuclear bomb from being launched, he really did. But the Council had pre-empted him with the oldest trick in the book and the missile was on its way before anyone could stop it.

As a last-ditch attempt, he got Stark on the comms, warning him desperately about the incoming nuke.

Tony agreed to do what he could.

-O.O-

Natasha quickly retrieved the staff, using good ol' fashioned elbow grease to drag it from the rock, and brought it back to Selvig.

"Right in the crown!" He told her, indicating the centre of the device.

She pushed forward, saying "I can close it. Can anybody copy? I can shut the portal down!"

"Do it!" Shouted Steve.

"No, wait!" Tony said.

"Stark, these things are still coming!" Steve said urgently.

"I've got a nuke coming in, it's gonna blow in less than a minute," Tony replied, flying towards said nuke. He chased it down, zooming across the ocean, thinking through everything he could do now. "And I know  _just_ where to put it."

He outstripped it, grabbing onto it underneath, and wondering when exactly his life had gotten to the point where he was giving nukes piggybacks.

"Stark," Steve said. "You know that's a one-way trip?"

Tony wasn't listening; he didn't want to think about exactly how much he was losing. Pepper and Rhodey in Malibu flashed through his mind, and Loki, oddly enough, and Bruce too, even though he'd only just met him.

 _Wow, if that's as many people that I care about, I've been doing this wrong,_  Tony thought, but now was not the time for a mid-life crisis.

Now was the time for reckless self-sacrifice.

"Would you like to leave a recording, sir?" JARVIS asked.

Tony declined; there was nothing to say, and no one to say it to.

-O.O-

The whole crew of the Helicarrier were watching the newsfeed of New York with bated breath.

Fury stood there, head bowed, in respect for what Tony was about to do.

-O.O-

As Tony and his pet nuke approached Stark Tower, he hit the thrusters, pushing the nuke's trajectory vertical and sending it towards the portal. He saw, just for a split second, Natasha with the sceptre, and even more briefly Loki watching him, cat-like, while perched on top of another tower.

All the Avengers were watching Tony, praying he'd end this, and praying even more he'd make it home.

Everyone cheered as Tony vanished through the portal.

-O.O-

On the other side, Tony was having his brain bent by what he was looking at here. A Lovecraftian patch of stellar mindfucking, where all things seemed weird and wrong, was where he released the nuke, right towards the Chitauri transport he could see in the distance. Or maybe it was close. It was hard to tell – conventional space rules didn't seem to be in application. It was just so  _wrong._

His suit gave out as he released the nuke, shutting down, including all life support functions. Just as he passed out, he saw the nuke destroy the ship, and greeted unconsciousness with a little peace of mind.

-O.O-

Meanwhile, back on good ol' Earth, the Chitauri all collapsed without their mothership. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief, but the Avengers were still on tenterhooks, wanting their Iron Man to come back through the portal, making a terrible joke and doing a few loop-de-loops.

It didn't come. Steve had to make the call. "Close it," he said, seeing the explosion on the other side of the portal.

Natasha thrust the sceptre forward into the heart of the device, terminating the portal.

As the portal closed like a big mouth, everyone thought they'd seen the last of Anthony Edward Stark.

That is, until he dropped through the closing space like a stone.

"Well, son of a gun," Steve said appreciatively.

Loki teleported down next to Steve so he could see Tony's descent better.

He was still dropping like dead weight, and Loki ran some calculations."Stark isn't slowing down. The suit must not be functioning," he breathed.

He wanted to teleport and grab him, but teleporting him with that much metal on his person could go wrong, or short out the arc reactor, and Loki legitimately didn't know what to do, he wanted to help but he couldn't, and it was normally the other way around.

Just as Tony reached the level of the building, something huge and green leapt forward and caught him, dragging down the side of a building in an attempt to slow down. Hulk pushed away, hitting the bridge Loki and Steve were on hard while cradling Tony like a teddy bear.

As Hulk placed him on the ground, Tony still wasn't moving. Loki got there first, cursing a blue streak as he rolled Tony over and ripped off his faceplate.

Tony didn't move.

"You selfish son of a bitch, you are  _not_ dying on me!" Loki hissed in Tony's face. "I still have a repertoire of insults I haven't used. Rogers, Banner, stand back!" Loki commanded, straddling Tony as he called on as much electricity as he could honestly say was safe.

"What are you-" Steve said, but Loki cut him off by pressing both hands to Tony's chest and pushing as much electricity as he could into the arc reactor.

"Ahh! Oh – oh my god! What the hell..." Tony gasped as Loki shocked him back to life.

Loki laughed at the look on Tony's face as Tony desperately tried to figure out his surroundings.

"What - what just happened. Why are you on me?" Tony said, and then he looked at Loki's hands pressed to his chest. "You had to grab my rack, didn't you, Laufeyson?"

"It was the only way," Loki said innocently. "I've seen better, though."

"I'm sure you have," Tony grinned. "So, uh, what happened?"

"We won." Steve said simply, feeling a tad awkward with the little moment Loki and Tony were having.

Tony breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh hey! Good job, guys! Loki, if you wouldn't mind getting off me – let's just not come in tomorrow – let's just, take a day off...You guys ever tried shawarma? There's a shawarma joint about two blocks from here. I don't know what it is, but I wanna try it."

"There's an elf in your house," Loki reminded him.

Steve looked thoughtfully up at Stark Tower as Tony said "And then shawarma after."

Loki grinned involuntarily and pulled Tony to his feet.

-O.O-

Malekith was sore. Not  _I stubbed my toe_ sore, but  _I just got smashed by the Hulk_ sore. He pulled himself up onto Stark's steps with a groan and looked around.

All six Avengers were towering over him, weapons primed, with Loki in the front smirking his victory smirk.

Malekith pondered the odds, before calling on his remaining magic and vanishing.


	14. The Highest Standards Of Hygiene

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki's not gay, Tony's not clean, Clint's not sane, and Darcy's not in Miami.

Loki swore in frustration and blasted the spot where Malekith had been. "Goddamnit! I should have known he would do that!"

Tony made an indignant noise at Loki scorching his floor. There had been enough large-scale property damage today without Loki throwing a tantrum.

As the surprise of Malekith's disappearance wore off, everyone else started to curse too.

Loki carefully quelled his anger down and slipped into his trademark shit-eating grin. "I told Malekith he didn't have a chance," Loki crowed. "He got away, but at least I had the pleasure of punching him in the face."

Loki moved forwards to where Malekith had been smashed, making himself the centre of the Avengers' attention. "Do you know what this calls for?"

Everyone looked a little confused. "Shawarma?" Tony guessed.

"This, my noble compatriots, calls for victory marathon sex," Loki said cheerfully.

Everyone looked rather uncomfortable, making Loki laugh. Fortunately they were distracted by the Hulk's sudden transformation back into Bruce, making everyone look away and Steve awkwardly ask Tony where the nearest set of pants was.

As Tony gestured towards his guest bedroom, Loki leaned forward and purred into his ear "You are  _most_ welcome to join me."

Before Tony could think of a satisfactory reply, Loki had teleported away.

-O.O-

Loki actually did join the team for shawarma, after going home, removing and cleaning the suit, scrubbing himself meticulously clean, applying paper stitches to his forehead, chugging painkillers to dull his headache, and putting on the most formal suit he could possibly find. Anything to purge the memory of not showering and washing his hair for a few days.

The shawarma place was only kept open for the Avengers, in honour of their saving the city, and it wasn't the typical place for one of the richest men in America to come to in his bespoke suit and prissy attitude, so Loki seemed a little out of place. The whole place was wrecked.

The whole dinner was awkward, to say the least. Outside of conflict, they really didn't have whole lot in common. The only visible thread of conversation was a vague discussion of gamma radiation and the Tesseract between Tony and Bruce.

The invisible thread of conversation was Loki sending Tony a litany of hilarious and downright salacious texts under the table, and yeah, Tony was definitely going home with him tonight if that was on offer.

Everyone just sat around and munched, Loki and Natasha picking at their food fussily, Tony trying multiple flavours of everything to see if this experiment was worthwhile.

As everyone finished, paid, and made to leave, Natasha spoke up. "Guys, Fury wants us in the main conference room at Stark Tower at eleven tomorrow morning for a debriefing."

"Aww, that asshole's commandeered my tower," Tony whined. "I don't wanna get up tomorrow."

"You may have to call and remind me," Loki said dryly. "I'm a busy man; I may have work to do. Actually, there's a fairly good chance I will be fucking some girl into a mattress somewhere. Really, the opportunities are endless."

"Asshole," Clint frowned. "I thought you were gay."

"Pick up a magazine, Barton. I'm not fussy on genders," Loki tutted. "Come on, Stark. The night life of this decimated city calls."

"Sparkles is right," Tony said. "There's nothing quite like a victory fuck. Let's go, big guy."

They walked towards the door together. "If you think I'll lower myself to spending time with you, you are  _sorely_ mistaken," Loki sneered.

"Those two are really inappropriate," Steve said.

"If you think that's weird, you should see what Loki did to me," Clint winced.

"Eleven, tomorrow, Stark Tower. Got it?" Natasha said, and the remaining Avengers nodded.

-O.O-

Despite his words, Loki dragged him into a taxi headed for Laufeyson Tower as soon as they were clear of the restaurant.

"Jesus fuck, Loki, if you can do all the things you mentioned in those texts then I'll buy you a round of drinks next time the Avengers go out," Tony smirked.

"Try me," Loki grinned wickedly.

"Oh, I will," Tony chuckled.

Loki unbuckled his seatbelt and swung a leg over Tony's lap, straddling him and lowering his mouth to nip and suck on Tony's collarbone.

"Hey! Knock it off back there! Seatbelt on; it's the law!" The cab driver said through the partition.

"I knew I should have gotten my chauffeur," Loki sighed, reluctantly ceasing his ministrations and belting back up.

Tony reached over to run his hand up Loki's side with a lascivious grin, but stopped when Loki hissed. "What?"

"Bruises," Loki said by way of explanation. He undid his jacket, then his waistcoat, untucked his shirt, and unbuttoned it to show Tony the mass of bruises up one side where the Hulk had punched him, not to mention a few on his back where Tony had pinned him in the Iron Man suit back in the forest.

Talk about friendly fire.

"Christ, Loki. Are you sure you shouldn't just go to sleep?" Tony said worriedly.

"Very much so," Loki said, and his grin promised sinful things.

-O.O-

Tony's phone was ringing.

"Fuck's sake, Stark, what is it with you and your bloody phone ringing during sex?!" Loki growled, reluctantly pulling his fingers away.

Tony made a disappointed noise and laughed at the look on Loki's face. "Sorry, dude. I don't want to answer it either, but that's the emergency tone."

Loki made a distinctly irritated face and reluctantly climbed off Tony, letting Tony awkwardly grab his pants off the floor and retrieve his phone.

"Stark, if you take too long, I'm finishing and going to find food," Loki said snippily. "I am deadly serious. And you will have to watch."

Tony poked his tongue out at him. Watching Loki jack off in revenge would probably be a sight to see, but he had no doubt Loki was serious about leaving. Nevertheless, he answered the phone. "Whoever this is, it better be a real emergency, 'cause I was in the middle of something."

"You missed the meeting, Stark," Natasha said irritably. "Eleven at  _your own house._  Where are you?"

"Hotel. My living room got Malekith'd so I figured me and my companion could afford a room," Tony said. "Didn't the Princess say to ring and remind us?"

Loki made an obscene hand gesture at him.

"We figured you'd remember," Natasha said.

"What time is it? And make this call quick, I'm embroiled in the best kind of situation here and your voice isn't supposed to be a part of it."

"Don't give me the specifics. It's just after one in the afternoon; Fury wants you here as soon as possible," Natasha deadpanned.

"Give me 'til three o'clock to finish up here and shower and whatnot and I'll see you then?" Tony bargained.

"I'll pass that on. Is Loki with you?"

"Why, why,  _why_ would Loki be with me?" Tony said.

Natasha made a noncommittal noise and told him to actually be there, before hanging up.

Tony climbed back onto Loki's bed – like everything Loki owned, it was pretentious and imposing, with gold silk sheets, embroidered black duvet and a  _wrought iron headboard_ (seriously, what the hell?) – and crawled up Loki's perfect pale body, running his hands up Loki's smooth legs -

"Incoming phone call," Server said.

Tony and Loki swore simultaneously. "Just  _answer,_ " Loki hissed.

"Laufeyson, you missed the meeting," Natasha said flatly.

"Too bad. I am certain what I was doing was more important. Server, what was I doing at eleven?" Loki said airily, as if he wasn't on the phone to a teammate while in bed with another teammate.

"Master was in process of-" Server started

"That's enough," Natasha cut in. "I don't need to know."

"Are you sure? You may want to sit on a towel first, though," Loki said cheerily, always enjoying the opportunity to make someone uncomfortable.

"Fury wants you in Stark Tower at three. No skipping," Natasha said flatly, hanging up.

"Isn't she a nice lady," Loki said dully, wrapping a hand around the back of Tony's neck and pulling him down. "Now, where were we?"

-O.O-

"Get in the shower," Loki commanded.

"Can't I just-"

"Get. In. The. Shower. You can walk home if you're not conforming to the  _highest_ standards of hygiene."

"Has anyone told you that you're  _really_ fussy? You're always shoving me into showers," Tony grumbled, walking to Loki's ensuite.

-O.O-

Fury was not impressed when a slightly flushed Loki and a messy Tony (dressed in the same clothes he'd been wearing last night) stumbled into the conference room. Clint and Natasha stood in the conference room too, po-faced at their rather debauched appearances.

"Thanks to you two assholes I've been here all day, instead of meeting with the Council and organising the cleanup," Fury growled.

"I can't honestly say I'm sorry," Loki said with a shrug. Tony nodded in agreement.

"Your other teammates have given me the full story on your part in the invasion, so I don't need a play-by-play. Here's the short version: all of you Avengers have to help with cleaning up this city."

"Aw, but-" Tony started.

"In return, seeing as Dr Selvig has said he never wants to set foot on SHIELD property again, I'm leaving research on the Tesseract partly to you two," Fury said.

Tony's face split in a huge grin, and out of the corner of his eye he saw Loki's face light up with something similar.

" _Yes!_ " Loki said brightly. "Brilliant! ...What are the limitations?"

"Wednesdays and Thursdays, from eight 'til three, here in the main lab at Stark Tower, one of you must be in the room with it all times, and we want your notes regarding potential clean energy uses," Fury rattled off.

Loki knew full well this was as close to ideal as he was going to get, so he didn't push for more.

Tony, on the other hand, had different ideas. "Do I have to work with Loki? Just, I'd rather the work I do stays private."

"You two work together, or not at all," Fury said flatly.

"You and I will be lab partners, Stark," Loki said amusedly. "If that is all...?"

"It's Tuesday today, so you'll have access to the Tesseract tomorrow. For now, we've moved Malekith's portal-creating device into your main lab, if you'd like to take a look at it." Fury said.

Loki and Tony speed-walked to the elevator and mashed the down button. When the doors closed, Loki turned to Tony frustratedly and said "After all this, you still think I'll steal your trade secrets?"

"You might. I don't know," Tony shrugged. "Remember that you're actually my biggest competitor in business, not a teammate or a fuck buddy or anything that's going on here."

"You believe I forgot?" Loki said coolly.

"No, I just – don't get confused." Tony sighed. Then he shook himself, reached over and hit the 'stop elevator' button.

"What are you-" Loki started, but Tony put his hand over Loki's mouth and started kissing the space under his ear.

"Shut up and behave," Tony said, like half of him thought this was a terrible idea and half of him thought it was great.

Loki chuckled and removed Tony's hand, ducking slightly to press their mouths together and taste Tony. The shorter man opened his mouth, drawing Loki in for a  _hot_ open-mouthed kiss, tongues twining and lips sliding slickly.

"We've got to stop doing this," Tony said half-seriously as he mouthed Loki's jawline.

"Stark, if you start getting sentimental in any way I'll castrate you and find a new bedmate faster than you can say 'don't touch that'," Loki said sharply, sucking in a sudden breath when Tony moved to his neck and started undoing his belt.

"You're all heart, aren't you, Laufeyson," Tony said as he dropped to his knees and pinned Loki against the elevator wall.

"Aaaaaaah!" Someone shrieked, mildly effeminate and panicked. "Holy fuck NO! That's just- oh god, my eyes!"

Tony leapt to his feet, looking for his attacker, and followed Loki's line of sight as the taller man zipped his dress pants and rebuckled his belt.

Clint Barton's head was looking through the service hatch in the roof in abject horror at the scene within the elevator. "Fuck it! This is why we can't have nice things! Laufeyson,  _you are the reason I can't have nice things!"_  He gasped.

"Barton, what the hell are you doing here?" Tony snapped, looking more than a tad messy with red-flushed lips and his shirt crumpled.

"The elevator stopped – I thought you might be in trouble – oh gods, why did I check, I should have let you assholes die in here!" Clint moaned, pulling his head out of the elevator and closing the hatch. Loki and Tony could faintly hear his wails of anguish as he abseiled back up the elevator shaft.

Tony and Loki took one look at each other and burst out laughing.

 _God, Loki,_ Tony thought.  _You are such a bad influence on me, which is saying something, because I'm a pretty bad influence on me too._

"Maybe we'd better get to the lab before Fury strangles us," Tony said.

Loki made a face, disappointed at Clint's cockblocking, but acquiesced as he saw reason. No one could accuse Loki Laufeyson of not being on top of people's motives.

-O.O-

The device was mostly intact, barring the removal of the Tesseract. Loki searched over the whole thing while Tony read from the designs, and yes, it seemed to be in one piece. Even the iridium, rare as it was, was still in place.

"I plan to reverse-engineer this until I know  _exactly_ how creating an Einstein-Rosen bridge could ever happen." Loki said, satisfied by the science he was drinking in.

"I'll join you, big guy. Pity Selvig's laptop isn't here, but we'll figure it out."

Time passed quickly as they tried to figure out what they were looking at. Eventually Loki looked at the time and startled, saying "Shit! I was supposed to get Darcy picked up from the airport in half an hour," Loki quickly dug out his phone and texted his chauffeur.

"Oh yeah, you mentioned that. It's really cute that you moved her to safety. And-" He checked his phone. "SHIELD have hired out floorspace in the tower and Clint and Natasha want to know if you're staying for dinner."

"No, I'll make my own when I return to my tower," Loki said.

"You cook? I tried to make an omelette once. Just once. But I'm heading upstairs now and you can't stay in my labs all night," Tony said.

"Then now is the time for me to leave," Loki said, sending another text to his chauffeur.

Loki walked to the elevator, hit the down button and left, all without a backwards glance.

-O.O-

Darcy stepped from Loki's private plane to see the tall man himself waiting for her on the airstrip. She immediately dove forward and hugged him, clinging tight until he peeled her away from him.

"Oh my god, Lokester, I saw the whole thing on TV – thank you so much for rescuing me! And hey, you're one of Earth's mightiest heroes now. Loki Laufeyson, a hero. Never thought I'd see the day," Darcy grinned.

This was true – in the chaos of the battle, multiple people had recognised Loki, and by this morning it had become public knowledge exactly who Lightningrod was. Loki just cursed them for taking so long.

"It was nothing, Darcy. It'd be bad policy to leave you there; injury time is expensive," Loki teased.

"Thanks, dude. Let's go home before I get too disappointed at the lack of sunshine."

"I'll be out tomorrow morning, and the morning after. I'm doing scientific research for SHIELD," Loki forewarned.

"Cool! Well, I'll clear anything that needs clearing, but truth is I'm pretty sure the whole alien invasion thing probably did most of my work for me," Darcy said.


	15. I'm Just A Poor Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony sings, Loki wins bets, and Clint gives the shovel talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at me, writing longer chapters. You should be proud.

Loki Laufeyson had three well-known smiles.

Firstly, there was his press smile. It was big and warm and friendly and you couldn't help but smile right back again. It was also the kind of smile that made Loki seem amiable and sociable. In other words, Loki's press smile was a lie.

Then there was his sex face, guaranteed to make anyone, regardless of gender or sexual orientation, feel uncomfortably warm.

Finally there was his trickster smirk, the one he made when he was messing with someone or teasing them or being downright cruel to amuse himself.

Tony's favourite was the one that wasn't well known, a genuine happy smile that Loki used basically never.

He stumbled upon this smile two days after the battle of Manhattan, when Loki joined him in his lab for the first dissection of the Tesseract energy.

Loki arrived at 7:30, already having been awake for a few hours and looking uncharacteristically excited. He appeared in the kitchen full of energy, to see the other Avengers eating breakfast.

He was confused for a moment. "Stark," he said, raising an eyebrow at Tony, who seemed to have been midway through making a joke. "Have you opened your doors to the other strays?"

"Nah," Tony said, smiling at the newcomer. "I figure, these guys are all living in pretty crap accommodation, they can stay here 'til the whole rebuild thing is underway."

"There's nothing wrong with where I live in Brooklyn," Steve said.

"Uh-huh. Sure. Anyway, Lokester, you're free to move in too," Tony said brightly. "You must be tired of living in that hunk of junk you call a tower."

Loki made a face at him. "Stark, the day I live under your name will be the day hell freezes over."

Tony finished his breakfast and punched Loki on the shoulder good-humouredly, making Loki consider batting his arm affectionately or maybe just breaking one of his fingers.

Whichever.

He compromised by smirking at Tony and quickly whipping his feet out from under him, making him fall to the linoleum floor with a  _thump._

Everyone laughed when they realised he wasn't hurt, and Loki found himself chuckling along with them.

Tony grumbled and asked for someone to help him up, and Loki tugged him to his feet and ushered him towards the elevator. "Come on, Stark, we have the deepest secrets of the universe to unravel."

-O.O-

The SHIELD agents responsible for the Tesseract turned up exactly on time. They had Coulson-like punctuality, a thought that sent a stab of something like grief into Loki's chest.

Loki had been half-awake all night, unable to sleep owing to the hundreds of ideas vying for attention in his brain. They all came down to the same Step 1: get an accurate reading on levels of energy produced.

Fortunately, Tony had had the same idea and had stayed up the vast majority of the night modifying a scanner to do just that.

Loki gave him a hand with the little mistakes he'd made at 4am, and helped him connect the scanner to JARVIS. Once the scan was done, the grand plans could begin.

Tony looked over at Loki, who was sitting on a workbench thoughtfully. "Sparkles, I usually have music on while I work. Any preference? If you say ABBA I'm disowning you."

"If you play heavy metal I _will_ crash JARVIS," Loki said bluntly.

"Okay...What do you like?"

"Classical, usually," Loki said. Yes, he knew he was being unhelpful, but too bad.

"Ah, okay, classical. Right. Because that's not awful," Tony said. He sat there, forcing his brain to figure out something that was both classical and interesting. Loki watched in mild amusement as Tony rolled his office chair over to a hologram and typed a command to JARVIS.

_'...Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?'_

" _Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality..."_  Tony sang along.

The smile Loki gave him as he recognised Queen's  _Bohemian Rhapsody_ could have made the Grinch want to throw a party. It was blinding, it was iridescent, and Tony knew he'd picked the right song as Loki started to sing the lyrics too, terrible as he sounded.

" _Open your eyes, look up to the skies and see..."_ Loki murmured.

" _I'm just a poor boy..."_ Tony said and Loki laughed at the irony.

-O.O-

Bruce Banner decided to take a break from his cataloguing of the internal organs of Chitauri to see how Tony and Loki were doing.

 _'I'm a shooting star leaping through the skies, like a tiger defying the laws of gravity..._ ' came blaring from the speaker as he asked to be let in.

He could see Loki and Tony singing loudly to the music as he peered through the glass. Maybe he didn't need to visit.

-O.O-

That evening, Tony settled with a bottle of his favourite scotch to call Pepper.

He needed to ring Pepper before the woman had a conniption and ranall the way from California to New York to shout at him for nearly dying.

He swallowed his fear and told JARVIS to make the connection.

"Anthony Edward Stark, why has it taken you two days to call me?" Pepper said the moment she picked up the phone.

"I've been busy. Yep. Calm down, Peps, I'm all right," Tony chuckled as Pepper ranted about what an idiot he was and why the hell did he think it was a good idea and  _Tony are you insane?!_

Tony let her finish talking and catch her breath; he didn't mind the rant, it showed that she cared. Then he said "So how's it going in Malibu?"

See, when Tony had moved to New York, Pepper had stayed in Malibu, seeing as she actually  _did_ have a life outside of trailing around cleaning up Tony's messes. Namely this was running his company and keeping his Malibu house in one piece.

"Fine. Don't change the subject. If you  _ever_ do something that dangerous and risky again, you will be in big trouble," Pepper warned. "And by that I mean if it doesn't kill you, I will."

"Okay, Pep. Next time the planet is in danger I'll leave it to Loki or Captain America or something. That fine?" Tony reassured.

"Good. You remember that. How is Loki?"

"He's...I dunno, he's Loki. Who knows what's going on behind those green eyes?" Tony chuckled.

"Be nice," Pepper said threateningly.

"I am!" Tony protested.

They bantered for a while, Pepper eventually telling him that Rhodey was fine, Stark Industries had lost a little bit of business to Laufeyson Corp but was generally doing well, and someone wanted to buy the Warhol that Tony had in his living room in Malibu. Justine Hammer was apparently a bitch, Darcy Lewis was awesome, and it was always sunny.

Tony said that Happy was fine, he'd been sent to DC when Tony left for the Helicarrier, and that both he and Happy missed her a lot, though he admitted that Happy wanted to move back to Malibu, mostly because the amount of driving and bodyguarding Tony needed recently was very little. In any case, Tony really missed talking to Pepper like this; ever since last year, when she'd slept with Loki and Tony and her had had an argument, things between them hadn't quite been the same. It looked like that bridge was being rebuilt.

He felt surprisingly optimistic that night when he went to sleep.

-O.O-

The next day, Loki turned up much in the same manner and joined Tony in the lab.

After a quick greeting, Loki got right down to work, scrawling notes and referencing their energy readings constantly. 

After a few hours, the corners of his mouth curled in a smile and he started writing a calculation down that Tony couldn't understand. Tony stopped what he was working on - finishing up sketches of the battery system he was making to charge from the Tesseract - just to look at Loki. The eager brilliance in his eyes reminded Tony of himself.

 When it came down to it, they weren't so different, really.

The next week brought a surprise: Loki had bargained with Fury for Malekith's sceptre, and it was brought to the lab at the same time as the Tesseract that Wednesday morning. Loki was wearing the Sparkly Shit Suit, and in his right hand – the one on which the fingers were slightly crooked – a small gold disc was attached that resembled a Joy Buzzer.

"Director Fury says if I can disconnect the staff from the Tesseract, it belongs to me. SHIELD doesn't really have for much use for it, and they think my use of it could help them understand it," Loki explained as he picked up the staff. Then he stood there as if something was happening.

Tony noticed it in a few seconds; the brilliant blue of the staff was fading to a shimmering green as Loki did who knows what. The blue continued to leach away until not long after, when the staff was white-yellow and Loki had an infectious ear-to-ear grin.

"I take it you just won a bet against Fury?" Tony said.

Loki felt a rush of pleasure as he hefted the staff and pointed it at the back wall. With a spark, a blast of energy burst from it and flashed against the concrete, leaving a wide burn.

"Oh yes. I'm liking this," Loki smiled. "I doubt I would be capable of controlling anyone, but the blade and projectiles are highly useful."

"Okay. Wow. You need to explain how you did this," Tony said. 

Loki sat down, happy to show off his brilliance as he went through the calculations he'd drawn up last week. Tony admired the way Loki could see things like that; Tony was a builder, an engineer, he worked in the real world, but Loki's brain ran purely on calculations.

This was where they differed in ability. Loki could outstrip Tony on theory, pure maths, because his thoughts were always in numbers, but Tony had the practicality Loki lacked. If they could work together without strangling each other, they'd be unstoppable.

When Loki put the staff down, it lost its glow. Loki said this was because it was no longer in contact with the Sparkly Shit Suit, but the connection to the Tesseract had been severed.

Tony demanded an explanation of that too. At three o'clock, the SHIELD agents came to retrieve the Tesseract, but Loki stayed late so Tony and him could brainstorm various ideas for things they could do with the tenuous understanding of the Tesseract they had so far. Once it got late enough, Tony invited Loki for dinner, and to his surprise Loki accepted.

Everyone was a little surprised to see Loki being sociable, but welcomed him to the dinner table without a fuss.

Steve, who was part housewife, had made a large amount of spaghetti Bolognese that Loki demanded the recipe for, and everyone managed two helpings (except Steve, who had more, thanks to his supersoldier metabolism).

The dinner was surprisingly friendly, with everyone sharing funny anecdotes and laughing together.

Steve tried to talk to them all about battle tactics, so they could work as a team better, but no one thought this was a suitable topic for the dinner table and the thread was soon shifted back to funny things that had happened to them.

After dinner, Loki willingly sat down with Steve and talked tactics.

"See, what I think is we should split into two groups of three for attack," Steve said, but Loki shook his head.

"Maneuverability is key, and attacking with several smaller points is far more powerful than attacking with one large one," Loki trailed off a bit, his brain slipping into what he'd been doing in the lab. "Pressure equals force divided by surface area. Decrease the surface area and pressure increases. Working in pairs is strongest; this way all backs are covered without sacrificing agility."

"...Actually, yeah, that makes sense. Who would you pair?" Steve asked.

"Agent Romanov and Agent Barton, because they're already experienced in working together; Stark and I, because as you may have seen, our weapons of choice are surprisingly compatible in abilities; and yourself and Dr Banner, because you both fight in melee and on the front lines. If you have other suggestions, I'm open to them." Loki said.

Steve and Loki spent a long time on the floor thinking of various strategies for combat. Loki was a planner, and Steve was a soldier, and between the two of them they had a pretty good talk going. When they'd drafted a few ideas they called the other Avengers to sit around and add their input.

By the time they'd all learned the basic battle strategy of the Avengers - because apparently that was definitely a thing now - it was very late and everyone was tired. Clint, Natasha, Bruce and Steve all went to bed, leaving Tony and Loki awkwardly sitting in the Avengers' makeshift living room.

"So...are you going home?" Tony said uncomfortably. "Or are you just gonna hang from the ceiling in bat form?"

"Oh, I'd like to stay here," Loki said with a coy smile. "My chauffeur gets annoyed at driving me here in the early morning and teleporting gives me a headache."

"Uh..." Tony said, but his unvoiced question was answered when Loki climbed gracefully from his chair to sit on Tony's lap, his pale hands sliding down Tony's chest. "Well, okay then. That works. All this leather; how do you get it off?"

"Try it for yourself," Loki murmured.

-O.O-

Clint nearly choked on his toast when Loki and Tony stepped out of the elevator together the next morning, looking cheerful and freshly showered. Nobody else seemed to notice.

"Sleep well?" He managed to say when his airway cleared.

"Don't you doubt it," Loki said with a toothy smile.

Seriously, how did the other Avengers not see this?

Loki and Tony vanished down to the lab so Loki could play with the sceptre and Tony could try and see if Tesseract energy could be siphoned off into a battery.

When Loki left that night, humming  _We Will Rock You_ and rubbing the slight burns on his hands from the staff, Clint went upstairs into Tony's wrecked living room and sat on the couch.

The elevator opened and Tony walked out, humming the same song to himself.

Clint vaulted the sofa and landed gymnastically on his feet. "I've been expecting you."

Tony gave an unmanly yelp of surprise. "Clint! Goddamnit, you'll give me a heart attack!"

"You'll deserve it," Clint said childishly.

"Seriously, though, I'm tired. What do you want?" Tony asked.

"Stop sleeping with Loki," Clint said bluntly.

"Aw, why? You jealous?" Tony teased.

"No, it's because he's a selfish asshole and he'll probably do the whole spider thing and eat you when you're done fucking," Clint said.

"In case you haven't noticed, Loki's not the bad guy; Malekith is, wherever he is. So back off," Tony said defensively, crossing the room to pour himself a scotch.

"You know just as well as I do that he only helped with the Tesseract getting nicked through his own self-interest," countered Clint.

"You're just letting your personal problems with Loki get in the way, Clint. You can trust him; for all his surface dickery he's a okay guy," Tony replied.

"He's not, Tony, and I wouldn't trust him any further than I could throw him. You should stop whatever the two of you are doing in case you get compromised."

"You think fucking around with him is going to make the bad guys win? Clint, this isn't exactly Romeo and Juliet here; it's just my favourite cardinal sin, lust. What  _you_ should do is get your nose out of my sex life - the rest of you too - try to trust Loki, and leave me alone, 'cause I need to go to sleep," Tony said irritably, finishing his drink and gesturing Clint towards the elevator.

"I'll eat my bow before I trust that guy," Clint said as he left.

Tony sighed; he could tell perfectly well from everyone's reactions that Steve still didn't completely trust Loki either. Bruce, well, Tony had barely seen him in the last few days. He'd been given an unlimited supply of Chitauri corpses to experiment on and only surfaced from the lab for meals, which Tony regarded as a great pity, seeing as he really wanted to get to know the guy.

-O.O-

The next day, Tony grabbed all the Avengers – minus Loki – and took them out to lunch to try and get to know them better.

He even made Bruce come, dragging him from the carapace he was rooting through, and got him to talk about his work for half an hour. This was excellent, considering Bruce's rather noticeable social anxiety.

After lunch, they were scheduled to don their various guises – except Bruce, who'd cause more destruction than he'd fix – and help scoop up debris from the streets. Loki knew about this, but he was late, and everyone was rolling their eyes and muttering 'typical' when he suddenly appeared.

Loki grinned wickedly as the Avengers noticed him. "Hello, boys. And the Lady Romanov," he said cheerfully.

"Where the  _fuck_ did you get that?" Clint said, looking at the sceptre in Loki's hand. Considering the thing had been used to scoop his free will out of his head, the alarm was excusable.

"I may have won a bet against Fury," Loki said nonchalantly. "It belongs to me now."

Clint looked almost genuinely scared. "Why would he let you have that?!"

"Barton, I can't control so much as an ant with it; it's just a more accurate way of shooting things," Loki said. "You included, if you continue to make a fuss."

Clint did not look even slightly comforted by this.

"Right. What're we doing here?" Loki said, swiftly changing the subject.


	16. Never Fear, Little Sparrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's partial nudity, fireworks, and Loki getting his face sucked by assorted folks. So the usual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the disconnected format of the chapter, but seeing as it ranges over a longer period of time than usual it was necessary.
> 
> Here. Things are happening.

Tony quickly learned to love Thursday mornings. Loki made a habit of sleeping over, so he woke up on Thursday morning after an intense day of science and an intense night with Loki, who put his all into everything; when adding the probability of morning shower sex and a day of science in front of him, there really was no better morning than that.

Despite the fact that his living room was still a mess and New York was still destroyed, Tony was enjoying life with the Avengers in Stark Tower.

Loki stopped just turning up on Wednesdays and Thursdays and occasionally turned up at all times of the week, with a variety of explanations that navigated around the fact that he actually enjoyed spending time with the Avengers. He'd spar with anyone, honing his rusty kickboxing and kicking Tony's ass a few times, discuss Bruce's work with him, and even cook dinner with Steve on the rare nights he stayed for dinner.

Somehow Loki became a weird sort of paternal figure in the tower, albeit a lewd, mildly alcoholic, verbally sadistic paternal figure. This was matched by Steve, who looked after the group rather neatly.

That wasn't to say Tony and Loki weren't arguing, Tony wasn't drinking, and Loki wasn't being obnoxious; those things were just happening less.

Darcy, too, liked the Avengers; independent of Loki, she turned up to say hi to everyone a few times, and share a meal.

Tony had the nagging suspicion this was mostly because she liked to drop things and watch Steve bend over to them up.

After two visits, though, her attention refocused from Steve's ass to Clint Barton. Being sarcastic, overly prying, and generally funny, they got along like Loki and the Tesseract.

In short, Loki and Darcy were surprisingly welcome additions to the Avengers Tower, as it was now unofficially called.

A particularly memorable occasion was when Loki and Natasha battled fiercely in strip poker, about three weeks after the battle of Manhattan.

See, Loki and Natasha were both very fond of ruthlessly defeating others in mind sports such as chess or blackjack. It was only natural that they liked to try and beat each other, and Loki lost as often as not. Under normal circumstances, Loki hated to lose, but the challenge for his brain here was something he loved. Oddly enough, he and Natasha just worked like that.

This time, everyone had been invited for the strip poker showdown of the century.

Simple rules: No cheating, if you lost a piece of clothing it was gone, underwear stays on to preserve hygiene and dignity.

Loki had sat across the table from Natasha, both of them with their best poker face on. This had been rather terrifying, because it meant both of them were so completely expressionless that they obliterated all tells.

Darcy had been the first to be out, followed by Bruce and then Steve. Turned out Darcy couldn't bluff to save her life.

Clint lost after that, betting his pants on two pair and being beaten by a tricky full house by Loki.

Tony dropped out when Natasha won a hand with a flush.

This had left Loki and Natasha staring each other down across the table as they both won an equal number of hands.

By that point, Loki had lost his blazer, waistcoat (who wears a waistcoat casually?) tie, shoes, dress shirt, and undershirt, leaving him in pants and (presumably) underwear.

Natasha had lost shoes, throwing knife holster, pants, another knife holster, her leather jacket and her t-shirt, leaving her in a camisole and underwear.

In other words, whoever won that round won the game. It had been a game that had lasted nearly an hour, and everyone had been tense.

Loki had seemed confident as the last card was laid on the table, but that could have been a bluff.

Natasha had seemed confident as she bet her camisole, but who knew?

"You know, I think I had a dream like this once," Tony had muttered to Darcy.

"Mmm. Same," Darcy had giggled, which had made Tony shoot her a look.

"Miss Lewis, Loki is a bad influence on you," Tony had said mockingly.

"C'mon. You don't hang around Loki for what - eleven years? - without picking up a bit of his crazy libido."

"It's not like he can make me any worse," Tony had snorted.

"Shh!" Steve had said, genuinely curious Loki and Natasha had laid their cards down.

Loki had smirked as he revealed two tens, matching the pair of tens on the table to give him four of a kind.

Natasha had smirked even more as she revealed a straight flush.

"I can admit when I've been beaten by the best," Loki had laughed, reaching across the table to shake Natasha's hand.

-O.O-

That weekend, the first call out of the Avengers Initiative had happened.

The morning had started with Tony walking into the kitchen and having a magazine thrown at him.

"Looks like Loki's still out and about," Clint said, a slight note of accusation in his voice.

Indeed, the page Clint had it open to featured Loki at some society ball the previous night, sitting at the bar nearly nose to nose with a beautiful girl, a flirtatious look on Loki's face.

The caption said something about how even the destruction of New York hadn't gotten business tycoon Loki Laufeyson down.

Tony laughed. "It'd take the bloody apocalypse to slow Loki down."

Clint looked put out, and Tony realised he'd been trying to make him realise that there wasn't any point sleeping with Loki, because he wasn't anything like loyal. It didn't, though; Tony and Loki were grown-ups, sort of, and there wasn't exactly a huge emotional attachment. It had gotten to the point when Tony no longer properly linked Loki by day with Loki by night; after all, one was a snarky, sharp-witted scientist, and the other was a hellcat.

Tony looked over the magazine. "So why were you reading Us anyway?"

"It's Natasha's," Clint said with a straight face.

"Sure it is, hawk. Keep trying to convince me of that. I know you have to have your fix of the Kardashians," Tony snorted.

"Sir, Director Fury is on the line," JARVIS said.

Tony groaned and answered.

Apparently robots were attacking Hoboken. Everyone suited up, moaning and grumbling, heading downtown as soon as possible while Fury rung Loki.

The robots themselves were beyond bizarre. Instead of being the typical Robocop androids, they were cloaked, and had weirdly humanoid faces. As far as behavioural traits went, they were just destroying things for no apparent reason.

They were weaker than they looked, which made Tony rather suspicious as he blew them to shards. Still, there were a lot of them, and the fight was dragging out.

Loki appeared about 10 minutes into the fight, fully dressed and rearing for combat. "My apologies, so-called _team_ , I was seeing Darcy off at the airport."

"Get that skinny ass fighting, Sparkles," Tony said, and Loki sprung into action with his staff.

Loki fired a blast of electricity at the bots, but to his anger it just absorbed it and started working faster. "Sonova-" He started, before grinning wickedly with an idea. He teleported forward and simply crumpled the face of a bot, sucking the electricity out, and then beheaded it with his staff.

"That works too," Tony chuckled as he saw that.

The bots were only strong in numbers and were quickly wiped out. Tony invited Loki back to the tower for a post-battle beer, and instead of teleporting Loki sat on his back and got flown home first class, chuckling to himself at the amusing mode of travel.

While Tony had his suit removed by a machine, Loki closed his eyes and the Sparkly Shit Suit vanished in a golden shimmer, to be replaced by a tidy suit.

" _Holy shit,_ " Tony said excitedly. "What was that? I want one. Take me to the lab and show me  _now_ before I explode."

Loki laughed and took his phone out of his pocket, doing something for a second before the Lightningrod suit reappeared with the same shimmer.

"That is just – oh my god I'm getting a tech boner  _how does that work?!"_  Tony said eagerly.

Loki marched inside with Tony then. By the time everyone else made it to the tower, Loki was delightedly explaining to Tony how he'd managed to get the Lightningrod suit to teleport by itself, and beyond that, switch places with his own clothes instead of just going over them. Again, Loki seemed to enjoy explaining his genius to a knowledgable audience.

After Tony had finished his fangirling...fanboying... over Loki's new tech, they went back upstairs, where drinks were slapped in their hands.

Loki stared at his beer with an expression of distaste. "Beer. Hm. Stark, may I help myself to something from your bar?"

"Sure, Princess. Don't forget to kiss the toads," Tony said with an eye roll.

Loki came back in a minute with a glass of Tony's favourite scotch and said "Do any of you think that the conflict of today was a little easy?"

"Why?" Steve said. "What're you thinking?"

"I am thinking that this was a test," Loki said, sipping delicately.

"Really? It could just be that they suck, man. Not everything's a conspiracy," Clint said.

"Barton, having seen us battling the Chitauri force, whoever sent these would be truly an idiot to think we could not beat them, and judging by the fact they had a _robot army,_ I'd go so far as to say they weren't unintelligent. If I were to do anything of the sort, a test of the battle strategy of the opponent would be my first move," Loki said in a superior tone.

"Your plans for world domination aside-" Clint started heatedly, but Steve cut him off.

"Okay. Enough business talk. We shouldn't let our guard down, no matter the problem. Loki, did you say you dropped Darcy off at the airport?" Steve asked. He hoped he'd misheard; like everyone, he'd grown fond of the bubbly assistant.

Loki made a face at Clint before saying "Unfortunately, yes. As Barton knows, it's her birthday soon. We decided she should go and visit her parents, then go to London."

"Sorry if this is a stupid question, Sparkles, but why London?" Tony asked. "I mean, you guys left, and she's American, right?"

"Her best friend, Jane, lives there," Loki said, surprisingly quietly. Tony almost missed the next bit, Loki's voice had sank into such an undertone. "Jane is engaged to my adopted brother."

Seeing as how that information seemed a tad painful, and Loki  _never_ talked about his family, nobody followed that thread of conversation, except for Clint asking when she'd be back.

"In a month and a half. Never fear, little sparrow, she will return," Loki said dryly.

"Hey, nice work with the whole electricity sucking thing," Natasha smiled at Loki before Clint could argue. There seemed to be a lot of that happening.

"You too were most admirable in combat, Agent Romanov," Loki smiled back.

Tony's teeth could've ached from their bromance.

Everyone started complementing each other at that point, recapping the battle as Loki and Steve talked about successful tactics and everyone raised their glasses in a toast to the Avengers.

-O.O-

As June ended and July started, Tony remembered from a file he'd read that Steve's birthday was the 4th of July.

When told this, Loki rolled his eyes and said that Steve was so bloody patriotic even his birthdate cheered on America.

Remembering that Loki was English and truly didn't give a rat's ass about America, barring as a place of residence, Tony suggested they made fireworks to celebrate.

Loki's face had lit up like a child's on Christmas morning, and he'd swept a new bench clear next to him in Tony's lab.

Seeing how much time Loki had ended up spending there, Tony had cleared Loki off his own corner of lab so he didn't have to navigate Tony's junk all the time.

At the moment, Loki's corner was covered with Loki's superphone, which was in miniscule pieces all over one table as Loki tried to install his mini teleportation device into it.

"Let's make some explosions!" Loki said cheerfully. "You order the ingredients, I'll draft the plans, and we'll be done in time for next week's celebration!"

The actual creation of the fireworks was sooty, dirty and involved a lot of laughter and experimenting until they had something that could be considered safe for use. Tony liked spending time with Loki when he was in a good mood; there was really no one more fun.

-O.O-

The 4th of July was a brilliant night, a warm Tuesday with everyone showering Steve in gifts and affection, and then going onto Tony's balcony to set off their homemade fireworks. Fact was, while the rebuild of New York was going swell, the other Avengers had moved in permanently. Tony was surprisingly okay with that.

The first one set off was one of Loki's, and somehow the genius had made it explode into the shape of the Laufeyson Corp logo, a ouroboros outline.

"Narcissistic much, Sparkles?" Tony called with a laugh.

Loki released another one, which fired into the air and formed what looked like the arc reactor.

Tony laughed again and punched Loki affectionately on the shoulder.

In the end, only one firework misfired, and everyone thoroughly enjoyed themselves. Really, it was like having a family for all of them.

-O.O-

The next day was Wednesday, and after working with the Tesseract all day Loki mauled everyone at Scrabble and then was intolerably smug that night with Tony. Having sex with someone who'd decided he was the smartest person alive was rather trying, Tony decided, and for a moment he almost felt sorry for his previous flings.

Thursday was productive, with Loki finishing adding the teleporter to his phone so he could stop using his spare one, and Tony managing to charge a large battery using the Tesseract. Fury would be delighted, even if it was for nefarious reasons, which neither Loki nor Tony doubted was the case.

Friday Tony had a charity event, giving away money to NYC to help with the rebuild. He was half-expecting Loki to be there, but the tall man was nowhere in sight.

Saturday Darcy rang the Avengers Tower.

Tony was in the kitchen reheating leftovers while he answered it.

"Is that Darcy?" Clint called from the living room. "Bring the conversation in here, we all wanna hear from her."

"Hold on," Tony said, walking into the living space. "Right, Darcy. Shoot."

"Look, I tried to ring Loki this morning, but he didn't pick up. Do you guys reckon you could go over and check he's okay?" Darcy said seriously.

"Are you sure he's not just working really hard or something?" Tony said, feeling a tinge of worry. Science worry. Loki wasn't his friend. Nope.

"No, I asked Server to override his privacy settings and get his attention. He should be at the tower today, and I tried his cell too, but nothing," Darcy replied.

"He's a big boy, Darce. He's fine," Clint said dismissively.

"I know, I just worry about him. He's...well, he's vanished a few times before, and it was never good. Tony, can you just go, for me?" Darcy said, focusing specifically on Tony, knowing he had a soft spot for Loki.

"Sure, Darce. I'll give you a call," Tony said, disconnecting and going upstairs to fly out.

His brain was racing as he took to the air for the short flight to Laufeyson Tower. Being the consummate businessman, Loki always answered his cellphone; he might be an antisocial bastard but he had to pick up the phone.

Tony touched down on Loki's balcony, letting his suit compress itself as he identified himself to Server and was let into Loki's bedroom.

Everything seemed normal, Loki's bed meticulously made, so Tony walked into the living room and said to Server "Is Loki Laufeyson within Laufeyson Tower?"

"Scans would indicate he is not," Server replied robotically.

"Do you know where he is?" Tony asked.

"Master's location is unknown," Server said.

"Can you trace his cell?" Tony said hopefully as his heart began to beat faster in concern.

"Master's location is unknown." Server repeated.

"Okay. Well. He has to be somewhere, right?" Tony said, walking through every room in Loki's penthouse, looking under furniture and in closets as though Loki was going to jump out and shout 'Boo!' at him. "He can't be nowhere."

Then he went into Loki's personal lab, which Loki had given him a pass to enter.

There was no trace of Loki, and everything seemed normal until he looked over at one of the tables and saw half finished circuitry all over the table. Loki should have cleaned that up.

Tony pulled out his cell and rang Darcy, not particularly caring about the cross-continental phone bill.

"Darcy, he's not here. Server can't find him, and it can't track his cellphone. Don't panic, I'm sure Loki's fine, but I'm gonna get the Avengers here, okay?" Tony said.

Darcy sounded really upset. "Let me know anything. I'm gonna book a plane ticket as soon as I can."

"No, it's okay; you keep having your holiday. He probably chucked his phone in a river 'cause he was bored or something," Tony said reassuringly, not believing it himself.

"If you say so," Darcy said, unconvinced, but she let him hang up and call the Avengers.


	17. Just Tell Her He's Okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nobody deals with Loki's disappearance well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, but it needed to end where it ended.
> 
> Enjoooooooooooy.

When everyone got there, they were finally paying attention to the fact Loki was missing.

"Server, could Loki's phone being broken stop you from tracking him?" Natasha said to the roof.

"The tracking portion is virtually indestructible, in case of emergency," Server replied.

"So his phone has been melted down or something?" Clint said disbelievingly.

"That would not destroy the tracking portion," Server said. "Master's phone is situated in an untrackable location."

"Oh, shit," Tony said, sitting on a workbench with his head in his hands.

"Server, play footage of Loki's last ten minutes in the lab," Natasha said.

Server opened a screen, which filled with static. "Footage compromised." Server said.

"Shit." Tony said. "Where can we start? If someone's taken him, they've put his phone inside an atomic bomb. Actually...Server, did you let anyone into the lab besides myself and Loki?"

"The records indicate no one was allowed in; however, my systems are known to be compromised," Server replied.

"C'mon, Tony," Natasha said gently. "We should get Fury in on this."

"I agree," said Steve. "We should head back to the Avengers' Tower and let him know. If Loki's missing, then we need him found as soon as possible."

Tony went back to Loki's bedroom, hopefully peering through doorways in case Loki was sitting in his favourite armchair reading Tolkien or something.

The penthouse was as quiet as a tomb. Resigned, Tony encased himself and headed home to the tower.

-O.O-

Fury and Darcy were both called regarding Loki. Darcy was crying over the phone while Clint and later Natasha tried to comfort her to no avail.

Everyone was tossing theories around when Tony stood and said "I think Malekith has something to do with this. Loki wouldn't just  _leave,_ and the only guy capable of taking Loki that we know of is that bloody elf."

Clint shook his head. "I think we're overreacting here. He's probably just gone to Vegas for some time on top of a hooker."

"One, Loki doesn't bang hookers, and two, he wouldn't do that without his phone," Darcy protested.

"But didn't you say he's done this before?" Clint asked.

"Not for years. But yeah, he used to just vanish all the time," Darcy admitted with a sniff.

"Why did he vanish then? And why'd he stop?" Steve said.

"He stopped after I held an intervention when I turned up at his flat unexpectedly to find him so high he swore at me and puked in the sink," Darcy said sharply.

Everyone processed that for a moment.

"So he might still be at that?" Bruce said quietly, speaking for the first time so far.

"I doubt it, but who knows what goes on in his head? I've known him for years now and I still can't pick up all his tells," Darcy said quietly. "And it's not like he's going to start making sense now."

"So we should wait for him to get off the white horse," Clint said tetchily. "Meanwhile, we're down a man and Tony'll pine and bitch until he turns up again."

"What? Clint, Loki is  _missing._ You can't just assume he's okay!"Tony snapped.

"I think you're just affected 'cause you like him!" Clint replied.

"I think you're affected because you  _don't!_ If this was anyone else missing you'd be just as worried as I am!" Tony said angrily.

"Calm down!" Steve said, casting a wary eye at Bruce. Bruce and Loki had gotten around surprisingly well, considering Bruce was the only person Loki deigned to be gentle with, probably because the Hulk had beaten some respect into him. Whatever the cause, Loki always listened to Bruce, and was never rude. Bruce was nearly as worried as Tony for Loki, and that was saying something, because Tony was having kittens over the whole situation.

"Look," Steve said. "Arguing doesn't help. What we need to do is try and pick up Loki's trail and work together to get him back. Now, I'm not ruling out that he may have gone and done something stupid, but there's still every chance he needs our help."

There really wasn't much more anyone could say. Clint and Natasha decided to go back over to Laufeyson Tower to see if there was anything they'd missed, while Bruce and Tony worked on a new program to track Loki's phone in case Server's was compromised, and Steve discussed with Fury and Hill about their next move.

There was no next move.

Clint and Natasha found nothing, Bruce and Tony confirmed that Loki's phone was untrackable, and while the only theory that made sense was Malekith's involvement, there was nothing they could do about it, because how do you follow a teleporting intergalactic elf?

-O.O-

Inactivity hurt Tony. He did everything he could to find a lead, trying everything trying from finding a way to track whether or not magic had been used in Loki's lab to going through Loki's sock drawer. Nothing had any positive results, except for Tony discovering that Loki was apparently a fan of socks with his own name on them.

By Monday night, two days since they had discovered Loki was missing, Tony was out of ideas, and drank himself stupid alone on his couch for the first time since the battle of Manhattan. The whole ordeal had been plenty disturbing, but he'd been distracted. Now? Now he wanted to burn his brain down.

By Tuesday, everyone was worried, and even Clint was finding it difficult to maintain his theory that Loki was just having a sabbatical.

Wednesday rolled around, and while Tony was granted access to the Tesseract, it felt very empty working alone, perfecting the device he used to charge batteries using the Tesseract, refusing to put music on in the background because he wouldn't be able to do that without thinking of Loki singing along under his breath as he worked.

He drank himself to sleep that night too.

The team was definitely losing a bit of energy with the cloud of doom that hung over them. Everyone was silent at breakfast the next morning as Tony dealt with his pounding hangover. The tower lacked a certain something without their snarky occasional visitor.

They had to help clean up Manhattan, but they left Bruce behind so no one thought it was odd that just Loki wasn't there.

Everyone had agreed that Loki's disappearance should be kept quiet. This wasn't as difficult as it could have been, because Loki was known for spending weeks away from the public eye while in a particularly antisocial mood, but eventually his business partners and various associates were going to notice.

Darcy called daily, and by Thursday she was downright gloomy, warning them that Frigga was getting suspicious that Darcy kept making up reasons that she couldn't call Loki like she did every week.

This had surprised Tony. "Who's Frigga?"

"Loki's mum," Darcy said.

Everyone was silently surprised until Clint opened his mouth and said "I thought his mom was dead?"

"Smooth," Natasha flicked him on the ear.

"Frigga's his adopted mom," Darcy said. "Loki loves her to pieces."

Tony felt an odd feeling in his chest when he heard that.

"Just...tell her he's okay," Tony said dully. Nobody actually believed that anymore.

-O.O-

On Saturday, they were attacked again by the bots. At least their unknown assailant had the decency to strike on weekends.

The bots were stronger this time, as Loki predicted, and they took some killing, especially while they didn't have Lightningrod beheading them.

Towards the end of the battle, a particularly resilient bot peeled away from the mob and announced that they should fear the wrath of Dr Doom and his Doombots.

Tony was in no mood for theatrical crap. He shot the bot in the chest, and it teleported away with a curse.

-O.O-

Sunday and Monday got a little blurry for Tony after he unearthed a new bottle of scotch.

The inactivity was killing him; he'd feel better if he was actively searching for Loki, instead of just waiting for a sign. Loki could be dead in a ditch on the other side of the galaxy by now.

Tuesday was an Avengers meeting at which nothing happened and then drinking over the phone with Darcy.

Wednesday Tony was supposed to be working with the Tesseract, but for the first time in two months he didn't want to. Instead he sat in his penthouse designing a little robot that could open the fridge and bring stuff to him.

That night he decided to go out and get laid. Wednesday night, fuck night, or so it had been. Tony ended up just drinking until he couldn't think straight. Close enough.

Thursday Tony decided to actually toughen up and just do some Tesseract work and pretend he didn't keep seeing Loki in the corner of his eye smirking at him as he wrote calculations or fiddled with wire. Unfortunately his hangover was not his friend. He was clumsy and uncoordinated, and he was fending off both a pounding headache and fierce nausea.

He put down the batteries he was holding and stumbled to the bathroom to puke in the toilet. Once he'd rinsed his mouth out with water, he walked back to the lab a tad unsteadily.

Something was up.

The blue glow of the Tesseract wasn't bathing all his workstations. Ridiculously, Tony thought for a second the cube might've rolled under a table, forgetting that it had been bound in place.

Tony crept forward. These bindings were now undone.

 _Holy shit!_ Tony thought. "JARVIS, assemble the Avengers, we have an emergency!"

-O.O-

It took about five minutes for everyone to make it down to Tony's lab.

When Tony retold the story, he said he'd gone to the bathroom to pee, not throw up, but anyone with a pair of eyes could see what a state Tony was in.

Everyone looked horrified. "Tony, Fury said you shouldn't let it out of your sight," Natasha chastised.

"It was just a minute, and I  _really_ had to go," Tony said. "That's not the point. We have to tell Fury."

"Do you have security footage?" Clint asked.

Tony winced; he should have thought of that first. Perhaps he wasn't completely sober yet. "Probably. JARVIS?"

JARVIS opened a screen, showing Tony's lab a few minutes ago. The footage was crystal clear as it focused primarily on the Tesseract.

On the corner of the screen there was some movement.

A  _very_ familiar head of dark hair bobbed into view, darting across the screen, glancing furtively around. Then Loki skipped forward to the Tesseract, undid its bindings with ease, picked it up in leather-clad hands, and teleported away, all in the space of about fifteen seconds.

The clip looped over and over as the Avengers stared at it in horror.

"That fucking  _bastard!"_ Clint snarled.


	18. An Interesting Code Choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the intriguing events pick up momentum, more and more strange things are happening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter is long, and man this is one of the first chapters I'm actually somewhat proud of. Lots of things happening. It's easier now I have my own laptop = P

"That little  _rat_ sold us out to Malekith!" Clint hissed, pointing at the footage, still looping.

"You can't-" Tony started, but Clint turned on him.

"Can't what? Can't call him a slimy little asshole? You saw it, Tony, he's working for the other team, he sold us out!" Clint said angrily.

Natasha had Fury on the phone, telling him the Tesseract had been stolen but not mentioning the security footage.

Just then, Tony's phone rang.

_Darcy Lewis calling._

"Yeah, Darcy, what is it? We've kind of got a situation here," Tony said quickly.

"It's important. Server just rung me to tell me Loki broke into his own lab," Darcy replied.

"Woah, really? Cause that's kind of what's going on in Stark Tower too. Did Server say what he did there?" Tony said, mouthing  _Loki_ at Steve's questioning eyebrow.

"No, it suddenly stopped responding,"

"What does that mean? Did Loki turn it off?" Tony asked.

"There's no off switch for Server; Loki designed it so it was always running. Either he uninstalled it or he deleted it. Neither is good," Darcy sounded really scared now. "It means he's not planning to come back."

"It's all right, Darce. Something weird's going on here, and I'm going to figure it out. Trust me," said Tony reassuringly, even as his heart had somehow wiggled its way into his throat.

Darcy sniffed. "What happened there?"

Tony slipped away from the group. "Darcy, I'm pretty sure it comes under a few confidentiality acts, so I'll tell you later. Ring me tonight, okay?"

Darcy made an agreeing noise. "Could you go have a look at what's going on in Loki's tower for me?"

"Sure, Darce," Tony said as he hung up. Then he turned to address the room. "Guys, Loki turned up in his own lab a little while ago. I'm gonna head out there and see if I can catch him."

Steve asked him if he needed backup, which Tony replied with a negative as he suited up and left Stark Tower for Loki's crib.

-O.O-

Tony was really, really hoping Loki was still there as he landed on the balcony and searched through the penthouse, neglecting to remove his suit in case of...well, Tony hated to think of Loki as a hostile, but there wasn't that much evidence saying he wasn't.

After seeing that nothing had changed since his last look through Loki's socks, he got into the elevator and headed for the lab, praying to whatever bored deity was listening that Loki was there.

Without Server, Tony had to switch on the lights himself once he got in. It was at once pretty clear that Loki wasn't there, but as Tony looked towards the display at the back of the room he saw what had changed.

The Sparkly Shit Suit was gone. Tony could remember it being here the first time they had looked, but the Loki-sized mannequin was naked.

Seeing as Loki had been wearing his workshop jeans and t-shirt in the clip of him nicking the Tesseract (Tony couldn't believe that had happened) he'd decided to weaponise himself and grab his suit after taking the cube.

The sceptre was gone too from its elegant stand. Tony couldn't remember if it had been here last time, and he couldn't exactly ask Server.

Speaking of which, he walked over to the cabinet where he knew Server's mainframe was. When he opened it, he saw that all the LEDs were out and the voice interface had shut down. He tried pressing a few buttons but nothing happened. Server was dead.

Tony couldn't help but agree with Darcy: this meant Loki wasn't planning to come back.

Within a few minutes he was on his way back to Stark Tower, his mood lower than it had been so far.

-O.O-

Within 15 minutes, the Avengers, minus one, were all seated around the big wooden conference table in the main conference room of Stark Tower.

Fury was livid at Tony for letting the Tesseract out of his sight and shouting a tirade of obscenities about how  _fucking Loki was the bad guy all along!_ Then he told Bruce to get to work with a tracking program and find him his cube again.

Tony was completely dumbstruck by the actions of the last few hours. It didn't help that despite painkillers and water he still had a hangover. In any case, he was continually rewatching the clip of Loki taking the Tesseract, searching for a discrepancy that could somehow prove Loki was innocent.

Sure, there were only side-on shots of his face, but Loki was a pretty distinctive looking guy, so it wasn't a case of mistaken identity.

"Guys," Tony said, getting everyone's attention as he had an idea. "Fury, you and Clint are pretty quick to point the finger at Loki. Look a bit closer at the clip."

Fury narrowed his eyes at the projection. "Stark, all I see is a traitor."

"Look closer. He's a mess;h ave any of you ever seen Loki is such a state?" Tony had a point. From the short clip, you could see that Loki's clothes were filthy, his hair dirty and greasy, his face sheened with sweat. "I bet he hasn't changed his clothes since he left. Loki Laufeyson showers at least once a day, for at least twenty minutes, throws a tantrum if he gets oil on his shirt, and spends more time fussing over his hair than a supermodel. It's who he is; obsessive-compulsively tidy."

"So? People break habits," Clint said.

"Nat, Bruce, you know Loki wouldn't stand for being this dirty. Even taking over the world he'd have to be fabulous. _Especially_ when," Tony said, and the two he'd spoken to both nodded. 

"What are you implying?" Fury growled.

"I'm  _inferring_ that you assholes should give Loki the benefit of the doubt. What I think is Malekith's given him the mind kabosh. Why would Loki throw away everything he has voluntarily? And the sceptre's not in Loki's lab anymore, I checked."

"Was it there before the break-in today?" Natasha asked.

"I don't remember, but I'll bet Malekith nicked it back," Tony said.

"If that's true, he's still a hostile, Tony," Steve said.

"Cool. That's fine. But don't assume this was his idea, okay? Especially you, Clint. If I'm right then he's going through the same thing you did. JARVIS, do we have a clear shot of Loki's eyes from the clip?" Tony said.

JARVIS ran through the clip in a second and said "No, sir. Mr Laufeyson's eyes are not visible."

"Shit. Well," Tony said. "Remember what I said."

"Team, there's nothing we can do at the moment except wait for Loki to show up again," Steve said finally. "Keep on your toes; we don't know what he's planning."

Tony had the vague feeling of his heart imploding as he went to get a drink.

-O.O-

Natasha went to go find Tony after the meeting. She'd had a lot of experience dealing with people, and she knew full well that Tony was freaking out. Just like her fellow operatives dealing with a crisis in the past, he could do with a talk.

Tony was standing in the middle of the living room, drinking straight from his scotch bottle.

"Tony?" Natasha said quietly.

Tony jumped and turned to look at her.

"Are you okay?" Nat asked, slinking a little closer to him.

"Not even a little bit. I can't believe all you guys think Loki's evil; I mean, sure, he's a bit  _different,_ but he's smart enough to know which side's the right one," Tony said.

"Tony, I want to believe Loki's on our side, I really do. But if there's anything I learned when I was younger, it's that you have to consider that you're wrong," Natasha said. When Tony opened his mouth to protest, Natasha added "That doesn't mean you should give up hope. And I'm sorry, Clint was out of line. I know you're...closer...to Loki than we are." Her little hesitation made it pretty clear she knew about the fuck-buddy thing.

"Yeah, big surprise, Loki and I bumped uglies or whatever kids are calling it these days," Tony said. "It's not like no one was expecting it."

Natasha smiled slightly as the tension broke. "Clint has no secrets from me."

"BFF's, right?" Tony said wryly, holding out the scotch to her. "Want some?"

"Sure, I could do with it," Natasha shrugged, taking the bottle and sitting on the couch. "Have a seat."

Tony suddenly looked nostalgic.

"What is it?" Natasha asked.

"Loki and I screwed on that couch," Tony said with a bizarre mixture of reminiscence and a Lokish sparkle of mischief.

Natasha starting sincerely laughing at that, but stood up _very_ quickly. "In our living room?"

"Relax, Tasha, it was ages ago and I had the couch cleaned." Tony grinned.

" _That's_ why you had it cleaned?" Natasha snorted.

Tony found himself chuckling sincerely for the first time since Loki had vanished.

-O.O-

Darcy rung that night, wanting the full set of details, and Tony filled her in on everything and then proposed his theory, which she agreed was most likely.

"I just - I've known Loki for what, a third of my life? That's a long time. And I know he's not the bad guy," she'd said.

She'd wanted to come back to New York to be on the ground floor, but Tony firmly told her that if something was happening, and it probably was, then Loki would want Darcy safe away from the epicentre.

-O.O-

The next day was when the thefts started.

Tony nearly jumped out of his skin when he was in his lab and his Loki-phone-detector went off. He grinned, starting to group-call the Avengers, but the signal was gone within a few minutes.

He had no idea what to make of it. According to JARVIS, Loki had been in Ahmadabad, India, for a total of 2 minutes 49 seconds.

Sure, he sent a group text to everyone, but he expected little. Maybe it was a glitch.

That night, a theft from a scientific facility in Ahmadabad, India, was reported on the news. Apparently the intruder moved quickly and somehow managed to wipe the security feed for the time they were in there.

It only took Tony a split second to connect the dots and say "Shit!" He sat bolt upright and said "JARVIS, get Fury on the line."

Tony explained the detector going off that morning and the theft, but seeing as Loki had once more left the planet, there was nothing they could do.

That seemed to be the case with this whole affair: any activity was useless, because they couldn't predict the next move, and meanwhile the people they were tracking weren't on the planet where they might be tracked.

Really, it was so clever that Tony just  _knew_ that it was Loki's idea.

Which somehow didn't make Tony feel any better.

In any case, they were all warned to lock up anything Loki may want for any reason. For Tony, this was a huge number of things in his lab, including his Iron Man suits, the portal opening device from the battle of Manhattan, and a few weapons prototypes for the suit that Loki might steal.

The next day, the Loki detector went off twice, corresponding to two international scientific thefts where the handy thief made it in and out in minutes, without any security footage.

This continued for a week, with one or two thefts a day and the news starting to catch on to a science-orientated cat burglar who could make it halfway around the world in a few hours.

Tony was just glad Loki had the sense to wipe the surveillance. If he was recognised, everything would fall apart: first his reputation, then his company, then, probably, the Avengers.

In the week, no less than eleven items were stolen. Fury had them listed and gave them to Tony and Bruce to see if they could make something of it.

After a minute of trying to match the list in front of him with Loki and the Tesseract, Tony swore and retrieved Dr Selvig's research notes.

Just as he thought.

Loki was stealing things mostly related to opening a portal; the same components Tony had locked up in his lab to hide them from said hero-come-villain.

This seemed a little ominous to Tony, and he immediately told Fury. Fact was, if Tony was right, then the war against Malekith and his master had only just begun.

Tony had spent that week working on a replacement for Server so that Laufeyson Tower could be looked after properly. The entire program was gone, so rather than try to create it all over again he worked on making a copy of JARVIS, an AI to run the tower. He decided it could be a girl, so JARVIS could have a girlfriend.

Hopefully Loki wouldn't be too angry if (when, Tony insisted) he came back.

-O.O-

Tony spent the next afternoon in his workshop for no other reason than he was getting paranoid about something of his own being stolen. Oh yeah, and he was designing Loki's new AI, SADIE, Stark Always Does It Eventually.

Unfortunately, to counteract these nerves, he had been sipping scotch all morning and was feeling a little fuzzy by the evening, when JARVIS spoke to him.

"Sir, you have a visitor," the AI said.

"Who is it? If it's Steve again I'll-" Tony said, making a throttling gesture.

"It is Master Laufeyson, sir," JARVIS replied.

Tony dropped his scotch on the ground in surprise, glass shards flying everywhere. " _What?!_ " he gasped. "Get me security footage!"

"My systems have been compromised, sir," JARVIS replied. Loki was the only person Tony had ever met who could get one over on JARVIS, the thought giving Tony a sudden sharp flashback to New Years', when he and Loki had gotten drunk and tried to tie cherry stems with their tongues.

Oh, how things had changed.

Knowing full well it was a bad idea, Tony told JARVIS to open the door.

"Greetings, Stark," a very familiar voice with a very familiar English accent said as the owner of said voice walked into view.

"Here for a quickie, Sparkles?" Tony quipped.

As Loki slinked a bit closer, Tony considered for the first time that Loki might just be the bad guy. His mind flashed through memories of Loki choking him back in the forest, his fascination with the Tesseract, his easy banter with Malekith, and his apparent bloodthirst.

Certainly the man  _looked_ intimidating, something that Tony hadn't really paid notice to before. But now that he looked, Loki was several inches taller than him, and with his helmet he cleared seven feet tall. His smile was more lethal than quirky, his lithe figure more leopard than gymnast, and his black hair and aristocratically sharp features were surprisingly scary. At least he didn't have the sceptre.

Tony knew that Loki's future and probably his own depended on what colour Loki's eyes were. The shadow cast by the helmet stopped him from seeing them clearly.

He also knew that either way, Loki was a threat, and he had nothing on hand to defend himself with, because  _in order to stop Loki his suits were out of reach._

Whose stupid idea was that?

Fury's.

Loki had said something. Oh yeah, life or death.

"What was that, Snow White?" Tony asked. His nicknames were probably going to get him in trouble one day.

Loki rolled his eyes. "I  _said,_ if you give me what I want I'll leave with minimal fuss."

Tony had missed him so very, very much, even the sarcasm and eye-rolling. "So,  _is_ that a quickie? C'mon, man, work with me here."

"I want the iridium from Selvig's device. Sex can wait," Loki said patiently.

Actually, this made sense. Tony had noted earlier that one thing Loki didn't have yet was iridium, and stuff was so rare and well-guarded that Tony had locked what he had up very securely. "There's always time for sex. You can't have had much recently, what with being on the run and whatnot." Tony was subtly getting a bit closer to try and look at Loki's eyes as he spoke. He was seriously regretting not having some form of silent alarm, because Lightningrod vs Tony wouldn't be a fight, it'd be an instant victory.

"Hardly on the run. I've been rather busy," Loki deadpanned.

Tony had nearly reached the taller man by now. Needing to get closer, he gently reached forward and took Loki's cold hands in his, saying "What're you doing, Lokes? All this - it's not going to end well for Earth." Loki finally made eye contact, so finally he could see Loki's eyes.

Brilliant blue.

Tony could have shouted for joy if it wouldn't get him killed.

Loki sharply pulled his hands away. "The Earth is a tattered wasteland, the people barely worthy of my master. Once you push away the great untruths of existence, you will see that. Freedom is life's great lie, Stark, and you should learn that now for the days to come."

"Loki, your whole life has been about freedom! You're pretty much the free-est guy I know," Tony said. "Can't you see you're being controlled?"

It might have been Tony's very hopeful imagination, but he thought Loki's eyes swirled green for a moment.

"Stark, this is an expression of my will. But I'm not here to discuss the trivialities of my plans with you; I'm here for the iridium, and I will take it," Loki said. Suddenly, his mood changed, and he grabbed Tony by the throat and held him off the ground. Tony could feel electricity, just a little bit, radiating off Loki and threatening to fry him. "Unlock the safeguards."

"No-" Tony choked.

" _Do it,_ " Loki growled, using the same voice he used to talk dirty, and the contrast was terrifying. Tony's hair stood on end as Loki tingled him with electricity, a warning.

"No!" Tony repeated as he struggled to fit air through his closing trachea.

The iridium was in the portal device, locked in a vault so small that Loki couldn't teleport in, and protected with both a key lock and a security code.

Unfortunately, a security system is only as strong as its weakest link, which was undoubtedly Tony. Loki kept choking him as he shocked Tony, and the inventor couldn't scream or breathe, just writhe in pain as his vision grew dotty and chaotic.

Loki released his hand a little after the shock, letting Tony choke air down as he fought back flashbacks to his torture in Afghanistan. "Stark, I don't want to hurt you permanently, I really don't. But you may leave me no choice if you don't unlock the safeguards. To help make your decision, I'll tell you now that I  _will_ break you and have the iridium no matter what, but you may live to fight another day if you give in."

Loki drove a hard bargain, but as with everything in Loki's plan so far there was only one option and it didn't feel like a good one.

Tony gave a low groan, feeling weak and nauseous. "Code's 02141980CUPID. Key's around my neck," he rasped, his throat sore.

"Interesting code choice, my birthday. I mightn't have guessed that," Loki said thoughtfully.

"That was the hope," Tony breathed.

Loki gave a disturbingly innocent smile as he slipped the key from around Tony's neck and let the smaller man collapse to the ground. Tony couldn't move properly as Loki walked to the vault, unlocked it, and picked the device apart to retrieve the iridium.

Then he walked back over to the semi-conscious man on the ground, checked his arc reactor was still working, rolled him into the recovery position and vanished.

"JARVIS..." Tony moaned once he could function properly again. "Assemble the Avengers."

-O.O-

Tony was taken upstairs for medical care with Bruce in the infirmary he had added. Once Tony was deemed as healthy as he ever was, he was debriefed.

He made a point of saying that Loki's eyes were definitely blue, and that Loki was acting as Clint had, out of character.

"Do you have proof?" Clint said, cynicism creeping into his voice.

"JARVIS? Do we have proof?" Tony said, his heart sinking suddenly as he remembered that Loki had somehow found a way to block surveillance on his other thefts.

"My systems have been compromised, sir," JARVIS replied.

"Goddamnit!" Tony groaned. "Come on, guys, you've got to believe me. I saw it. Loki's got the greenest eyes ever, like a summer paddock or something, and when I looked they were blue. Just like Clint's were."

Everyone looked a little uncertain. "Tony," Steve said. "You're in shock; you've just been through something traumatic. Are you sure?"

"Surer than I've ever been about anything," Tony said definitively.

Natasha nodded. "From here forth, we treat Loki as if Tony's right. Any chance at a headshot to knock him out, you do it."

"Agreed," Steve said.

Bruce gave his quiet little smile. "The Other Guy knows. We'll do what we can."

Clint looked completely torn between wanting to hate Loki and wanting to agree with the team. Eventually he just left Tony on his hospital bed.

Tony hadn't told anybody that Loki had put him in the recovery position: that information seemed weirdly private. He had, however, told them how his Loki detector hadn't gone off this time.

"Why's that?" Steve asked.

"He mustn't have had his phone on him." Bruce said, taking his glasses off and wiping them on his shirt. "We know you can't disable the emergency tracker, so he must have realised we could follow his movements with it."

"Sometimes I really wish Loki wasn't so smart." Tony sighed.

"Let's face it, team, we have an enemy who can outmaneuvre us without much effort." Steve said. "I hope we can get him back before he gets us."


	19. I'll Blast Your Ass To The Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something's rotten in the state of Denmark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one took a while, it was difficult to write, but the next one won't take nearly as long = P

_Two and a half weeks ago..._

Loki was working in his lab, fiddling with designs for a battery that drew its power from the Tesseract without being in contact with it, much as his staff had while under Malekith's control.

It was mostly just busy work; the tower was a little empty without Darcy, and he wasn't visiting the Avengers today. It felt good to just sit around in a t-shirt and jeans for a while, anyway, free of social interaction or even sunlight. Loki had always been a creature of quiet darkness.

He was contemplating food when he heard a noise behind him.

Loki's ears were hypersensitive from the hours of quiet and he dropped what he was holding on the bench in fright before whirling around, expecting Tony to be standing there with that ridiculous grin.

Instead there was an elf at the back of his workshop.

Loki didn't immediately panic; it wouldn't help. Instead he put on his _we have guests_ smile and inched towards his phone on the desk.

"Stop that," Malekith teleported forward and pocketed the phone. "You can have that back when you behave yourself."

"I have done nothing," Loki said, biting his lip in worry. This was quite possibly the first time he had felt out of his depth. There was always a way out, he'd told Steve that after he'd survived a fall from the Helicarrier, but Malekith was between him and the Sparkly Shit Suit, and he knew it. The elf waved a hand, summoning the sceptre, which lit with a fierce blue glow as it made contact with his hand.

The penny dropped for Loki, and he leapt backwards, nimbly rebalancing into a fighting stance.

"Oh, don't be such an idiot," Malekith said, flicking his other hand to hog-tie Loki. He fell awkwardly, sending a jolt of pain through his bound limbs as the elf advanced forward.

"Serv-" Loki yelped, but stopped as the charged staff was pressed to his sternum above his heart. "Oh!"

Loki felt a cool sensation run right from his heart through his whole body, washing over his eyes and into his brain.

Life was a lie; so too was freedom. When Loki realised this, he felt a great calm wash through him. Other people needed to feel this, the joy of subjugation. Like being the submissive in bed, only better.

Loki cleared his eyes with a few blinks and looked around with his newly blue eyes to see Malekith looking at him curiously.

"Can you behave?" Malekith asked.

"I would like nothing better," Loki said honestly. The bonds holding his wrists to his ankles behind his back vanished and Loki stretched languidly before standing and taking his phone back from Malekith. "Hold on; I'd better take down the surveillance footage. We don't want the team onto us, do we?"

Loki went over to Server's cabinet and erased the footage.

"Come with me; our master needs us," Malekith said, holding out his pale hand to Loki.

Loki took the hand and disappeared.

When they appeared again, they were in the place Tony had once seen: a bizarre, messy patch of Lovecraftian logic, where the titan Thanos made his home.

Loki looked around in raw amazement, his physics-operated brain unable to comprehend what was going on, why several of his favourite laws of existence suddenly seemed to be irrelevant.

Malekith coughed loudly to catch Loki's attention, and Loki realised they were supposed to be kneeling to a large grey creature with almost ludicrously muscular arms who radiated power.

Loki dropped to his knees on the rough ground, and the titan said "Welcome, Loki Laufeyson, Prince of Midgard. I have need of your skills."

-O.O-

_Present time..._

Tony was released from the infirmary the next morning, weak-limbed and sporting some impressive strangulation bruises.

It was a very subdued dinner they had that night. Loki was a genius, and the web of confusion and uncertainty he'd spun was doing a fantastic job of leaving them off-balance.

Tony didn't bother to sleep that night, sitting in his lab trying to think of _anything_ that could help their current situation, but Loki's net was too tight to let a mistake through.

The next couple of days were punctuated by alcohol, hours spent working on SADIE in the lab and reports of another theft in Stockholm, Sweden, that Loki's phone didn't seem to have appeared at. So he had stopped carrying it around.

According to Selvig's notes, Loki had just about everything he needed to recreate the portal making device, and then some. Tony was freaking out more than a little bit about that, because if Loki _was_ ready then his plan would be doozy and they'd never even see it coming.

-O.O-

Loki was, in fact, still lacking one major component, something that he delightedly told Malekith would be the last, and he may need the elf's help.

This was why the pair of the materialised on the outskirts of a small village in Denmark, riding a Chitauri flier as Loki hacked SHIELD's files for the location of one Dr Erik Selvig.

The human felt a fierce satisfaction as he sensed his plan coming to fruition: more time spent gathering soldiers, and Midgard (as he'd started to call it) would finally fall to the peace of subjugation.

Loki grinned as his virus broke open SHIELD’s secure files and gave him the address of the safehouse of the good doctor. They'd met once or twice before, just fleetingly; Dr Selvig was a friend of Jane Foster, Thor's fiancé.

"Mal!" Loki called. "Take us more to the north-east!"

Malekith gave an acknowledging shout and turned the flier to the left, heading for the house that they now knew was that way.

They touched down on an unkempt lawn outside a small house. The air was cold for noon, even in summer, and Loki fought back a shiver as he jumped to his feet and went to knock on the door.

Remembering the plan, he vanished the Sparkly Shit Suit back to Thanos's realm, mussed his hair to look bedraggled, and rapped his knuckles smartly on the polished wood.

-O.O-

Erik Selvig had had enough. He'd been asked to work with the Tesseract, under the impression it was fairly harmless work, and he'd ended up under the thrall of an insane elf while working towards destroying the world.

So really, no one could blame him for wanting out. Not when he was struggling to sleep through the night and his collection of medication was increasing.

He'd moved to Denmark under SHIELD's surveillance until Malekith was caught, thinking that this was probably far enough away from the USA to keep him out of trouble.

No visitors, except for the occasional SHIELD agent, no loud noises, no bright lights, just books and tv and the occasional call from his old work friend's daughter, Jane.

This was until now, when he heard a knock on the door.

He reluctantly put down the _Prose Edda_ and went to see who it was. Probably another agent checking to see he hadn't been eaten by some miscellaneous creature of the woodlands.

Instead he found a tall, slender man he knew he should recognise, wearing just boots, jeans and a t-shirt and looking like he'd been running from the hounds of Hel themselves with his obvious exhaustion and the dark shadows under his eyes.

"Hello, Dr Selvig," he said with a smile that sent shivers down Selvig's spine.

Recognition hit with that distinctive smooth accent; Selvig's brow furrowed as he said " _Loki?_ Brother of Thor? What are you doing here?" Looking over the pale man, he added "What the hell happened to you?"

Loki averted his eyes in repressed anger at the mention of his brother, before forcing his composure back to its polished perfection. "It's irrelevant. May I come in?"

Loki's answer seemed off, somehow, tripping alarms in Selvig's memory, but he had no concrete reason to leave the man shivering on his doorstep, so he invited him in.

"Lovely. I should like buy somewhere like this in the future," Loki said, looking around the cottage thoughtfully.

"Loki, you need to explain what's going on. Has something happened with Janey?" Selvig said worriedly.

In an instant, Loki had whirled around and kicked him in the chest so hard he crashed through the thin plasterboard divider between his dining room and living room.

Selvig wasn't young anymore, and he couldn't get up, feeling like a turtle. "What..." he managed to gasp.

Loki was standing over him, no longer clad in reassuringly casual clothes, but in a leather bodysuit and coat and a horned helmet that Selvig recognised from the battle of Manhattan.

"My apologies, Dr Selvig," Loki said, hoisting him off the ground by the front of his shirt. "But you have some information I rather need."

"What-" Selvig repeated as Loki sat him in a wooden chair and waited for something.

There was movement in the corner of his eye, and the two-toned alien that had started all this wandered over to him and bound his arms and legs to the chair.

"Nice work, Loki," Malekith said with a chuckle as Selvig struggled.

"Now then," Loki smiled viciously, leaning forward. "Explain to me the computer program you created to activate the Tesseract."

"Never! Loki, what're you doing, this is-" Selvig was cut off by Loki backhanding him, cutting the older man's cheek on his vambrace.

"Dr Selvig, do not doubt my conviction. Explain this or I'll make you beg for me to hear you out," Loki murmured.

Selvig looked Loki right in the eyes, and as he saw the bright blue, he understood.

If Loki had attended the battle of Manhattan's debrief, he would have known that Erik Selvig's house was constantly monitored by agents of SHIELD in case Malekith came back for him.

Unfortunately, at the time the non-hedonistic Avengers had been sitting in that particular meeting, Loki had actually been fucking one Anthony Edward Stark hard into his silk-sheeted bed, so he hadn't heard any of that.

This could be cited as the first and only time Tony Stark's libido had saved someone's life.

-O.O-

Agent Gregson of SHIELD was monitoring activity around Erik Selvig's house, normally a quiet and tedious job, when he spat his coffee out.

Outside the rustic cottage where the scientist lived, something large and alien soared from the sky and landed on the lawn. Two figures leaped off it, one of them tall and seemingly horned, the other with long white hair and pointed ears.

"Is that _Loki Laufeyson?"_ his partner asked in disbelief.

"Looks like it. Call Fury; let him know we have two hostiles at Selvig's. We need a response team, _now._ " Gregson replied. "Get any agents in the area to Selvig's as soon as possible!"

His partner dialed faster than most would have believed possible "Director Fury, we have Loki Laufeyson and Malekith in Denmark at Erik Selvig's safehouse, we need the Avengers here now!"

The phone made a dial tone as Fury hung up in his haste to get everyone organised.

-O.O-

When they got the call, everyone was ready to go in what was literally minutes. They were taking a plane from the Helicarrier, but Tony had volunteered to fly ahead in the Iron Man suit. If flown commercially, this would take seven or eight hours, and Tony was planning to break some air speed records and be there in an hour, maybe an hour and a half.

He really, really wanted to catch Loki and get him back, air laws be damned.

-O.O-

Within a half an hour, a dozen SHIELD agents were surrounding Selvig's cottage, guns at the ready, unwilling to enter the cottage in case of the hostiles.

Gregson, who was in charge, was trying to get a clear shot through a living room window. As the elf's head bobbed into view, he fired his pistol.

-O.O-

Loki knew full well there were agents outside, something he'd been stupid enough to not anticipate, but as they were too scared to come in, he disregarded them and continued interrogating Selvig.

The terrified scientist was divulging information, piece by piece, shock by shock. Malekith had suggested putting him under mind control, but Loki had disagreed, saying they'd get the information faster this way. Selvig'd bitten through his lip, cut his wrists and ankles raw against his bindings, and he still struggled. Loki couldn't help but admire the strength of human spirit as he shocked him again.

"Pl-please," Selvig breathed. Finally, he was begging.

"At last. Dr Selvig, all you have to do is let me know how to control the Tesseract portal with your computer, and I'll stop before your pathetic heart gives out," Actually, Loki's heart wasn't doing so well itself, aching from the near-constant wearing of the Sparkly Shit Suit over the last, what, week and a half? His migraine slammed into his brain, but the magic there pushed it down.

Never mind. He was fine.

Selvig was hitting desperation, that state that torturers on every world tried to bring their subjects to. He started to explain what he had done, but he was interrupted by a _crash!_

Malekith dropped to the floor and Loki dove down to check on him, leaving Selvig tied there.

"Mal, say something," Loki said.

"Go and kill them. We need the info and we need to go," Mal said quietly. He'd only been grazed by the bullet, and was fine.

"No killing," Loki insisted. "They happen to be innocents."

"Now's not the time for your _morality,"_ Malekith growled. "Take them out!"

Loki started trembling as he tried to fight the order, but as it had been given by the wielder of the sceptre, he had to obey. "Of course," he breathed weakly, a drop of sweat rolling down his forehead.

Malekith was surprised. Of all the people he'd controlled using his beloved staff, Loki was the only one who'd even noticeably resisted, much less blatantly attempted to defy an order. Really, it was a testament to Loki's mental acuity and fierce free spirit.

He healed the gash on the side of his head with a wave of his hand, pulling himself to his feet and snatching Loki's phone off the table where Loki had left it to take notes. "I don't understand your Midgardian technology," he said, snarling at Selvig, who was panting desperately and trying not to throw up. "I will release your hands so you may write notes on what Loki wanted. If you try to leave I will kill you slowly and painfully enough for you to remember everything you're leaving behind."

Selvig nodded weakly and Malekith waved a hand to vanish his wrist bindings, placing the phone in the human's shaking hands.

-O.O-

Loki walked purposefully outside, acting untouchable. This was a calculated risk; Loki knew his confidence would cause the agents to falter, meaning he could walk into a better place to attack.

He was completely right, as always. The agents all cocked their weapons when they saw him walking out, but they were expecting either offensive or defensive behaviour, not a sassy assertive strut into their midst.

Loki waited until he could see five of the agents in the Danish afternoon sun before lashing out. In a strategically weakened blast of chain lightning, he knocked all of them out, before teleporting around the house and taking the others out before they could get a shot in.

Eleven agents unconscious on the lawn in two minutes, all without a shot fired. Loki Laufeyson, ladies and gentlemen.

Yes, Mal had said to kill them, but they weren't doing any harm, right? Another shudder wracked through Loki at that.

He checked the wall clock in Selvig's kitchen. 12:42pm.

-O.O-

Tony had broken several laws and perhaps a speed record or two in his haste to get to Denmark. According to his phone tracker, Loki was still there, and he had a chance to get him back now.

He flew over the coastline in a red blur, completely ignoring the scenery beneath him as he streaked towards the point on his tracker.

-O.O-

Dr Selvig was having trouble writing his notes into Loki's touchscreen. The repeated shocks had left his hands jittery and not quite in his control, and the screen was fiddly enough for those without Loki's pianist fingers.

Malekith was getting impatient. "Hurry _up,_ old man, before they send reinforcements."

Selvig may have been stalling a little. He intentionally fumbled and dropped the phone, making Malekith snarl and shove it roughly back into his hands.

"Mal?" Loki called from the kitchen. "We have incoming."

"Go deal with it!" Malekith snapped.

Loki went outside to meet the red streak he'd seen incoming. As he watched, it slowed down, flaring hidden panels and throwing the repulsors into reverse to bring it down from MACH whatever it was.

Tony Stark landed on the lawn facing him. "Loki, power down and surrender," He said, his voice electronic through the helmet.

"Or what? You'll stand still and be choked again?" Loki smirked.

"Or I'll blast your ass to the moon, Lo'. I don't want to," Tony said.

Loki chuckled as he vanished.

Tony swore, uncertain whether or not Loki had left for good. He hovered nervously, getting JARVIS to check whether Loki was in his presence or not.

Loki suddenly appeared, slashing forward with the infamous sceptre and cutting through Tony's thigh armour like wet paper. Tony felt a sharp jolt of pain; Loki must have hit skin.

Tony fired a repulsor, but as always, Loki dodged with his absurdly good reflexes, ducking back in for another hit that Tony repulsed quickly.

Loki fought like a dancer, leaping back and twirling gracefully, looking for all the world like he was performing some intricate choreography that Tony hadn't been let in on.

Apart from that first thigh hit, no more blows landed, and Tony could feel Loki was pulling his punches. The horned man hadn't yet used his _piece-de-resistance,_ his electricity leeching, which would have brought Tony down in moments.

Tony was breathing hard by the time Malekith got pissed off and stormed out to see what was going on. "Just _kill him_ already!" the elf demanded.

Loki stopped dead for a moment, looking at Malekith. "No-" He gasped, sweat running down his forehead as he fought to disobey.

Malekith bared his teeth. " _Do it!"_ He snarled, making a twisting hand motion that made Loki cry out.

Loki panted for breath, clutching the staff with white knuckles as he finally obeyed, moving swiftly to catch Tony in the chest by the arc.

Tony suddenly made the rather unorthodox move of just punching out and hitting Loki in the chest, making the man step backwards and nearly lose his footing.

"Guys," Tony said urgently in his helmet comms, a direct link to the Avengers in the plane en route to his current location. "I'm about to get the shit knocked out of me, just thought you'd like to know."

"Hold on for ten minutes, Tony," Natasha replied. "We're almost there."

"I don't think I can," Tony said, watching Loki prepare for another attack. Loki was nearly at the end of his tether; Tony could see that from the sheer exhaustion radiating from the man's body.

"Just - _try,_ " Natasha said, gritting her teeth as she accelerated even faster.

Malekith and Loki both attacked simultaneously, so Tony zoomed upwards to avoid them. Loki was making things more difficult for Malekith, whether accidentally or on purpose.

Tony had a sudden epiphany: they had to have stayed so long for _something,_ right? And they obviously didn't have it yet, or they would have left. It had to do with Selvig, obviously, so they needed Selvig.

He crashed through the roof into the kitchen, looking for Selvig. The man was tied to a chair in the living room, looking like hell. For some reason, Tony couldn't undo his ankle bindings, so he just smashed the chair.

Selvig gratefully stretched, dropping the phone in the rubble on the floor.

Loki and Malekith stormed inside, both crackling with energy.

Steve and Clint parachuted onto the lawn, followed by a very vocal Hulk.

Natasha soared over in the plane.

Tony cursed a blue streak.

-O.O-

Things turned to chaos pretty quickly. The several unconscious SHIELD agents woke up and dove for cover as Loki took on the Avengers single-handedly. Meanwhile, Malekith snatched Selvig and rebound him while he searched for the dropped phone. They'd be able to leave soon.

Something Tony should have realised was that with his staff and with no holds barred, Loki was a formidable opponent for them, even in a five-against-one situation. Loki ducked and weaved and blasted, never taking a hit but dishing out plenty. He was too quick for any agents to shoot at him, and he was winning, against all odds.

Loki had shocked Hulk into unconsciousness, a feat previously thought impossible, knocked Clint out, and teleported Steve's SHIELD to the top of a tall tree when Malekith came out clutching Loki's phone and saying "We have it!"

"Excellent," Loki panted, lazily swinging his staff at Tony, who had lost function of a leg of the suit owing to Loki's earlier slash.

Malekith frowned. "Stop toying around and kill them!" He called.

Loki ignored him as he dodged a shot from Natasha.

" _Kill them!_ " Malekith shouted.

Loki stopped fighting and started shaking, hard. The remaining Avengers watched with a sick fascination as Loki managed to choke out a "No."

"Obey me!" Malekith said.

Loki clutched the sceptre tightly, swaying as he fought Malekith. Eventually he stepped forwards toward Steve, slowly enough to be predictable, and charged electricity around one large hand.

Natasha took the initiative, flipping forward and smacking Loki in the face.

The man had a vague look of surprise as he slumped, unconscious, to the ground.

 _Bang! Bang!_ Shots wizzed through the air at Malekith as the elf stood there, looking like he'd been caught out. He teleported backwards, looking for the phone that had slipped out of his grasp again - it was rather slick and difficult to keep a hold of - but as more shots hailed around him, he went on the offensive, attacking Natasha and Steve as Tony crouched protectively over Loki's unmoving body.


	20. None Of Us Are Safe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki's back, bitches!! But of course, it has to be complicated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See, guys, it didn't take me long at all = P

Malekith was a powerful fighter with his magic, something they already knew, and even without his staff (Loki was clinging to it) he could deal with the two Avengers fighting him.

He was repelling the shots being fired at him by the SHIELD agents, looking for Loki's phone on the grass as he warded off attacks from Natasha and Steve.

It was almost hilarious to Tony, especially with his keen sense of the ridiculous, that this was his life: an alien was searching for a smartphone in the grass while he sat on business rival Loki Laufeyson and Captain America's shield was lodged in a nearby tree.

He was about to start giggling like a schoolgirl when Tony felt movement underneath him.

He looked down to see Loki blearily waking up to the gunshots. His eyes were green; Tony was certain he'd never seen a more beautiful colour at that moment.

Loki seemed to take a while to connect with what was going on around him. His eyes widened in horror as he remembered exactly what the situation was.

"Stark," He rasped. Tony lifted his faceplate to look at him. "Anthony. Act as if I've fought you off me."

"What?" Tony asked, confused.

"I can stop this. Act as if I've fought you off me," Loki said.

Tony, suddenly clicking, made a big deal of jumping backwards as Loki dragged himself to his feet, leaning heavily on the sceptre.

Loki winked wickedly before he teleported to Malekith, who was picking up the phone. "Mal, we need to go," he said urgently. "Give me the phone and get us out of here."

Malekith complied, not even checking to see if Loki was still his thrall.

Steve and Natasha watched in horror as they saw Loki take the phone and make for the scorched and shot-up flier.

Just as Malekith jumped on and gestured Loki to do the same so they could teleport away, Loki charged the staff and fired.

The flier exploded in a blast of shrapnel that knocked the nearby Loki and Steve off their feet.

When the smoke cleared, a burnt-out husk was all that remained.

"Is he dead?" Steve asked, pulling himself upright.

"I doubt it," Loki said quietly, leaning on the sceptre just to stand. "He's far too quick for that, and far too lucky."

Loki's knees buckled under him as he finally gave in to exhaustion; Steve managed to catch him just before he hit the ground, gently settling him on the grass.

"Agents," Tony said, prompting the SHIELD agents to creep out from their hiding places. "Get Dr Selvig in there some medical care. I'll look after Loki. You," he said, gesturing at Steve, "Go get your shield back, and Nat, get the plane ready."

Everyone started doing their jobs; an agent gently slapped Clint awake, preferring to leave Bruce alone in case he freaked out. The archer woke up swearing angrily about all the things he was going to do to Loki when he got his hands on him.

Tony took off his helmet and gauntlets so he could inspect Loki. The man was surprisingly unblemished, just dirty and sweaty and completely exhausted. Verdict: lots of sleep needed, but no medical care.

 _He might need some psych care,_ Tony thought, thinking of the terrible things Loki had done while under the sceptre's influence. Idly, he tucked a thick lock of black hair behind Loki's ear.

-O.O-

Loki was laid across the seats on the plane by Steve after a thorough medical inspection by Bruce, who had woken up when they'd tried to lift him.

He looked like a hell of a lot younger when he slept, all the harshness and genius gone from his face.

Tony had gently pried his helmet and coat off and put them to the side, and while Clint rang Fury, Tony rang Darcy.

"What is it? What's happened?" Darcy said the instant she answered the phone.

"We've got Loki," Tony said quietly, not wanting to wake the man in question.

Darcy hesitated at the tone of his voice. "Is - is he okay?"

"Physically, yeah, he's as pretty as ever. He's asleep now, so we'll see how he is when he wakes up," Tony said.

"But he's not, you know, being controlled?" She asked.

"I don't think so. Darce, I just wanted you to know we've got him now and he's alright. I have to go, okay?" Tony said, acknowledging her 'thank you' before hanging up.

They stuck to legal speeds this time, so the flight took a good three or four hours, most of which was spent either staring aimlessly or hashing out exactly what'd happened.

Natasha brought the plane down on Tony's balcony when they reached America, the movement waking Loki up. In Tony's experience, the man stirred if dust moved without his permission, so for him to sleep through them talking was really something.

Everyone turned expectantly to him, but Loki just bit his lip, fiddling with his suit edgily and not saying a word.

Loki needed help walking, leaning on Tony as they disembarked; he had pushed himself far beyond the point of human endurance in the last week and a half, relying on the suit for energy and health. Not to mention he evidently hadn't been able to eat most of the food available and had somehow managed to lose more weight. The Lightningrod suit had been tailored to fit him but now hung slightly loose around his stomach.

Tony quickly had his suit removed for repairs and sent it down to the lab, leaving it for later so he could tend to Loki. The raven-haired man was sitting in the dining room, staring dully at the painting on the wall of the Avengers Tower.

While everyone stood around awkwardly, wondering what to say, Steve reheated last night's soup and Loki ate in silence.

Once he was finished he looked at them all in the dining room with him and said "I am very, very sorry."

Steve gave a weak smile and said "It wasn't your fault."

"That doesn't mean I don't owe you an apology," Loki said quietly, clearly still in shock.

"It's okay, Lo'," Tony said reassuringly. "We're not pointing a finger at Clint or Selvig or anyone for what they did under the sceptre, either."

Steve nodded. "You're safe now, that's what matters."

"None of us are safe, my Captain. The plot for the subjugation of our world has been put in motion, thanks to some unwilling help from yours truly," Loki said dejectedly.

In that moment, everyone decided that they'd missed Loki's accent and odd manner of speech.

"We'll fix it," Tony said. "It's what you and me do."

"So what're we up against?" Clint asked Loki.

"If you wouldn't mind, I would rather like a night or two of rest before I go over the events of the last...month, is it?" Loki said tiredly.

"Nearly three weeks," Clint replied. "Tony nearly shat a brick when you vanished."

"And you didn't?" Loki said coldly. He'd _disappeared_ off the face of the Earth, and Clint hadn't worried?

"No, well...we all kind of thought you'd gone partying or something." Clint said. Natasha made a _stop talking!_ motion, but Loki was too sharp.

"You actually believed I'd just abandon you all without a moment's notice? Leave you a man down in an emergency?" Loki looked surprisingly upset, though maybe it wasn't surprising after everything he'd been through. "Don't you trust me at all?"

There was clearly no holding Clint back from clearing the air now. "Why the hell should I trust you? You just got back from dooming our planet, FYI."

Normally, Loki would have snapped out a sassy remark, bringing his argument to a victory and looking good at the same time. He'd have verbally torn holes in Clint until he'd well and truly won.

Today, Loki slumped in his chair, fatigue and defeat written all over his face. Clint faltered; shouting at someone wasn't so satisfying if they just sat there and took it.

"Stark," Loki said quietly. "I think I'd like to go home, if you'd take me."

Tony nodded. "Head down to the garage, I'll be there in a minute."

Recovered a little, Loki pulled himself obediently to his feet and took the elevator away.

"Nice work there, Legolas," Tony snarled at Clint. "Worst day of his life and you just had to add some more shit to that. Well done. Bravo."

He angrily grabbed his jacket off the back of a chair and smacked the down button for the other elevator.

-O.O-

Loki chose the most sensible-looking of the four cars Tony had brought from Malibu, settling himself in the passenger seat. He just needed to think, to save Earth and find a way out of the well-dug pit he'd made for himself.

Loki was coming to terms with the fact he may have outsmarted himself.

But first he needed sleep. In living memory he'd never been this tired, not even after days of Ritalin use when he'd been bouncing off the walls and had finally crashed. The pain in his head was almost blinding.

He barely moved when Tony climbed into the car and started it up. As they pulled out of the tower, Tony tapped his arm and he lifted his head.

"Here," Tony smiled, handing him his horned helmet.

"I wouldn't exactly be upset if I never saw this helm again," Loki said dully. "It dragged me into this."

"Loki, everyone's going to tell you it's okay, you'll move on, you'll deal with it," Tony said. To him, there were parallels between Loki's homecoming and his own from Afghanistan. He'd come home from a traumatic experience that other people couldn't really relate to, only to have no one on his side. Well, Tony could change that. "That's a pile of shit, at least for you or me. You should keep a grip on all your anger; don't just let it simmer, _use it._ Use it to fix the problem, and then you can be happy about your role in all this."

Loki felt a funny warmth in his chest. "You understand it," he said.

"'Course I do. I've been there. Why do you think I became Iron Man in the first place?" Tony said, as though this wasn't one of the darkest truths of his life. Then he pulled into the garage beneath Laufeyson Tower. "C'mon, let's get you out of all that leather. You need a shower."

"I'm a mess," Loki said distastefully, crinkling his nose.

Gods, Tony had missed him and all of his little things. "Here's the deal," Tony said, leading him to the elevator and pushing the button for Loki's lab. "I'll look after the suit, you have a shower, and we'll meet up in your penthouse, okay?" Loki was responding well to being told what to do at the moment, something that worried Tony a lot.

They walked into the lab. Loki looked around gloomily before saying "Server?"

There was no reply, of course.

"Sorry, Loki," Tony said. "If it helps, I've nearly finished its replacement."

Loki didn't question this, just looked mournfully at the cabinet where Server's mainframe had lived.

"Get your butt in the shower, big guy," Tony said, trying to lighten the mood.

Loki nodded and carefully teleported his suit to redress in his filthy work clothes, before heading upstairs.

Tony did what Loki would have wanted: wiped the suit clean with leather polish, tidied up the lab, and checked the locks on everything.

Then he went upstairs to check on Loki.

The man was redressed in clean slacks and a warm jacket, curled in his favourite armchair clutching a glass of some amber-coloured alcohol.

Tony questioned this for a moment; why wasn't he in bed? But, of course, bed was for sleeping and sex, while his armchair was for reading his favourite books and talking to Darcy and listening to classical music.

As Tony approached him, he realised Loki was trembling.

What the fuck was he supposed to do when the most closed-off person he knew was having a panic attack?

Thinking back to a million stupid romcoms, he sat on the arm of the chair and gently rubbed Loki's back until his breathing returned to normal. It felt so strange, reassuring the consummate individualist.

Maybe Loki would sleep soon.

Tony took Loki's glass from his hand and went to put it on the bar, but before he could get up, Loki gently grabbed his wrist and said quietly "Please don't leave me."

"I wasn't going to," Tony said, setting the glass on the bookshelf so he didn't have to get up.

Loki tugged him onto the seat. It wasn't particularly wide, so Tony ended on squished into the seat with Loki half on top of him, but Loki wasn't going to let him leave. Fine. If he needed someone, then Tony would be there.

Eventually Loki's breathing slowed right down to gentle, soft inhalations as fell asleep. Tony allowed himself to drop off too, his face in Loki's hair, breathing the familiar scent of coconut shampoo.


	21. Fetch Me A Sandwich, Bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki's awake and he's got some stuff to do.

Tony woke up the next morning with Loki wrapped around him like a six-foot-three gangly puppy and showing no signs of waking up. He managed to writhe away from him, leaving Loki to curl up and scrunch his face like the cute little bastard he was, and then went into Loki's kitchen to make calls.

First call was obviously Darcy, who had Loki's best interests at heart and was therefore the person Tony actually wanted to talk to.

The girl was hyperactive, chattering in Tony's ear as soon as he rang, wanting to know if she could come home and see him, wanting to talk to him on the phone even though he was asleep. Tony told her to give it a few days before coming home in case Malekith came back. Darcy wasn't happy about it, but she agreed.

Then the Avengers' Tower, for an update on Loki's condition and for more vitriol just for Clint. Tony said he was staying at Loki's until he could say for certain that Loki could be left alone.

Then Fury, who wanted Loki woken up and debriefed _now._ Tony hung up on him.

Finally, he called and ordered a large English breakfast, with lots of calories so that Loki could get on the road to regaining some lost weight.

When it arrived, Tony ate some and left the rest on a low heat in the oven.

Loki didn't wake until around 2pm. The moment Tony saw Loki's black eyelashes fluttering, he went and grabbed a hot cup of tea and held it out to him.

Loki woke up with only a vague recollection of the last 24 hours, and a pressing sense of purpose.

 _Oh yes,_ he thought, _there is something I have to do, and I will burn the world down to do it. Stark was right about focusing all that angry energy into making a solution._

"Darcy, you are a saint," He murmured as he smelt the drink. Then he opened his eyes properly and saw it was Tony offering him a beverage. "My apologies; force of habit. Many thanks."

"Come into the kitchen, big guy. There's lots of food and we need to fatten you up," Tony grinned, offering a hand to pull him up.

"You'd better not have any, Stark. Your waistline doesn't need the hardships," Loki smirked as he stiffly pulled himself to his feet and stretched languidly.

"It's _muscle,_ Lokes, and we can't all have stick figures in the family tree," Tony sniffed theatrically, internally breathing a sigh of relief that Loki seemed much more Lokish today if that sassy rejoinder was anything to go by.

"Oh, of course," Loki said dryly.

As soon as Loki was standing solo, Tony grabbed him and awkwardly hugged him.

Loki made a noise of annoyance. "Unhand me, Stark, or I'll take evasive action."

" _Don't_ you leave again," Tony ignored Loki, smacking Loki on the back. "Or I'll fry you."

"That's my line," Loki chuckled. "It wasn't exactly my choice. Let go of me."

Tony did, pulling Loki by his hand into the kitchen. "Eat. Now."

As Loki ate, Tony noticed he was a _lot_ more lucid than the day before, probably because he'd had some sleep and the shock had worn off.

"Where's Darcy?" Loki said eventually, making sure to swallow before talking. Fancy English people and their fancy English manners. Or maybe it was just Loki.

"Still in England. I figured you'd want her out of the action," Tony shrugged.

"And you were quite right," Loki acknowledged, working through his hazy memories of the previous night. "What did you say last night about Server?"

Tony thought back. "The tower needed something to look after it, so I started making a replacement. Couldn't copy your design, of course, so I copied JARVIS's. It's called SADIE; Stark Always Does It Eventually."

It was a surprisingly big gesture for Tony to just give away a huge piece of information like that. Loki gave a small smile. "I gather it is not installed?"

"Nope, but it's finished, if you want it."

"I'll think about it," Loki said plainly, returning to his bacon.

"So what's your game plan? You have to have one," Tony asked after a short silence.

"An idea about how to fight Malekith's and his master's plan has already begun to form in my mind. Give me a few days, a lot of sleep and plenty of food, and I'll gladly present this to the Avengers and Director Fury."

Tony idly noted that Loki didn't seem to include himself in the Avengers. Probably a slip of the tongue. "You'll have it. And, Sparkles?"

The corner of Loki's mouth quirked at hearing his old nickname. "Yes?"

"If you need anything, anything at all, just ask me," Tony said.

-O.O-

Probably in a bid to get his strength back, Loki spent the next three days alternating between eating, sleeping and hashing out what seemed to be a very well-developed plan.

He spent hours in his office, doing god knows what, abusing Tony's presence by making him bring snacks and asking the _weirdest_ questions, such as:

"Would the Iron Man suit survive teleportation?"

"Is the Hulk technically invulnerable, or just highly resistant?"

"Could you carry me in an emergency?"

"Would you make me a sandwich?"

"Is it possible for you to bring me a glass?"

The latter was when Loki threw a little bean bag at Tony, who was sleeping on the couch, to get his attention so he could get up and bring Loki a glass that was literally five metres away from him.

Yes, Loki was being a dick. It was fairly clear that he was so wrapped up in his plans that he didn't have much care for Tony's wellbeing.

He barely spoke aside from questions, except when Darcy rang.

"Lokiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!" Darcy shrieked into the phone line as soon as Loki picked up.

"Yes, Darcy, I'm happy to be back too," Loki chuckled.

"I swear, I've never been happier to hear your stupid accent," Darcy said delightedly.

"Darcy, dear, my accent brings anyone I want into my bed. I'd say it's repaid any debt it might owe me," Loki teased, smiling genuinely.

As they caught up, Tony wandered down to the lab with an external hard drive containing SADIE, which Loki had given him permission to install. Server's, well, corpse was perfectly equipped to run _her_ (gender specific pronouns for computers. Tony wasn't even sorry) so it was as simple as installing her over and flipping a few switches. The download would take a few minutes, but Tony set it to run when it was done.

When he made it back to the penthouse, Loki was speaking to Frigga with the most affectionate smile that Tony had ever seen grace his face. When he saw Tony he instantly banished it.

Once the call was over, Loki went to test SADIE. Weirdly enough, they made fast friends.

"Master, you are my principle priority. Your wish is my command," She said in her smooth English accent.

"Ah, Stark, I think you could learn a lot from Miss SADIE," Loki smirked.

-O.O-

On the fourth day after Loki made it home, the first day of August, Tony woke up on the couch to find Loki in full Lightningrod regalia looking down at him.

"Yah!" Tony yelped. "Jesus fuck, Sparkles, my heart!"

"If you can't handle a sudden jump in heart rate, I think you're getting on a bit, old man," Loki smirked.

"Uh, nope. Just, it'd be easier if tall scary people in pointy helmets didn't scare the shit out of me," Tony stuttered, sitting up and rubbing his eyes.

"You think I'm scary?" Loki said amusedly.

"When you wanna be, yeah. But you already knew that," Tony said. "What's with the get-up? Not that it's not sexy, ‘cause it is, but you've been kind of distracted as of late."

"Stark, if I left suddenly, everone would panic, and you'd have to be the only person I trust to not stop me." Loki said seriously, his expression growing darker as he spoke to Tony.

"I'm...flattered, I suppose," Tony said. "And a little worried."

"I want to delay the army coming to Earth, giving us time to prepare. To do this, I'm restealing the Tesseract," Loki explained, silencing Tony's objections with a hand wave. "It isn't a complicated operation. In, out, don't get shot."

"I could make a few jokes about that," Tony said. "You're not planning to bring the cube back here, are you? ‘Cause they'd just do a repeat of May and we'd be no better off."

Loki laughed. "A door opens from both ways, I know that. I want them to _think_ I've brought it back here, so when they open the door, they end up on an alien planet with no idea what happened, and a great deal of time spent recalibrating will be necessary."

Tony suddenly remembered that Loki sure as hell knew what he was doing. "That's a great idea. You're right, I'm not going to stop you. I'd offer to come with if I didn't know full well I'd be in your way."

"This," Loki said with a gesture regarding the conversation. "Is why we work well together. I'll be back within an hour, probably; don't panic if it takes longer."

"Don't you dare vanish for good. And good luck," Tony said. He was caught in a quandary; he wanted to do some kind of affectionate gesture, like you did with someone going into war, but somehow a back pat seemed too distant for someone he'd fucked on several occasions and another hug was a little too...gooey, for two people like them.

He compromised by grabbing Loki's hand and pulling him into an awkward one-armed hug.

Loki gave a short chuckle and a respectful nod before vanishing with a fizzle.

-O.O-

Loki appeared where he'd planned to: in a vent above the huge hall that had the Tesseract laboratory at one end. It teemed with creatures of all kinds that were in Thanos's employ, but the lab itself was sparingly guarded.

Crawling through the vent while looking down, he recognised every species there, and even recognised a few specific members. It felt weird, like he was at a conference on Earth, where he knew what company everyone came from but few actual people.

Some of them, he actually remembered as being interesting conversants. Many of the older ones had family.

War was weird.

Briefly he even spotted Malekith talking to a Skrull captain, looking tired and worn out.

Loki almost felt sorry for him before remembering they were enemies.

Once he was over the lab, he eyed the restraints pinning the cube down, calculating the method of undoing them that would take the shortest amount of time.

He had about fifteen seconds at the most. Having done a huge amount of cat-burgling as of late, this wasn't too difficult.

Loki appeared, undid three different restraints in a few seconds, and would have made it out fine had a Kree mercenary not cried out a warning and shot him.

A searing pain fired across his ribs and he yelped, but he kept calm and picked up the Tesseract. As he vanished, he saw Malekith's mismatched eyes looking at him in confusion.

-O.O-

Quite frankly, Loki had no idea where to go. Wherever it was populated, the Tesseract could be accidentally activated, but finding somewhere he could go that he wouldn't suffocate or explode on would be a challenge.

Not for the first time, he rued the impracticalities of not having an airtight suit. Imagine using any of his powers underwater!

To fix this locational confusion, he appeared in a marketplace, looking for a map. Yes, the language barrier was in his way without Mal to translate for him, but everyone wanted maps, so it wasn't too hard for Loki to hunt one down.

All this space travel and intergalactic communication felt more like home to Loki than the stupid meetings and constant human presence of Earth, and he couldn't help but wonder why that was.

-O.O-

Tony was definitely not waiting up for Loki.

Nope.

He wasn't panicking even though it had only been 33 minutes and 38 seconds.

And he wasn't watching the clock.

None of these things were happening.

Except they were and Tony couldn't help but wonder when he'd changed from wanting to strangle Loki to fearing for his life.

Probably around the time Loki saved his life during the battle of Manhattan.

In any case, Tony was trying to distract himself by reading something from Loki's library.He'd opened _Yertle The Turtle_ first, but he'd felt like he was violating Loki's privacy by reading such a cute little kid's book, so he was currently warring his way through the start of _The Hobbit._ There was a movie for it coming out soon, right?

Tony had reached the point of biting his fingernails when Loki appeared, clutching his side in pain.

"Loki!" Tony said in alarm, diving forward to see what was the matter.

"Calm down, Stark. It's a minor graze, nothing to panic over," Loki reassured. He shimmered into his workshop clothes and sat heavily on the couch. "The Tesseract is now in a small cave on a moon a long way from here, even by the standards of space. And Thanos is fully aware I took it, what with the entrance I made, so with any luck he'll assume it's here on Earth."

"Clever bastard," Tony said congratulatorily. "Show me your cut."

Loki hitched up his shirt with a resigned sigh to show Tony a long, shallow burn along his ribs. It had self-cauterised, so there wasn't even any blood.

"It's nothing. A flesh wound." Loki said shortly. "It stings a little, though."

"I could always kiss it better." Tony said, only half-joking as he stuck his tongue out. He missed getting freaky with Loki, and it was more out of respect for his skill that any sentiment.

Loki fake-swooned. "Oh, Mr Stark, whatever would the tabloids say?"

"'Prominent businessman caught licking laser burns?' You can't deny, it's got a ring to it," Tony said.

Loki burst out laughing at that, clutching his hurt side as he lay back on the couch. "I do wonder what the public would think of...well, everything they don't know about our lives."

"They'd probably have us burned for indecency," Tony shrugged.

"True. Now, go home and tell everyone that our plans for Thanos's assault will be presented this afternoon," Loki said, returning to all seriousness. "Personally, I have a presentation to prepare for."

-O.O-

Loki stood at the head of the conference table, wearing his most domineering suit and holding a long golden pointer.

He commanded attention, and everyone in the room was focused completely on him.

"Today, Avengers, operatives of SHIELD, we are at war." He said.


	22. The Prince Of Midgard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki Laufeyson is a man with a plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, short chapter. There's a few of those lined up so please don't murder me.

Everyone went to ask a question at once. Loki cut them off with a menacing wave of his pointer. "Of course, the war started back in May; we just didn't know it. But now I know that was merely a rather poorly planned warm-up, considering what will be happening on Earth in time."

"Mr Laufeyson, cut the theatrics. We need to know what we're dealing with," Fury said gruffly. The man was not happy that Tony had hung up on him when he'd wanted to talk to Loki and had been thus denied until now the chance to even see the recent returnee.

"Aha. Well, Fury, sweetheart, before I go into my explanations I'd like your word that I'll be allowed to command the counterforces," Loki said smoothly.

"Like hell you will be," Fury growled. "We'll be leaving the plans to the people in charge of them."

"Are these the same people that decided to annihilate New York instead of solving the problem? If so, I think I am more qualified than they are," Loki said dryly.

"Give me three good reasons why I should let you run this freak show, and I'll think on it," Fury frowned. "I postponed two meetings and came down here for information, not for your pride."

Loki ignored the jibe and raised an eyebrow."Really so simple? Fine: firstly, I have intimate knowledge of the enemy side, from their plans to their soldiers to their technology. Secondly, I'm a highly skilled tactician with little to no conscience, as the good Captain could tell you. And lastly, I want to impale Thanos with my sceptre, and what I want I _get,_ one way or another."

"You tell him, tiger!" Tony said with a dramatic sniff. Loki forced down a smile as he waited for Fury's reply.

"I'll think about it. It's not exactly a secret that I'm not fond of the Council, but you're asking me to basically hand over control of the fucking _country_ to you, so you can see how I might not be so keen," Fury lectured, looking at Loki, who smirked in reply.

"Perhaps if I go through my plan you would be more enthusiastic?" Loki said with an eyebrow raise.

"That depends on what it is," Fury deadpanned.

"Well, I've only had a few days, but we shall see," Loki smiled. Then he grew serious as he recounted his tale on the whole.

"Firstly, Dr Selvig must be kept in complete observation and security until this debacle is over. The information in his head is literally worth the Earth, and quite frankly, I think he's been through enough.

"Anyways, the reason behind my abduction was simple: in Malekith's time on Earth, I struck him as a tactician and soldier previously unrivalled in skill by any other. When their invasion failed, mostly due to poor knowledge of Earth and poor planning, Malekith returned to his master with the suggestion of taking me and using me as the blade with which to strike our planet. As I'm sure you've gathered, this went well – from their point of view - and I was taken. Thanos was rather pleased with me; he dubbed me his Prince of Midgard."

"Prince," Clint said disbelievingly.

"It seems so," Loki shrugged, the picture of indifference.

"And...Thanos is the would-be king?" Clint asked, and Loki nodded. "So you're in charge here, when he dies?"

"I doubt it, and most certainly not anymore," Loki said dryly. "I used the next, oh, week? or thereabouts, to create my plan," Loki did something with the pointer, and a screen appeared behind him showing a map of the world. There were eleven points pulsing on it in various locations. "These points," he said, indicating the dots pulsing green, "Are the locations of the top ten most powerful military installations on Earth, while this last red point is New York City.

"The plan is deadly simple, yet highly effective: open portals using the Tesseract above each point simultaneously, use eleven separate battalions to destroy each one, and then move to smaller locations around the world until the armaments and soldiers of Earth are very dead. The remaining humans are rounded up and enslaved, and Earth becomes Thanos's planet. Any queries?"

"That seems...really simple," Steve frowned.

"Captain, if it happened without forewarning, how much resistance would Earth be able to gather against such an onslaught?" Loki pointed out.

Natasha made a _not bad_ face and said nothing.

"So why does Thanos want Earth anyway?" Steve replied.

"Thanos owns no world, and Earth is a mineral rich, aesthetically pleasing planet in a strategically valuable location, as far as I can tell," Loki shrugged. "Also, his lack of victory after his first attempt really did piss him off, or so Malekith said."

"I thought I killed all the Chitauri?" Tony asked, a little miffed that nearly dying for Earth didn't seem to have helped much.

"You did kill most of them, Stark, but not all. In addition to that, Thanos was rather stupid to think a hundred thousand or so Chitauri were enough to take six billion humans. His army this time is far greater in numbers, as well as employing mercenaries and military forces from other races coerced by my bewitched self into serving under him. There are more than enough of them to win this time if everything goes to his plan," Loki explained, twirling his pointer gracefully like a baton to cover his nerves.

"But it's not going to go to his plan, right? You look like a man with a plan," Bruce said, speaking for the first time.

"I always have a plan," Loki smiled toothily.

"Spill it, Loki," Natasha said forcefully.

"When the portals open and the forces advance, the Tesseract will lose the innumerable creatures guarding it, leaving only a few. I've got the staff capable of shorting out the Cradle - that's what the portal-creating device is called in our language, oddly enough - so myself and Stark will simply teleport to where it is and close the portals. This'll mean there are plenty of enemy creatures trapped on our side, but picking them off would be child's play," Loki said.

"Dunno what kind of child's play you did, but that plan seems like it's missing a few steps," Clint frowned.

"Of course it is. It would be a foolish risk to tell any of you the full plan," Loki said with a theatrical eye roll.

" _What_?" Clint exclaimed.

"I think what Sparkles here is trying to say is, Malekith could snatch any of us and make us tell him what's going on, so the less we know, the better, right, big guy?" Tony said.

"Close enough," Loki said prissily.

"But, uh, I have to ask - why me?" Tony said, referencing how he was helping Loki shut down the Cradle.

"Because, as I said back in May, we work together well. I'd have you as my second in command if possible," Loki replied.

"I'm suspicious of why you're being so nice to me."

"Rightly so. Any more inquires into how I would make my puppets dance?" Loki said with a teasing smile.

"How long do we have? What do we do now?" Fury asked.

"Coming on board with the concept of my leadership, are you not?" Loki smirked. "Phase one involves my good self removing the Tesseract from Thanos's grasp and placing it upon a remote moon to afford us some time."

Everyone except Tony suddenly voiced their objections, which Loki waved off with a chuckle. "I sensed you wouldn't be enthusiastic, so that phase was completed this morning."

Everyone turned to glare at Tony, who shrugged and said "It made sense to me."

“Can’t you just keep doing that so he can’t come here?” Clint asked.

Loki snorted. “He would grow weary quickly of that game, find a new way here, and kill us in our sleep. So perhaps not.”

"Timeframes," Natasha reminded.

"Let's see...I estimated two weeks for the remainder of the army to assemble, and that was half a week ago...In addition, I would give Malekith another two weeks to activate the Tesseract without a computational prompt..." Loki trailed off into his world of numbers. "I would give us a solid three and a half months at the minimum, to six months maximum. They'll be greatly hindered by a wild human chase onto a barren moon."

Everyone just sat there for a moment in silence, thinking about the huge amount of startling information they had just been given.

Steve, surprisingly, was the one who spoke up first. "Well, Commander Laufeyson, it looks like you're running this circus," When he said that, Loki broke into a relieved smile. "What do you need us to do?"

"Nothing, for the most part. There is one main point to remember: if I ask you to do something, no matter how obscure, I need you to listen to me and do as I say. As the time nears, I'll most certainly ask you to do more, but at this moment in time you're at ease." Loki said. "I'm serious. If I come into your bedroom at three in the morning when you've got your tongue down the throat of god-knows-who, I still want you to make me a sandwich if I ask for one."

"Just don't go mad with power," Tony said.

"Me? Never," Loki replied innocently.

"How do you think you're going to unite all these people into listening to you? Some of the countries involved are at war with each other," Fury pointed out.

Loki broke into the wicked grin he gave before he said something really inappropriate. "I didn't receive the moniker 'Silvertongue' just because I give excellent head, Director, though that's probably part of it. I'm confident in my ability to talk them around."

Everyone made a face at that, barring Tony, who started laughing to himself.

Just then, _Killer Queen_ started playing from Loki's pocket. "Darcy," He murmured as he retrieved his phone. "My apologies."

"Loki!" Darcy exclaimed as he put it to his ear. "People keep asking questions!"

"Just tell them it's supposed to do that and I'll ring legal later," Loki said.

"What?"

"Pardon?"

"Lokester, you haven't been seen in public for three weeks, and people are starting to get a little suspicious," Darcy clarified.

"Oh," Loki said. "That can be rectified."

"Damn right it can. There's a charity thingy tonight for Rebuild New York, and you're going to be there, okay?" Darcy urged.

"Certainly. I'm already dressed the part," Loki replied.

"Why? Oh, never mind. See you in two days," With that, Darcy hung up.

"Not always one for a lengthy phone conversation," Loki said to the room.

"Dressed the part for what?" Tony asked.

"Apparently the public hasn't been graced with my beautiful visage enough recently. I have a charity event; you're welcome to join me," Loki checked his bespoke clothing for any impurities that would mean he'd have to redress before going out.

"Yeah, might as well," Tony shrugged. "I've been keeping a low profile too. I'd better go get dressed properly, then, right?"

Everyone sauntered out, but as Loki made to leave, Clint called him back.

"What do you want, Barton?" Loki said coolly.

"I just wanted to apologise for being a dick to you when you got back," Clint said, hoping Loki would say something, but Loki just arched a parabolic eyebrow. "I mean, I went through the same things, right? I know it wasn't your fault."

"Of course it was no fault of mine, you insufferable moron, I was brainnapped," Loki frowned.

Clint took a deep, frustrated breath and tried to continue. "Right, yeah. So I'm sorry for being so rude, and this whole plan to beat Malekith-"

"Thanos," Loki corrected. "This is against Thanos."

"Thanos, whatever, is looking good. I'm also sorry for not trusting you wouldn't just leave us and stuff."

"Acceptance pending," Loki shrugged, collapsing his pointer and getting reading to leave.

"So, aren't you going to apologise? So we can make a clean start?" Clint said dryly, raising an eyebrow.

"Whatever for?" Loki's voice was full of mock-innocence.

Clint's jaw dropped. "For the whole make-out-with-me-and-nearly-get-me-fired thing? Remember?"

"Barton, I've had my tongue in enough mouths to know that you kissed back, and therefore I am guilt-free," Loki said with a devilish smirk.

"I didn't-" Clint sputtered.

Loki's smirk deepened. "I've got it on camera."

"You're an asshole, you know that?" Clint growled, clenching his fists in frustration as he left the room.


	23. Math Dodgeball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The party just can't handle the LightningIron.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I finished this quickly. *bows* but because of the apocalypse it may be the last chapter. Unless it doesn't happen. In which case lots more chapters.

Tony and Loki had forgotten they weren't friends.

Or at least, publicly friends. At some point in the last few months it had become less mutual enmity and more grudging appreciation of the other's brilliance - and not just in the lab. On a vast number of flat surfaces too.

But this had all been behind closed doors - in public, people generally saw them argue about science and make dirty jokes and argue some more.

So, yeah, everyone was surprised when they turned up together at the RNY fundraiser.

Stepping out of one of Tony's cars, they did get asked a huge number of stupid questions, mostly centred around _where has Loki been_ and _are you two working together now?_

What made Tony sad was that they asked the latter a lot more than the former. Not for the first time Tony wondered if Loki had anyone outside of Darcy, his mother, and the Avengers who actually gave a fuck about anything except his money. Certainly the rest of his adopted family didn't seem overly interested.

Those thoughts didn't show on his face as he put on his billionaire smile and walked with Loki in the hall.

They split up once they got inside, Loki slipping effortlessly into the charming smile that pulled wallets out of pockets and tossed underwear out the window, Tony slipping to the bar with the ease of long practice. He wasn't quite in the mood, too much to think about.

He'd gotten his hand on a scotch on the rocks when someone called to him. "Mr Stark!"

Tony turned to see a beautiful blonde woman smiling winningly at him. He had a vague feeling she probably had an entry in his little black book somewhere. "Hi there, Miss..."

She looked put out that he didn't remember her. Whatever. There were only about a dozen one night stands he could be bothered putting a name to. And Loki, obviously.

"Simpkin. Alice, remember?" She said.

"No," Tony said, sipping his drink.

"Um. Well. Would you like to dance?" Alice said, beckoning at the main floor. They'd arrived a little late and Tony had ignored the last few speeches, so everyone was taking to the floor now.

"Fine." Tony said, throwing back the rest of his drink and leading her to the floor.

Having grown up with the general expectation that half his life would be spent at charity events like this one, Tony was an excellent dancer through long and varied practice.

Alice was pretty good, not getting under his feet and adapting to his style easily. When it came to change partners, Tony switched her for the girl Loki was twirling, someone who breathlessly introduced herself as Sophie.

Next change, Tony spun Sophie into Alice - to both girls' surprise - and borrowed Loki for himself. Loki was just as skilled a dancer as Tony, and it felt a little too familiar, having Loki pressed lightly against him, though in fairness they'd been chest to chest a few times in the past.

Loki led, despite Tony's protests, dancing more assertively than his last two partners, which was just how Tony liked it.

"Enjoying your homecoming?" Tony asked.

"They're even worse than I remember," Loki said with a theatrical sigh.

Tony chuckled. "So you're dragging poor Sophie home in revenge."

"She seems more than a little enthusiastic," Loki agreed, and then leaned a little closer to murmur "Dull, maybe, but short of going home with you, intellectual stagnancy will be the only option."

"Well-" Tony started, but Loki pulled back with his familiar low chuckle.

"Arriving with you, dancing with you, then leaving with you. Mr Stark, whatever would the tabloids say?" Loki said, trading Tony out for a very surprised man.

Tony caught the man's wife confusedly and danced for a bit before heading back to the bar, telling his heart rate to _calm the fuck down it's only Loki._

It was just Tony's stupid luck that Loki had a brain. If he was significantly dumber and not Loki Laufeyson then there'd be no issue with having him as an enthusiastic fuck buddy.

A few reporters swanned over and asked about both the two billionaire's entrances ("Associates." Tony frowned. "We're both Avengers, we had a meeting together.") and where Loki had been ("Working hard, as always. Just a little too busy to make it out in public.") and then Alice found her way back over to him and started flirting unashamedly.

Toward the side of the hall, Tony saw Loki vanishing out the door trailed by Sophie. Fighting off an out-of-place stab of jealousy, he turned to Alice and said "So, do you wanna come back to my place?"

-O.O-

Loki woke up in an inexplicably bad mood and promptly snuck away for a shower while SADIE kicked the girl in his bed out.

As he was rinsing his hair, the phone rang for him. "Answer it, please."

"Lo'!" Tony said cheerily. "It's Thursday, man, science day! You coming over?"

Seeing as the Tesseract had been stolen, Loki wasn't exactly certain what they would do. That said, he was in the mood for science and no irritating dullards, and Stark was never dull.

"Most certainly," Loki said. "You'll have to give me a few minutes; I'm in the shower."

"I'm liking that mental image," Tony purred. "You woke up late today. Sophie tire you out?"

Sophie, that was her name. "I'm still recuperating, I think."

"Ah, well, nothing stressful today. Let's just play around," Tony said, and then hung up, leaving Loki to finish his morning hair care ritual.

-O.O-

Tony had rung Loki as soon as JARVIS had banished Alice, so when the call was over he headed down to breakfast.

Loki poofed into the kitchen within a few minutes and teasingly stole Tony's apple, taking a huge satisfied bite before handing it back to him.

"That's gay, Loki, that's real gay," Tony chuckled. "Get your own fruit."

Bruce handed Loki a cup of tea with his gentle smile. "Here. I was making myself some anyway."

"Many thanks, Dr Banner," Loki said gratefully.

"What're you doing here?" Clint said.

"Science!" Tony declared, finishing his apple. "Loki, eat something, you need to put on weight."

Loki snatched a banana from the enforced fruit bowl and leaned over to poke Tony in the stomach. "You, my good sir, should have used birth control."

Fat jokes. Loki liked making them because Tony was stocky and Loki was a fucking beanpole.

"Oh, we did," Tony said, raising an eyebrow. "Remember?"

Loki smirked as everyone looked a little uncomfortable. "With great detail."

"It's officialm" Clint groaned. "I know more about Loki's sex life than Nat's or Darcy's and they're much closer friends of mine than Mr Slut over there."

"And isn't that knowledge enriching?" Loki purred.

"No. I want to bleach my brain," Clint said stubbornly.

"Of what?" Steve said, walking into the kitchen all freshly showered from training.

Loki opened his mouth to reply, probably in vivid detail, but Tony cut him off by saying "For your sake, Cap, you really don't want to know."

"You people really shouldn't keep secrets," Steve said, frowning slightly.

"It's not a secret, Cap, I just think it'd burn your ears off." Tony said. When Cap tried to inquire further, Tony added "It involves Loki's somewhat intense libido."

"Oh." Steve said, radiating disinterest while grabbing some bread to toast it.

Loki was unpeeling the banana he was having for breakfast, which made Tony and Clint crack up laughing.

It took the raven-haired man a short while to click, but when he did he took a disproportionally large bite and then said nostalgically "What was life when I had a gag reflex?"

When Clint threatened to pelt him with apples, Loki gave a demonic smirk and twirled his phone threateningly. What he was actually threatening, no one knew, but considering the number of wicked tricks that were installed on his phone, no one wanted to find out.

"So what's the word on last night?" Tony said, breaking the ominous spell. "Any gossip?"

Clint and Bruce both laughed. "The theories around Loki's disappearance are everywhere," Bruce said.

"The most normal one is that Loki was taking a break," Clint added. "My favourites include Loki was getting married, Loki died and cloned himself, Loki's a robot and was under repairs, and Tony and Loki were having a romantic getaway to the Seychelles."

"Why the Seychelles?" Loki said, grinning at the ludicrous suggestions.

" _That's_ the bit that you focused on?" Tony laughed. "Those are ridiculous."

Natasha shrugged. "Loki's a journalist's dream."

"That I am," Loki smirked. "My devilish combination of money, brains, a bizarre past and a face so good people have tried to lick chocolate sauce off it."

"Tried?" Tony said questioningly.

"I don't want it in my hair," Loki said prissily, flicking his inky black mane about.

A conversation with Loki was always weird. This one was sneaking past weird and into the downright absurd, so instead of trying to hash it out Tony took Loki and left for the lab.

-O.O-

Once they were in Tony's lab, Tony sat Loki down back in the special corner Tony had cleared for him. "Sparkles, you know full well Malekith can't get into my head 'cause of the arc. So spill. What're you planning?"

Loki had already been intending to let Tony in on the details; must keep his second-in-command in the proverbial loop. So he opened his mouth and told Tony everything.

Well, everything he needed to know. The trickiest bits were staying in his head.

"That's not it, is it?" Tony asked when Loki finished. "What about the staff? It's not connected to the Tesseract anymore; you broke the link. What are you doing about that?"

Loki shook his head. "Some pieces are mine and mine alone, I'm afraid. Trust me, though; I know what I'm doing."

"I trust you. And I understand. Telling me could compromise things, I know, but remember that I want to come out this in one piece, okay?" Tony said. "Is there anything I can do?"

"I need you to dredge up any energy readings of the Tesseract portals from the battle of Manhattan and from Malekith's initial appearance. Find out if they transmit a signal before they open," Loki said.

"Got it, boss. I'll be right on it," Tony grinned. "You wanna do something fun now, though? We have at least three months and you're under a lot of stress."

"I am not _stressed,_ " Loki said contemptuously. "What did you have in mind?"

"Math dodgeball using holograms," Tony said.

"...Pardon?" Loki said in disbelief.

"You solve an equation, you get a holographic ball that you have to smack  the other guy with. Whaddaya say?" Tony sounded rather hopeful.

"You have not played this before?"

"Nope," Tony starting clearing away exposed whatnots, which were everywhere. "Always wanted to try it, but Bruce is too quiet and everyone else isn't smart enough. 'Cept Tasha, but she's scary."

"JARVIS, give me the first one," Loki said, and as an equation dropped down next to him, he solved it in a few seconds and clocked Tony with it before the other man was ready.

"Ohgod- That's cheating!" Tony said indignantly.

"Boo hoo. You'd better run," Loki laughed, onto his next one.

-O.O-

Loki had the clear-cut advantage of being better at pure maths than Tony, but the man also struggled to control the holograms, so the whole thing ended in a tie with both of them lying on the floor cracking up from where Tony had gotten engine lubricant in his hair.

"I used to think you were such a dick," Tony snorted. "Now look at us."

"Perhaps you're simply used to me?" Loki mused. "I haven't been trying to behave better."

"Sirs, Miss Romanov would like to know if Mr Laufeyson would appreciate a late lunch," JARVIS said over their laughter.

Loki bolted to his feet, brushing his workshop clothes clean. "I have to go. Darcy returns tomorrow and the amount of paperwork on my desk is phenomenal."

"It's okay," Tony said, sitting up. "Hey, Darcy gets in in the evening, right?"

"Well, yes," Loki concurred.

"Why not come here for dinner? Then everyone can say hi to her. We all missed her," Tony said.

"I'll consider it," Loki said, retrieving his phone and teleporting away with a slight fizzle.

-O.O-

Loki turned up for dinner surprisingly amiably, arriving without Darcy (who was getting chauffeured to the tower) and ready to cook a large platter of lasagne for everyone.

It almost felt like it had pre-Lokinapping, with Loki as the disturbingly salacious paternal figure and a well-prepared dinner making the whole living area smell delicious.

Even Clint and Loki were getting along - which was saying something given their recent tension - united by their shared friendship of Darcy.

That was, until Darcy actually arrived.

She walked in and got greeted affectionately by Clint, but instead of her usual enthusiastic half-tackle of Loki she looked awkward and shifty.

"Darcy," Loki said sharply. "What have you done?"

"I'm sorry, Loki. Please don't be mad," Darcy said nervously.

"Darcy!" A loud voice boomed, making its way through the dining room to the living room. "Straight ahead, yes?"

Loki blanched, somehow getting even paler as he clearly instantly recognised the voice. "Darcy, you little-" He hissed violently.

"Brother!" An enormous blonde man said as he appeared in the doorway, the most cheery smile imaginable on his face. "Hello, everyone! Darcy has told me much about you."

Tony looked over at Loki; the man was clearly caught between blinding rage and disbelief.

"Thor." He said quietly. "What are you doing here?"


	24. Escalator Adventures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki puts on an impressive bitch face to the universe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter is short. It's been done for a while but I've been staring at it thinking what a pile of shit it is. It's the best I can do evidently.

"He's your brother?" Clint said in raw disbelief.

"Aye!" Thor said at the same time as Loki snapped "No!"

Tony was freaking out. Loki shared very few details of his family, and Darcy leaked a few more accidentally here and there so Tony knew only a few things.

First thing he knew was that Loki was adopted after his mother died, and his birth father committed suicide, an act that was partially Loki's fault, or so he believed.

Secondly, he knew that Loki's adopted father never paid any attention to him and his mother loved him to pieces.

Thirdly, Loki hated his brother for letting him be bullied so much, and for always letting him be second best when he was doing so well.

In fairness, the latter reason wasn't Thor's fault, but Loki was still angry, and an angry Loki was about as mercurial as a hurricane.

"Look," Tony said in that special voice he reserved for defusing things. It wasn't used often. "No arguments. Let's all have lasagne and try to keep the peace."

Loki was obviously thinking of the creative places where Tony could shove his peace, but he didn't tear his head off, just beckoned for Darcy to talk to him in another room.

As soon as they were out of earshot, Loki grabbed her by the shoulders and shoved her into the wall. "What were you _thinking?!"_ He growled, his face dark with anger.

Something flashed in Darcy's eyes that Loki had never seen there before. "I'm sorry, Loki! He figured out you were missing, I couldn't stop him from coming here, I really couldn't!"

Fear. She was scared of him.

Loki felt sick to the stomach as he let her go. He'd never manhandled her before, not in the eleven years they'd known each other, he wasn't one for getting his message across physically. "I'm so sorry, Darcy," he said softly. "I don't know what came over me."

"Fucking hell, Loki, what happened to you?" Darcy said, trying for humour and coming across hysterical.

"Amongst other things, I planned the destruction of Earth and discovered I'm very good at torture," Loki said hollowly, his expression closing down as he distanced himself from the situation.

Darcy knew Loki too well to have any of his stand alone bullshit. She stepped away from the wall and pulled him into a big affectionate hug. "I'm sorry, Lokes."

Loki looked down at the much shorter woman and smirked. "I can see right down your cleavage," he said, breaking the moment.

Darcy laughed and smacked him on the arm. "Now you go in there and play nice. I'm sorry he's here, I knew you wouldn't want him, but you know how stubborn he is. He just came because he was worried about you."

"Thor Valfodr worries for many things. That doesn't mean I want to spend any more time with him than I have to," Loki said obstinately.

"Be nice, or I'll tell them all about that time you fell down an escalator in the Underground and landed in that poor woman's shopping," Darcy warned, and when Loki opened his mouth to protest she said "No buts. Do it."

Loki narrowed his eyes angrily at her, raised his chin high in that haughty manner of his, and walked to the dining room.

-O.O-

Once Thor had made his introductions, and explained how he knew Loki had been in trouble and he wanted to see him, he was invited to eat with them. Who could say no to those sparkly blue eyes? (Except Loki obviously)

Clint liked Thor instantly, with his honest, friendly manner. Steve liked Thor too, for his trustworthiness and cooperation. Even Natasha and Bruce liked Thor. Despite the surprise that was his arrival, he was an instant winner.

Tony was trying to not like Thor, but it was really hard when the man was so goddamn puppy-like. He knew that Loki was going to be a bitch for the next four days while Thor was here, but that would be a front for how vulnerable Thor made him. Thor had known Loki as a petulant child who made the same embarrassingly cute mistakes all kids made.

Tony tried to think of Loki as a child.

He couldn't. Too weird.

Maybe Darcy would sneak him photos if Loki hadn't burned them all in satanic rituals yet.

When Loki walked back in, looking a little keener and paler than before, Tony quickly grabbed his plate and scooped him some lasagne as a gesture of solidarity. Loki just offered him a weak smile before looking over at Thor and Clint's loud discussion about hunting, punctuated occasionally with weapon specs from Natasha.

"Hey, Loki," Clint said, grinning worryingly viciously. "I can't believe you and Thor grew up in the same house! He's so nice."

Then Tony kicked him in the thigh under the table and Clint yelped.

Loki refused to speak to Thor the whole meal no matter how hard Thor tried, working on the theory that ignoring the problem would make it go away. Tony, however, was drawn into a few conversations with the big blonde man while Loki gave them both an impressive bitch face.

Once they'd eaten, Loki tried to excuse himself, but Darcy warningly said 'Escalator' for some reason and that made Loki pull the finger at her and volunteer to do the dishes single-handedly.

Tony offered to help, only Loki's expression said that wasn't going to happen. He really wanted to reassure Loki and whatnot, but he wasn't getting the chance.

Instead he joined in the game of Hearts going on the lounge. Loki irritably joined in the next game with them, kicking everyone's ass except Natasha.

"Loki," Thor said, having given up referring to him as 'brother' for the moment. "How is your work going?"

"Productively. Fortunately, Valaskjalf is doing well, so I won't be forced to fire you," Loki said, smirking a little but refusing eye contact.

"Wait, what?" Tony said.

Loki raised an eyebrow at him. "I own Valaskjalf Ltd, and Thor works for them. Therefore Thor works for me and I may fire him if I see fit."

"But you won't, _will you?_ " Darcy said dangerously.

"Of course not," Loki said airily. "Probably." Then Loki snuck the Queen of Spades onto the table and made Thor lose. "Oops."

"Loki." Darcy reprimanded.

Loki's face couldn't have looked more innocent.

"More coffee?" Steve offered.

A few people took him up on his offer, and while they waited Thor started talking with Bruce about one thing or another, which drew Tony in, and eventually everyone was discussing helicopters for some reason.

Loki got his phone out, and after a nod from Darcy, teleported away.

"Shit!" Tony said suddenly. "Guys, I've got to go."

It took everyone a second to realise that Loki was gone, and they all sort of nodded and continued talking with Thor, who himself looked worried.

"I think I should leave him to cool off," Thor said. Tony couldn't agree more.

As Tony went to grab the Iron Man suit, he pondered why Loki had left. Obviously he didn't want Thor there, but...

He'd just taken off when he remembered what Loki had told him when he'd once asked about the two past relationships he'd had. There'd been Darcy, which hadn't worked too well, and Sif, who was dating Loki and then broke up with him to be with Thor.

Even Darcy liked Thor. Nobody preferred Loki in the past, and Thor had waltzed right in today and all the new friends Loki had made had seemed to instantly like Thor better.

Or so Loki thought, because Tony would rather have him than Thor. And he needed to tell Loki that.

He touched down on Loki's bedroom balcony and let the suit disassemble before walking in.

Loki was glaring at him as he walked into the living room, making Tony stick to the wall cautiously.

"What," Loki said, draining a glass of...something. "Do you want, Stark? Shouldn't you be fawning over Thor?"

"No. Loki, I know you think everyone's suddenly picking Thor over you-"

"They are. They always do," Loki said sharply. That betrayed how upset Loki really was.

"I'm not." Tony said, which made Loki look just a little surprised. "Lo'lo, I like Thor. He's friendly and cheerful and full of stories, but I can find a big friendly blonde guy anywhere. Hell, we've already got one. You know what I can't find? You. All your snark and humour and _genius_ , I've never seen that anywhere else and I think you're one of the most brilliant people I've ever met.

"I don't put up with all your mood swings and douchebaggery 'cause I have to, I do it 'cause I like _you_ , I think you're amazing _._ So does Darcy. Fuck's sake, Lo', everyone does really. Well, maybe not Clint, but he's a dick, so who cares about him. Don't act like no one's on your side, because I promise, _I am._ "

Tony stood there, slightly disturbed by the words that had come out of his own mouth. It wasn't exactly a declaration of undying love, but it was pretty close to admitting Loki was his favourite. What the fuck?

Loki was equally disturbed. Despite all the money and fame and all that bullshit that meant nothing insofar as interpersonal relationships went, he'd never been preferred for his personality over, well, anyone, not even by Darcy, who enjoyed Thor as much as she enjoyed him.

The taller man advanced forward, and Tony wondered if he was about to be thrown out of Loki's windows in a Malekith-ey way when Loki shoved him against the wall and kissed him deeply. Tony opened his mouth in surprise and pulled Loki in, gripping his hips tightly through his suit.

"Anthony," Loki breathed, pulling back for a second. "Thank you."

Now Tony was really freaking out, 'cause he could've sworn both gratitude and his first name had just passed through Loki's lips.

And even more disturbing was that Tony murmured Loki's name in reply and they were kissing again, no teeth, just a weirdly gentle, familiar movement that didn't scream _let's fuck now_ like it usually did. Tony brought his arms around Loki's neck, enjoying the moment, as Loki's dextrous hands worked on pulling Tony's shirt over his head. This went on for almost a minute of just affectionate kissing.

As they broke apart when the shirt came between them, Loki stared at Tony, looking for something. "Prove that you prefer me. I want you to mark me as yours," he said in a low tone, which set off a million different alarms in Tony's brain, but who cared right then?

Tony gestured distractedly at Loki's bedroom door as he pressed his lips back to Loki's and unbuttoned the man's suit jacket.

They made it to through the door, hands roaming as they kissed passionately, dropping clothes to the floor until finally Loki was on his back on the bed, propped up by his elbows with a teasing smirk on his face.

"God, you're brilliant." Tony breathed, pulling Loki in for another tender kiss.


	25. Vocal Chord Tennis Racquet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after is a fickle time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yet another chapter I'm disappointed in. Just *gasp* take it *sobbing*

"Pep, I've made a mistake." Tony said down the phone line.

"Call PR, Tony, it's not my job to clean up your messes anymore," Pepper said shortly.

The morning had started great, with Tony cuddling Loki under the embroidered black bedspread, pressed together from neck to knee.

Both of them would have denied it furiously, but it was the truth.

Tony had woken up before Loki, a first, and got to see the guy blissed out and adorable. Loki had woken up with a catlike stretch, gifted him with what was almost a smile and immediately padded to the shower, gesturing for Tony to follow.

"Uh-uh. Not that kind of problem, Pep," Tony corrected.

"For god's sake, I'm not a doctor. If you have an STD-" she sighed.

"It's a personal thing. This is a social call," Tony said.

After a very long shower, Loki had made Tony breakfast just wearing his boxers, mostly in an excuse to exercise his secret superpower of being able to coordinate an English breakfast into all landing on the table at the same time. While looking edible himself.

Loki cooked well, something that Tony already knew from the occasions Loki cooked in the Avengers Tower. It was all so horribly domestic.

"Oh really? What's been happening?" Pepper asked.

"It all started like this. I've been casually sleeping with Loki-"

" _What?!"_ Pepper gasped. "Tony, for gods sakes, the solution here is pretty simple. _Stop sleeping with him."_

"That's not the problem," Tony said. "That's the awesome bit."

"Are you sure? It sounds like a problem to me!"

"Yeah, I'm sure. See, usually it's just 'let's fuck cause we can' and then leave or whatever," Tony began. "Sometimes we stay over, but it's more convenience than anything else."

"I don't want to know-"

"But last night was different," Tony said.

"Different how?" Pepper asked warily.

After breakfast, Loki had dressed formally and gestured for Tony to leave. "According to Darcy, I have to show Thor around today. You'd best leave."

"Okay then, Sparkles. I'll see you later," Tony had said, a little miffed at being tossed out.

"And Stark-" Loki had glared at him warningly. "If you ever utter so much as a _word_ about last night to myself or anyone else I will gut you and make your vocal chords into a tennis racquet."

Tony had taken that as his cue to take the Iron Man and leave.

"Pepper, there's no other way to say it. We _made love,_ " Tony said with an affected little shudder.

"What?" Pepper said, sounding confused.

"I mean it wasn't the usual animalistic fucking on the nearest flat surface, it was all _eye contact_ and _kissing_ and _gentleness_ and he said my first name - Anthony, that is, but it's close-"

"I don't need the specifics, Tony."

"Are you sure? You may want to sit on a towel first, though," Tony said, chuckling to himself as he remembered Loki saying the exact same thing to Natasha back in May.

"Very much."

"But Pepper - something's changed and I don't like it," Tony whined.

"Why, was the sex bad?" Pepper replied.

"Haha. No. It was with Loki, and you know what he's like," Tony said.

"...Mmm." Pepper said thoughtfully.

"I find it a bit weird that I'm on the phone with someone and we're both thinking about the same guy naked and it isn't me," Tony frowned.

Pepper laughed at that, before trying to address Tony seriously. "Tony, think of it like this. You could never sleep with him again."

"...No, I wouldn't like that."

"Or you could never see him again." Pepper said patiently.

"Definitely no. It's not physically possible anyway."

"So you want things to stay as they are. Good. Do that and accept there might be some gross _feelings_ in there, and maybe you can teach Loki a thing or two," Pepper said.

"That makes sense, but I still don't like it," Tony said. "Thanks, Pep, I owe you a box of strawberries. You like those, right?"

There may have been a little bit of sarcasm involved then.

"No cigar, Tony," Pepper snorted. "And if this becomes a PR scandal I'll have you skinned."

"Well, that's nice. How is everyone?"

-O.O-

Loki was in an emotional quandary. Somewhere between afterglow, sheer rage, and self-loathing. Needless to say, it was a volatile combination.

The former two emotions were easily explained to outsiders,  the latter not so much; to dumb it down, he was angry at himself for letting Thor get his guard down enough for Tony's words to influence him. There were other things, too, like telling Tony to mark him, which had left him with an impressive hickey under his ear and enough shame to make him flush a little when he thought of it, but that was the main one.

However, his time for self reflection was cut short by Darcy making him show Thor around New York.

Thor had stayed in a guest room in the tower last night but fortunately had not caught Tony's departure, being a late riser and therefore stumbling into Loki's kitchen at around 10.

Loki silently reheated the remains of the breakfast he'd made and served it to him.

"Brother, your cooking has grown even better since I last tasted it," Thor said warmly.

"Yes, well, that was twenty years ago." Loki frowned. "I recall setting a tea towel on fire. There was smoke everywhere."

"Ah, yes," Thor said fondly. "Why aren't you eating?"

"I've already dined," Loki said shortly.

"On what? Did you make this for yourself?" Thor said, evidently working hard for a conversational topic.

Loki was tempted to shout 'On dick, you oaf!' but managed to restrain himself. "Yes, I did. Where would you like to go today?"

"I don't mind. Show me the wonders of this city," Thor smiled. There was a lot of ice to break. His smile could only go so far.

"I've barely seen any of it myself. I don't get out much," Loki said tersely.

There was silence for a while as Thor ate and Loki didn't look at him.

"Brother, what happened to your..." Thor gestured to Loki's hickey.

Loki rolled his eyes. "Take a guess, Thor. But I pity Miss Foster if you truly don't know."

Thor looked confused before he suddenly put two and two together with Tony disappearing for the night. "Are you and the Tony Stark," he dropped his voice secretively. " _Involved?_ "

"Yes? No? Is it any of your business? I think not," Loki said sharply.

Thor just looked a little sheepish.

-O.O-

Fact was, Loki knew fuck all about New York. He didn't spend much time exploring.

So he called Darcy and made her come with them so he didn't get lost and get abducted or something. Muggings were probably more likely, but you never knew. The people out there.

Therefore Darcy dragged them from pricey shop to tourist attraction to a cafe, then to Central Park, and wherever else she could think of, enthusiastically encouraging Thor and Loki into conversation wherever possible.

It worked, sort of, except Loki wasn't exactly forthcoming. Eventually while Thor looked at fancy clothes Darcy slipped back to talk to him.

"Could you actually _be_ more difficult?" she said.

"I think we both know the answer to that question is yes," Loki replied dryly.

"Look, Loki, he'll be gone in a few days. It's not going to burn you up inside too much to just smile at him," Darcy reasoned.

"It might. You can't prove it won't," Loki frowned.

"Fine. Whatever. Just do it. Cuddle your Tony security blanket at night if you have to," she said with a pointed glance at his neck. "But Thor's my friend too and you're hurting him."

Loki gestured at the hickey. " _This_ was a mistake, and will not happen again."

"Yeah, it will," Darcy smirked. "Are we clear?"

Loki just rolled his eyes, wandering over to criticise Thor on his fashion choices.

-O.O-

They didn't properly come to blows until Thor unconsciously went to hold Loki's hand when they crossed a busy road.

Loki snatched his hand away angrily and snarled "What are you doing?"

"My apologies, it was instinct," Thor said meekly. As meekly as one did when their voice was permanently set on foghorn.

"Instinct for _what,_ " Loki hissed.

"I was trying to assist you-" Thor began, unsure where the sudden rage had come from. He hadn't known his brother properly since the boy/man had moved out at age 15, and certainly these sharp mood swings had never been as violent back then. Loki had changed, and Thor blamed himself at least in part.

"I don't need your help to cross a road in the city where I reside!" Loki said, completely giving up on the actual road crossing bit to argue.

"I did not say you did! I was merely trying to protect you-" Wrong thing to say. Now Loki was completely furious.

"Protect me? When in any time in my life have you _protected_ me?!" Loki said.

"Broth-" Thor started, but Loki was starting to monologue.

"You have no right to call me brother! Brothership implies you stood up for me at some point, which is some distance from being true! Instead you left me to constant abuse and mocking by the lowly scum you called friends and turned a blind eye to how much I struggled. I think you have forfeited any chance you had of calling me _brother_ long before I discovered I was adopted!" Loki shouted, and Darcy could see he was almost crying. Never mind that this whole confrontation was taking place on a crowded street and would probably be in the gossip columns tomorrow.

The shouting had burst out of nowhere, clearly something Loki had been mulling over for some time.

"I am sorry!" Thor shouted back. "I never meant for any of that to happen!"

"Oh, of course. But pleading ignorance is not the strongest defence," Loki said coldly. When Thor tried to protest, Loki cut him off and said "What effort did you make to the contrary, Thor? When did you try to understand _anything_ of how I felt?"

"Loki, I did try! I tried to speak with you, but you shut me out-"

"I meant before the crash, you oaf. You spent more time befriending my girlfriend than with me. And you expect me to believe you had my best interests at heart," Loki growled.

"And I apologise, Loki! I realise now I should have tried to care for you better!" Thor said, slightly exasperated by Loki's reiterations.

"I say all this because you spew apologies without knowing how _much_ you apologise for!" Loki said. He held up his right hand, showing his slightly crooked fingers. "That car took away my ability to work with this hand properly, all because your awful friends found it prudent to bully me on my birthday while you stood idly by! How many times has this hand been an issue for me in my work? You do not understand!"

"Look, boys," Darcy said suddenly. "It's great you're talking, but here is not the place for it," she grabbed them both and led them to a narrow alley. "There. Less paparazzi, Loki."

"Loki," Thor said, trying hard to be the calm one in the conversation. "What do you want me to do?"

"Understand the price your ignorance exacted," Loki said. "That is what I want from you."

"Then tell me, so I may call you brother," Thor said.

"Do you recall how I lost my virginity?" Loki said candidly.

Thor blushed a little. "No. Why should I?"

"Neither do I, Thor. I believe I had been suffering from some particularly prominent pain in my neck from the crash and drank enough hard liquor to addle my _fifteen-year-old_ brain. I couldn't even tell you what gender they were. What I do know is that my later teenage years were in fact a kaleidoscope of physical self-abuse and bad decisions, and while it may not be wholly logical, I blame you in part for that, as I do Odin," Loki said. "That's not to say I'm not to be held accountable. But do you understand that there is more at the heart of this than a simple apology?"

"I do, Loki, and I still apologise," Thor said, reaching out to shake hands with his estranged adopted brother.

Loki ignored him and made to leave the alley. As he passed Darcy he muttered "Are you happy now?"

-O.O-

Loki was not happy to see a very formally dressed guy standing in the lobby of his tower holding an envelope.

"I'm considering taking a leaf from Stark's book and refusing to have things handed to me," Loki said indignantly, opening the envelope and reading it. "A summons. How fantastic."

"A summons?" Darcy said worriedly. "What for?"

"I can assume, my imminent plans to protect the Earth from a raging titan," Loki said distractedly.

"You really need to keep me better informed about these things, Lokes," Darcy replied.


	26. Questionable Mental Stability

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony and Loki do shots and Loki is in court. Pretty simple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, I was on holiday and there was no internet. I'm back now and the next chapter after this shouldn't take long.

On the whole, Loki did not like being summoned to court. This summons indicated it was a private discussion, but it still felt worrying.

His first action after shaking Thor off and locking himself in his lab was to text Tony.

_Did our fellow teammates get a summons too, or am I extra-guilty today? - LL_

It only took a minute before he got a reply.

_Looks like everyone did. You want to come here so we can talk it over? - TS_

_Anything to escape Thor. I will be there soon. - LL_

Loki quickly went upstairs to tell Darcy and Thor - who were playing Jenga for undefinable reasons - that he had urgent Avengers business, and don't wait up because he might go out and get laid. Good stress release.

Darcy took that in stride, but Thor tried to protest at his approach to casual sex. Loki cut him off with a "Well, I'm not going to waste my time getting married like you, so I may sleep with whomever I choose."

He then skipped waiting for a reply and simply teleported away with a slight fizzle.

"It is rather frustrating how he can do that," Thor sighed.

"Ugh. Tell me about it," Darcy groaned. Back when Loki had first developed it, he'd used it on a few occasions to sneak up on her and scare her and she was sick of it.

-O.O-

Loki appeared in the living room, surprising everyone except Tony.

"And the man himself!" Tony said, getting to his feet to walk over to Loki and clap him on the shoulder. "Loki Laufeyson, everyone."

Loki gave a low, sweeping bow to a very sarcastic slow clap from Clint. "Thank you, thank you," he said, moving to the centre of the room so he had everyone's attention. "What do we know?"

"Your testimonial is in D.C tomorrow at 10:30," Natasha deadpanned. "Fury says they're deciding whether you're _stable_ enough to run an army."

"Well, they may have a case there," Loki frowned.

"Nah, you're plenty stable," Tony said dryly. "But it's a bit ridiculous, making us all travel on short notice."

Loki snorted. "Stark, between us we have..." He thought for a moment. "Four private jets.  That I am aware of. I think we'll make it there."

"The advantages of having two of the richest men in America on the team," Bruce said with his wry smile. "Do we need to do anything?"

"No," Natasha said. "Just think about what you're going to say if you're asked any questions. And _be nice,_ Clint. Loki needs to run this show or the Council will do it and we'll all be killed."

"Thank you, Natasha," Loki said earnestly. Tony wondered for a second if this was the first time he'd used her first name. It certainly wasn't a luxury he granted anyone else; using last names kept people at arm's length, just where he wanted them. "When do we depart?"

"7:30 tomorrow morning," Steve said briskly. "We're taking Tony's plane."

"I understand," Loki said. "Were you going to involve me at all in the planning?"

A synonymous 'no' rang out across the room.

"Ah. Well," Loki chuckled. "Would anyone care to spar? I have some frustration to work out."

"Uh-uh. No," Clint said. "You're scary when you're angry."

Steve and Bruce said something similar, and Natasha had to conference with Fury. Which left Tony.

"I think you're scary too!" He protested.

Loki blasted him with the puppy dog eyes and he said "Fine. Only 'cause you're my favourite."

-O.O-

After getting pinned for the fourth time, Tony was willing to concede defeat. It wasn't that Tony was weak, or untrained, or slow, because he was none of those; it was that Loki was _fast_ and was in a bad enough mood that he wasn't pulling any punches.

"Okay, okay, you've made your point," Tony groaned as Loki's knee dug into his back. "You're a badass. Now get off me."

"What's the magic word?" Loki said, leaning more of his weight onto his knee to make Tony yelp.

"I'll take all your shampoo out of my shower," Tony warned, face pressed to the mat.

"That's expensive," Loki huffed, getting off him.

"Like that matters to one of the richest guys in the country," Tony snorted, painfully climbing to his feet.

"It's still expensive. That doesn't change just because I own it," Loki said indignantly.

"Why do you even keep it there?" Tony said in exasperated fondness.

"Who knows when I may end up in your shower?" Loki said with a smirk. "These things happen."

"Well. You should definitely go for the gym-enthusiast hippie look more often," Tony teased, indicating Loki's trackpants, t-shirt, and tied-back hair. "It suits you."

"I look ridiculous. I just don't wish to soil my good clothing with sweat," Loki said irritably.

"Loki, babe, you're always fabulous," Tony grinned, elbowing him lightly in the side. "You wanna come up for a drink?"

"Give me time for a shower first, and you have a deal," Loki replied, eyeing his clothes in distaste.

Tony spent the time Loki was in his shower dragging a pair of armchairs out onto the balcony. He really needed some furniture out there. Why even have a balcony?

By the time Loki was properly groomed, Tony had brought an ice bucket with scotch and two glasses. It was rather cliche, drinking on the balcony in the sunset with your buddy, but whatever. He was Tony Stark. He could afford cliches.

"How hackneyed," Loki snorted. "The armchairs are a nice touch, I will admit."

"I need some patio furniture," Tony shrugged, dropping into a seat luxuriously and slipping his sunglasses on. "Have a drink."

Loki did, gratefully accepting the alcohol and settling in his princely fashion in the chair.

"Okay, so I'm guessing the reason you're here is 'cause you don't want to go home? That's fine with me, 'Lo, just, if you want to talk about it...?" Tony said.

"Truthfully, I don't. This may change after I drink a lot more, if the past is a good guide," Loki said dully.

"It's cool. C'mon, we can do shots. I haven't done them properly for years, and I mean, there's no more experienced a drinker than you, right?" Tony said, dashing inside to grab various liquors and two shot glasses.

-O.O-

About an hour later, it was nearly dark and Loki and Tony were giggling like children as they both clutched their empty shot glasses.

"See, I've figured it out," Tony laughed. "You're not Loki, y'know? You're the _anti-Steve._ "

"Am I?" Loki said, drinking straight from a bottle of tequila. "Why?"

"Cause, like, he's all nice and honorable and shit, and then there's you," Tony chuckled. "You're not even American, and you're all slutty and bitchy and...black hair and stuff."

"You're actually right," Loki said thoughtfully. "Add in the fact he's straight and can't drink and he would never experiment in the wide range of illicit substances I've enjoyed...I think you're right. I will desist being Loki. I am the anti-Steve."

"You two should definitely get together," Tony said seriously.

"He's too nice a person, yes? I'd corrupt his values....and then I couldn't be the anti-Steve anymore," Loki said.

"That would suck," Tony said.

"Yes, I agree," Loki said thoughtfully.

"Who am I the anti of, then?" Tony asked.

-O.O-

Steve walked into the living room to talk to Clint and Bruce, who were playing chess.

"Have either of you seen Tony or Loki?" He asked. "It's nearly dinnertime."

"I asked JARVIS before. They're on Tony's balcony getting drunk." Clint replied, moving his knight to take one of Bruce's pawns.

"...Ah," Steve replied. "Should I leave them?"

"Probably. If they want food they'll get it," Bruce said.

"Besides, you really don't wanna know what they're talking about. They're very strange people," Clint added. "And that's saying something, coming from me."

-O.O-

" _I am the anti-Pepper!"_ Tony declared boldly.

"I salute this," Loki said, raising his bottle.

"Maybe Pepper and Steve could get together," Tony said thoughtfully.

"No! They would be so irritatingly righteous together. I shudder to think of it," Loki gasped.

"Oh, god, you're right. Skip that," Tony said in horror.

"Miss Potts is a rather domineering woman. Even I find her a tad intimidating," Loki agreed.

"And you've slept with her, I mean. Why did you do that?" Tony asked suddenly.

"Nothing personal. She's attractive, I was bored, and she asked nicely. She may have been trying to make you jealous; I don't know," Loki shrugged.

"People," Tony said in a mixture of awe and distaste.

"Bunch of bastards," Loki muttered.

"Definitely. Gah. I'm tired already," Tony said with a yawn. "Last night was a big night."

"Very enjoyable, but didn't I tell you not to mention it?" Loki said warningly.

"Oh yeah. Never mind then. You know, if you were a good friend you'd go into the bar and fetch my little vials of hangover cure," Tony said suggestively.

"I'm not a good friend, though. I've been told by everyone imaginable how unpleasant I am. I've given up with the niceties," Loki said.

"I can see you're not going to help. Fine. But you might need it, cause you're going to have to look at least a little bit sober tomorrow," Tony said.

"Shit, I forgot about that. Hold on," Loki said, climbing unsteadily to his feet before walking inside and coming back with a pair of red vials.

"Downnnnn the hatch," Tony chirruped, snatching one and gulping it down. Then he made grabby hands at Loki. "Carry me to bed, Sparkles."

"Carry your own drunken ass to bed," Loki mock-growled.

"You've never had any problem with taking me to bed before," Tony said suggestively.

"No, I have not, but I refuse to carry you." Loki snorted, downing his hangover cure.

"Pleeeeeease?" Tony whined.

"...No."

"You have no right to be as sober as you are." Tony hiccupped.

"I have the liver of a deity," Loki explained, holding out a hand. "Get up."

Tony gratefully grabbed the hand and wobbled to his feet, leaning heavily against his sometimes-lover. "How are you this steady? It's not even fair."

"Practice, youth, and excellent genetics. If I understood Farbauti correctly alcoholism is a family trait," Loki said.

"Mmm. Same here. The Starks are known for it," Tony said, eyelids drooping as Loki helped him inside and dumped him on his couch. "What happened to bed?"

"I refuse to drag you that far," Loki said. He rummaged around and unearthed a thin blanket. It wasn't cold, being late summer, but better safe than sorry. "Consider yourself lucky I don't leave you to freeze."

"Thanks, I suppose. Anti-Steve. Hehe." Tony chuckled. Then, as Loki leaned over to tuck him in, Tony held him by the back of the neck and kissed him softly, to Loki's surprise. "Thank you." He murmured against Loki's mouth.

Loki straightened up with a fond, slightly drunken smile while internally freaking out at the sudden domesticity and said "Goodnight, Anthony."

"You could stay. We can have a pajama party. Or a no-pajama party," Tony said with a rather lecherous grin.

"I have to go home. A testimonial of my character will not go well if I turn up late with the same clothes I was wearing last night," Loki said soberly.

"Aw, no fun. I'll see you tomorrow, I guess," Tony said dozily, snuggling deeper into a cushion.

Watching thoughtfully to check Tony was asleep, Loki gently rubbed Tony's hair and then teleported home.

The sober part of his brain vaguely touched on the fact that that had been the first time they'd kissed that hadn't been immediately followed by sex, barring that aborted blowjob in the elevator a while back. What that meant, he didn't want to know.

-O.O-

Thor and Darcy were watching a movie in Darcy's quarters downstairs from Loki's, which Loki teleported into accidentally.

"Loki?" Darcy said confusedly. "I didn't expect you home. Or in here."

Loki chuckled. "My aim was off," he said by way of explanation, stumbling a little.

"Are you well, brother?" Thor said worriedly.

"The number of shots consumed within the last hour would suggest so," Loki said with a smirk, making for the elevator.

"Where were you?" Darcy frowned.

"Avengers Tower," Loki said, giving up on waiting for it after a few seconds and teleporting into his room.

"Is Loki well?" Thor asked Darcy.

"Eh. Better he was with Tony than anyone else, I guess," Darcy said.

-O.O-

Loki couldn't knot his tie.

Normally he was fine, Windsor knot and he was away, but he was nauseous and probably still a little drunk, and he'd forgotten how.

"SADIE?" Loki said hopefully.

"Yes, my master?" She said in her smooth English accent.

"Would you be so kind as to ask Darcy to come here?" Loki said.

"Most certainly, sir," SADIE replied, and in a few minutes Darcy walked in in her Betty Boop pajamas that Loki had been trying to convince her to throw out for ages now.

"You okay?" Darcy asked.

"I can't for the life of me recall how to tie this," Loki said, gesturing to the black silk feebly. "I assume you know."

"You're actually a toddler, you know that?" Darcy laughed, reaching up to knot the fabric. "Is this about the trial thingie?"

"Yes. Expect me home tonight. Maybe," Loki said with a mischievous grin.

"You shouldn't have gotten drunk," Darcy scolded. "It always makes trouble."

"I do what I want," Loki said, and Darcy was certain she'd heard him say those words a thousand times before.

"Whatever. Try and at least _act_ like a mature, responsible individual," Darcy said with a fond eye-roll.

-O.O-

Everyone made it to the jet on time looking at least somewhat tidy. The hangover cure worked wonders for headaches and dry throat, curbing the dehydration - with the help of a few glasses of water - but Tony hadn't quite tweaked the nausea and light sensitivity aspects of the whole situation and so Loki and Tony were discretely sipping coffee or tea respectively and trying not to gag.

"You two really shouldn't have been drinking last night," Steve said.

"I do what I want," Loki said through dark sunglasses.

Tony, who was also wearing sunglasses, added under his breath to Loki "Annnnti-Stevvveeee."

Loki started laughing randomly while everyone shot them the _wow they're gay_ look. It was an actual look in the tower.

The flight was short in the modern jet so soon they were rolling into D.C without a care, Loki and Tony stepping off the plane and acting like yes, sunglasses were the new style.

Once they'd been chauffeured to where they were supposed to be, they were forced to wait around a while until they were ushered into a small courtroom, more like a conference room than anything else, except Loki was seated on a bench while everyone else was sitting in the smaller rows of seating which faced the front with him.

Loki made his position on the pecking order very clear by putting his feet up on the bench and stretching out.

"Order, please," The slim, middle-aged man sitting at the front of the room on a raised dias said.

Everyone fell quiet, even Loki and Tony, who lacked skill at following orders.

A few more people filed in, three women and another man, and sat at the front of the room. Then projection screens were dropped from the roof and four more people joined them via videophone, their faces in shadow.

"I am Agent Winchester, of SHIELD, and I am delighted to welcome you all here today," The man at the front of the room said. "This is a rather unorthodox situation, and not one that should be made public, hence the relative lack of people in here. I would do introductions, but as everyone knows the Avengers, and the Avengers don't need to know who is judging their teammate, I will skip that."

Loki raised a sceptical eyebrow.

"Firstly, Mr Laufeyson, could you please remove your sunglasses?" Winchester asked.

Loki did, blinking furiously in the fluorescent light.

"Sir, have you been drinking?" One of the men at the front of the room asked.

"Not today," Loki replied smoothly, trying his best to look like a sober, mature individual, just like Darcy asked. Good thing he'd put concealer on his hickey. "Agent Winchester, continue."

"Ahem. Well. As we all know, we face a threat far greater than the one that attacked Manhattan three months ago. This hearing is to confirm that Loki Laufeyson is capable of running our counterattack, and will be able to withstand the stresses and pressures of such an operation," Winchester continued. "Firstly, I welcome Director Fury to the room, as he is most informed in the matter."

"Are we supposed to clap?" Tony whispered to Clint as Fury filed into the room, followed by Agent Hill, to stand at the front.

"I doubt it," Clint replied.

"Director Fury, what do you have to say?" Winchester asked.

"Members of the United States government, and of SHIELD, you need to understand that the threat we face is greater than anything Earth has ever fought before." Fury started. "Our enemy has no concept of Geneva, or any other laws of fair play, and in technology we are far outgunned. Our only hope, in _my_ opinion, is the man who actually made the other team's plan, although he was under mind control. Laufeyson, while not holding any official position, represents the nation's finest tacticians admirably, and combined with his field experience as an Avenger, is a strong choice for this role."

"Thank you, Director." Loki said in surprise. That glowing report defied his expectation.

"That said, you are right to have reservations. Any tabloid in the country could give you a shopping list of the crazy shit he's pulled."

"...I don't thank you for that," Loki frowned.

"Director Fury, do we have an account of how Laufeyson plans to defeat our opponent?" One of the shadowy onscreen faces asked.

"Seeing as he may try to sell it to you nicely if we let him tell you now, I have the recording of the original pitch to his fellow Avengers and myself," Fury said. "Hill?"

Hill quickly pressed a few buttons and then Loki's presentation to the team appeared on the screens. "Today, Avengers, operatives of SHIELD, we are at war. Of course, the war started back in May, we..." And et cetra.

The people at the front of the room looked on with a mixture of expressions: surprise, a bit; confusion, a little; boredom in places; firstly and foremostly disbelief.

Loki looked way too satisfied at his handiwork, especially when everyone looked a little awkward at the 'Silvertongue' comment. Things were going well.


	27. Let's Toss Some Dwarves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trial continues and Loki likes his alcohol strong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyy, people who don't hate this! Have a new chapter. I'm going away for another short while so it may take a while to update.

Once everyone was up to speed, the video clip vanished offscreen and the shadowy faces returned.

"Any questions?" Loki asked.

Nobody had any, so Winchester ushered them on to the next part. "Now, I think we can all agree that Mr Laufeyson is technically the most suitable for this role in terms of knowledge and skill, mostly because of his knowledge of the enemy. However, he is well known for his unpredictability and self-centredness, so the purpose of the testimonial is to ascertain whether that will be a problem."

"And how do you plan to go about that?" Loki asked.

"First, we will review your personality profile collected two years ago for your recruitment to the Avengers Initiative," Winchester said, drawing said file out of his podium.

Loki facepalmed. The report, while wholly true, was far from complimentary, and he liked to think - or shuddered to think, depending on the occasion - that he had grown more personable since then.

Besides, he'd been trying to mess with Barton at the time. It wasn't to be taken too seriously.

Winchester read out the contents, which described Loki as a classic benign psychopath, and then read a note that had been added recently. "Attached by Agent Clint Barton - Loki Laufeyson is also known to be loyal, well-versed in tactical procedure and with no inclination towards villiany. Consider likely prospect."

"Aww, Barton, I'm touched," Loki said dryly.

"Next piece," Winchester said lazily. 'Next piece' turned out to be a post-Manhattan report of Fury's, stating how Loki had fought admirably and even resucitated Tony at the end. Things were looking up.

Unfortunately, the piece after that was a newspaper photo. One look at it and Loki started almost sobbing with laughter, facedown on the bench.

Once the other Avengers registered what was going on in it, they cracked up laughing too. Even the people at the front of the room smirked a little.

The photo showed a recognisably teenage Loki making out with a guy slightly older than him, pushing the other man against a wall. He was wearing just a battered t-shirt and jeans with long, ridiculous boots.

"That," Loki said, still giggling a little "Is an excellent photo you have there."

The caption read **'Son of Odin Valfodr, Loki Valfodr, 17, is shown engaging in inappropriate conduct with unknown male.'**

Loki held up his phone and downloaded the photo from the mainframe.

One of the Council members, a sharp-voiced woman, spoke up. "I think this is evidence of Loki Laufeyson's predilection for causing chaos."

"No, it is not." Loki protested. "This occurred 15 years ago, and proves little but that I am a reckless bisexual, which is a fact already known; it will not compromise me any more than any other sexuality would."

"What were the circumstances behind this photograph?" The same member said.

"I was in college and was invited to a party. I had enough alcohol to floor a small horse and perhaps a lick or two of an acid blotter. Never mind that. In any case, it was mostly to scandalise Odin," Loki shrugged. This wasn't quite the truth: Loki had in fact hosted the party himself and had had more than a lick of acid. But you couldn't tell that from the photo, so what did it matter? "It is hardly evidence I am not suitable for this task. Name for me a college student that has not done this at least once."

"Me." Hill said. Loki shot her a look.

"Next piece," Winchester said.

See, the Valfodrs were rather famous, seeing as they were the definition of old money and Valaskjalf was one of the older succesful companies in the English market, or it had been until Loki bought it. Therefore, the younger Valfodr child being an irresponsible little bitch was something to shove into a slow news day.

In this article, Loki at age twelvehad been given a police caution for breaking the fingers of one of his classmates. There was no photo, but it was pretty clear anyway.

"I refuse to apologise for that," Loki frowned. "He'd been bullying me for years."

The Council member who'd tried to pin Loki for the last photo spoke up and said "You have a temper, then, Mr Laufeyson?"

"To an extent, like all people. I have excellent self-control these days." Loki replied smoothly. "Why are you bringing up such old stories? I've grown up since age twelve."

"I'd like to point out-" Tony started, but he was shushed.

"Next piece," Winchester said.

The next piece caused Loki's jaw to drop. "That is not appropriate!"

 **'English Businessman Commits Suicide'** topped the article. Loki looked shockingly upset when he read it.

"You're out of line!" Tony said loudly.

There was another round of shushing for Tony.

"Do you acknowledge or deny that you directly played a role in that?" The same bloody Councilwoman asked.

"Shut it," Loki said hollowly.

Tony thought of Loki being so upset by Farbauti's death originally that he had resorted to getting drunk with Tony. This was why he quickly hacked the system from his phone and turned off the projection of the article.

"Thank you, Anthony," Loki said with a nod, pulling his composure together and focusing on the woman who seemed to have it out for him. "Miss, ah, Latimer, if I am not mistaken. Before you draw any of your overcritical conclusions from my response, consider how you would react if forced to discuss, say..." He looked at his phone. "Istanbul. See, I'm still putting up with you after reading about that."

As far as they could tell with her face in shadow, Latimer scowled at him. "Will the examiners note Laufeyson's apparent trait of lashing out?"

"Latimer, I think for the sake of impartial judgement, I will have to ask you to step down," Loki replied, tapping something into his phone and cutting the link to Latimer. As the screen went dark, the other deliberators squawked in protest.

"You can't do that!" Winchester said in alarm.

"This trial is becoming a farce." Loki replied. "Miss Latimer was particularly biased against me, unfortunately, and the atmosphere had become less _is Loki a suitable leader_ and more _should he be institutionalised._ "

"Laufeyson, you can't just decide to do things like that," Fury warned.

"She was breaking the rules too," Tony pointed out.

More shushings.

Look how much Tony cared.

"The Avengers were brought here to testify as to my sanity, were they not?" Loki asked rhetorically. "Allow them to testify. If the news articles will be biased in selection then they are redundant in a just operation."

Winchester started to speak, but Loki halted him. "I may just level the playing field."

He quickly hacked the screens and played a montage of newspaper articles - winning the under-13's chess tournament at age 8, bringing a teen to hospital who had OD'd, starting his own company, anonymously saving lives as Lightningrod. "To tell the truth, depending on the articles read, one could gain any number of different pictures of my nature. Testimonials from those who know me would be better."

Really, the whole operation was getting messier and messier and Loki was getting a headache.

"That is acceptable. Dr Banner, to the front of the room," Winchester said, beckoning to the stand there.

Bruce looked serenely awkward as he slid to the stand.

"Dr Banner, tell us about Mr Laufeyson. Do you believe he is suitable for this role?" Winchester asked.

"Ah," Bruce said, cleaning his glasses on his shirt. "Well, Loki's a clever guy. He pretty much made most of our strategies for battle. And the Captain, of course. Loki's brave too, and very kind when he wants to be. I think he'd do a good job."

"Thank you, Dr Banner. Are there any questions...?" Winchester said to the assembled deliberators. None of them had any, so he said "Agent Barton?"

Clint climbed from his seat and walked up the room. Tony felt his heart sink - he could say anything.

"What are your opinions on the matter, Agent Barton?" Winchester asked.

Clint looked surprisingly serious as he spoke. "I met Loki when I was assigned to write a personality profile. As read, I found him difficult and unpleasant."

Loki slumped a little lower in his chair.

"However, after time spent working with him, while we do not cooperate on a personal level, I can safely say in a stress situation he is calm, rational, and a highly skilled tactician. I recommend him for this wholeheartedly." Clint finished, actually looking and acting like the secret agent he was for once.

"Thank you, Agent Barton." Winchester said. "Are there any queries?"

One of the deliberators asked "What is the nature of your disagreement?"

"Many small debates, the first being removing me from my mission at our first meeting, the most recent regarding his family affairs. It is not a problem," Clint replied.

"You may take your seat. Captain Rogers?"

Steve sat upand gave a glowing testimonial as to Loki's skill in combat, for which Loki gave him a grateful nod.

Natasha's report was short, succint like most things she said, but she stated that Loki was brave, resourceful and tactical. There was a secret little bromance going on between those two. It was sweet. In a vicious, secret-keeping, mind-game-playing way.

Then, because of the alphabetical order thing, it was Tony's turn. He was determined to not fuck it up.

"Loki is a powerful, tactically brilliant fighter with motivation and preknowledge. He's also loyal, brave, and - don't tell anyone I said this - a nice person secretly. If you don't pick him for leading us, we'll all be killed. So just pick him and get it over with," Tony said firmly, trying to put a lid on the verbal diarrhoea that tended to assault him at times like that.

"Does anyone have any questions?" Winchester asked wearily. He had to repeat himself all the time and was getting sick of it.

"Mr Stark, what is the nature of your relationship with Mr Laufeyson?" A woman at the front of the room asked.

"Been reading the gossip columns, have you?" Tony laughed. "He is both a friend and occasional lab partner."

"Thank you, Mr Stark, you may take your seat," Winchester said. "If the Avengers, including Mr Laufeyson, will take a two-hour recess, we will return with our deliberation at that time."

That was a dismissal if ever any of them of them heard it, despite how little evidence had actually been given, so they filed out to the entrance room outside. Loki was feeling disturbingly emotional.

"Thank you all for your support," He said warmly. "I was unaware any of you thought highly of me. Barring Stark."

"Awwww, buddy," Tony said cheerily, walking forward and hugging Loki.

Loki wriggled, trying to escape until, in a weird fit of teamwork, everyone randomly pulled him into a group hug. Surreal at best.

"Lo'lo, buddy, we all lub you weally," Tony mocked mooshily.

"Get. Off. Me." Loki said through gritted teeth. Everyone did. "Now, if you would not mind, I would treat you to lunch for being such obedient pets."

Ah. A nice gesture infused with an insult. Perfect.

"Laufeyson?" Fury said from behind them. "Sorry to break up the homo here, but I wanted to tell you the proceedings are so far in your favour."

"Thank you, Director," Loki said with a smile and a respectful nod.

"Why was it so short?" Natasha said, three steps ahead as always.

"Most of the trial happened yesterday," Fury explained. "Today was mostly just statements from teammates, as well as reviewing reports. I wasn't supposed to tell you that, but I think you have a right to know."

"What was all that shit that that Latimer chick pulled then?" Tony frowned.

"She was out of line," Fury said simply. "Go get your lunch."

-O.O-

After a surprisingly cheerful and friendly lunch, they filed back into the room, Loki feeling a warm little glow from the support.

"Settle down," Winchester said boredly.

Tony decided he liked this guy.

Agent Winchester turned on the projections to allow the rest of the Council people to join them - including Miss Latimer - before starting to read from a pre-prepared script.

"Mr Loki Laufeyson, previously Loki Valfodr, previously Loki Laufeyson, has been observed for his suitability as the leader of our conflict against the Chitauri threat, led by Malekith the Accursed of Svartalfheim-"

Loki cleared his throat loudly. "Incorrect. Led by Thanatos, known as Thanos, Titan of Death."

"My apologies. Led by Thanos. Central concern for his candidacy was his dubious character. However, after much deliberation, the Council has decided whether he is suitable," Winchester continued.

Everyone leaned forward expectantly.

"Owing to glowing reviews from his peers, we have decided that Loki Laufeyson is in fact the ideal candidate for this position," Winchester said with a wry smile. "Congratulations. If we die it's your fault."

Loki's face split into a dazzling grin. He gave Latimer an evil wink and thanked Winchester.

"You are excused," Winchester said, smiling gently back at Loki. "We expect weekly status reports, and all of your international addresses must be done through SHIELD. If you do not adhere to our wishes you will be removed. Anthony Edward Stark has been approved as your second in command. The full list of requirements will be sent to your offices."

"My gratitude to yourself and your fellow members. Barring Latimer. I am uncertain of your motivations, but my sparkly green eye is on you," Loki said, standing with his usual elegance and sweeping from the room.

Once they made it to the atrium, Loki randomly grabbed Clint and kissed him.

Let's face it, Loki's methods of showing delight and affection needed work.

Clint gave a shriek of alarm and leapt away. "What the _fuck_?!"

"According to the report I wasn't supposed to obtain, your testimonial was the turning point for them. As well as Stark and Natasha," Loki turned to those two seriously. "You may have a kiss too. Take it or leave it."

Natasha shook her head bemusedly, but Tony nodded and said "Eh, go for it."

Loki bent down and kissed him too with less intended shock value and more affection, before leading them out the door, slipping his sunglasses on as he went. "Shall we head home? Unless you have any errands. I have plans to make."

"Can't you just teleport?" Steve asked. Clint might've said that, but he was refusing to look at Loki.

"Wouldn't you miss me?" Loki said dryly. "In seriousness, I would rather avoid the company of my pseudo-brother and my momentarily unpleasant assistant."

"If it helps, I have a workstation on the plane," Tony said brightly. "I'm your bitch now."

"Pardon?" Loki said amusedly.

"I mean, your second in command. I can be your bitch if you want," Tony said with a suggestive grin.

"That will not be necessary, I think," Loki said, slipping his phone out and fiddling about.

Tony felt his phone vibrate and subtly looked at it.

**From: Sparkles**   
**Come see me later.**

With that cheery thought Tony called transport to the airport so they could head home.

The plane ride was mostly uneventful, Tony and Loki at a workstation discussing plans while everyone chatted about the testimonial and in particular both Latimer and Winchester. Everyone agreed that the former was odd to say the least and the latter seemed pretty nice. Fury hadn't talked to any of them after, not even his special favourite Natasha, and they all assumed he had a lot on his plate.

To make compromise, and to stop Loki from going on a killing spree, they invited Darcy and Thor over to Avengers Tower under the agreement that Loki could ignore them and work on a tablet.

Clint, Steve and Thor had become bros, so they immediately settled down to make manly talk while Darcy and Natasha started cackling over some wicked plan they'd made and Bruce hovered around Tony and Loki as they did science.

Eventually Loki dragged Tony and Bruce in for science of a different kind, forcing them to chop vegetables as he made a huge amount of delicious-smelling stir-fry. Thor ate like a hog, as did Bruce and Steve, and Loki could stuff a shocking amount of food down his throat when he felt like it, so large quantities of food were always necessary.

Once it was done, they all settled around the table as Thor tried fruitlessly to engage Loki in conversation. Loki evidently had more important things to do.

Unfortunately when they decided to play a big game of The Game Of Life - in theory, it was luck, so Loki and Natasha couldn't beat them all horribly - that the estranged adopted brothers came to

Loki was the doctor, with the highest salary. As he went to move his green car his hand briefly brushed Thor's and he jumped back as though burned, teeth bared.

"And _what_ has offended you this time, Loki?" Thor said impatiently.

"Keep your clumsy mitts away from me." Loki hissed.

"I have done nothing wrong!" Thor protested.

Loki made a growl low in his throat, got to his feet, and wound out of the room to the elevator.

"Well, he's a little sensitive today," Darcy said.

"Come on, you two, stop it," Tony said to Darcy and Thor.

"What?" Darcy asked.

"Stop trying to make him behave. He's a big boy! If he doesn't want to make up with Thor, you can't force him!" Tony said exasperatedly.

It had been painful to watch, actually. Darcy wanted them to hug and be friends and she wasn't being overly respectful of Loki in the process.

"But-" Darcy said.

"No buts. You're supposed to be his friend, Darcy, and you're just making him upset. And Thor, I know you just want to be friends, but really the best way is to ease into it and apologise a lot. He's pretty stubborn, as you knowm" Tony said. "Now, if you don't mind, I'm guessing he's in my lab, so I'd better not let him blow anything up."

Tony got to his feet, grabbed a bottle of wine from the rack in the kitchen and a pair of glasses, and headed to the elevator too.

"They allllllways do that," Clint whined. "One marches off and the other follows, then they get drunk and do stupid stuff. And then Loki kisses me."

"Oh, he did that again?" Darcy said, laughing despite the fact she did feel a little guilty about pushing Loki. "He likes making people uncomfortable."

Clint punched her affectionately. "Second time I've been mouth to mouth with that sneaky bastard. Your turn, Darce."

-O.O-

Tony and Loki did drunk science for a while, so Loki could celebrate his victory. Once free from the other Avengers and their guests, he lightened up and started delightedly discussing his defeat of the nefarious Latimer.

"It's your responsibility to discover the meaning of my allusion to Istanbul. My lips are sealed," Loki said with an impish grin.

"Your lips are never sealed, you just like opening them at the right time to horrify people," Tony pointed out.

Which was very true and also a little disturbing. After a while they gravitated to Tony's favourite car, in the lab for repairs, and just chilled in the front, having skipped to the hard liquor after Loki said "If I am to become drunk, I will do it quickly. Never mind this 12.4% pure alcohol nonsense," They were just passing a bottle between them and half-watching _The Two Towers_ on Loki's request.

"See, Saruman was always so transparent," Tony hiccupped. "I mean, first movie, _bam!_ He looks evil!"

"You can't judge a man by his eyebrows," Loki replied wisely.

"Mmm, suppose not. Give me the bottle. I like this bit," Tony said, making grabby hands at the alcohol.

This was becoming a serious bromance. There did seem to be a lot of those going on in the tower.

During the Battle of Helm's Deep, Loki very suddenly said "I think I will make you beg tonight."

"What about _this_ made you think about _that_?" Tony laughed.

"Eh. I am not exercising my full attention on the movie," Loki said, folding his knees over the door of the car and turning to lean on Tony.

"Yes, Commander Laufeyson. Hey, that sounds good. I like it," Tony said, resting his head on Loki's.

"Commander is incorrect, American. I'm Field Marshal Laufeyson of Earth," Loki corrected.

"Whatever, English boy," Tony laughed. Then he saw something on the movie. "Dwarf tossing! Aw yeah."

"We could definitely try that if I decide to toss you anywhere," Loki said slyly.

"Hey, I'm not that short," Tony said, playfully swatting at Loki's head.

"Are you certain? Look at that fuzzy little beard you're sportin,." Loki chuckled. "And your skill with metalcraft, as well as your tendency to disagree with elves."

"In fairness, everyone disagreed with Malekith, what with the planet conquering and all that," Tony said. "He's a dark elf, anyway, isn't he?"

"Yes. I briefly visited the land of the light elves, Alfheim. It's lovely," Loki said.

"Sometimes I forget you're a spacehead," Tony replied thoughtfully. " _There's a starman, waiting in the sky...He'd like to come and meet us-"_

" _But he thinks he'll blow our minds,_ " Loki finished with him. "Bowie was an interesting fellow."

"So are we. Hey, all of the Avengers are. We all have our quirks," Tony pointed out. "Normality is relative."

Loki just made a confirming noise and rubbed the side of his face into Tony's arm.

"Sparkles, if you get any cuter, you'll get anime eyes. All big and sparkly," Tony grinned, and when Loki sat up in sudden irritation, Tony just laughed at his expression.

"I'm not _cute_ -" Loki said, but Tony just leaned over and kissed him.

"You did say you'd make me beg," Tony murmured. "I'd be impressed if you could. It hasn't happened for a decade or so."

Some part of Tony knew that he should jump this ship before it became canon, but on the other hand Loki was sassy and smart and so fucking addictive that the thought was driven from his mind as Loki pushed him between the front seats into the back, lips locked on his as they passionately made out.

What harm could it do? he reasoned. Of course, he also knew that the amount of harm possible here was huge.

None of that really seemed to matter when Loki stretched into the front to grab _supplies_ from the glovebox and then moved awkwardly with his long limbs to fit into the back seat, a grin on his face that could make a porn star blush.

Who needed morals when you had a Loki on the prowl?


	28. Quality Time With The Inlaws

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki wants the bitches to listen, Tony dines with the inlaws, and kids, this is how Loki met your Darcy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, people, I'm back, and making slightly mediocre chapters!!

Sleeping in a vintage car's backseat was never comfortable, especially if a six foot two man who weighed more than you'd think was in there with you.

Try it one day, and you will agree.

When JARVIS played heavy metal to wake them up at just after 6am, they both had so many stiff joints that it was quite the struggle to get out Tony out of the car.

" _Never_ sleeping in there again." Tony groaned. "JARVIS, what is it?"

"Message from Director Fury: Avengers Assemble!" JARVIS relayed.

"Shit." Loki said from where he was lying. "Where is my blasted phone?"

"In your suit, I guess." Tony said, looking for something to wear under the Iron Man. His suit pants would do. Whatever.

Loki sat up already wearing the Lightningrod. "Hurry up, peasant. We have work to carry out."

"I'll peasant you." Tony muttered threateningly, walking to the suit assembler he had in his lab. As the suit was built around him courtesy of JARVIS, Loki walked up to him, staff in hand and smiling wickedly.

"I won our bet." Loki said smugly, remembering.

The faceplate clicked down as Tony said "Well done, Sparkles. You want a medal?"

"Poor wounded pride!" Loki said mockingly, grabbing Tony's gauntlet to teleport onto the roof. Just before they vanished, though, Tony gestured for him to remove his helmet.

Loki was confused until Tony mussed the taller man's hair with an evil grin and then rubbed the remains of concealer off Loki's hickey of three nights ago.

"Very mature." Loki said dryly. "Why don't you just piss on my leg if you are trying to mark territory?"

"Well, I just want Clint to know you're mine." Tony said without thinking.

Loki glared at him in shock and surprise and hissed a " _What did you say?!"_

Tony managed to splutter out that it was a slip of the tongue before Loki vanished them both to the roof.

He'd perfected the art of teleporting the Iron Man in the last few days, so they appeared rather smoothly, which only added smugness to Loki's current emotional state.

Amongst said state was also anger at both Tony and the world for trying to tame him - Tony daring to act properly possessive! - irritation at having not had a shower yet, and mild sexual frustration because reasons.

That cocktail of three emotions pretty much defined Loki on a bad day.

"What's going on?" Tony asked, breaking Loki from his thoughts.

Clint narrowed his eyes at Loki and Tony appearing together, doing the simple math of hickey + together + hair and deciding he didn't need to know. Fortunately Steve broke in and said "It's that Dr Doom again. Downtown. Get in the plane."

Tony had actually modified a whole two floors to be a hangar for one of those trippy little planes that could take off and land on the spot. It was always ready to fly, and was surprisingly good at hopping across town in record time. Tony had designed the original version, but he was determined to build a better one, hopefully with Loki's help.

Loki, however, had different ideas to taking the plane. "I have another plan, as always." He shoved Tony off the building, snatching onto the Iron Man to surfboard across town.

"Seriously, he's the craziest fucker I've ever met." Clint said respectfully.

-O.O-

The battle was violent and messy, everyone working in their pair to do as much damage as possible.

Loki, as always, had been right. The bots were stronger and more intelligent this time, making it a harder fight, and their greater numbers meant it was a long battle. The whole thing was more stamina than firepower, so everyone had been fighting a long time and was getting tired.

To stay entertained, hero Lightningrod was riffing with a bot that had peeled away from the group and stood itself on a rooftop specifically for that purpose.

"Is this your day job?" Loki said indignantly as he flew past. "Have you spent the time since your last assault just preparing for this?"

The Doombot didn't reply, so Loki shot it with his staff. It didn't do anything, of course, but the bot had to pay attention.

"Bitch! Listen!" Loki said, and Tony started cracking up laughing, which made Steve shush him over the comms.

"And who are you? Doom wishes to know." The bot said. Or was it the actual guy, Doom? Hell, it was hard to tell.

Loki rolled his eyes, beheading a couple of bots. "This is Ace Ventura, Pet Detective!" He declared sarcastically in his best American accent. "You are building up to a proper assault, correct? Do not jest that you do not know who I am."

"Well done. Doom is curious about you." The bot replied.

"Lightningrod gets sick of Doom talking about himself in the third person." Loki said, teleporting off Tony and onto the rooftop to stab the bot in the face. It teleported away just before the blade made contact. "Ah. It was the real one."

"Lightningrod, Iron Man, keep going." Steve chastised. "We're nearly done here."

-O.O-

Once all the bots were cleaned up, not really helped by Loki and Tony who were making terrible dick jokes about Doom, they all headed back to Avengers' Tower for a victory beer/scotch where they were joined by Thor and Darcy. Thor was leaving the next day, so he wanted to at least be within a hundred metres of his somewhat brother before crossing the Atlantic.

Darcy was determined to be contrary. The last three days between Loki and Darcy had been strained, to say the least, so Darcy wanted Loki to herself for an hour and had decided that Tony and Thor could bond. At some point in the last 24 hours she'd decided they'd one day be brothers-in-law and therefore must get to know each other better.

Loki cursed viciously at that, but conceded.

Therefore Tony and Thor found themselves at a cafe not far from the tower, ordering drinks while not making eye contact. Thor was not an awkward person, but Tony had scolded him last they spoke, so he didn't know how to start.

"So." Tony said, sipping his beloved coffee. "What do you do at Valiskyfl - Vlisjalf - Valaskjalf?" He managed to pronounce the name right on the third try. Well done Tony.

"Previously I was a project manager, but Loki decided to promote me to running the legal division. Apparently the creature he had previously hired was an incompetent." Thor said in his loud voice.

"He probably was. Or he just annoyed Loki." Tony smirked. "Loki's like that."

"My brother is a fickle man." Thor agreed. "Ever since childhood, so quick to dislike."

Oops. The conversation had become serious all of a sudden.

"I'd have to agree with you." Tony said. "I only met him a couple of years ago, but jesus fuck there is a lot of pent up anger. Being a superhero's good for him, I think, 'cause he can hurt the enemy instead of random people. But before that I guess his random angry breaks were worse." Tony said. He was right, or at least he was sure he was; Loki had been calmer recently. It'd only been around a week since he got back from Malekith's enthrallment, and previously he might have sulked for weeks or even months, but with various distractions - including Tony - he was already moving on.

"He was a cheerful child." Thor said mournfully. "Full of tricks and laughter. Always an experiment in motion. When he was but four years old, he convinced me to insert a knife into a wall socket for science."

Tony laughed at that; it was so wholly Loki that it was hilarious. "I see that sometimes. When it's just him and me and he doesn't have to behave." Thor smiled when he said that, so Tony asked "What happened?"

"School was ... not kind to him. He was extremely precocious and had - still has - quite the talent for saying the inappropriate, never mind his early preference for the male form. He managed for some time though, until his final year." Thor explained.

"The crash, right? One time, when we were - sorry - a bit drunk and really fucked out, he told me a little bit about it." Tony said. Normally his sex life was known to all, but come on, this was Loki's _brother._

Sort of.

"It was not pleasant." Thor said grimly. "I would not exaggerate when I say we have not properly spoken since then. Many wrongs I have done, and I did not realise this until it was too late. Nothing would bring me more joy than reconnecting us."

"Well." Tony said, uncertain what to say. "I don't know. He's really, really angry, just in general, and he doesn't like forgiving people. So just... Keep trying. Remind him why you used to get along. Or something."

Thor nodded. "You are very good for him, Tony Stark. Thank you."

Thinking of Loki and himself cackling over dick jokes that morning, Tony silently thought that he might not be that suitable a role model for that particular wayward son, but he said nothing. "I do my best. You want anything to eat?"

Over the lunch, Tony learned that Thor loved his parents, wanted his brother back, and was engaged to one Jane Foster - he'd known that - who was a close friend of Darcy's. He hadn't known that Thor had introduced Loki and Darcy in the first place, or that Thor had known Farbauti somewhat, seeing as they'd ended up talking a bit during Loki's takeover of both their companies, and that Thor and the Valfodr family had all gone to man's funeral half a year later. In fact, apart from being a _little_ unintelligent (though nothing of the scale Loki had indicated) Thor was a very likeable man.

When they got back to the tower, Loki and Darcy were chatting amiably, though Loki looked a tad too dark and stormy for Tony's comfort. The tall man unfolded himself from his favoured chair in the living to greet them, Tony with warmth and Thor with a little stiffness. But it was improvement.

"Loki." Thor said. "Would you care to join me for a drink this evening?"

Loki considered this. Alcohol very good (which was probably something he should worry about); Thor bad but could be good; social contact bad; lack of Tony bad. The latter point caused him to kick himself mentally. Idiot.

Hell. It was one evening and he could entertain himself by convincing someone to give him a lapdance, if only to make Thor uncomfortable.

-O.O-

Eleven years ago...

Darcy Lewis moved to London with her best friend Jane Foster when she was 20, assuming she’d be joining Jane at King’s College in London. Jane had already done a degree in physics and was specialising in astrophysics – being older than Darcy – and Darcy had some vague notions about starting Political Science or...something. Did it really matter?

She never really got around to it, attending about half her classes and hunting somewhat desperately for a job that wasn’t in a coffee shop.

Her reprieve came, six months after settling in London, in the form of Jane’s new boyfriend, Thor Valfodr, who was a huge, cheerful man studying at King’s.

He invited her to coffee, which had Darcy suspicious, seeing as while they’d met several times they’d never been alone together.

As soon as she sat down with her drink, he smiled boldly, resembling a cheerful Labrador, and boomed "Friend Darcy, Jane informs me you search for a job!"

"Uh...Yeah..." Darcy said, wondering how in the world Thor managed to speak like that. It was 2001, not 1401.

"My brother is looking for low-priced assistance in the start-up of his company, and Jane thought you may be interested?" Thor said, lowering his volume at glares from the other patrons.

"You have a _brother?_ " Darcy said, because in the few times she’d been to the Valfodr household she’s seen nothing of the sort.

Thor looked a tad pained at this. "Yes, I do, and as I said, he would require some assistance."

"Why doesn’t he work for Valaskjalf?" She asked. Man, that company name was mouthful.

"He does not want to. Would you like to try for the job or not?" Thor insisted.

"Uh, yeah, sure. What’s your bro’s name?"

"My brother’s name is Loki Valfodr." Thor said with a slightly aggrieved smile.

-O.O-

This was how, a week later, Darcy went to the same coffee shop to meet her potential employer.

Having met Thor’s family, Darcy was expected someone from the same mould: tall, muscular, blonde, loud, cheery and absurdly likeable.

Instead she was greeted by Loki.

The only similarity between him and Thor was the height; aside from that he was his polar opposite. Maybe the hair was dyed? And he didn’t get much sun?

"My greetings, Miss Lewis," Loki said smoothly, his voice crushed velvet to Thor’s burlap. "I am Loki Laufeyson, most pleased to make your acquaintance."

"Holy shit, _you’re_ Thor’s _brother_?" Darcy said in disbelief, mentally noting the difference in last names.

"No." Loki said curtly. "He refuses to stop calling me that, however."

"Ah, okay, sore spot." Darcy muttered. "So, uh, what’s this about a job?"

"I am starting my own company, beginning with the patent of my latest creation, and I needed someone to help dot my i’s and cross my t’s, as it were."

"Jeez, how old are you? And you’re starting a company? Darcy said.

Loki was having trouble trying to decide if Darcy’s blunt manner was endearing or just plain annoying. "I am twenty-one years of age, and rest assured, I am more than qualified."

"Wow, uh, you’re just a kid." Darcy said, and when Loki looked like he was going to start tearing out throats, she added "But yeah, age doesn’t matter. Tell me about the job."

Loki described his ambitions of Laufeyson Corp and how his mind was going to be the driving spark, and Darcy was trying not to stare at him too much because the longer she spent in his company the more she realised how completely drop-dead gorgeous he was, and wondering about his last name and the whole family thing, until he started repeating her name over and over and she dragged herself back into paying attention.

"Uh, yeah, sorry, what was that, Lokester?" Darcy said vaguely.

Loki glared at the nickname and said "I _asked_ if you wanted the job or not."

"Oh, yeah, sure! Definitely! I mean, I need a job, right?"

"I do not know. Do you?" Loki said tetchily.

"Yep! Cool! Here’s the number of my flat, and, uh, I’ll be seeing you?"

-O.O-

And that was how Darcy found herself dragged into the life of Loki Laufeyson.

Loki’s new patent, as it turned out, was redesigning a complex circuit used by most technology companies so that it could be made from cheaper materials in a more compact size. Therefore the company, Laufeyson Corp (he’d rejected calling it Laufeyson-Lewis Corp) got a huge start-up and more money every day. Loki built a lab, and soon more stuff followed, meaning that Loki hired more people and rented a building and wow, it was growing fast, all thanks to Loki’s brilliant mind.

Darcy had assumed, from their first meeting, that Loki was as he seemed: quiet, dignified, a little grumpy, but he was Thor’s brother, so he probably had a good heart.

Boy, was she wrong.

He was very likeable, when he was in a good mood. But most of the time, he was bold, mischievous, and irritable, he could charm anyone he met, he lied for his own amusement, he said things for the sheer purpose of shocking people, he had these sudden bursts of anger that terrified her, he hated Thor, he enjoyed demeaning people, he spent days in his lab without food or sleep, he was obsessed with tidiness and cleanliness, he kickboxed, and he’d occasionally vanish for a few days only to turn up oddly cheerful and teasing, with a small spot of blush on each stunning cheekbone.

The latter, at least, was explained when Darcy got to know Loki a bit better and realised he was an incorrigible slut with little or no gender preference.

Loki Laufeyson defied expectation, to say the least.

Despite all this, Darcy found herself liking Loki even though he was a crazy sonovabitch that couldn’t possibly have grown up with _Thor._ And anyway, Loki was the master of public image, always looking like a refined businessman, at least until the photos of any previous weekend got leaked.

-O.O-

Many, many people had wondered how Darcy Lewis came to be the only person Loki Laufeyson would call a friend. Most assumed Loki had picked Darcy up in a bar and then couldn’t get rid of her.

The true story was very different. It all started several months after she started working for him.

Once, Darcy made the terrible mistake of visiting Loki in the small flat he rented next to his lab while Loki had been in absentia for a few days.

Everything seemed rather normal as she stepped in the front door – all things neatly tidied away, books on the shelves, dishes clean and stacked – and she could vaguely hear Loki’s velvet voice murmuring in the living room. Hoping desperately she hadn’t just walked in on Loki spending some time with one of his endless one night stands, she pushed open the door to see Loki, skin sheened with sweat, staring aimlessly out the living room window and muttering under his breath.

"Loki?" Darcy said worriedly.

Loki’s head flicked around to look at her. Darcy was shocked to see his pupils nearly swallowing the acid green of his eyes, and he was trembling ever so slightly. "Fuck, Darcy," He said, voice a little more muddled than usual. "Stand still!"

"I – I’m not moving, Loki. What’s going on? Are you okay?" Darcy got really nervous now. She’d never even heard Loki swear before, and generally he avoided her first name, and his composure was normally perfect, not whatever she was looking at now.

Loki sniggered. "Lovely, Darcy. Perfect. _Sparkly._ Now, if you will excuse me-" He staggered to his feet, meandered away, and retched into the sink.

"Oh my god!" Darcy gasped. She snatched Loki’s landline from the wall and started to dial 999.

"No." Loki said, taking the handset from her with tremulous fingers. "I do not need more trouble with the police."

" _What!?_ " Darcy said. "Loki, you’re high? You’re not, I dunno, having a really intense hangover?"

"I can assure-" Loki began before his attention started wandering and he stopped paying any notice to Darcy. After running his hands curiously over the walls, as though he could see something Darcy couldn’t (and he probably could) Loki walked down the hallway and through the door to his lab.

Darcy tried to follow him, but he’d locked the door – and every other door to the lab.

"What the _hell_ was that?" Darcy said.

-O.O-

She visited later, but he was still in lockdown, and his half-finished house OS told her that Loki was alive and well, albeit running a temperature and a high heart rate. It wouldn’t tell her what he’d taken, though.

The next day, she visited, and Loki was still locked in his lab, but the following day Loki had left his lab, and he refused to talk to her. He was in the state she’d seen him in a many, many times; hyperactive, irritable and refusing blatantly to sleep or eat.

She’d assumed this was a normal part of him, but after his behaviour a few days ago, she wasn’t so sure.

After he got nervous and tossed her out she went and looked up all his symptoms from when he’d had his little hyper attacks.

"Well, shit," she said as she put two and two together.

-O.O-

The next day she turned up, sat the semi-normal Loki (who looked suspiciously like he hadn’t slept for days) on the couch and told him that he had to give up the coke, _now,_ and dropping the LSD wouldn’t hurt either.

Loki politely told her that not only was it Ritalin, not cocaine, thank you very much, but he could do what he wanted.

"Look, Loki, you say that getting your company in the air is your dream, right? If people find out you’re a fucking stoner, they’ll stop investing in your company faster than you can say _groovy._ " Darcy snapped.

Loki considered this thoughtfully for a minute. "Truth be told, Darcy, that thought had occurred to me."

"Why don’t you just bloody do it then?" Darcy said heatedly.

Loki shrugged. "Never got around to it. Things to do, worlds to dominate. No time to tend to a possible stimulant addiction, not if it helps me stay focused."

"Nope. Not today. This is an intervention, Loki. I’m moving into your house and following you _all day_ to make sure you behave yourself."

Loki pondered this for a few moments. The Ritalin still in his system had him focused like a laser, and his brain was moving at record speeds. Finally he said "Certainly. I may as well break the habit until I get bored with the sober life and wake up in Duncarrick with a pounding headache and a male model called Kyle."

Darcy cracked a grin at that, surprised he’d acquiesced so easily. "That actually happened?"

"Maybe, maybe not. I’ll never tell." Loki smirked.

"...Okay. Well. First thing’s first: Where’s your stash?"

So Loki took Darcy around the house and unearthed all concealed pharmaceuticals and hallucinogenics, smirking in a secretive way that told her quite blatantly he was messing with her, and then cooked food for Darcy while tinkering with Mark II of his cellphone.

Darcy knew full well he was trying to keep himself distracted; Ritalin withdrawal was a bitch and his somewhat irritable demeanour suggested it had already been a while since his last hit.

He refused to sleep, still too twitchy, and instead settled down for a movie with Darcy, who immediately found his stash of Disney movies and watched them.

It wasn’t until the next afternoon that withdrawal hit Loki in earnest. He was suddenly depressed, gloomy and unpleasant, and he wouldn’t stop talking about a car accident and how much he’d wanted to kill himself. Darcy hid any and all sharp objects and kept her eyes on Loki at all times.

He wouldn’t shut up. After a while his ramblings just turned to a slew of Thor-based vitriol, and somewhere in there Darcy picked up that Loki was adopted. He kept getting angrier and angrier until he was so tired that he fell asleep on a barstool.

-O.O-

Loki slept for a bloody long time and when he woke up he seemed in a much healthier state of mind, so Darcy let him clean up without supervising. When he came back he was dressed in a tidy suit and was as meticulously well-groomed as ever, though his mood was still dark and irritable.

At least he was making some concessions towards looking the business, and he made it to a meeting even with his hands shaking.

Darcy was rather proud, and Loki was surprisingly grateful, seeing as he usually acted like working toward the good of Loki was law.

Yes, he reverted to using a shitload of coffee to keep him conscious for a few days in a row, and yes he was thoroughly caustic for the first week or two, but he didn’t relapse, and Darcy couldn’t help but think that she’d made an impact in Loki’s life.

Especially when he invited her for dinner, smiling in his charismatic way and calling her a friend. For Loki to make friends was a monumental achievement, as Thor could verily tell you.


	29. Fear And Loathing In New York

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki doesn't kill Thor, thanks to his medicine cabinet, and then gives Tony a maths boner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the late chapter! I've been away so much recently!
> 
> Oh, and warning: Slight recreational drug use, if that bothers you.
> 
> And I know this is a weird and probably fruitless request, but if anyone could make fanart for this story, I would sob grossly.

Loki knew full well that drinks with Thor would probably go badly. But after a talk with Frigga, who'd told him the best way to mend bridges was often to lay all your cards on the table, he decided to just go for it.

That said, loss of composure in public was usually a bad idea. He'd taken a moderate sedative to counteract that. Never let it be said Loki Laufeyson didn't have a well-stocked medicine cabinet.

When he met Thor in his living room he was feeling pleasantly fuzzy. The irritatingly sensible bit of his brain was saying something about how addictive Valium was. Too bad. He'd been addicted to stuff before and look at him now.

It helped a lot for the evening. Loki didn't feel a sharp stab of anger when Thor opened his door for him, nor did he feel his usual mulish dislike of wherever Thor had picked. Another very unhelpful part of his brain pointed out that he was probably acting weird.

Despite this, Loki found himself having the first lengthy discussion he'd had with Thor (strictly sticking to safe subjects like Thor's upcoming wedding, set for about a year away) since he left for America, and the least harsh one they'd had in about twelve years. He laughed (once) and did a half-smile most of the time that was probably a little off-putting.

Loki was sipping a mocktail and talking about Darcy and Clint - another safe subject, will they, won't they - when Thor frowned at him suspiciously and said "I do not seek to offend, Loki, but you do seem...calmer, somewhat, tonight. Is all well?"

Before his brain could catch his mouth, Loki said "I am mildly sedated." He sealed his lips for a moment, then said "I probably should not have told you that."

Thor looked disapproving. "Brother, is that wise?"

"I am not strangling you, so why are you complaining?" Loki said, trying to sound caustic but not quite pulling it off.

"Because I cannot forget your history of such things." Thor said.

"Relax." Loki said smoothly. "If there is anyone on this Earth experienced in self-modulation through chemicals, it is Loki Laufeyson."

"That is hardly reassuring." Thor said gravely.

Loki laughed. Then he stopped himself. He was cheerful and telling Thor to relax. Maybe he'd given himself a little too much.

Thor noticed too. "You have the dosage wrong?" He asked. Having spoken to Loki a few times while Loki was in the later stages of his six-year drugventure, he could tell when his brother's occasional careful self-regulating was a bit off.

"A little. I weigh less than I did a month ago." Loki said. "I probably should not have told you that either."

"I find this calmness and candidity refreshing." Thor grinned. "You did not consider I may take advantage of this, Loki."

"I will kill you." Loki deadpanned.

"I doubt you could. Your reflexes are currently as a snail's." Thor teased.

Loki glared, unfortunately proving Thor right by missing the blonde man with the little umbrella with his cocktail.

Thor laughed loudly. "Would you like another drink?"

"Mocktail only." Loki said. At Thor's confusion, he added "One should never mix Valium and alcohol. One time I did this, I regained consciousness several hours later without a clue of what had just happened."

"That does seem to be the ending of a large number of your tales." Thor said.

"Not so much anymore." Loki pointed out. He was getting stared at, he knew it. Aside from banging the peasantry, and it was hopefully clear to outsiders that this was not that, Loki Laufeyson of Laufeyson Corp did not drink casually in a semi-classy bar.

On the other hand, for the first time in a long time he was borderline enjoying someone's company who wasn't Tony or an Avenger or Darcy, and if he was attracting attention along the way, then what did it matter?

And Thor seemed happy. Loki felt oddly like he was doing a good thing.

-O.O-

Loki and Thor made it home just after midnight. Darcy was at first delighted when she saw them somewhat cheerful, but then she realised Thor was _really_ drunk and Loki was...odd...so she sent both their asses to bed.

Thor just collapsed and fell asleep, but Loki wouldn't even go into his bedroom, so she chucked Tolkien's _The Legend of Sigurd and Gudrún_ at him and left him in his armchair.

-O.O-

Thor left the next morning, hung over but cheery as ever. Everyone (barring possibly Loki, but as far as Tony could tell, drinks had gone well) was sad to see him go.

Once his plane had left the airport, Loki pulled a flask from somewhere, drank not a small amount of whatever liquor was inside, muttered "I am glad that is finally fucking over." and headed back to the communal car.

"I though it went okay?" Tony said, giving an ungainly jog to catch up.

"'Okay' is one way to put it." Loki said darkly. "I was rather enjoying the balance of things before his arrival."

"Aw, you like having me around?" Tony teased.

"Sometimes." Loki smirked back. Then he leaned down to mutter in Tony's ear "I only want you for your money." which made both of them crack up laughing. No, Loki was not as wealthy as Tony, but he was still a billionaire.

"If you two homos are done..." Darcy said dryly, getting into the car. "There's a lot of paperwork for you back at the tower, Loki. You may not do most of your CEO duties but you still have to stick your signature on some stuff."

Loki gave a sigh and folded himself into the seat next to her. "I feel myself being overworked."

"Writing your name isn't work. Unless you actually _are_ a toddler in a grown man's body." Darcy said.

"I wouldn't rule it out." Tony said, twisting in the front seat to boop Loki on the nose. Loki scowled and swatted at his hand.

"Stop it, Stark." Loki said, but Tony knew Loki well enough to know that the taller man wasn't really annoyed.

"Yeah, stop it, Stark." Clint agreed from Darcy's other side. "Fondle your boyfriend later."

"This isn't fondling-" Tony said at the same time as Loki said "Hardly my boyfriend-" and then they both smirked at each other.

Tony's phone rang, with Pepper relaying him basically the same message. Do work. Write your name on stuff. Fantastic.

"Our nursemaids are herding us." Loki sighed.

"We hired them." Tony said resignedly. "We knew what we were getting into."

-O.O-

Tony didn't see Loki after that for three days. Having pretty much been nonstop in Loki's company for the last week, it felt like something was missing.

He yielded to temptation and finally rang the man. SADIE answered. "Apologies, my genesis, but Mr Laufeyson has requested all calls are diverted to voicemail."

"Um. Okay. Tell him I wondered if he wanted to do some drunk midnight science with Bruce and I." Tony said, an ice cube of fear slipping down his spine.

"Again, my apologies, Gene-" SADIE was cut off by Loki answering the phone.

"Complete!" The man chirrupped excitedly. "It is complete! Anthony, you should see this!"

"Hey, Loki, what're you talking about?" Tony said confusedly.

"Come and see, Anthony. You would find it fascinating." Loki said, hanging up the phone.

Reassured that Loki was alive, Tony quickly got in the Iron Man (he'd been abusing it to fly everywhere recently)  and soared over to Laufeyson Tower. As always, he landed on the bedroom balcony and disassembled the suit.

Loki's bed was uncharacterically unmade, and the door was open. Tony crept cautiously through it.

The man himself was standing in the middle of the room in just the green silk boxers he'd likely slept in, surrounded by holograms made brighter by the blacked-out windows. As soon as he heard Tony, he whirled around, eyes sparkling and face lit up with excitement. Tony hadn't seen him this energised before; it was quite cute.

"Anthony!" Loki exclaimed, gesturing for Tony to step up to him. Loki looked messy, like he hadn't slept for days, but still feverishly excitable.

Tony strode across the room and stood by him - they'd spent enough time naked or seminaked around each other that Loki's state of undress didn't slow him down too much - trying to make sense of what he was looking at. The holograms basically consisted of four boards, two metres tall by three metres wide. All four boards were covered with strings of nonsensical maths, all numbers and letters and symbols written in a way Tony barely understood.

For a second, he couldn't help but wonder if this was how Loki's brain actually worked. Then he snapped back to reality and said "This looks cool and all, but Lo', what does it mean?"

Loki suddenly seemed to realise he was making no sense at all and paced behind Tony, placing slender pale hands on the shorter man's shoulder and talking directly into his ear. "In layman's terms, it is the invasion."

"I don't see it." Tony said mulishly, trying to decide if Loki had gone insane.

Loki sighed. "Never mind your dullwittedness, this is quite literally the equation for my plan to counteract the upcoming invasion, bringing in all notable variables and constants, and calculating success given all variables behaving as is most likely."

Tony understood the concept, and now, scanning over the equation that had previously seemed indecipherable, he could see certain sections and understand bits of it. "Wow. Jesus. I don't understand half of this."

"This is brilliance, Anthony, plain and simple. One of the finest impromptu equations I have ever seen. Why do people not throw Nobel Prizes at me?" Loki had shifted forward a bit more in his enthusiasm, arms now wrapped around Tony's shoulders and Tony could _feel_ Loki's grin against his neck. "All of this, and within several hours of my beginning."

"Really? When did you start?" Tony said in surprise, looking at how much had been done.

"Around 3am. I woke up with the idea." Loki said.

"Um. Loki, it's about 9. At night. I rang before to see if you wanted to do midnight sciencing with me and Bruce." Tony said, leaning back onto Loki a bit.

"Oh. Perhaps I was here a little longer than I assumed." Loki replied thoughtfully.

Tony suddenly had a realisation. "What day is it?"

"You are testing me, judging by your question, but I would say Wednesday." Loki frowned.

"It's Friday." Tony said, smiling cheerfully. The whole work-for-a-period-of-time-that-would-scare-most-people thing was a trait that Tony and Loki shared, and one that Tony thought was rather endearing. "Have you eaten anything?"

"Not since I rose." Loki said. Tony was getting a _little_ distracted by the fact Loki was still wrapped around him, breathing onto his neck and yeah, only wearing the most minimal clothing.

First thing was first. "Okay. We get some food in you, then you explain some of this to me, cause while I may be a genius I don't really understand it."

With that in mind, Tony skipped the questionably aged leftovers and heated some canned stew that Loki didn't object to. He made Loki eat every bite, and then they wandered back into the living area.

"So." Tony said, gesturing at the holograms. "Tell me about this. What're your odds of success, given, as you said, all the variables behave as they should?"

Loki grinned at Tony's interest. "So far as I can tell, victory with a minimum of human casualties, best case scenario. With semi-ideal variable behaviour, worst case scenario would be _M_ is undefined, therefore dooming the population of Earth."

"And _M_ equals?" Tony said, a little afraid of the answer.

"I shall not tell you, for the sake of keeping one's plans to oneself. However, I will say that the possibility of _M_ being undefined is very slight." Loki shrugged.

"I think I have a maths boner." Tony told Loki.

Loki raised a perfect eyebrow. "Well, if anything were to have that effect, it would certainly be this."

"Mm." Tony said, highlighting pieces of Loki's work to examine them closer. He was about to ask Loki about it when he saw mathematical genius stifle a yawn. "Right, SADIE, triple-save this in fifty different places, Loki's going to bed."

"Oh, am I now?" Loki said lasciviously, putting on his devastating grin.

"Not in the fun way, I think having sex right now would kill you. What you need is sleep." Tony said. "I'll text Bruce and tell him the midnight science marathon can wait til tomorrow. Get your tight little ass in bed."

Loki did seem to see reason, seeing as he'd been awake for 66 hours somehow, and he stumbled into his bedroom and just lay down on his face on the bed. Tony rolled his eyes after sending the text and tucked Loki in. "Poor me, having to look after _you_ all the time. I should be getting paid for this." Loki made a weird noise into his pillow that Tony couldn't understand. "Right, Snow White, I'm off."

Loki turned his face to the side and said "Sleep here."

"Why?" Tony said sceptically.

"I will want you in the morning." Loki said bluntly.

Tony couldn't refuse an offer like that, he supposed. He stripped down to Loki's level of undress and hopped in bed, and if Loki rolled over and snuggled up to him, well, no one had to know.


	30. The Unmanly Swoon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> August is interesting, and then September turns up to spoil their fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at me! 30 chapters! I'm so proud haha. Thanks to both the faithful peasants who've stuck with me and the peasants who have just started reading = D

_You present the shaped piece of iridium to your master, recounting what has happened since you left his watchful eye. He's pleased by your rough treatment of Stark, delighted you left him a broken mess on the floor._

_You can't lie to him, though, you really can't, something in your brain stops you. You might lie to everyone else, but not the Mad Titan. When he asks you if you finished Stark off, you tell the truth._

_You helped him. Checked his false heart still glowed, made sure he couldn't choke on vomit._

_Thanos is angry, angrier than you've ever seen him. He accuses you of weakness and cowardice, calls you a sympathetic, love-blinded mortal fool._

_The stubborn part of you corrects him; you don't love Stark._

_At your interruption, he snaps, using his knack for energy manipulation to do something to the Sparkly Shit Suit that sends intense pain into every nerve in your body, and you're screaming, wanting it to end._

_And it does. Malekith, who had been standing idle, gives a yelp, trying to convince Thanos to stop, they need you. The pain ends and you realise you're on your knees, hands bloody where your fingernails punctured your palms, and your mouth tastes like copper and blood._

_Thanos sneers and dismisses you, and Mal helps tug you to your feet, healing your injuries with a wave of his hand. You're still afraid, though, and he mutters nonsense soothingly as he steers you back to your shared dormitory. (Your conscious mind says you share in the name of friendship and camaraderie, you subconscious shrieks that it's so he can mind his thrall)_

Loki awoke with a start, disorientated to the extreme. The breathing of another person in the room was Malekith. No, it wasn't. Wait. Gold silk, not threadbare linen. But the darkness was so like the dormitory. There was a blue glow. Mal's magic? Anthony's reactor?

Something scratchy rubbed against his collarbone. Anthony's goatee. So he was home. Was Mal a friend or an enemy? Enemy, right. What was Anthony? _You don't love Stark._

The confusion scared Loki a little. He was used to having his mind strictly ordered, but Malekith had walked in and dumped all his files on the floor. Mostly he was fine, but he tugged Tony a little closer to reassure himself and fell back asleep.

-O.O-

Tony woke up some time before Loki. Odd, seeing as Loki didn't usually sleep for more than six or seven hours a night, and he'd been asleep for twice that already. But he probably needed it.

He was not, however, expecting Loki to startle awake (for the second time that morning, but he didn't know that) and basically pin him down and fuck him without a word like he was never going to see him again, all desperate kisses and wandering hands.

Afterwards, Loki kissed him deeply and dragged them both to the shower, giving absolutely no explanation for his behaviour, but Tony could guess, given that he'd been pretty desperate to anchor himself to where he was after he got back from Afghanistan.

Breakfast, and then Tony decided he wanted to know more about what he'd dubbed the 'Invasion Equation' (it rhymed, he was so clever) so the previously scheduled drunk science with Bruce and JARVIS was held that morning at Stark Tower, with Loki giving a long and increasingly inebriated explanation of his genius before they ordered pizza into the lab and all fell asleep on the couch and fuzzy rug in the corner.

-O.O-

The month of August moved surprisingly fast from Tony's perspective, a blur of science and Loki and helping with Loki's machiavellian plans to save the world and _paperwork._

Doom didn't attack, evidentally working on his next bunch of pains in the ass, but another pain in the ass stepped in to fill the void, someone called the Crimson Cowl, who seemed to be testing (her??) strength.

Loki turned up late for the battle, busy plotting again, and when he got there he frowned and said 'And _who_ is this bitch?!'.

She punched him in the face using her cloak and gave him a nosebleed, but he got his own back by draining the power from her cowl so she had to run away to escape.

Then they had to listen to Loki complain about his nose all day.

The Avengers, mostly Loki and Tony, attended the usual society galas and whatnot, but people were starting to talk when neither Loki nor Tony dragged anyone home at the end of the night. The population who were paying attention was split in half - Either 'Loki and Tony are fucking'  or 'Tony's straight but seeing someone on the side'.

But there were the quiet times, between callouts, that Tony would recall in later years with just a tiny little smile.

Like Loki, sitting in Tony's lab for hours, patiently building a card pyramid with Dum-E, who occasionally smashed it over, but Loki didn't get mad, just slowly started again after scolding the robot. It could go down as one of the cutest things Tony had ever seen.

Or when they all went out for drinks and Clint and Darcy started making out in the corner.

Or when Tony decided to visit Loki and found him in the kitchen surrounded by pieces of his fridge - wearing his safety goggles, which competed with the card pyramid thing for the cutest thing ever - all because he was adding a new setting to his fridge.

Tony hadn't know there was more than one setting.

Or when Fury announced to everyone at a team meeting that the previously unfilled spot of Coulson was now occupied by none other than one Daniel Winchester, the SHIELD agent who'd presided over Loki's testimonial.

Or Bruce's birthday, which was a quiet affair, and everyone hugged him, and Loki may have touched his butt, which he swore was an accident, but it made Bruce laugh, which was the objective.

Or the time Tony and Loki decided to dump responsibility and just lie in Tony's bed all afternoon talking about physics and favoured liquors and people they'd fucked and whatever else they could think of.

Most of those seemed to involve Loki somehow. Tony was pretty sure he didn't regret that.

Not for the first time, Tony pondered how different the team would be if Loki wasn't...well, Loki. If they had someone else, someone who didn't have their own adjective (Lokish) that described them perfectly.

Maybe if there was someone nicer, less crazy, less of a full-tilt diva, less self-centred than Loki - someone like another, mellower Steve or even like Loki's brother, Thor - the team would work together better. Maybe Tony wouldn't sort of dislike Steve, and Bruce and Natasha could be bros, and Clint could be less antagonised, and Tony would spend more time with everyone, because really most of his team time was dedicated to Loki.

Instead, Bruce kept mostly to himself, except for science with the odd couple from wherever rich slutty superheroes come from, and they were divided a little with the other three being an almost-clique.

Tony should've felt bad, but if they were to work together better he never would have met Loki. And he never would have started this whole friends with benefits or maybe something more that they had.

-O.O-

At the very start of September, Doom decided that his next round of ass-pains (Doombots, whatever) needed to come out and play.

The battle was long and tiring, and everyone had run out of patience, and Loki was running out of sassy vitriol to shout at the bots. Which was, of course, when it happened.

Tony messed up a barrel roll and then got shot by a Doombot, causing Loki to lose his balance  and slip off Tony's back, smashing through a twenty-third story window.

"Loki!" Tony shouted in shock. The rest of the team's voices came through the comms, calling something similar.

Then they heard a low groan from Loki, a slight cracking noise, and "Shit. Shit fuck."

They didn't call him Silvertongue for nothing.

Leaving the others to finish off the remaining bots, Tony surged in through the window Loki had broken.

The man was on his feet, one hand over his mouth and the other desperately waving his sceptre at Tony.

Tony raised his faceplate to get a proper look and ask Loki what the problem was, but just as he drew his breath Loki grabbed him and teleported to the window to jump out.

Or he would've, but Natasha and Clint had made their way to the window somehow, and Loki couldn't shove past them.

Then Tony realised JARVIS was trying to catch his attention and he put his faceplate on, to be warned of a biohazard - which is when he saw the freaking huge number of petri dishes Loki had smashed on his way in, and the clean, sterile lab that was now in pieces.

Loki shouted "Out! Get out!" before taking the initiative and grabbing them all to teleport away.

They appeared on Tony's balcony, Loki grunting and sinking to his knees from the effort, leaning on his sceptre. The most he'd ever teleported was just himself and Tony in the Iron Man, and while it didn't take too much more effort to take more people, the amount of energy exerted had to be exact. In other words, Loki had had to run energy calculations for four people in the space of half a second, and it was credit to his skill that they appeared in one piece.

Clint gave an unmanly swoon and Natasha yelped. In fact, Tony came out best. He reached down and helped Loki to his feet.

In the absence of Steve, Loki immediately started giving orders. "Get SHIELD to retrieve Banner and Rogers and immediately set up control for the potential biocontamination. Also, someone find out exactly what I have probably been infected by."

Natasha and Clint immediately started making calls.

"How deep is the shit we're in?" Tony asked Loki urgently.

"It depends on what was in those dishes." Loki said, inviting himself inside to sit on Tony's couch, lay down his sceptre and look at his hands, which now he looked closer, were oozing blood from the glass. It wasn't very bad, he'd taken most of the impact with his back, but it looked unpleasant.

"Great." Tony sighed, knowing that himself, Clint and Natasha had probably taken a lungful of it too.

-O.O-

"Who the _fuck_ would cross the common cold with influenza!?" Tony shouted, pacing around the living room.

"Small medicine company by the name of-" Clint repeated for the fourth time.

"He knows, Barton." Loki said from his perch in the armchair, his throat feeling unpleasant already. "I believe he is in shock."

"At least it's not fatal." Natasha said, the corner of her mouth quirking upwards.

"Lucky Bruce and Steve." Clint sighed.

Bruce and Steve had avoided contamination, and Steve couldn't get sick anyway, so Steve was playing nursemaid while Bruce had quarantined himself in his usual lab.

Over the phone, Bruce had given them twelve hours before symptoms started to present.

It felt like a freaking doomsday countdown.

Even more so for Loki, who was likely to get far sicker, much sooner, seeing as he'd been exposed to more of it.

So for the moment they were all sprawled around the living room crunching Vitamin C tablets, having been dosed with an antibiotic, watching _The Dark Knight_ and trying to not think how sick they could be very soon.

Loki had wanted to go home, but Darcy had said _oh hell no I don't want a contagious whiny plaguerat making me sick_ so he was sulking in the armchair reading. It was best to keep him under observation anyway, seeing as he was going to be a sicknote pretty soon.

"Loki." Tony said. Loki didn't stir. "Lo'lo. Sparkles. Princess. Sweet _Juliet._ "

"Mm?" Loki said without raising his head.

"How do you not kill him for calling you that?" Clint said in disbelief.

On some level, Loki liked it. That was a deep, dark level he would never ever mention to _anyone._ Thus he replied "Forcing him to stop would be like telling the wind not to blow. What do you want, Stark?"

"You're not actually planning to sit around here in a suit, are you?" Tony beseeched. "Put some sick day clothes on. Look at me; sweatpants and a t-shirt, and all I need is a lapdance and I'd be perfectly comfortable."

"That could be arranged." Loki said with a crooked grin. "I do not have any other clothes with me."

"C'mon." Tony said cheerily. "Your workout clothes are in my closet."

Amidst strange looks, Tony dragged Loki upstairs. When he came back in five minutes, there was collective group wolf-whistles at the sweatpants and t-shirt.

"Fuck you all." Loki sulked, hiding in his armchair, wrapped up in himself.

Then he sneezed.

Everyone looked at him.

He looked at everyone.

Then he swore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly, Tony and Loki couldn't act much more relationshippy.  
> Secondly, Loki in safety goggles would be ridiculously cute.


	31. Loki Turns Kawaii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a sick day, and all of a sudden Loki's turned cute. And difficult.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 70k words!! Look I made a long fic *curtseys* *falls on ass*
> 
> Look I made a character development. For once.

By that evening everyone was sneezing. Loki's temperature had sneaked up a degree or two, and he was curled in the armchair feeling sorry for himself.

Tony had wanted to take Loki to a hospital, but seeing as this was a new virus and possibly dangerous, they were effectively quarantined. Only Steve and people in biohazard clothes could come in. And Loki had already been scrubbed - twice - in a sterile shower.

Loki was inwardly panicking, and for once it wasn't just for himself. He was worried about Tony, anxious that Tony would get sick, feeling guilty for it sort of being his fault Tony had been infected. Oh yeah, and the other two. But they didn't seem to matter as much.

When the hell had he actually started having more than two emotions? Orgasm and indifference, as Tony himself had called it. He'd removed the others from his equation when he realised they didn't help.

It wasn't an emergency; he didn't feel more than two emotions towards everyone except Darcy and Frigga, it was just for Tony. Proof of his answer was his semi-indifference towards Clint and Natasha's illness, even after knowing them for some time.

Shit, maybe that was an emergency. When had he let Tony become a constant as opposed to a variable in his life?

He possibly had the 21st century plague. Now was not the time to try and find _x_ in his personal life.

Loki then realised Tony had been trying to catch his attention.

"Pardon?" Loki said dazedly.

"I said, stop plotting to steal Christmas and get over here." Tony said.

Loki discovered everyone had moved. The other three plaguerats had moved to the biggest couch and thrown a huge blanket over themselves.

Tony was leaning against one armrest, holding up the blanket for Loki to squeeze in next to him. "Come on, Reindeer Games." He smiled.

He was out of the armchair and onto the couch before his internal voices could stop shouting at each other. It felt oddly nice, to let Tony wrap his arm reassuringly around his chest and pull him closer so Loki was partly lying on him.

Domestic, but not in the way that made Loki tear his smooth black hair out. Before he was brainnapped, he and Tony hadn't been particularly touchy-feely. Call his time in Thanos's company a catalyst, but the last month had been different. Talking without arguing and having sex without anger and touching without irony or sarcasm. The definition of their interaction had changed. It wasn't something Loki was used to, but he couldn't deny that kind of constant was a soothing one.

Tony leaned down to murmur into Loki's hair, just above his ear, so the others couldn't hear. "Don't bite my nose off, Lo', but I can tell you're a little worried. You'll be fine. We've all had flu shots recently and it can't be too bad. Besides, you're Loki Fucking Laufeyson; you can buy antibodies if you have to."

Loki snorted and said "Sentimental fool." but the cutting remark was somewhat dampened by Loki snuggling deeper onto Tony's chest. If Tony was offering something warm to lean against (Loki was feeling a little cold) then he wouldn't say no. That was probably the reason.

-O.O-

About quarter of an hour after settling there, Loki was asleep on Tony.

Tony liked this, the feeling of being able to curl up with Loki around the others. Maybe the sickness was an excuse, but too bad.

Then it struck him: what he really wanted was for it to always be like this between him and Loki; cuddles and whatnot, scary as it sounded.  But eventually Loki would realise how close they'd gotten and push him away, or one of them would say something wrong, or they'd get hurt or move away or...

The only way Tony could think of to make it so he'd be able to have what he wanted would be to actually _date_ Loki, and the few times he'd considered trying to work up the courage to ask, he'd had a sudden flashback to Loki saying _If you are looking for a boyfriend, Stark, then you are sitting on the wrong man_ and all his bravado just...vanished.

Because this was more than just a friendship. Or Tony felt it was. He didn't know if Loki agreed.

An hour after Loki fell asleep, Steve, lovely Steve, was making them all chicken soup. Tony gentled nudged Loki to wake him up. Loki didn't move.

Then Tony realised that weird feeling on his side was Loki's forehead burning up. And he still wasn't waking up.

"Guys." Tony said. "Loki's running a high fever. Get some of that temperature reducing shit they gave us while I try and wake him up."

Natasha and Clint weren't looking so great themselves, sneezing and snuffling - hell, Tony was too - but they could tell he was serious so they dove into the huge pack of medicinal supplies on the other side of the room.

Loki was muttering something. "No, mother, I have not been drinking..."

Liar.

But he was semi awake now.

"Loki! Frigga believed you. Now wake up and swallow these pills." Tony urged.

Loki's eyes were glazed over a little when he opened them, but he gratefully accepted the pills and the glass of water and consumed both before slumping his unnaturally hot body back onto Tony's.

"Loki, you can't go back to sleep. Food, yes? And more water. We have to keep your body running as best we can."

Loki murmured something like "Fuck off, Fandral." and closed his eyes.

"Who's Fandral?" Clint said curiously.

"Get a cold pack." Natasha said, swatting him around the head. Clint protested as he dove into the kitchen to retrieve one from the freezer. Tony quickly pulled the blanket off Loki and tried to prop him up, not helped by the fact Loki now seemed to have jelly in the place of bones.

Once they got his temperature down, Loki was much more lucid and fully capable of mulishly refusing to eat anything.

"Come on. Stop being a stubborn little bitch." Tony said, waving a spoon at him.

"I cannot keep my figure if I wantonly stuff my face." Loki growled stubbornly.

"It's not 'wanton face-stuffing' if you're sick. And techincally you're underweight it the moment. Choke it down." Tony said. The spoon-waving became more threatening.

Loki pouted cutely. "While I fully understand that energy is required for healing, I simply am not hungry."

"Bullshit. You haven't eaten all day. We skipped breakfast because we had a shower and then there was a call-out." Tony frowned. Waking up that morning with an armful of morning-after dozy Loki had been brilliant. Funny how quickly the day had shifted.

"I'm at the age when I can interpret hunger pangs. Not hungry." Loki protested.

"You're a three year old secretly." Tony pointed out. "You just don't feel like eating cause you have a fever. Don't let it trick you."

Loki looked like he'd rather rub the soup into his hair than eat it.

Tony should've known he'd be a difficult patient.

-O.O-

After dinner, and more preventive medication helpfully sent over by SHIELD, they curled up on the couch in the same position.

Loki had gone full boa constrictor and fallen asleep not on, but around Tony, so he was holding a conversation with Natasha, Steve and Clint.

It wasn't something he did often. He tended to spend more time with Bruce and Loki. But he liked Natasha, and he was liking Clint more and more, and he was trying to give Steve another chance.

He was starting to realise that the reason the Avengers were split in half was because the two halves weren't trying to work together. So he was planning to fix that, as of now; they were quarantined, no one could escape.

Tony learned that Clint used to be a circus performer and Natasha loved Cold War antiques and Steve had known and loved a girl named Peggy before he was frozen.

Loki started snoring, a gentle rasp, which made Tony grin because Loki usually slept scarily silently.

"He's so cute, isn't he?" Tony said with a huge smile. Despite the fact it was only because Loki was sick, he thought it was brilliant.

"I don't think I've ever seen him sleep before." Clint said. "Except when he was knocked out after Denmark, and I wasn't paying attention then. He's scarier than me, and I can sleep with my eyes open."

"I know." Tony grumbled. There had been an incident, right back when the other Avengers (minus Loki) had moved in. Tony had stumbled into the communal kitchen in the dead of night - his fridge had run out of peanut butter and _goddamnit he was having a craving -_ when he shrieked in girlish terror at Clint Barton staring at him from the nest he'd made on the top of the fridge. Then Clint had woken up too and they'd both been shrieking.

"He is sort of adorable, in a threatening way." Natasha acquiesed.

Loki snuffled and clung tighter to Tony.

"Oh, come on. This is the cutest thing I've ever _seen._ " Tony replied. "He's pretty hot, though, and he's going to crush me if he holds me any tighter."

"He need more fever stuff?" Clint asked.

"I think he's had maximum dose. Better just leave him be, I guess." Tony said, idly petting Loki's black hair. "Are we allowed to go to our rooms, or do we have to sleep here?"

"Depends on whether or not you want your whole room decontaminated." Natasha said. "I'd rather sleep here. My room is private."

Tony agreed with that. So he wriggled down the couch, pushed Clint and Natasha off it, and fell asleep some time later with Loki's face buried in his neck.

-O.O-

Tony woke up half a dozen times in the night, overheating from being too close to Loki The Living Furnace and because Loki had developed a nasty cough and a tendency to sneeze violently.

The sickness was hitting Loki fast. Tony only hoped it would leave just as quickly.

Meanwhile his nose was running and he kept sneezing and having to hunt down tissues and the whatnot. Eventually he just grabbed the roll of paper towels and plonked it and a rubbish bin next to the couch so he could keep cuddling Loki while blowing his nose. And putting cold cloths on Loki's forehead, because the man's fever was pretty bad even with the medication.

Loki still looked great, even though he seemed to be pretty much overcome with illness. Bastard.

In the morning, Tony was hot and snotty and tired from no sleep, but Loki hadn't gotten much worse, so he felt a warm glow of satisfaction. That may have been fever.

Breakfast was an attempt by Steve at an English one, but as soon as Loki heard him talking about it he woke up fully and demanded to do it himself or it'd be all wrong.

Acquiesing to the Englishman in the room, Steve let Loki take over. Unfortunately, Loki's limbs were shaking from fever to the extend he just sat on the bench and ordered them all around.

It was kind of fun, working together in the kitchen. Proper teamwork.

And Bruce joined them by phone and told them that Clint, Natasha and Tony weren't likely to present symptoms much more severe than a strong cold or the mild flu. Loki, he had no idea about.

Which just made Loki groan theatrically and wish under his breath for some liquor of sorts so he didn't have to think about it.

But once breakfast was ready, they were sitting around the table talking and laughing despite how ill they felt, and Loki was eating, though a little glaze-eyed and occasionally going off on random tangents that betrayed how delirious he actually was.

Tony had never had a family, not really, not with Howard never looking at him and his mother being distant until she was killed when he was 15. He'd been lonely from then on, but now he had Loki and the Avengers and Pepper and Rhodey and Darcy and _Loki._


	32. The Equine Fata Morgana

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A feverish Loki says some weird stuff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys. Basically a filler chapter to move us from one place to another.

Now that Loki was awake and chatting, he couldn't fucking _shut up._

After breakfast, he had talked non-stop while they tidied the dishes, about everything and nothing, occasionally punctuated by violent sneezes or harsh coughs, and half of it made no sense at all. Putting cool cloths on his forehead and neck helped to settle him a little, but fact was he was delirious.

It was really weird hearing Loki talk so much. Yeah, he definitely had a mouth on him, but he wasn't the type for rambling, more giving concise speeches that held the attention of every listener. Now he was barely making sense as he bounced between topics unpredictably.

Also, Loki's strictly maintained brain-to-mouth filter had vanished mysteriously. Normally more guarded than he was given credit for, he was now speaking candidly on any topic.

Now he was lying on the couch with cloths on his head and chest and wearing just his sweatpants, talking about how if Natasha ever needed to kill him he'd rather like it if she'd strangle him with her thighs so the last thing that he experienced was a faceful of her crotch.

Natasha said she wanted to slap him, but didn't have the heart while he was so ill.

Clint said he couldn't remember a time when Loki hadn't been talking. "Seriously. What happened to the guy who kept quiet unless he had something meaningful to say? I miss that guy."

"Who?" Loki said worriedly. Then his feverish brain clicked. "Ah, Barton, good joke. I did always respect your quirky sense of humour. And the bone structure of your face. If you were not dating my assistant and for some strange reason so determined to be straight, I would pin you against a wall and f-"

"Shh, Lokes." Tony said. "Keep it PG."

"I hardly see why." Loki ranted on. "Barton is hardly a blushing virgin. Unless he is, in which case I pity Darcy. Barton, are you a virgin? If so, I could-"

"Stop with the sexual suggestions, Bambi. Clint's not a virgin and he doesn't want to sleep with you." Tony said firmly.

"Not even if you were gagged, blindfolded and handcuffed and I didn't have to look at you." Clint agreed.

"That could be arranged. I've done it before." Loki rattled off immediately."You know what I would like?"

"World domination?" Clint asked without thinking.

"Aha. Not today, my ersatz lover." Loki said wistfully, his glazed eyes shining. "A team orgy. It would be brilliant."

No one quite knew what to say to that, except Clint who asked "Is he joking?"

"I doubt it," Tony said. "But hey, we've all thought it."

"No, we haven't." Steve said, blushing.

"Oh, Captain, my Captain, you most certainly should." Loki said feverishly from his corner of the couch. "Throw in Darcy, too, perhaps, to even the gender ratios a tad."

No one said anything, so Loki continued. "We are all such athletic types, so it would certainly be extremely enjoyable."

"Loki, I'm pretty sure no one except you and me would agree to a team orgy." Tony said, snatching the box of throat lozenges and sticking one in his mouth.

"Darcy would." Loki said petulantly as he snuggled deeper into the sofa. "You all have such nice asses. It would be glorious."

"No, no, no." Tony replied. "Bad Loki. Stop propositioning everyone."

Loki pouted adorably on the couch before looking away from all of them and talking to the TV screen - currently showing Shadowfax from Lord Of The Rings galloping majestically - saying "What about you, Sleipnir? But of course, I'd never proposition you, now would I? I am very sorry I didn't bring a carrot today."

"It's settled." Natasha deadpanned. "He's gone insane."

"Okay for you guys, but Loki and I are sick." Tony said. This was true; Natasha and Clint had only the symptoms of a mild cold, sneezing and coughing and feeling down, likely attributable to their level of physical health, but Tony was sicker and getting worse. And Loki was hallucinating ponies.

Loki started talking about all sorts of things to the pony he was imagining, and they all just tried to block it out. He sounded like a kid; he was recalling a day at school for a while, and Tony's heart broke when Loki mentioned how a boy named Volstagg had stolen his yoghurt and tipped it into his hair. It didn't slow Loki down for a moment, and after a while Loki stopped hallucinating the pony and started talking about French customs to the armchair.

"Can we tranquilise him?" Clint asked seriously.

Tony shook his head. "He's probably immune to it. He's had enough in his life to fell a whole country."

"Speaking of immunities, I think I know why you and him are so sick." Bruce said through the intercom suddenly.

"Thanks for the warning, JARVIS." Tony said sarcastically.

"Apologies, sir." JARVIS replied.

"What are you thinking, Doctor?" Natasha asked.

"Call him Bruce." Tony urged for the sake of team bonding. Natasha nodded.

"I'm thinking Loki doesn't get out much, he spends most of his time with us or alone, and _never_ with kids. No public transport, no nothing. I'd say he doesn't get the cold or flu often, so he doesn't have much of a resistance. By all rights, he's sicker than he should be." Bruce said, some of his usual shyness falling away as he dove into his field, biology. "And you, Tony, have been previously poisoned by palladium and have a big hole in your chest, never mind that you don't look after your body very well. So you're sicker than our agents here."

"That...makes sense, I guess." Tony said.

"So what can we do to help them get better?" Natasha asked.

"In Tony's case, just keep going with the antibiotics, and if he gets any worse let me know. Loki, keep him cool if you can, make him drink and eat if you can, and try to keep coaxing medication into him. I know he's not easy-"

"I resent that! I am extremely easy!" Loki said, before slipping into his half-doze again.

"But try to do that if you can. The medicine company that got us into this is working on a cure, but there's no cure for the cold, and it's antibiotics for influenza, so don't get your hopes too high." Bruce said. "And, Steve? Thanks for looking after them."

"Not a problem. It's my duty as a teammate." Steve said.

Tony was sure he heard Loki murmur "I am the anti-Steve." while dozing.

"Well." Tony said. "I'm going to give Lokes a cold bath, see if it perks him up a bit so we can feed him a late lunch."

"Erm..." Steve said. "Are you okay with that?"

"Oh, sure. Not like I haven't seen the big guy naked before." Tony said, before giving a short laugh that turned into a wheezing cough. "I could do with a hand moving him to the next room, though."

Loki's limbs were basically just jelly at this point, so Steve and Tony helped him to the bathroom down the hallway. The feverish man wouldn't - couldn't - shut up the whole time.

JARVIS had kindly poured the cold bath before they got there. By the time they'd convinced Loki to actually try to walk under his own steam - admittedly with shaky limbs like a newborn doe's - Loki was sure of one thing.

"I'm siiiiick." He whined.

"I know, Bambi. So am I. Keep your pants on." Tony sighed.

Loki made _the_ face. Tony knew it well. It was the face he made whenever someone said something he disagreed with, and he was about to make his disagreement known.

And it never ceased to make Tony smile.

"I refuse." Loki said blatantly. Then he made sure Steve was looking, dropped his sweatpants, and proudly staggered into the bath with a sigh of relief.

Tony couldn't help himself; he started laughing at the look of shock on Steve's face. "You can go, Cap, before he does something inappropriate. I can stop him from drowning."

Loki already looked a tad better and he said "Now you can add seeing billionaire innovator Loki Laufeyssssss....Laufeyson naked to your resume."

"Pretty much everyone in New York and London has seen you naked, Lo'lo." Tony pointed out as Steve flushed and left. "Nice job. You scared him off."

"That was the plan." Loki rasped, sinking lower into the water so it covered all but his face. "How are you feeling?"

"Not great." Tony conceded. "But you're a tad more important. Now you're making sense, how are you?"

"I want to know." Loki said with an eye narrowing that told Tony he was serious. "Are you of good health?"

Cue a warm fuzzy glow in Tony's chest at Loki's concern. "I could be better. But hey, you're the one who's been hallucinating ponies, I'm more worried about you."

"Strange things have happened today." Loki said blearily. "Was my French teacher here?"

"Uh, no. Not that I noticed." Tony said with a weak smile.

Loki sat there in the bath thoughtfully for a while, before his eyes lit up. "Fetch me a tablet, or a piece of paper, or something I can write notes with."

Without questioning, Tony quickly zapped back to the living room and found a tablet in the drawer in the coffee table.

Loki gratefully accepted it with newly dried hands and started typing something. Tony shifted around so he could see what the other genius was doing. Another equation. Fantastic. And, at the bottom of the page, he'd written _x_ =10 _n_ \+ 4 for some reason.

"Anthony, if you're just going to hover behind me like that, you could make yourself useful." Loki said.

"Hmm?" Tony asked.

"If you could somehow obtain a chocolate milkshake, I would weep unholy tears of joy. Metaphorically." Loki said.

"Um...Okay. I think Clint has stuff for milkshakes. I'll be back soon." Tony said, glad that Loki actually wanted to eat. Though why he wanted a chocolate milkshake was beyond him.

As soon as he made it back to the living room, Tony asked "Clint, do you have any stuff for milkshakes?"

"Why do you want one?" Clint asked.

"Loki's having a craving, which is good, I guess. Either that or he's pregnant." Tony said. "So do you have any or not?"

"Yeah, sure. It's for a good cause." Clint said.

"I thought you didn't like Loki?" Tony said curiously.

"Nah, he's all right." Clint shrugged. "Just takes some getting used to, I guess."

-O.O-

Loki was delighted with his chocolate milkshake. Tony was delighted with the fact Loki drank it all without noticing it was half protein shake.

The man was underweight. He'd never exactly been chubby, and then he'd helpfully gone and lost even more weight while being malnourished under Thanos's care and hadn't gotten it back. Therefore Tony was secretly trying to feed him up, but it wasn't working while Loki was so stubborn.

Loki would be stubborn until the end of time, so Tony didn't think this would change anytime soon.

Nevertheless, he'd sneaked more protein into him, so that was a small victory.

Tony had to leave the bathroom shortly after because Loki was cleaning himself with a sponge and it was fucking distracting watching it slide across his perfect skin.

Stupid Laufeyson.

He'd taken refuge on the big couch in the living room, choking down the 'cherry flavoured' cough syrup and stealing all the throat lozenges for himself. They tasted nice. So sue him.

A few hours went by with Tony occasionally checking with JARVIS that Loki hadn't drowned. Steve and Clint started to make dinner, Natasha played solitaire, and Tony nearly overdosed on the medication about. Goddamnit, he was feeling worse, and he didn't want to be.

Eventually Tony decided to fish Loki out. "Jarv, what's Loki doing?"

"Trying to stand up, Sir." JARVIS replied.

"What? Shit! Why didn't you tell me?" Tony said, getting to his feet, feeling a little unsteady.

"He requested he be allowed to do it himself."

"Stubborn asshole." Tony said, walking down the hall, staggering slightly. In the time he'd been sitting down he'd gotten a little weaker from fever. His chest hurt.

-O.O-

The cold water had helped with Loki's sanity and perhaps his strength a little, and the man had thoroughly enjoyed it, but his skin was all wrinkly and after some time it had gotten annoying.

Not wanting to appear helpless, he'd tried to get out of the bath himself. His legs wouldn't hold him up.

 _Look at your life decisions, Loki. You are currently lying in a bathtub and fully incapable of getting out again._ Loki thought. _Was there not a celebrity that died like this recently?_

Sulking, he went for a new tactic and rolled out of the tub, landing hard on his back on the mat, his breath raspy from both the impact and illness.

_Progress. Excellent._

Then the door opened and Loki looked at the upside-down face of Tony.

"Hello." Loki said hoarsely.

Tony's grin was one of the most heart-warming he'd ever seen. "You're ridiculous." He said with a head shake, grabbing a couple of towels to dry Loki off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, the equation x = 10n + 4 will have some relevance in the future. If anyone figures out why, I'll give you a cookie. But i don't think I've given enough clues for anyone to work it out.


	33. Daddy, I'm Having Strange Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki's sick, and then he's not, and Tony wonders whether 42 is really the answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am a lowly peasant. A late update and a short chapter. Have some slashy fluff in exchange for me being a peasant.

Steve had to stay up with Loki that night.

He was worse than ever. His cough had settled in his chest and Steve was worried about pneumonia, plus his fever was high no matter what ice towels he applied. Loki wasn't asleep or awake, caught in an intermediary stage where he was hallucinating harshly and barely responsive to what Steve was saying.

"We have to take him to a hospital." Tony kept saying, unable to sleep while his, uh, Loki was so sick.

"We can't, Tony." Steve said soothingly, rubbing Vick's onto Loki's chest to try and help with the cough.

Tony snatched the pottle off him and started rubbing Loki's chest himself. Loki started trying to speak again and Tony said "Shut up and focus on breathing, Lo'lo."

Loki responded to Tony's voice - unlike Steve's, which he had wholeheartedly ignored - and starting trying to even out his shallow pants. Unsuccessfully.

"Steve, Loki can't breathe properly and he's coughing up his lungs every five minutes. He needs hospital treatment, _now._ " Tony insisted.

"We can't." Steve repeated. "No breaking quarantine. What happens if this bug gets out?"

"I don't _fucking_ care!" Tony said, finally speaking loud enough to make Clint and Natasha shoot awake and look for their weapons.

Loki wriggled and gently placed his crooked right hand on Tony's lips to shush him. Tony felt tears burning his eyes all of a sudden.

"Sorry, Lo'. I'm gonna fix this, I will." Tony said gently. "Get Danny on the phone."

JARVIS responded immediately with a 'Yes, Sir' and called Daniel Winchester.

He answered immediately "Hello-"

"Danny boy, if you don't have something for us I will synthesize a cure out of your _corneas._ " Tony said immediately.

"What brought this on?" Winchester said flatly. Of course, something must have changed from his point of view.

"Loki can't breathe, it looks like the start of pneumonia." Steve said to give Tony's hoarse voice a rest. "Whatever's going on, it's reached his lungs. He's running a high fever and he can barely move. You have to have _something_. Tony's not looking so good either."

"I'm fine." Tony protested. "It's Loki we need to be worried about. We can't treat him with a box of medical supplies, he needs a doctor!"

"Stark is right." Clint said. "Quarantine is all very well and good, but I'm not going to let Loki die from lack of treatment."

"He's not going to die." Winchester said firmly. "SHIELD, the company that got you into this, and Dr Banner have been working almost non-stop. We think we might have something."

"Thank god." Tony said. "Don't hold back in bringing it here."

"It's not tested or anything, but we think it'll work. Artificial antibodies; the way of the future, or so I've heard. Tuned to your DNA and blood type." Winchester explained. "A little something Banner's been working on, apparently."

"Clever boy." Tony said. "Get it here. Now."

Loki was panting again, shallow breaths that probably meant his chest hurt. After disconnecting the call, Tony leaned over him, tugged a new cold towel onto him and swept black, sweaty hair off his face.

"Hey, Snow White. Keep listening to me. Remember, I used to call you that all the time? Now you're Sparkles and Lo'lo and stuff. You're still a princess, though." Like before, Loki seemed to respond to Tony's voice, the corners of his mouth twitching up. "Ya, you say it annoys you, but you love it really."

"Bruce is sorting out what he has and bringing it up." Steve said. "Keep talking to him; he listens to you."

Tony took those words to heart, leaning down and muttering to Loki. "Hey, this couch is great, right? We watch movies and eat dinner and stuff on this couch. Hey, we had sex on this couch. We're definitely doing that again."

"Tonyyyyyyy." Clint whined.

"And, hey, Clint - or Barton, you call him that, I don't know what your problem with first names is - he sort of admits he likes you. So maybe you can sleep with him now. Though I don't think that's why you keep being all suggestive, I think you're just trying to freak him out. I know you don't like sleeping with guys that're stronger than you. Wow, I know way too much about you." Tony continued. Loki was actually smiling just a little, Tony's words inserting themselves into whatever feverish mess he was seeing.

"This is fun, seeing as you can't talk back." Tony said, idly petting Loki's sweaty forehead and grabbing another towel. "You're so fucking sassy. I thought I couldn't be outsassed until you walked into my own house, called me on my shit and left again."

"How _did_ you guys meet?" Steve asked.

"Business meeting two years ago." Tony said. "He just acted like a pretentious asshole in my own house and then left. Man, I hated him."

"I think he has that effect on everyone." Clint said.

"Then it only got worse when he slept with Pepper. And, yada yada, we were both dicks, and somehow we ended up here." Tony said. "I'm not sure why I don't still hate him. Maybe it's Stockholm Syndrome or something from being trapped in his company."

Loki was panting shallowly.

"If you don't breathe properly I will hollow out those stupid horns of yours and use one as a pipe for you to breathe through." Tony said. Loki liked creative threats, right?

"Don't be mean to him." Steve said.

"He's fine. Look, he listened. We threaten each other all the time." Tony said.

They heard the elevator open.

"Bruuuuuuuuuuce!" Tony said.

Bruce walked in, hair ruffled and looking as overworked as he always did. "I think I have it right." He said as he looked at Loki on the couch. "Just in time too. The little things only just finished growing."

"I’m sure it’s brilliant." Tony said. "Wait, why aren’t you wearing a suit? Does my green buddy keep you safe?"

Bruce nodded and opened the case he was holding. "Fortunately, if it doesn’t work, they’ll be absorbed by your body. Tony, you look terrible."

"I’m fine." Tony snapped. Everyone kept telling him he was sick, but he wasn’t too bad apart from the nasty cough and the general feeling like shit. Okay, he was bad, but there were more important things. "Just make Loki better and I’ll buy you a pony."

"I don’t want a pony." Bruce said patiently. "I need to inject this into him first. Could you hold him still?"

"Gladly." Tony said, not that Loki was moving much anyways.

The injection went relatively smoothly. It was after that spooked everyone: after the needle had been removed and Tony let Loki go, the stricken man widened his glassy eyes and said "...Mal?"

Everyone looked worried. All of them found it odd that even though Loki had basically been kidnapped and forced to commit horrible misdeeds by the dark elf, he was the only member of the team who didn’t openly hate him. And it wasn’t like Loki was the forgiving type.

"No, Loki, it’s us. The team." Bruce said gently. Loki looked confused.

"I really want to know what happened in those two and a half weeks." Clint said.

"Don’t we all." Tony said. "C’mon. Fix me next."

-O.O-

If Tony was expecting the Popeye’s Can Of Spinach situation, suddenly feeling better, he was sorely disappointed.

Loki wasn’t any better either, but Tony was urged into sleeping by Bruce and Steve, who promised to keep Loki in one piece for him.

By the time he woke up, he was feeling better, Clint and Natasha seemed fine, and Loki’s fever had dipped a little. So Bruce’s thingie had worked.

"You’re a genius." Tony said through his breakfast. He was sitting on the couch, feeding Loki another protein shake disguised as a chocolate milkshake. Tony vaguely wondered how well Loki had him trained. "How are you not paid more? Do you know how many diseases you can cure with _custom_ antibodies?"

"I’ve been working on it for a while." Bruce smiled. "I got the idea from the Chitauri corpses I study. A lot of their stuff is bioprogrammable."

"You are brilliant." Tony said. "Loki, for fuck’s sake, I know you’re a bit awake. Stop being a lazy ass and hold your own milkshake."

Loki gave his wicked little chuckle and his still-semi glazed eyes glittered mischieviously. "No." He murmured. "I am _ever_ so tired."

"If I’m ever sick and you’re fine I expect you kneeling beside my bed holding my milkshake." Tony said. "A nice one. If I let you get away with it you’ll make it pistaschio or whatever."

Loki gave another chuckle and finished his drink, dozing off again.

-O.O-

Despite needing another dose of custom antibodies - something good had come out of the invasion after all - Loki got better quickly. He was still weak as a kitten even after a few days, though, residing mercilessly on the couch and ordering everyone about.

At one point Tony gave him a tablet with the equation he'd written in the bath.

"It's either genius or idiocy." Loki had said, staring dumbfoundedly at what he had written. "Either way it makes no fucking sense."

By three days after everyone had been dosed, Tony was almost 100% and Clint and Natasha didn't seem like they'd ever been sick at all. Loki was shaky-limbed and still coughing a lot, but he was moving about a bit and restless beyond compare.

In the evening, Tony went into the living room to find Loki had left.

"JARVIS, where'd he go?" Tony sighed.

"He is in your bed, sir." JARVIS replied.

Tony fought off a jolt of arousal as he went up the elevator. What the fuck.

He found Loki lying in his bed, swaddled in blankets and looking tired.

"How the hell did you get here?" Tony asked.

"I made my way in a dignified and princely fashion." Loki said exhaustedly.

"I watched the security footage on the way up. You nearly crawled."

Loki pouted cutely. "Your bed is of far greater comfort than that couch."

Loki Laufeyson, determined to a fault.

Tony felt a little twinge in his heart he'd felt a few times before. Nothing to do with the arc, oh hell no; it was a feeling he used to associate with Pepper and was happening more and more with Lokes.

It better not be what he thought it was. No way would it be a good idea to feel ....that.... for the one and only Loki.

Eh, fuck thinking about the subject. Tony dive-bombed Loki on the bed, and Loki playfully swatted at his face, and Tony leaned over and kissed Loki.

Loki kissed back, wrapping one shaky arm around Tony's neck to pull him closer and suck his tongue into his mouth.

Eventually he pulled back, face only centimetres from Tony's. "I am little tired for this, Tony."

 _He called me Tony!_ "I know. That wasn't - eh, never mind. Get some sleep."

Loki tugged Tony to lie next to him and fell asleep in moments.


	34. Cross-Continental Pining Is A Wondrous Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The invasion plans continue on, Tony grows a spine, and Loki likes it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fucking FINALLY. 34 fucking chapters.

_I want to date Loki._

_He might laugh in my face if I ask._

_He might not._

_How the hell do you understand what the most unpredictable man on Earth would do._

_Oh god._

This cycle of thoughts floated around Tony's brain for the day that Loki stayed in Tony's room after getting sick.

He was basically caught in a mental quandary. He wanted to date Loki, but he didn't want to ask. Too scary. So he just wussed out.

So Loki left, and went back to his tower, to be greeted by Darcy - in full labrador mode, _you have returned oh I missed you so -_ and got debriefed, and worked and invented and yeah, some subconscious part of him questioned his own relationship with one Tony Stark.

A week after he'd left Stark Tower - a week in which his and Tony's conjoined main project had been making his teleportation technology user-friendly so tests could begin on its suitability for public use. As it stood, it required knowledge of the use of the Sparkly Shit Suit, a healthy body, and the ability to run instantaneous energy calculations, so it needed work - he was just getting ready, tidying his office to meet Tony in the lab when SADIE warned him that there was an incoming call.

"SADIE, dear, who is it this time?" Loki sighed.

"Call from SHIELD, Sir. Blocked identity; however, further analysis of the call has proved this being broadcast from the office of Dierdre Latimer." SADIE replied.

" _Dierdre_." Loki chuckled. "Well, I suppose I can hardly say no. Put the bitch on."

"Laufeyson." Latimer said curtly. "I'm sorry to say as penitence for my supposed misconduct at your testimonial I'm your correspondent with the Council."

Fucking _great._

-O.O-

Tony was starting to wonder where Loki was after a while, so he hopped off his personal bench in Loki's lab and headed in the elevator to Darcy's office, which was basically a large room that preceeded Loki's one.

"Where's the big guy, Darce?" Tony asked.

"He got a phone call." Darcy sighed. "You can go in. Just don't make too much noise or he'll chuck you out those big windows behind his desk."

"Nah, he wouldn't. It's already been done to me; he'd keep it fresh." Tony grinned.

Darcy grinned right back again and gestured at the imposing oak doors. "If you're sure."

Tony chuckled to himself and pushed the doors open, enjoying the smooth glide they had over the plush carpet.

Loki looked up from where he was noting something and smiled thinly. "Thank you, Latimer. I will leave tomorrow."

"Don't mess up." The sharp voice said, before the call ended with a _click._

Loki slumped onto the desk. "But _mother_ , I don't _want_ to." He said dryly into his tablet.

"What's she making you do?" Tony asked.

"Fly to China. _Apparently_ my business connections with the Chinese government, plus my lack of affiliation with various American agencies - never mind that I speak the language - means they want me to get China on board for the invasion. Tomorrow." He sighed. "They want me to speak to the English, too, seeing as I have contracts with their government too and I am a citizen, but I think I will leave that until the conference you and I are both attending there in good time."

Tony thought over that. "So how long're you gone?"

"A week, give or take. I dream of just teleporting there, but sadly everyone would be happier to see me physically on an aeroplane and getting my passport stamped." Loki replied. Then he continued putting everything away.

 _A week without seeing Loki. I am so screwed_ , Tony said inwardly. Outwardly he went his instincts, leaned across the desk and said "Seriously, though, you look so _hot_ being all serious businessman." Cue lecherous grin. "I am so going to fuck you on this desk one day."

Loki's returning grin was _why not now?_

"Darcy's outside." Tony laughed.

"She's heard worse." Loki said slyly. "We did date, after all."

"Oh hell no!" Darcy called from outside. "Unless you're inviting me to join in, I _so_ do not want to hear that!"

Tony and Loki both cracked up laughing. "I will remember that for future escapades, Darcy dear." Loki called back.

"Come on, we have some fun stuff to do on a workbench." Tony said quietly enough that Darcy couldn't hear, gesturing towards Loki's private elevator.

-O.O-

Tony drove Loki to the airport the next day, amidst protests over the possibility of teleportation and of getting the plane to hover next to Loki's bedroom balcony.

Too bad. Tony and Darcy wanted to see him off.

Once Loki was on his plane and they were driving back to the tower, Tony took a deep breath and said in his (unfortunately) wimpiest voice "Darcy, do you think if I asked, Loki would date me?"

Darcy looked at him thoughtfully. "Yes." She said simply, before elaborating: "If he was going to say yes to anyone, it would definitely be you. It's just...he'd probably be hesitant. Two past relationships, remember, and they both didn't go great."

Tony opened his mouth to talk, but she continued. "I think you'd be better, though. I mean, you actually understand his work and you're just as badly behaved as he is. You wouldn't try and change him."

"So, is that a yes?" Tony said awkwardly.

"It's a yes if you make sure he doesn't feel pressured or anything." Darcy replied. "If you scare him, he'll run. Like a deer."

Tony spent the rest of the drive home trying to think of ways to broach the subject without spooking Loki.

-O.O-

Three days in, and Tony missed Loki. A lot. To the point of lying around in his own lab fiddling with all sorts of stuff. It was so _boring_ without him. He did science with Bruce, argued with Steve, and shared a few beers with Clint. Natasha had been spending increasing amounts of time in meetings, which led Tony to believe she was being reassigned back into undercover work again. Clint wouldn't say a word about it.

By 4 o'clock, Tony was lying around on his couch trying to read _The Hobbit_ and failing. Reading. With books. Actual paper books. He didn't do that.

"JARVIS." Tony said eventually. "Can you ring Loki for me?"

"Of course, Sir. I was waiting for you to ask." JARVIS replied.

"I don't need your judgement." Tony said. "Just put him on."

Loki picked up quickly. "Tony, you will never understand how delighted I am to hear from you." He said in a tone that suggested he'd been five minutes away from trying to drown himself in the bath.

Tony felt warm and fuzzy on hearing that. "Same here. So how's Beijing?"

-O.O-

They talked for about an hour, until Tony jokingly suggested phone sex, which Loki agreed to with surprising enthusiasm.

After the phone call and after he'd gotten his breath back, Tony was sure. He was going to ask Loki to dinner and formally ask him out when he got back.

He just had to stop being such a wuss. I mean, Loki probably wouldn't want to hurt him. Right?

-O.O-

Natasha was reassigned from the Avengers. She was too valuable as an agent to be doing once-monthly callouts against the legions of evil.

You could see where SHIELD was coming from: persistent Dr Doom may be, but he turned up rarely. Meanwhile, in the real world, there were whole webs of deceit that only the Black Widow could unravel.

Loki didn't even get to say goodbye to her.

"A fine agent. I shudder to think what her and I could have achieved together." Loki had said fondly to Tony over the phone.

Tony flinched at the thought too.

Bruce was approached by SHIELD's medical team to do further research on programmable antibodies. They were considering building him his own facility so he didn't have to share Stark Tower.

Clint and Steve were next in line for reassignment. A dossier requesting Tony and Loki work together on something to hunt down Doom before he struck again mysteriously landed on Tony's desk.

The team was drifting apart. Even now they were all friends, they couldn't keep living the fairytale that the Avengers were a practical full-time idea.

Soon it would only be Tony and Loki, and maybe not them at all. So Tony really did need to hold on. Try to find a way to make the Avengers more useful, stay in contact with everyone, and most of all, _ask Loki out._

-O.O-

After one long, eventful week, Loki came home. Tony was waiting for him in Loki's penthouse, still trying to read _The Hobbit_ and watching the sky blacken with night instead.

" _Ni hau._ " Tony grinned.

"You bastard." Loki hissed by way of greeting. "My language skills have been stretched to the maximum recently, and I could not even quietly entertain myself because I don't know enough Chinese colloquialisms to make innuendo."

"Yeah, yeah, I missed you too." Tony said, getting up from the couch to hug Loki.

Loki was thawing more and more to hugs, not being especially fond of non-sexual physical contact. Generally he stood stiff as a board and tolerated it, but today he jokingly managed to pick Tony up and then just drop him onto his ass on the floor. "Pesky humans clinging to their false idols." He chuckled as Tony pulled himself up.

"You're a false idol? And here I was getting ready to kneel for you." Tony said mockingly. "Hey, I figure you're a bit jetlagged and you probably can't be fucked cooking anything, so do you want to go to dinner with me?"

Loki pondered this for a minute. "You'll be paying, of course. I simply can't afford a nice dinner these days."

"Asshole," Tony laughed. "Sure, whatever. I need to put some socially acceptable clothes on, so if you just get dressed we'll-"

"Never fear. You left one of your suits here a few weeks ago and I had it dry-cleaned and pressed with my clothes for this very purpose." Loki said.

"You never miss a trick, do you?" Tony said warmly.

Phase one was complete, though Tony knew that was the easy bit. He just needed to sneak onto the subject somehow.

Meanwhile, Loki - as always - analysing exactly what was going on. The sheer _domesticity_ of their interaction set off alarms in his head, but he ignored them, because he actually enjoyed bantering with Tony around the place, and having company a lot wasn't so bad when it was someone he liked.

Then he realised it was just the two of them going, and, coupled with the whole _my clothes are in your wardrobe because we're not in a relationship and the Nile is just a river in Egypt,_ and Loki felt like he'd signed up for a date.

Instead of mentally recoiling in horror, he just smiled fondly to himself and finished buttoning his waistcoat.


	35. An Ode To Saint Valentine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The big date! But before that, a little date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had this ready for a while, but it just seemed so awfully appropriate to post it on Valentine's. Because it's Loki's birthday, goddamnit. And because lurve.

_Eight years ago..._

Loki came out of the meeting room looking truly exasperated.

"Tough one?" Darcy grinned, walking with him out of the building.

"Always. Odin is as ignorant and unpleasant as ever." Loki deadpanned, before breaking into a wicked grin. "He was deliciously upset that I wouldn't cut him a discount on the rights lease on account of him being _family._ No doubt I'll get an earful from mother later, but it was worth it to know I had something he couldn't have." he chuckled.

Darcy liked the mischievious side to him, when it turned up. He must've been a fun kid, or he would've been if anyone had ever spent time with him. Even now, he still looked really young when he smiled.

"Took a little longer than I thought for you to just say no and leave, though." Darcy commented.

"He forced me to make _small talk._ He even brought in coffee! I've been a tea drinker since my early teens. If he'd ever paid attention to me he'd know that." Loki ranted.

Darcy laughed with him, knowing better than to let Loki sulk. "How 's your mum?"

"Great, as ever. I was speaking to her on Wednesday and..." Loki trailed off, his brain whirring into action on something else.

Working with Loki, you really did have to get used to the fact that his brain tended to function a little differently from everyone else's. He didn't do it on purpose, but he did tend to give up on real life when he had an important thought.

"...Lokester..." Darcy nagged.

Loki snapped back to real life. "Apologies."

"You were saying...?" Darcy said with an _out with it_ hand wave.

"Ah, well, yes." Loki seemed a little awkward. "You see, she was saying what I really needed for good public image was...Well..."

"Come on, Lokes. Spit it out." Darcy said, amused by what she was seeing.

Loki traditionally communicated with either propositions, snark, or his smooth charm. He never tried any of those on Darcy, though, so he was stumbling over himself as he said "For me to be in a relationship - preferably a straight one...and..."

"Man, that's adorable. She's right, though, it'd make you seem less scary." Darcy agreed. "You could use all the positive PR you can get, really, ever since-"

"I know what I've done." Loki said quickly. He was blushing just a little, not the tiny post-orgasmic cheekbone spots he got, but a genuine embarrased blush that made Darcy want to photograph it and stick it on the internet. "Darcy," He said, visibly swallowing his pride. "Would you care to go to dinner with me?"

"Wait - what? You want _me?"_ Darcy said in shock.

Loki looked crestfallen at the apparent rejection. "We work together well, and you are the only female I know who does not want my money."

Sadly, this was actually true. In three years, the name of Loki Laufeyson had become rather valuable.

And Darcy could hardly deny she'd thought Loki was hot from the day she'd met him.

They got along so well, why not try it?

"Okey dokey Loki. It's a date." Darcy grinned at her own joke.

Loki looked honestly surprised. "Really? How odd. I thought this would fall into the 'failed attempts at social interaction' mental file."

"Nope. I'm all yours. Let me know the when and where." Darcy said, before switching subjects so Loki could stop looking so awkward.

-O.O-

The when and where turned out to be that Sunday at a very, very fancy restaurant that Loki had guessed Darcy would like.

He picked her up at her house his favourite car, driven by his chauffeur. Loki hated to drive for reasons that Darcy couldn't understand.

Darcy had actually never seen Loki that awkward before. He knew the point of a date was to check to see if you liked someone and to try and impress them, but fact was, Darcy already liked Loki and she knew every single one of his dirty secrets, which made the whole thing rather redundant to him.

Dinner was delicious, the restaurant quiet enough for Loki to stay calm, but there was a shocking lack of any kind of relevant conversation. What were they supposed to talk about?

Loki fidgeted and twitched and refused eye contact the whole time, so absurdly uncomfortable that if he'd been watching himself he would have congratulated Darcy for making him feel so awkward.

Eventually the conversation shifted to work, which was difficult because Darcy just ran around after Loki and she didn't understand anything about his work. Fricking circuitry and physics and stuff.

After a cup of coffee for Darcy, Loki asked if they should leave, and Darcy gratefully accepted. Quiet, scared Loki on a date was horrific.

He got his chauffeur to drive to the nice flat she rented with her disproportionally high pay - recompense for putting up with Loki's shit on a day to day basis - and walked her to the door.

It was pretty clear that Loki had no idea what the socially acceptable good night for a date of any kind was.

He compromised by trying a smile that turned into a grimace and saying "I will be seeing you tomorrow."

This was where it became a toss-up for Darcy. Did she want to be sensible, or did she want to get laid? Eventually curiosity and Loki's glittery green eyes won out. She'd always been curious about her employer's skill in bed.

"Nah, you can stay here." Darcy grinned, pulling Loki inside. The chaffeur rolled his eyes.

As soon as they were inside, Loki was pushing her against the door, lips warm and moving against hers, his large hands gently gripping her hips, evidentally past his awkwardness when it moved to his domain, sex. He had a lot of practice, after all.

He smiled against her mouth as he said "I think I may not quite be suited for courtship, but I will try, Darcy."

-O.O-

The next morning was...weird, to say the least. Loki woke up disorientated because he wasn't at home and tried to talk to Server before realising the OS wasn't there.

Darcy, who was not a morning person and did not take kindly to being woken up at 6, threw a pillow at him when he asked her where the shower was. So he wandered off indignantly, and reluctantly she got up and showed him where it was, wondering where he got the the energy to sleep five hours and still look as perfect and fresh-faced as ever.

Again, breakfast was weird once Darcy had dragged herself sleepily to the kitchen. Loki was a surprisingly good cook - despite having a few millions to his name he cooked all his food himself - and he'd made pancakes for her, but he looked like he had no idea what he was doing, and Darcy found it strange to have her eccentric employer sitting politely at her table munching on well-cooked pancakes.

"So." She said, taking another bite. "Operation success? Are we a couple now?"

Loki's eyes widened. "You actually want to?"

"You don't? We seemed to get along okay. And we're definitely compatible in bed." Darcy said with a smile.

"Erm. Well, then, Darcy my dear, we are...partners." Loki said with a weak smile.

-O.O-

It started okay.

Loki tried, he really did. He made a point of making extra time for Darcy, even though he was working his ass off for days on end. He took her for dinner, spent as much time as he had with her, and tried to act less like a caustic douchebag when he could.

In exchange, Darcy tried to like him as more than a friend.

It wasn't working.

The relationship of Loki Laufeyson and his PA Darcy Lewis was lapped up by the press, some saying that maybe, just _maybe,_ Loki was starting to behave himself.

Others suggested that he was paying her to do it. Whichever.

But it wasn't working.

They just weren't...a couple. There was no _spark,_ nothing that made it more than just a misplaced friendship. The words 'boyfriend' and 'girlfriend' seemed wrong for the whole situation.

Loki wasn't used to making allowances for someone else, and he kept odd hours, meaning Darcy had to keep reminding him that yes, they were dating.

They made it three and a half weeks, which, considering the situation, was commendable.

And then Darcy sat them down and said that it wasn't working, and Loki agreed - though he looked confused and maybe just a little hurt, not at Darcy, but probably his self-loathing coming back - and they just called it quits.

The whole thing did end up going down in Loki's 'failed attempts at social interaction' mental file.

Half a week later, Loki was kicking a guy out of his bed and Darcy was going out flirting and drinking with Jane and Thor.

-O.O-

_Present day..._

Tony's heart was pounding in his ears from excitement as Loki's driver took them to dinner. Tonight was the night.

"So." He blurted. "Beijing. Success?"

"Very much so." Loki made sure the rear of the car was cut off from the cab before speaking. "Oddly enough, they were rather unwilling to release any information to the public regarding the invasion, but as a worldwide announcement is planned after the affected countries are on board, their attempt at keeping the population in the dark would not be successful. In any case, there was not much convincing to do: they saw the invasion of New York, they know I was fighting then."

"I'm surprised they don't think you're just distracting the military." Tony snorted.

"Oh, they did. But apparently Winchester's thought - that using an English citizen would ease the relation somewhat - was correct." Loki yawned widely, a rare sight. "Fucking jetlag. My brain is under the impression it is nine hours ahead and I haven't gone to bed tonight."

"I should've just let you go to bed." Tony cursed.

"No, I am more than capable of staying awake, and in any case you constantly nag me about eating more." Loki said.

"True. Do you have to do any other countries?"

"England. I decided to reserve that until you and I go there for the National Clean Energy Conference." Loki replied. "Enough business. I do far too much of that."

"Hmm. Okay. I did some work on your teleportation - the main problem is writing a program so that it does its own energy calculations instead of relying on the user. That's more a _you_ area than something I do, so I'm designing the physical aspects of it." Tony grinned. "We make such an awesome team. If it wouldn't fuck up the economy and make everyone angry we should so go into business together."

-O.O-

This, Loki decided, was the best pseudo-date he'd ever been on.

There'd been proper dates with Darcy, awkward movie and cafe dates with Sif, and dinner dates with various civilians and business associates of whom Loki was trying to literally or metaphorically charm pants off, but this took the cake.

They talked about science and countries and some more science and the power of the successful businessman in America and being a CEO with an assistant who kicked their butts to make them work and _The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey_ was being released in December and how people thought they were dating. Tony looked a little awkward on the last subject, but Loki was legitimately having _fun_ just talking to someone.

An intellectual equal with enough sass to make the conversation interesting. Something Loki had been looking for for a long time.

They'd been talking for nearly three hours already. The entrees, dinner, and pudding had already passed, Loki eating a large meal for once, but they didn't care; they were happy just talking under the cover of partitions and the chatter of the other patrons.

It amused Loki to no end exactly how much the waiter sucked up to them in hope of getting one of Tony's random monetary hand-outs.

"I think, if you ask, he would probably spit-polish your shoes." Loki had murmured after the waiter had left with his tea order.

"Hehe, I'd like to see that." Tony had chuckled.

At one point, Loki had decided he wanted to put his feet up and was therefore resting them on Tony's knees across the table and leaning back languidly. Now, though, he withdrew his feet to lean secretively across the table. "Tony, I wish for you to tell me the truth about something." He said lowly enough that it couldn't be heard by the other tables.

Tony nodded hesitantly. "Shoot."

"Is this or is this not a date?" Loki asked.

Tony blanched. "Uh. What answer do you want to hear? Maybe? If you want it to be?"

Loki gave a short smile. "Give me a little time." So he'd been right. The question was, did he actually want to be on a date with Tony Stark right now?

Loki knew if he wanted to date someone that someone would be Tony. He trusted him, moreso than he trusted anyone else, with the exceptions of Darcy and Frigga  - mostly because a lifetime of people double-talking made Tony someone who kept things to his chest, a feeling Loki could relate to - and felt safe around him, and really that was Loki's main requirement.

Then there was also Tony's brain. Dating him meant they could work together more, create greater things, and Loki could enjoy the feeling of being understood while providing the same thing for Tony.

And his personality! Loki liked Tony as a person, wont as he was to admit it. There was the lack of morals and the sass and self-centredness, plus the determination and, at heart, the goodwill, and Loki liked that. An anchor. Someone like him.

There was obviously no shortage of an attraction between them, and Tony had managed to reach the top of Loki's Best In Bed list too.

In fact, he ticked all the boxes, and Loki thought that maybe - just maybe - there was a chance this relationship could work.

Then, of course, there were the points against it. Loki was an extremely independent person with eccentric habits. But Tony had been working with him for ages and he was the same, and it still worked.

Loki was bad-tempered. He knew that. But Tony seemed to find it cute.

The maths.

Can't forget the most important point. History would dictate, seeing as Loki's first relationship had been at age 14 and his second at age 24, that relationships could only be held following the rule _x_ = 10 _n_ \+ 4, n being number of relationships and x being Loki's age at the time. So he couldn't do anything for two years.

Another part of Loki's brain piped up that that kind of obsessive thinking probably wasn't that rational.

Loki was getting a headache.

It looked like a yes. If Loki wasn't going to grow old and die alone, now was the time to start thinking about permanently including another person in his life. Tony was the best candidate.

Boy, didn't that make it sound clinical.

But the human, non-soulless part of Loki was keen on the idea. Safety. Affection. Intellectual stimulation. Why not.

Yes. Yes!

With a few stipulations.

Loki had left his mouth on while he considered that, continuing the conversation. By the time he'd reached a yes, they'd paid for the meal between them, left a chunky tip, and gotten into Loki's favourite car.

He'd never driven it himself, but he liked the sleek look.

The drive was silent. Tony was terrified he'd messed everything up.

"So, um." Tony said as they were nearly back at Tony's tower. Loki had requested going there, probably so they could talk, and Tony wasn't going to argue. "What do you say?"

Loki smirked mischieviously. "A kind offer, but I'm already seeing someone." When Tony started to protest confusedly, Loki continued "He's rather short, with the most _ridiculous_ little goatee, and not very intelligent, but he has a kind heart. And a large cock. So it works."

Tony snorted and punched him. "You're an asshat."

"Perhaps, yes." Loki shrugged, twisting in the car to lean his back against Tony. "But if you're willing to accept the possibility of the two of us destroying each other emotionally to the point of never making eye contact again, then I'm _your_ asshat."

Tony felt a leap of joy, marred only a little by Loki's negativity. _Loki said yes! I have a Loki!_

I get to do all that stupid coupley stuff now,

Tony thought with weird happiness. _Loki said we can be a couple, so we do coupley stuff. Lying all over each other on the couch and drinking together more and blowing shit up...yeah, this is gonna be a weird relationship._

Loki wriggled a bit more, nuzzling the arc reactor with the side of his face.

Tony thought that Loki was probably the one person who appreciated the arc for what it really was.

But then they were there, and in the elevator heading to Tony's living room, and Tony had thought Loki was a little tired but it didn't show in the way he was kissing him, and it felt a thousand times better than usual because this kiss belonged to Tony and Tony only.

Clint was waiting to talk to Tony, surprised to see Loki there, until Tony giggled and said "What did you expect, Barton?" and then went back to trying to swallow Loki's tongue.

"Fine. Tony, it's important. I _will_ talk to you in the morning, seeing as you're not up to a sensible conversation now." Clint said, and left.

Loki and Tony both laughed, enjoying their usual game of _make Clint squick at their gayness._ Tony gently pushed Loki towards the couch, indicating he should sit down, before he straddled him and started kissing his neck.

Loki loved having warm lips on his neck; it was usually him doing the necking, and he liked the feeling.

A nasty thought occurred to him. "Tony, stop." Loki said, his voice velvet-gravel, putting his hand on Tony's arc to gently push him away.

"What is it, Sparkles?" Tony said worriedly. "Did I hurt you?"

Loki snorted. "Have you ever?" Then he grew stern, trying to say something but at the same time trying to keep the silence.

When confronted with a subject Loki didn't want to talk about - which was rare, given his talent for redirecting conversations - he got surprisingly pausey and hesitant. Tony knew that, and could see it happening now. He decided to just be patient until the backup settings on Loki's silver tongue took over.

"Forgive me." Loki said eventually, voice quiet. "Ah - I wished to say. I will not be - if that is why you want me - I will not be just a sexual object. Not to you."

"What? No, Lo'. That's not what-" Tony stuttered.

"I am deadly serious." Loki said in the same soft tone. "I'm not a glorified Fleshlight. A great number of people do regard me as just a whore; that does not bother me. I made my bed, now I must lie in it with four other people of undisclosed gender. But I will _not_ have you of all people see me as just that. If that is why you want me, then I will warn you now. Don't call it a _relationship_ if you just want me in your bed without competition."

" _No._ " Tony insisted. "That's not it. We were doing that already, remember. If I'd wanted that I wouldn't have properly asked you out. I want you because I'm a selfish bastard who wants to hear all your thoughts and the funny shit you say and that weird look on your face you get when you know you've outsmarted someone and just... _you._ C'mon, if this was about sex, you and I both know there's no shortage of warm places for me to stick my dick. But they aren't you. So stop fussing."

 _I could actually love this man,_ Loki thought with a jolt. "Er...how about we discuss the terms of our relationship tomorrow. I think I have a task for you now."

"Oo, what?" Tony mocked. Loki wrapped a spidery hand around his neck and kissed him lightly.

"You're the genius," He chuckled. "You figure it out."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehe, sorry for a bit of emotional stiffness, but writing from Loki's perspective tends to do that to me = P


	36. Fluffier Than An Electrified Furby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Terms and conditions are set, Loki gets his head scratched, and Latimer gets told off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I know, short chapter, and nothing much happens in it. But where it ends was a good place to finish it for the next part, so you'll have to forgive me.
> 
> Meanwhile, this chapter is like candy floss. Fluffy and almost too sweet.

Okay, Tony was in love a little bit.

He would take a recording and put it up on one of those electronic billboards if Loki wouldn't kill him.

See, because of the jetlag and two fantastic rounds of hair-pulling name-groaning sex, Loki was in a minor coma, lying on Tony's chest.

That wasn't even the good part.

The good part was that he was so out of it that he was letting Tony rub his scalp - something that he loved, but viewed as too submissive - and loving it.

He was almost _purring_ , trying to wriggle closer even though he and Tony were pressed together.

Oh, if the press could see their billionaire businessmen now.

But it was getting on 10 o'clock and Loki would be mad if Tony let him sleep too much, so Tony gently nudged Loki's bony hip to wake him up.

"Wake up times, Sleeping Beauty." Tony cooed.

Loki's green eyes flashed open. "If you call me a Disney princess name again I will _fry_ you."

So sweet.

"Whatever you like, Snow White." Tony grinned.

"Fine, but I will fry you if you stop rubbing my hair." Loki conceded.

"I can agree to that." Tony continued to work his fingers. "How 'bout we get you in the shower so I can wash it properly."

"If you carry me there." Loki said with a cheeky grin.

"Well, someone's full of himself this morning. And every other morning." Tony said. "I'm not even sure I can lift you. You're pretty heavy."

"You cannot know until you try." Loki replied innocently. "And of course I'm full of myself. A peasant swore to be mine, and I can abuse his services."

"A peasant, now, am I?" Tony said idly as he shuffled around the bed and tried to lift Loki. Tony was strong, he really was, years of practical work had done that, but Loki was over six feet tall and shockingly heavy.

Success! Loki was swaddled awkwardly in his arms!

Loki grinned evilly at him as he was carried to the bathroom. He already had Tony wrapped around his finger.

Of course, that sort of treatment didn't work unless the thrall was thoroughly rewarded for his servitude.

-O.O-

"Why am I not surprised, Tony." Clint sighed. "I told you I wanted to talk to you this morning."

"Yes, you did." Loki said sarcastically from where he was lying on top on Tony's bar sipping weird feijoa vodka and eating peanuts, wearing just his boxers. "Well done. I'll make a recording and send it to SHIELD so everyone knows what a _clever_ boy you are."

"I fucking hate you." Clint sighed. "I just need to talk to Tony. Not for your perverted ears. Shoo."

"What I hear, he hears." Tony declared from his bar stool. "C'mon, Clint, I'm just going to tell him later anyway. We tell each other everything, don't we, buddy?"

"I keep telling you to shut your mouth and it never seems to work." Loki said dryly as he tipped vodka on Tony's head. "It's true, Barton. He will tell me anything you say. Out with it."

"Bleuch." Tony said, wiping vodka away. "I need another shower now."

"Er..." Clint said, weirded out by the blatant domesticity. "Why are you guys drinking? It's only the morning."

"Because we have had breakfast and decided that alcohol should no longer be restricted to the evenings." Loki shrugged.

"Well, let me know how AA goes." Clint smirked. "Tony, Latimer from the Council wants to talk to you without Loki knowing.

Which didn't get far. I'm guessing she wants inside information on what he's been doing."

Tony rolled his eyes. "I'll call later. That it? Fucking SHIELD has spies spying on its spies. It's spyception."

"Fury was insistent I told you in person in case Loki hacked JARVIS again." Clint explained.

"Like I said. Spyception." Tony said. "Loki, give me some of that. It smells good."

"Get your own." Loki said, pulling the bottle to his chest.

"This is _my_ bar." Tony pointed out as he tried to snatch the vodka.

"What's yours is mine, Tony."

"God, you two are like an old married couple. But drunker." Clint said in resignation. "I'll be downstairs. Bruce is at SHIELD today working on his antithingies, and Steve's out giving candy to old ladies or something."

"That does sound like Captain Patriotism." Loki muttered as Clint left.

"So. Talking. About us." Tony said awkwardly.

"Conversations." Loki sighed. "Come now, let's sit on the couch and discuss this like the adults we pretend to be."

"The couch is dirty."

"The other couch."

Tony grinned stubbornly and finally followed Loki. "See, it didn't hurt that much to be specific."

"It burned me inside." Loki deadpanned. "Sit."

Tony did, and they looked at each other awkwardly for a moment before Tony decided to take charge.

"Uh, the relationship of Tony Stark and Loki Laufeyson. Starfeyson? Toki?" Tony rambled, and Loki frowned disapprovingly.

"Serious, then. Erm. I asked you out because I think we make a great pair. We could rule the fucking world. And I like your company and whatnot."

"I..." Loki said, hunting for the right words. "I do not trust easily, Tony. You know that, and you also know why. The only three people I could honestly say I fully trust are you, Darcy, and Mother. Everyone else has ulterior motives, or a predilection towards deceit, or something else that makes me loathe them entirely.

"I trust you, and I pray you understand the weight of that trust. Do not hurt me. If you think you may, let me know gently. But, if you will take it, I will place myself in your hands. And you're right." Loki gave a fey grin. "We could accomplish anything together."

"Ok. Well, I'm the same. If you stab me in the back I'll Obie you. If you don't, I'll give you everything." Tony said. "Full trust and actual honesty from here on, okay?"

"It is settled." Loki said, and leaned across the couch to kiss him with a chasteness Tony hadn't know Loki possessed. "Now, the terms."

"Go public?" Tony asked.

Loki thought about it. "Given the calculable drop in share prices, and the likelihood of Pepper murdering you in your sleep, I'd say that should be held off until we know our little affair is going to work."

"Pepper. Oh gods no. She'd be furious. And the press would be _vicious_." Tony cackled. "It'll be fun when we do go public, then."

"Oh, yes." Loki grinned. "Is monogamy a given?"

"Yes." Tony insisted. "Or I'll get all jealous. Or you'll kill someone. C'mon, we're both really possessive people."

"True. Do we need to change any habits? Is what we do now acceptable?" Loki said, prompting Tony into doing the talking.

"I think so. I mean, we're both going to keep sleeping at weird hours, and messing around, and it's not like we're moving in together - are we?"

"I refuse to move into your tower and I believe the same can be said for you." Loki pointed out.

"So that's it. What about the others? Other Avengers, I mean? Do we tell them?" Tony said. "It'd be fun..."

"It would be fun. It would be more fun to not tell them and just act so very smitten all of a sudden." Loki smiled impishly.

"People were wrong. You're not evil. You're just all mischiefy." Tony said, leaning over to flick Loki on the nose. "I never thought the idea of a relationship would sound so... enjoyable. But this is gonna be awesome."

Loki scrunched up his face. "Don't do that. I do agree, this sounds like more play and less work than my previous trainwrecks of relationships, but don't flick my nose."

"Aw, you love it really." Tony said, leaning over to kiss the affected body part.

Loki scrunched his face all over again. "You smell like feijoa."

"We both smell like feijoa." Tony pointed out, kissing Loki's mouth instead.

"Well, then, how about we postpone your conversation with Latimer so we can celebrate the terms of our new...affiliation." Loki purred.

"Better question, how do you make 'affiliation' sound like a dirty word?" Tony asked amusedly.

-O.O-

"Mr Stark, I'm guessing Agent Barton delivered my message?" Latimer asked.

"No, must have missed it. You and I have a close psychic connection." Tony said. "What kind of name is Dierdre Latimer anyway?"

" _Mr Stark_." Latimer bristled.

"Yes, honey?'

"As your superior, I need you to do something for me."

"No, dear, that's called command rape." Tony tutted mockingly.

" _Stark_. Hush."

"Sorry. Go on."

"Seeing as you're Laufeyson's second in command, I was hoping you could give me a few of the pieces of his plan he's been withholding." Latimer said, voice sickly-sweet.

"I could do that. I don't know his whole plan either. But I could do that."

Latimer made a _continue_ noise over the phone.

"On the other hand, Loki's keeping this to himself for a reason; after all, Malekith can mind control people, and Loki knows that better than anyone. Never mind that I'm not going to spy on my best friend for SHIELD. So that's a no." Tony finished cheerfully.

"It's not your choice-"

"It bloody is. Keep your nose out. I don't want to hear from you til November." Tony said, hanging up. "JARVIS, send the recording of that conversation to Loki's office."

"Already done, sir." JARVIS replied smoothly.

It was only a few minutes before Loki - surrounded by paperwork and somewhat desperate for a distraction - videocalled with mischief written all over his face. "You _probably_ should not have done that."

Tony laughed. "Aw, no, I just wanted to give my partner a present."

"Partners, now, are we?" Loki chuckled. "Well, bear in mind, _partner,_ that I still have to deal with her, and antagonising her is probably not the best way to ensure that goes fluently."

"True. Sorry." Tony said with actual honesty in there somewhere. "Well, I probably won't have to talk to her til November when we go to England now. So yay me!"

"Huzzah for you!" Loki said sarcastically.

In the background, Tony heard Darcy shout "Loki, if you're going to have phone sex, at least close the door first!"

"What about 'huzzah' sounds like phone sex?!" Loki shouted back.

"I don't know! I'm just saying!" Darcy called.

Tony by this point was laughing uncontrollably. "Man, Lo', Darcy's is the best."

" _Darcy_." Loki said in exasperation, facedown on the desk.

"Aw, come on, dude, you love her really."

"It's true, he does!" Darcy shouted.

-O.O-

That night was probably one of the nicest of Tony's life. Not in a dirty way, or a partying way, just...nice.

Because by a unanimous vote against Steve they all settled down to watch _Dirty Harry,_ and Loki and Darcy came over, and Clint and Darcy curled together on one end of the big couch with Tony and Loki on the other.

It was kinda like when they were sick, only Loki was actually aware of what was going on.

Darcy was smirking proudly at them. Loki had, obviously, told her ('Because, Darcy, as my oldest and closest friend you seem to have taken it upon yourself to pry into everything in my life, and I thought I would save you the trouble') and she was so fucking smug that she called that they'd make a good couple. Now that Loki thought about it, she'd said it back in February. And she was so self-satisfied that he was regretting telling her at all.

But this was nice. Tony was leaning against Loki's side, Loki's arm wrapped protectively around him, tapping a gentle rhythm against the arc - Tony recognised it as _Ride Of The Valkyries_ \- and Loki muttering into his ear about how Tony was getting a minor makeover tomorrow to make him fit to be a trophy boyfriend.

Which was a bit weird, but whatever. Tony liked just being able to curl up with Loki.

Eventually Tony fell asleep against his partner, Loki gently rubbing his side, and when the movie was over Loki carried Tony upstairs and put him to bed.

Of course, this is the lives of Loki Laufeyson and Tony Stark we're talking about, so enjoying the peace now before the chaos kicked in was important.


	37. I Am Not A Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki's not a girl, he's pretty sure of that. And other fun happenings in the month of September.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sigh* I humbly apologise for yet another boring-ass chapter. It's going somewhere, I swear. Just...bear with my potatoness.
> 
> A note for those who don't understand - 'throw caps down'. I don't know what the word for that is in England or America, but caps are tiny little plugs of gunpowder that make a really loud bang when you happen to throw them against a solid surface. So yeah. That's what that's about.

The rest of September brought the first proper shower of impending fall, a lot of time spent bed-hopping for Tony and Loki - most nights were spent together in one of their towers or the other- a talk show getting a hold of an aerial photo of Tony and Loki getting drunk on Tony's balcony before Loki's testimonial last month, which led to more theories about their relationship, two new villains deciding to make their wholly unwelcome presence known (and what kind of name was _Namor_ anyway?), a huge argument between Steve and Loki about Loki's attitude that quickly morphed into American Capitalism vs English Socialism, and Tony getting bored and using chalk paint to write dirty suggestions on Loki's floor to ceiling windows.

Most of which were enacted at some point during the month.

Starfeyson - Toki, Lark, IronLightning, whatever - was going ridiculously well. They'd both been privately expecting for there to be chaos and arguments and all sorts of unpleasant events, but the worst they'd had was Loki demanding Tony scrubbed the chalk paint off his window after it scared the exterior window washer. As it turned out Loki _definitely_ liked the sight of Tony cleaning on his hands and knees, so even that turned out pretty fun

Sure, Loki and Steve's argument had been pretty vicious - Steve had called Loki a _spoilt child_ and Loki had offended Steve rather a lot by saying 'My dearest Tony represents modern America: pride, arrogance, business, wealth, weaponry, hedonism - what aspect does he not represent? Perhaps he should be wearing your Stars and Stripes instead.' which had led to a bit of a fight between Tony and Loki about exactly when is appropriate to drag someone into an argument, but which - again - had ended with make-up sex.

There's a common theme there.

But - even with the threat of interplanetary war hanging over them and a lot of Loki's time spent planning for it - Tony and Loki were _happy_.

Clint and Darcy were getting along great too, going out a lot, and Loki - in a fit of playful douchebaggery - randomly sent them to Pennsylvania on a romantic weekend without their consent. So that was probably Loki's way of showing his approval.

Steve was in line to get reassigned to the Middle East. This fact made everyone except Loki sad. The Avengers were getting broken up, unless they could fight back.

As an agent of SHIELD, there was every risk that Clint could be reassigned too, so Darcy coerced Loki into fighting SHIELD tooth and nail to keep him in New York.

On the argument that the Avengers needed them, Loki and Tony together managed to get both Clint and Steve permanently assigned to the Avengers. Now they just needed to get Natasha back.

Darcy and Loki lived more in the Avengers' Tower more often than not by that point, helping with all the domestic thingies and starting a thousand rumours as they went, the two strongest ones being - again - the idea of a relationship between Tony and Loki, and also that Laufeyson Corp and Stark Industries were planning a merger.

Bruce was working almost every day at a SHIELD facility on his custom antibodies as well as his other interpretations of Chitauri technology. He was making miracles as himself, and people were relaxing around him, treating him like he wasn't the Hulk, which made him happy.

Pretty much everyone's favourite time was when they all piled into the living room so the two couples could snuggle together and everyone else could enjoy a companionable familiarity.

Bruce, Loki and Tony also thoroughly enjoyed intense sessions of science in Tony's main lab, working on their seperate projects but asking each other for help. A biologist, a physicist and an engineer, combining genius intellects to create magic. It was amazing.

Tony and Loki's latest project had been tracking Dr Doom to his place of residence before he attacked again, and they were finally successful on the last day of September.

The resulting battle in Latveria against half-finished Doombots and the manbotthing himself in the castle had been messy and bloody, and they hadn't won. Doom had simply taken his remaining Doombots and left, promising to contact the UN about America's assault on his country.

Referring to himself in the third person as he did so was something that pissed Loki off to no end.

On the bright side, Steve had saved Loki by warning him about a collapsing staircase, so there was a little bit of relationship-mending going on there.

Tony hadn't yet told Pepper about his new relationship. After that battle, and after he and Loki had had a post-victory makeout session in Tony's lab, he resolved to finally call her and bear her wrath.

"Pep-" He had said.

"Whatever it is, Tony, can it wait two days? I'm flying to New York on business then and I'm a little busy right now." Pepper had said. When Tony had made a noise of acquiescense, she'd hung up.

On the subject of the invasion, all countries that had been addressed so far were on board and Loki's obscure preparations _seemed_ to be going well - for some reason he'd made a perfect replica of his own sceptre out of titanium and had requested of Tony 'the small sonic device that causes paralysis - I saw it on the list of Geneva's banned weaponry.' Having confirmed that a portal from a different area of space gives an electrical interference for about a day before opening, he seemed rather smug. He had time to prepare when it started.

There were four countries left to come on board, including England, of which Loki was planning to visit at the start of November with Tony to attend a clean energy conference. Two birds with one stone.

-O.O-

"I'm guessing this is what you wanted to talk to me about?" Pepper said, prodding Tony's shoulder with one manicured finger.

Tony and Loki were asleep under a blanket on the couch in a slight state of undress. Meaning they were both naked. The only reason there was a blanket in the first place was because it was drizzling outside and therefore a little chilly.

Stirring awake, Tony's eyes widened in shock. He'd forgotten about Pepper's visit already.

Pepper herself was looking amusedly at the way Tony was wrapped around Loki, one arm protectively around his waist to hold him close. Loki himself was fully conscious with a wholeheartedly entertained look on his pale face.

"Er....yeah." Tony said awkwardly. "So, Loki and I are dating. Don't tell anyone."

"I guessed." Pepper said dryly. "And don't worry, your secret is safe with me, considering what it would do to _my_ company."

"Well, the heart wants what it wants." Tony shrugged, looking over Loki's shoulder to the floor to see if he could find his pants anywhere.

"Greetings, my dearest Pepper," Loki said warmly, speaking for the first time.

Fortunately - or unfortunately, depending on your perspective - Loki solved Tony's pants-finding dilemma by climbing to his feet in just his birthday suit to affectionately pat Pepper on the back and throw the aforementioned lost garment to his partner.

"Loki no." Tony said as he yanked his pants on and went to make coffee at the bar. "At least pretend to be civilised."

"I am perfectly civil. Look at me, saying hello to your friend." Loki said with a chuckle.

"Put some pants on, you whore." Tony called.

"I don't mind!" Pepper said with an appraising look.

"Nothing she has not seen before, dearest!" Loki said in agreement.

Tony's response was to walk around the bar, pick up Loki's boxers and throw them on the other man's face.

"Thank you, sweetheart. I could not _possibly_ have found them myself." Loki said dryly, pulling his underwear on.

"You ruined my fun." Pepper sighed.

"Looking at _my partner_ is not fun. It's mean." Tony sulked.

"Partner?" Pepper said bemusedly as Loki went to look for the rest of his clothes. "Not _boyfriend_? As in, Tony Stark's boyfriend?"

"It sounds...off, somewhat." Loki's voice was muffled through a t-shirt. "Too childish."

"Oh yeah, 'cause you two aren't childish at all." Pepper said with an eye roll. "Tony, I'm only in town for the day to meet with Loki's people-"

"Actually, I am supposed to be there too." Loki pointed out.

"Okay, meet with Loki and his people to negotiate the rights for blah blah blah Tony you're not listening. So I'm going to be heading back soon and I'd appreciate it if you could come with me." Pepper said.

"Wait, what?" Tony said. "Go back to Malibu with you?"

"Yes." Pepper sighed. "You can avoid work as much as you like, but eventually you'll have to do it."

Tony turned to Loki. "Whaddaya say, boy toy? Coming to Malibu?"

"Tony, you don't have to take him _everywhere_ -"

"Whyever not?" Loki said cheerily. "Let's make an event of it."

"We should bring everyone! We just beat Doom, c'mon, we deserve a break." Tony beamed.

"No, Tony, you won't get anything done-" Pepper groaned.

"It is settled." Loki declared, smirking at Pepper's obvious annoyance. "We leave for Malibu with Pepper."

Pepper actually facepalmed.

-O.O-

True to their word, Tony and Loki had everyone - including Darcy - heading to Malibu with Pepper for a break.

Despite the drizzle back in New York, it was searingly hot there, so everyone immediately slapped on their swimming costumes and dove into the pool, even Loki in black boardshorts.

That afternoon was the longest time Tony could ever remember Loki staying in direct sunlight. He was surprised the man didn't sparkle.

And this marked the first time Tony and Loki had officially agreed to share a room - Loki's things were brought to Tony's bedroom and and it was there they both slept. Like real boyfriends. So cute.

Not so cute when Darcy and Clint burst in at 4am to throw caps down and scare the shit out of both of them. Loki was halfway across the room about to throttle the pair of them before Tony had realised what had happened.

"Clint, honey," Darcy said sweetly to her boyfriend who was pinned against the wall by Loki. "Loki sleeps on a hair trigger, so be ready in case he jumps up suddenly."

"Why do I feel like Darcy is the only one here who didn't draw a short straw?" Tony said blearily.

"That could change." Loki said wickedly, scooping up Darcy - and yes, all of this had been done naked, there's another theme there - and marching out of the room to dunk her in the fountain just before the stairs down to Tony's workshop.  
Then he went back to bed.

And the workshop - oh, the workshop! Loki and Bruce loved it, loved the display of Iron Man suits and all the tech, and Tony had never felt completely comfortable with other people in there but knowing they were scientists was a lot of reassurance.

-O.O-

To Loki's utter horror, the next morning Pepper and Darcy decided to go on a girl's day out while Tony worked.

Because, for some reason, two people was not enough for a day out, they had the gall to approach Loki as he worked in Tony's workshop.

"Lo'lo...." Darcy said sweetly.

"Oh, I recognise that tone. No, Darcy, whatever it may be." Loki scoffed, getting back to designing on Tony's holograms.

"C'mon, it'll be fun!" Darcy said excitedly.

"...What is it?" Loki groaned resignedly.

"We're having a girl's day out and we're a girl short, so we wanted you to come!" Darcy beamed.

Loki gave a patient sigh and finally turned to face them. "Now, girls." He started, and the condescending tone was on full blast. "You having both seen me naked within the last week, and in fact having both had sex with me at one time or another, I think we can agree that I am not a girl."

"Yeah, yeah, we know, dick and everything, but you're easily the girliest guy here so..." Darcy trailed off expectantly.

"How is that?" Loki pouted.

"Don't get me started. If we move past the ridiculous amount of self-grooming you indulge in, and the fact your shoes cost more than Pep's dress, and that you drink tequila like a broken-hearted teen, you're still ridiculously effeminate." Darcy pointed out.

Loki shrugged. "Well, I cannot deny you have a point there. That doesn't mean I want to go on your 'girl's day out'."

"Awwwww, Lokester, it'll be fun. We can get manicures. You love manicures." Darcy pleaded.

"That I do..." Loki said thoughtfully.

"He's interested!" Pepper declared, having stayed silent for the whole exchange. "Loki, suit on, you're coming."

Loki winced.

-O.O-

As it turned out, apart from the amount of time nodding at dresses, Loki rather enjoyed the excursion.

And then he realised. He was their gay friend.

Oh the horror.

Upon his return to the mansion he teleported straight past everyone to scrub the weird smell of the various stores off his skin.

To his annoyance, Tony joined him just as he redressed.

"Nice nails." He commented with a grin.

Loki did like them - a surprisingly intricate golden painting of his helmet on each nail with a green and black striped background. "They are rather nice, are they not?"

"Yup. My pretty princess, all dressed up." Tony teased.

"I will end you." Loki growled.

"Nah, you love me too much for that." Tony chuckled. Loki didn't confirm or deny that. "So, uh. How're we going to get Clint and Darcy back tonight?"

Loki broke into his wicked trickster grin and starting detailing his plans.


	38. Who Let The Fangirls Get Out Of Control?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> October passes in a flash, and the boys are in England before they know it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Erg. Don't hate me. Another fillerish chapter, (has some relevance though) short and late. Sorry.

After a night that involved flour, fire safety sprinklers, bacon lube, indoor fireworks and one of Tony's duvets being set on fire, the war was called a truce.

Tony would never understand how Bruce and Steve managed to sleep through everything.

The businessman worked all the next day too, clearing everything so he could spend the next morning - their last day in Malibu - with the team.

This lead to a violent water fight.

But whatever.

On the plane home everyone except Bruce and Steve dozed from a lack of sleep the previous night.

To everyone's shock Loki woke up with a cry, looking around with his hands raised defensively. Something about the plane had set off another nightmare.

"Lo'." Tony said. "Everything okay?"

Loki blinked rapidly and took a few deep breaths. "Yes, I think so."

"Hey, come to my room. There's a bed; you can have a proper sleep without lying on a seat." Tony said soothingly, reaching a hand to Loki.

As Loki was standing up, Clint asked "Why don't you just teleport home?"

"I - I am trying to limit my use of teleportation." Loki said with a stifled yawn. "As of late it has been giving me more headaches and more pain in my heart, and logic dictates that it is not entirely safe."

"Really?" Tony said in surprise. "Why didn't you tell me, babe? I could've helped."

"Do not call me _babe._ " Loki said patiently as the pair of them left.

-O.O-

The three weeks after the visit was more bedsharing between Tony and Loki, more battles between the two couples of the Avengers' Tower, Tony secretly trying to find a way for Loki's teleportation to not hurt him, another few assaults on the city by superpowered dumbasses, and another charity event for Rebuild New York, which would probably be the last one considering how good the city had been looking recently.

The latter event led to Loki flirting unashamedly with Justine Hammer, who was in town, while Tony burned with possessiveness from a distance. Once they were back at Loki's penthouse - having arrived in seperate cars for the sake of secrecy - Tony had Loki pinned against the wall, growling at him for being such a slut, making Loki laugh.

Turned out angry possessive wall sex was really good. Who knew?

Tony and Loki were working on theories as to why the _hell_ villains of various shapes and sizes were focusing on New York when it was the best-defended city in the country. Their best idea was that they liked the challenge and the fame from being on the news against the Avengers. But no villian had won yet.

Though, they were all waiting on tenterhooks for Doom's return. And Loki was trying to identify the alter egos of the people they were fighting so they could arrest them. He was getting the furtherest with the Crimson Cowl, simply because he said he recognised her verbal tonation somehow.

Another recent development was the determined physical improvement of each other between Tony and Loki. Tony was feeding Loki up, encouraging him to get sunlight on occasion, while Loki had sat Tony down on a barstool, trimmed his goatee to a more aesthetically pleasing shape, styled his hair into sticking up a little with the same substance Loki slicked his hair back with, and encouraged him into dressing a little smarter.

On a more serious note, two more countries were in agreement about working together for the invasion, and Loki was hopefully convincing England when they left to go there in a week. The only other country to still sign on was Russia, and apparently Natasha had some kind of leverage there.

Knowing her, it was probably incriminating photos.

Unfortunately, the stress of sorting out the invasion was starting to get to Loki. He'd been spending hours a day in the lab, doing all sorts of weird things; his temper was a little shorter; sleeping and eating had become things he was forced into doing, and the other day, Tony had caught him smoking out on his balcony.

"Since when do you smoke?" Tony had asked.

"Since I decided to plan a global-scale resistance against a mad titan, and I found myself a little stressed." Loki had replied, lazily blowing a smoke ring. "Be glad I have not resorted to stronger substances."

Since August, when his plan had been hatched, Loki hadn't been working particularly hard; but now that the window of safe time was closing, and he was pushing everything through. Apparently the stress was encouraging him back into his self-modulation through chemicals.

That didn't mean it was all serious. When they reached their one-month anniversary, officially the longest either of them had been in a relationship, they decided to go all out. This resulted in flying to a private island, having lunch minus the paparazzi, and making out in the sunshine before laying down on a sun lounger and celebrating one month. The fresh air was amazing; having agreed to keep whatever was between them quiet, they couldn't even touch in public without another hundred rumours being started.

"Tell everyone now, and we lose all credibility as a leader and second-in-command for the invasion." Tony said gloomily, lying under a towel against Loki, who was soothingly petting his hair. "And Pepper would throttle us, and your company - mine, too, though I don't really work for it - would sink like a fucking stone, and we _still_ wouldn't be able to go out in public 'cause we'd have cameras shoved up our asses."

"I'm surprised at our restraint from causing such a scandal thus far." Loki murmured thoughtfully.

"Why'd you have to be famous?" Tony whined. "You're Loki Fucking Laufeyson and I'm Tony Fucking Stark. There will _never_ be a right time. We'll be doddery old guys and people will still be shocked when we come out."

"There will be a right time. I know. You always trust my instincts, do you not?"Loki said, still in that thoughtful tone when he added, "For whatever reason, I can't envision either you or myself as any older than we are now."

This was half true for Tony. He could see himself getting older, but Loki? No. There was something about him, even though Tony had seen pictures of him when he was younger, that always seemed to be the same age. Tony couldn't comprehend the thought of Loki's taut white skin slipping, his glossy hair fading, those bright green eyes dulling, his muscle softening to nothing. In Tony's mind he was always tall, strong, crazy and beautiful.

For some reason he found that thought unsettling. Like if Loki dared to get any older, he would just vanish. And it spooked him.

So he rolled over and started kissing the skin of Loki's neck, trying to banish those thoughts.

"Are you well?" Loki asked, voice tinged with concern as he lifted Tony's head to make eye contact.

"Yeah. Yeah, I guess." Tony managed to say, eyes stinging with tears for some reason, even though he had every reason to be perfectly happy.

Loki cast his green eyes skywards. "No intrepid reporters, no helicopters...I do believe this is as unobserved as I've felt for ten years, perhaps more."

"Tell me about it." Tony sighed. "I was practically born in the spotlight."

"I know." Loki replied. "When I was... oh, eight, perhaps, you were on the front of the science journal I stole from the principle of my school."

Tony snorted with laughter. "You make me feel old all over again. And were you _ever_ innocent? Like, at one point in your life?"

"I sincerely doubt it," Loki chuckled, grabbing some soft white sand and flicking it in Tony's hair, before tugging his black board shorts back on and sprinting the twenty metres to the ocean.

Those two days on that island had been perfection, but it had to end before people started raising eyebrows, and they were dragged back into the spotlight.

The end of the month came quickly. More rain, trees dropping leaves, Loki adding a warm scarf and overcoat to his suit ensemble, and hot slow-cooked food. Plus plenty of alcohol drank by Loki and Tony to stave off the cold.

No one believed that excuse.

As November began, Loki seemed a little calmer with the developments of things. Everything was falling into place, or so he said.

The morning before Loki and Tony were leaving for England, Tony shot over to Laufeyson Tower to see his boyfriend and check everything was packed.

To his shock and surprise, when thinking about it, Tony was suddenly actually pretty sure he loved Loki as he touched down on his balcony - which was a terrifying thought, considering who the object of his affections actually _was_. The only time he'd been in love - sorta - was with Pepper, and seeing as that really hadn't gone anywhere, he wasn't sure what it was supposed to feel like. There were a few girls and a guy he'd been a tad infatuated with, back in his post-MIT days, but that was just a passing fancy.

But if love was what he thought it was, then this was probably it. Tony grinned when he saw Loki, never got bored of being around him, rarely argued with him anymore, and the combination of their minds was producing some freaking amazing science; plus, the sex was fantastic. Tony was pretty sure he'd had more sex in the last month than in any other month of his life.

Tony loved being around Loki, and he didn't want it to end. And making Loki smile was half the reason Tony bothered to put any extra effort into life.

From what he knew of love, that was probably it.

But then, Tony had no idea what Loki was feeling, or even if he was feeling anything, so he was determined to keep quiet.

Walking into Loki's lab, he saw the man proudly toting a new helmet. It looked a lot like Loki's old helmet, except instead of the horns going straight up and down, they jutting forward aggresively, and the metal itself was a slightly dirtier colour. It looked....intimidating.

"Uh, nice hat, lover." Tony said with a grin. "Is that for your suit? Can you wear that during sex?"

"Why not." Loki grinned. "I thought it may be time for a little change."

"It looks good. Scary. Hey, is everything ready for this afternoon?" Tony asked.

"A large number of belongings are still in my flat. I needn't pack much. Are you bringing the Iron Man?" Loki replied.

"Yeah, duh. I never travel without it. I don't want to have another Vanko situation."

"Excellent. Well, I still have work to do here. I will meet you at the airfield in a few hours." Loki said.

-O.O-

True to word, they met at the airfield that afternoon. The Avengers and Darcy came to see them off, even though they really weren't needed.

"Don't go native!" Clint shouted cheerily to them as they walked away.

"What's that supposed to mean?!" Tony called back.

"I mean, we've already got one rich English asshole on the team, we don't need you to go English too!" Clint laughed, and Darcy kissed him.

How wholesome.

There had been a large discussion over whose private jet they would take. Tony had said that his flight attendants were happy to give them a show. Loki had argued that his flight attendants shut up and left him alone, and that there was a conference room and a bedroom on board. Both being long-time members of the Mile High Club, neither argument was particularly persuasive. Eventually they settled for Loki's jet, simply because it was even quieter than Tony's and they could blob out. This ended with them watching _Blackadder_ and laughing at the bad jokes while sipping alcohol.

Fuck, they drank a lot.

"Darcy was right." Loki frowned. "I do drink tequila like an adolescent girl."

Tony nearly spat out his drink from laughter when he heard that. "When was that?"

"When Darcy was trying to convince me I was effeminate enough to join her girls' day out." Loki replied. "Enough of that. Let us move to a more normal conversational topic. Which do you prefer, bar-crawling sluts or golddigging society bitches?"

Because Loki viewed that as a normal conversation?

On the global scale of plane trips, flying to England wasn't a particularly strenuous one, and they were there in no time.

Somehow people knew that Loki and Tony were flying together, and they were quickly mobbed by fans - how do businessmen have fans? By being good-looking superheroes too, it would seem - telling them they should get together, or worse, implying that Tony was sleeping with Steve or Loki with Thor, rumours neither of them had heard before and were shocked by.

Once they were in a car, Loki stammered "They think I would sully myself with my own _brother!_ "

"Or with Steve." Tony sulked. "Who let the fangirls get out of control?"

"In this case, I did nothing to encourage them." Loki frowned. "I pray they don't realise we're staying together. Chaos would ensue. It would not be so bad, I suppose, unless they realised the flat only has one bedroom."

This was true. Rather than go to a hotel or whatever, they were staying in Loki's old flat that used to conjoin with his old laboratory.

Loki had been living there before he started Laufeyson Corp, and had bought both it and the adjacent, connected building. After he'd pulled his way up the socioeconomic scale a bit, he'd bought a really nice apartment in Central London - imagine the price tag on that - but kept the two buildings, and on his move to New York had sold everything but the small flat where it had all started. The lab itself had been taken apart brick by brick before the land was sold for Loki's own bizarrely paranoid reasons.

The flat remained, and that was where they stayed. Their first time - barring their little island holiday - they'd taken a stab at living together properly. Evening came without any problems, Loki having groceries delivered so he could cook them both dinner, and then both settling down on the couch to discuss Loki's negotiations tomorrow.

Loki would be back by that afternoon, and the pair of them were cordially invited to dinner with Thor and Jane. Which could only go well, of course.

An estimate of four days was what Loki gave for how long negotiations would take. SHIELD had already done a great deal of the wordwork.

Then the conference for two days, then home the next day.

In that conversation, Loki revealed why he'd destroyed his entire lab building - both the properties he owned had detachable ceiling tiles, and in a fit of (probably drug-fueled) paranoia Loki had starting keeping his research notes in the roof of his lab. When he left, he thought that there might still be some up there, never mind the fact the building had electrical burns and heavily altered wiring, so he knocked it down. It seemed a little extreme to Tony.

Also, according to Loki, the roof tiles of the bathroom was where Loki had kept most of his stash, and there was probably still some there.

Tony declined the offer.

Living together, thus far, was proving a success, and they always had less nightmares when sleeping together. As the end of the safe time drew closer, Loki was startling more often from sleep, panic in his eyes, needing reassurance. Tony was just glad to be there for him.

Big day tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On another note, my friend asked me and I was curious; do you guys have any favourite quotes from this story? Anything memorable? I was just wondering.


	39. Muffins Are A Paragon's Weakness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor has an idea, and Tony's surprised Loki isn't beheading people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes *sigh* late, short chapter. I'm an asshat. But I've been working on my Show Me Your Teeth series and it's been taking up brainpower.
> 
> On another note, I've recently restarted my love of Bowie, so Loki's theme is now the album Hunky Dory, especially the song Changes.

Tony actually slept in, to his embarrassment. He woke up briefly for Loki to kiss him goodbye and tell him there were pancakes to be heated when he wanted them, and then rolled over and fell asleep again.

He managed to stay in bed 'til lunchtime, an impressive feat when you consider the time difference, before blearily surfacing to explore Loki's house in greater detail. It was absurdly Loki, similar to his penthouse in New York; half-empty bookcases lined the living room, which had a couch and a squashy armchair, and a little patch of not-faded carpet where his favourite armchair must have stood.

If Tony had been infinitely creepier he would have worshipped that little patch of grey carpet. However, he wasn't, so he continued his explorations.

It was a tiny flat, ground floor, with one bedroom - nicely put together - bathroom, and big kitcheny living roomy arrangement. Simple, but it represented such a huge part of Loki's life that Tony was curious.

Loki was right about the stash in the bathroom roof, as it turned out. Tony left it there.

That night, they were going to dinner with Thor and his long-term fiancee, Jane Foster. However, Loki was coming back mid-afternoon so the people he was pitching the war to could deliberate, so Tony took this opportunity to be a good boyfriend.

Large displays of affection were not something Loki and Tony did, by silent agreement that _yes_ they like each other but _no_ they don't need to show it.

However, Tony was bored and couldn't be fucked actually getting out of his boxers and heading around town, so why not?

"SADIE?" Tony asked.

"Yes, my genesis?" She said cheerily.

"What's Loki's favourite flavour of muffin?"

-O.O-

As it turns out, Loki was an enormous fan of mint and double dark chocolate, and after a quick visit to the nearby shops and with strict instruction from SADIE, Tony managed to make a batch. With a few initial errors.

When Loki got back and saw the muffins, he stuffed a huge bite in his normally reserved mouth and then made out with Tony, who was shoved against the refrigerator, tasting of chocolate and mint.

"I have you well-trained." Loki announced shortly after, sitting triumphantly on the bench munching his second muffin. "A proper little house-husband. This is an occasion to be celebrated."

"How?" Tony asked bemusedly.

"With another muffin, naturally." Loki said, taking his third.

"If i'd known your secret weakness was muffins I would've broken you before now." Tony grinned.

"Never. I am a paragon of self-control." Loki mumbled.

"Paragon with muffin on his face." Tony pointed out. "How'd it go?"

"Excellent. Naturally. It's my native country's government, and they are more than used to me turning up asking for a permit to try this or that. What can I say, they love me." Loki grinned.

"So they weren't too confused by you telling them to grab their guns and watch out for spacemen?"

"I imagine they assumed it was only a matter of time before it happened to me." Loki grinned wickedly.

"Goddamn god of mischief, you are." Tony laughed.

"Mm." Loki purred, licking icing off his straight white teeth. "We needn't meet Thor for another four hours. I suggest I drag you around town for a while and then we take a nice, long shower before he arrives."

-O.O-

Tony hadn't met Jane Foster before, though he'd heard her name in a number of different science-based contexts. She was smart, he knew that. From what Loki and Darcy said, she was nice too.

Thor picked them up just after six from Loki's apartment. As Loki folded his lanky frame into the back seat, Tony saw him flash a smile at Jane typically reserved for Darcy, Tony, and phone calls with Frigga. So he liked her a lot. That explained why he'd agreed to dinner with Thor so readily.

"Janey Foster, Anthony Stark. I _sincerely_ hope both of you have picked up enough science journals to have heard of the other." Loki introduced. Once the appropriate noises had been made, he continued. "Myself, of course, needs no introduction, fine specimen that I am."

"Yeah, sure, Loki." Jane chuckled. Then she seemed to grow serious; Tony didn't know why.

Loki was three steps ahead with foreknowledge. "What did Selvig say?"

"Uhm." She said awkwardly. "'Stay away from that freak and his pointy helmet.'"

"Rest assured, my dear, those actions were no choice of mine." Loki sighed. "I come in peace, as they say." With that the man lapsed into a thoughtful silence.

Thor looked pretty baffled by the whole thing. "So, Tony," He began uneasily. "How goes your ... affiliation ... with my brother?"

This clearly wasn't news to Jane; the woman had a scandalous smirk on.

"Erm." Tony had no idea how much Loki would want them to know. Fortunately Loki began paying attention again at that point.

"If so much as a word leaves this car..." Loki threatened. "Thor, _employee_ of mine, it will probably make you irritatingly happy to learn that Tony and I are partners."

"Boyfriends?" said Jane enthusiastically.

"Partners." Tony said with a wince. "It sounds better."

Thor was beaming with delight. "I did wonder whether or not this would happen. I am pleased to hear it, having always agreed with Darcy's theory that all you need is love."

Loki made a retching motion, before saying "Hardly." in a derisive tone.

"Well, I think you'll be good for each other." Jane smiled.

Tony looked over to see Loki give the tiniest smile at that.

-O.O-

It turns out Thor had ulterior motives to inviting Loki into a public place where he couldn't make a scene without fucking up his mission.

Once they had their mains - Tony had ordered for Loki so he had a full meal instead of sneakily getting an entree - Thor cut the small talk and addressed Loki with his agenda.

"Brother, I would be honoured if you could come to the reunion I am hosting." Thor said gingerly.

Loki's vivid green eyes narrowed suspiciously. "A reunion. Who for, precisely? And why?"

"For my friends this weekend. Before my wedding." Thor replied.

See, Thor and Jane were having a relatively quiet wedding, and Thor wanted to see all his school friends and whatnot before then. Unbeknownest to Loki, the only thing that had stopped Thor doing it before then was that he wanted Loki there.

For some reason it didn't really occur to Thor that having Loki amongst the childhood torturers that had made him into the closed-off and callous man he was today was a _bad idea._

"No. Certainly not. _Never again_ , Thor." Loki hissed.

Hell, even Tony and Jane knew what a bad idea it was.

"Please, Loki. After this many years, surely-"

"No. I have no wish to see those _oafs_ again. They are, in essence, responsible for all that is wrong in my life." Loki scowled.

"Little or naught is wrong in your life." Thor pointed out. "One night. It is so very little."

"Why would I do that? I clearly do not want to, and have no incentive." Loki countered. "If you hope to keep the tranquil feel to this evening, I suggest you do not pursue it further."

Which shut Thor up. He was probably thinking of Loki's ability to teleport, and his other ability to sulk royally and be more stubborn than a seedy-toed mule.

Everyone ate their food quietly for a while until a safer, more science and work based discussion started.

-O.O-

Despite the minor row between Thor and Loki, dinner passed mostly amiably, and Tony enjoyed Jane's company a lot. He had a thing about liking to have people nearly as smart as him around. Now he had Jane, Bruce and Loki, all genii. Beautiful.

After they got home, and after (shudder) _making love_ \- because occasionally it turned into that, when it wasn't rough and violent - Tony decided to add his two cents.

"I think you should go, you know." Tony said into the back of Loki's neck.

"Pardon?" Loki said sleepily.

"Go to Thor's reunion thing." Tony replied.

Loki wriggled irritably out of Tony's hold to face him. "Why would I face them again? I loathe them all, and I cannot imagine what you think I would get out of it."

"I can, Sparkles. I mean, come on. You're Loki Fucking Laufeyson, not that little Loki Valfodr kid they picked on. You're rich and famous and sexy-" Tony leaned over to kiss Loki's collarbone at that- "And really, you're pretty much perfect, and they're all working at Tesco's, or even better, working for _you_ at Valaskjalf or Utgarda or whatever. So you can turn up looking like a god, and they can just sit around and think 'holy shit, am I a dick for being a douchebag to him.'"

Loki seemed to agree, judging by his tiny impish smile, so Tony went on. "And, even better, take me and then you can say 'I'm even friends with Tony Stark, you know, that guy that was on the front of every magazine when we were teens, and we used to jack off to his photo-'"

Loki laughed at that and kicked him under the bedspread. "Hardly."

"Aw, didn't you? And here I was thinking you used to have big crush on me when you were a kid." Tony grinned.

"Not an infatuation, per se - more the desire to prove I'm better than you." Loki explained.

"And have you succeeded?" Tony asked with an eyebrow raise.

"Hm. Well, my company may not be quite as successful as yours - yet - but I can easily overpower you in a fight and you submit rather readily under me, so yes, I think so." Loki teased.

"I'm gonna borrow a favourite word of yours here and say 'hardly'." Tony said it in a mockery of Loki's accent. Or JARVIS's. Who knew. "I'm always going to be boss around here."

Loki's hand darted up to press on a bite on Tony's shoulder and make the other man hiss a little in pain. "I've already won." He said as he lay back against the pillows and closed his eyes.

Tony took that as an invitation to sleep too.

They'd been lying in silence for a few minutes when Loki spoke again. "I did have a magazine with you on the cover."

"Which one?" Tony wondered.

Loki concentrated for a minute. Sometimes his memories of his teenage years could be so blurry. "The year before you took over Stark Industries. I was thirteen, so you must have been twenty. It was a science journal of some sort."

"Hm, I don't remember that one." Tony frowned. "Any reason you suddenly remembered?"

"The day didn't go very well." Loki sighed, and Tony could actually here him try to close off.

"Tell me about it. Come on, it's good for you to let it all out, and I'm not going to tell anyone," he urged.

Loki went silent again as he tried to fish up why that day had been so bad. "Mother gave me the magazine..." he began. "Ah, yes. It was the same day I was to deliver a speech to my chemistry class about conductivity and Van der Waal's forces. The reason the magazine relates to that is I showed it to my chemistry teacher before the class, saying I was going to be better than the great Tony Stark one day. I believe her nodding and agreeing was an attempt to humour me." There was a slight pout in Loki's tone when he said the last part.

"I have a bad feeling about that speech." Tony said.

"Rightfully so. Because of the unpleasant people in my class, I had practised the speech extensively and knew it word for word so I couldn't possibly make a mistake and give them any material. So, of course, something completely out of my control had to happen." Loki sounded resigned to the fact he couldn't just have had a simple success.

"What?" Tony asked.

"My voice broke," Loki said bitterly. "My fucking voice broke. Everything had been going fine, and suddenly I sounded as if a frog was crawling up my trachea."

"Ah, shit. I guess everyone else - the boys, not the girls - was already long past that phase?" Tony winced.

"I think some of the girls had deeper voices than I did at that point." Loki said dryly. "It was the first time I went truant. Certainly not the last."

Tony rolled over and hugged Loki. "S'okay. They can't be dicks to you now. If they do, you can just fry them."

Tony could have sworn Loki purred.

-O.O-

The next morning Tony actually did get up and enjoyed a warm shower with Loki before the other man left. Then, in a fit of boredom he spent the day exploring, eventually ending up at Valaskjalf and looking around. His association with Loki was pretty widely known, so Thor came and vouched for him and he was allowed to wander about on the solemn promise of stealing nothing.

Why just that promise was enough, he didn't know. Maybe Loki had rung ahead? It worked.

Eventually he made his way home via taxi and Loki met him at the flat, and they spent the afternoon together.

Such was the routine for the two days following, until the last day of Loki's attempts to bring England on board when Loki came home and announced that he had succeeded. Not, of course, that there was much chance of failure. Or so he said.

That night, being a Saturday, was the night of Thor's little party.

And Loki was going. Evidentally Tony did have some impact on his decisions.

Tony was delighted, but also cringing inwardly at the potential wrath of Loki to be unleashed.

Loki was fortunately distracted by his primping. His hair was perfectly groomed, he was wearing one of his nicest suits - emerald green waistcoat included - and he looked good in a godly, intimidating way.

And onwards they went.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loki's little anecdote about his voice breaking - I wrote that for my English class using different names and got a great grade = P


	40. But I'm Still The Same

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The much awaited reunion of Loki and his peers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Urp. Late again. And I'm all sad because this fic is nearly over and I love it so (by nearly over I mean I can see the end, not that it's going to finish very soon)

_So I turned myself to face me_   
_But I've never caught a glimpse_   
_Of how the others must see the faker_   
_I'm much too fast to take that test_

_Changes_ \- David Bowie

Tony had been scared several times in his life.

He'd also been scared of Loki several times in the his life. This took the cake.

'But Loki looked so calm and innocent!' one might claim. Yes, Loki did look outwardly calm, but Tony could feel the raw tension radiating off him.

"Seriously, Loki, take the firestick out of your ass." Tony said as they left the taxi and strode towards the hall the party was in. "You look uncomfortable."

"My ass is stick-free, thank you." Loki said distractedly.

"Well, that's new." Tony teased. "Seriously, calm down. Do a Bruce. Great big bag of weed, remember?"

Loki snorted. "I thought it was rather hilarious when Rogers told me I 'shouldn't do drugs, they're bad for me.'"

"Yeah, a bit late." Tony agreed.

Then Loki abruptly closed his mouth and adopting his most domineering posture as they went through the doors.

At first very few people noticed. But Loki was over six feet tall and dressed to kill, and with Tony Stark at his side, he was hard to miss.

Not everyone there had known Loki at school, of course. Thor's list of friends wasn't limited to schoolmates. But the ones that had couldn't stop themselves from being surprised when they saw Loki.

It wasn't his appearance; they'd seen him on magazine covers and news reports and even a Simpsons parody of the Avengers, and they knew what he looked like now. It was the fact he was there at all.

Loki's roving green eyes locked onto a man with cropped blonde hair and a little goatee, and Tony could feel the dislike burning in the air like a laser.

After a few minutes, everyone was looking at the two billionaires, wondering if they had missed some notice about what they were supposed to do.

"People who hate me, Anthony Stark." Loki introduced. "Anthony Stark, people who hate me."

"I don't hate you." A tall, dark-haired woman said.

"Hilarious, Siffy." Loki deadpanned.

Ah, so that was the Sif Loki talked about.

"Er, not trying to make scene." Tony interrupted, breaking the weird look the two were giving each other. "So please, no one kill anyone."

"Why would we do that?" The blonde man said dryly.

"I'm guessing you're Fandral." Once Tony received a nod, he continued. "Because the tension in here could actually be cut with something sharp."

" _I_ wouldn't do anything." Fandral replied. "It's Loki you have to watch out for."

"And why is that?" Loki said icily.

"You're a jealous, lying little-" Fandral scowled, but Thor, who had been talking to someone at the front of the room, coughed loudly.

"Do not speak to each other so harshly." Thor warned.

"Brother dearest." Loki greeted with a smile so warm that it looked fake, and probably was. "How delightful."

"I am glad you could come, Loki. The same for you, Tony." Thor smiled.

A few people were surprised Tony and Thor knew each other. One or two were surprised to learn that the famous, cold Loki and the warm, open Thor were brothers. Everyone was surprised to hear Loki acknowledge that connection.

"Eh, it wasn't too hard. Conference isn't til tomorrow." Tony could actually feel people wondering why he was there. He shook the feeling off and pointed Loki towards the snack bar. "Look, Lo'. They have shawarma! I actually like that stuff."

"It's not particularly to my tastes." Their conversation was ringing out in the silence while everyone looked on. Eventually they began talking to each other as Tony dragged Loki to the food.

Sif was persistent, though. She followed Loki to the table.

"I don't hate you." She said again, insisting.

"Whatever." Loki said, sounding uncharacteristically like a teenager.

"I'm serious, Loki." Sif frowned. "Whatever happened in the past, I've never hated you. Don't be a brat."

Loki made a low growling noise. "I am a brat? What about you, Sif darling, lying to me to get closer to _him_?"

"We didn't _have_ anything, Loki!" Sif protested. "You were just trying to get everyone off your back about being gay-"

"I'm not gay." Loki pointed out calmly.

"Yeah, sure, whatever." Sif snorted. "In any case, it's not like it was some whirlwind romance, we kissed about twice! If that's what you've spent the last twenty years angsting about, I feel sorry for you!"

"That had little to do with it." Loki snapped. "You betrayed any semblance of _trust_ for the arms of my brother-"

"It's not some cheap romance novel, Loki, it was high school! Shit happens to scrawny little nerds!" Sif spat.

"Yes, I noticed." Loki frowned. "Rather a lot of shit did happen to me. Somehow I don't think I deserved most of it."

"What did you expect?" Sif rolled her eyes. "Skinny, nerdy little homo who couldn't shut his mouth for five seconds. Seriously, what did you expect?"

"A little respect, perhaps." Loki looked a little irked by her description of him.

"That wasn't going to happen. Come on, public school, you should have realised it wasn't going to be all fun and games."

"It wasn't my _fault_." Loki insisted.

"Stop acting the victim." Sif said. "And shut up, your dearest brother is trying to say something."

Thor was indeed standing with Jane at his side at the front of the room. All the guests were shuffling around, trying to find a seat and be respectful. The exception was of course Loki, who stayed standing, leaning against the wall with a tiny smirk playing across his face.

"Friends of mine, we are gathered here today-" Thor started.

"Thor, it sounds like you're officiating a funeral." Loki snarked.

No one else in the room would dared cut in like that. Tony was caught between laughing and wanting to punch Loki.

"Sorry, Loki." Thor said bemusedly. "We are here to celebrate the upcoming union of myself and my love Jane Foster. Tonight I wished to name who I would want at my side, as my best man."

A large man who was presumably Volstagg leaned over and muttered something to Fandral.

"Loki, would you do the honour of being my best man?" Thor said.

Loki's look of shock would have been beautiful if not for the situation. "Pardon?"

Of course, Thor was fully aware Loki had heard him. "Would you? Please?"

Tony got it. Thor wasn't as dumb as Loki claimed he was; this was a perfect way of Thor bluntly apologising for the past while giving a public show of loyalty. Now, if Loki said yes, this would be a large leap forward for them.

Unfortunately, Loki's reasons for accepting were less about brotherly love and more about biting his thumb at Fandral. "Yes, of course." He replied with a cheery, un-Lokish smile.

Casting his eyes across the crowd, Tony noted that a lot of people looked pissed off. He decided to break the moment by saying "You'll pay, huh, Lo'?"

"I don't see why I couldn't." Loki said, still with that odd smile. "It would hardly make much of a dent."

Jane gave an affectionate smile to Loki, who smirked back.

Announcement over, the party continued, but Loki wandered to the front to speak to Thor, leaving Tony alone.

There were three people at his table. Sif was one of them, and the other two he didn't know.

"So." Tony slapped on his most charming face. "I'm Tony Stark. Who the hell are you guys?"

The three women did not appreciate being called guys.

"Sif." Sif said, leaning across to shake his hand.

"Yeah, I've heard a bit about you." Tony winced. "Nice to meet you in person, though."

"Don't listen to Loki. Once a drama queen, always a drama queen, I guess." Sif sighed.

"I've noticed." Tony chuckled. "That said, I'm really hoping he doesn't get too pissed off, seeing as it'll end up being me who takes the full brunt of it."

"Why's that?" Sif said curiously.

"Eh, I'm staying at his flat, and apparently just because I'm Iron Man and whatnot doesn't mean I can escape from his moods." Tony shrugged. Having just met her, it was probably a bit much to say, but she knew about Loki's mood swings anyway so it didn't seem to matter.

"Isn't his flat only one bedroom?" One of the other two women asked.

"Moving past how you actually know that, yeah it is, and I have to sleep on the _couch_." Tony lied indignantly.

Loki took that moment to swoop down from his conversation with Thor and murmur loudly in Tony's ear "You don't _have_ to, you know."

"I think I do." Tony tried to make a face that a straight man would make if propositioned by Loki. "I bet your feet are fucking freezing."

"Well, I doubt you'll learn without field tests. _Betting_ is hardly scientific methodology." Loki had a predatory grin on his face, trying to make Tony slip. What an asshole.

"Uh-uh. You're sleeping alone tonight, Sparkles." Tony smirked. "Don't think about picking anyone up, either. I don't wanna listen to that noise all night."

Loki made a little _harrumph_. "And what about you? Your attempts at seductive talk-"

"I think I've heard enough." Sif winced and walked away.

Loki starting laughing as soon as she was out of earshot. Tony had a feeling that Loki hadn't exactly talked dirty back in high school like he did now.

"Aw, baby, you wound me." Tony chuckled. "You didn't seem to mind back when-"

"I was not listening." Loki snipped, and Tony realised they'd strayed into the territory of making up a random anecdote on the spot.

"I'm pretty sure you were, little pervert." Tony leered. "Why were you in my living room?"

"You wish I was interested in your deviations, don't you?" Loki said.

By this point, the pair of them had forgotten the two women sitting at the table watching them and were basically roleplaying.

"A little." Tony admitted. "I mean, Loki Laufeyson, my business rival...I'd love to catch you touching yourself on camera in my living room."

Loki was about to reply when - "Ohmygod." One of the women watching had finally lost her ability to stay quiet.

"What?" Tony said, irritated at the interruption.

"Urm. Sorry. Continue." She looked all flushed. Tony realised she wasn't the one who'd known about Loki's flat, but the other one.

"Enjoy yourself, Tony." Loki chirrupped as he swanned off. "I have a small matter to take care of."

"Bastard." Tony frowned, before addressing the flustered woman. "So. You were being awkward?"

-O.O-

After an enthralling conversation with the two women, who wanted into his pants, he talked to Thor and Jane, then a number of other people that he forgot as soon as he moved away from them.

He'd started to worry about Loki after a while. Letting an extremely mercurial man wander round in a room of people he hated was probably not a good thing to do.

Once he'd escaped his sixth banal conversation, he decided now would be a good time to retrieve his partner before damage could be done.

Unfortunately Loki was nowhere. And Tony felt like there was cold water slipping down his spine. For all he knew, Loki was knifing someone in a hallway.

While Loki was in a hallway, he wasn't knifing anyone, at least not physically.

"Yeah, well, I didn't want the little _gay boy_ watching us in PE or-" Fandral sneered.

"Why, oh why, do you assume I would be attracted to _you_ of all people?" Loki cut him off. "And from the rumours I've heard, you are hardly flying straight yourself."

"That's not true and you know it, _Cupid_." Fandral snapped.

Loki twitched involuntarily at the nickname. "How odd you're so quick to disclaim rumours against yourself and yet religiously follow them when they are against me."

"You've always been a crazy fucker, Loki." Fandral said by way of explanation. "What about when you got caught in the school toilets fantasising ab-"

" _That never happened_!" Loki shouted. "None of it did! It was just you and your filthy friends trying to find a way to crush me!"

"Did you just call Thor filthy?!" Fandral sounded angry now. "Why are you his best man? You've barely seen him for the last ten years!"

"Because, gods help me, he's my brother! That is what brothers do!"

"You're not his brother." Fandral spat. "You're just a jealous little kid, never mind all your money and your Avengers and Tony Stark, you're still just the same attention-grabbing freak you've always been!"

Now, Fandral hadn't actually met Loki face-to-face for more than a minute or two since high school graduation. In that time, Loki had grown about eight inches, spent a lot of time exercising, done a lot of combat training, and had just about gotten rid of the concept of a pain threshold. In short, while in high school Loki was Fandral's prey, Loki was now an inch and a half taller and fully capable of kicking his ass.

Loki hit Fandral. He surprised himself when he did it, slapping the smaller man hard enough to bruise, and was just as surprised when Fandral punched him in the face. Most of the hit was deflected by one bony cheek, hurting Fandral more than it hurt him, but taking a couple of knuckles to the eye _stung_.

Action needed to be taken. Loki couldn't afford to lose any more composure in public, and that would happen if he stayed at the party, so he wanted to go home.

In a moment he'd teleported outside the front door of the hall, feeling his heart suddenly jackhammer on materialisation, and sent Tony a text.

When Tony made it outside, Loki had already called them a cab, and they climbed in in silence, Tony not wanting to make Loki angrier by pursuing a conversation.

They made it to the flat. Loki marched straight down the hall, closed his bedroom door and locked Tony out.

After standing there for about ten minutes trying various tactics, Tony just sat down against the door and said "Fine. Fine! You don't wanna talk to me, sure. But I'm going to sit here until you do. Cause that's what a nice boyfriend is for. Capisce?"

Nothing.

-O.O-

At around 2 AM, Loki jerked awake from another nightmare. This time it was the memory of torturing Selvig, of breaking that man.

He needed a smoke.

Opening his door, he was surprised to find Tony still leaning there, face screwed up in sleep.

Loki wanted to cry; why did Tony stick with him like this?

So he very gently lifted Tony and placed him on the bed, before walking out to the front steps and hoping smoke rings would calm him down.


	41. Fecal Matter In The Air Dispersal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things go from sunny to cloudy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp. Sorry it's late. Enjoy.
> 
> A note on Loki's singing - everyone writes him as a good singer, and I quite agree he'd be excellent, but it makes me laugh to imagine singing as the one thing he's absolutely terrible at.

Tony woke up wrapped around a pillow that smelt like Loki. Wriggling around proved that the other man was not there.

"Lo'?" He murmured. Then he remembered last night, and jumped out of bed still fully clothed. "Loki!"

A quick march down the hall revealed Loki lounging on the couch in the little living room reading and drinking some miscellaneous alcohol directly from the bottle.

"Loki. What're you doing?" Tony said. "Come to bed."

"No, thank you." Loki sighed. "I do apologise for my behaviour last night. I was a little stressed."

"You're actually saying sorry?" Tony said disbelievingly. "How much have you had to drink?"

Loki looked at the bottle sceptically. "It was full when I started."

"So, a lot. It's 6 in the morning, by the way. Three hours until we have somewhere to be, and you're off your face. Now, normally I'm not one to advocate sobriety in public, but you've got more governmental eyes on you than I normally do, so you'll have to at least act like a grown-up." Tony said.

Loki pouted and took another drink.

With a resigned sigh, Tony squeezed onto the couch behind Loki and pulled the taller man's back against his chest. "What's wrong, Sparkles?" He said into the back of Loki's neck.

Instead of replying Loki just nestled backwards. After a few minutes of companionable silence, he finally spoke. "I'm _not_ the same person I was in school."

"Eh, neither am I. Which is probably a good thing." Tony replied.

There was more silence in which Tony wondered what was going on in his enigmatic boyfriend's brain.

Eventually he broke. "Loki, whatever happened yesterday - I don't know - it doesn't change anything. You're still Loki Fucking Laufeyson, superhero, billionaire. Don't let them bring you down. And who cares if you're not the same guy you were twenty years ago? Again, _Loki Fucking Laufeyson_. I think you're just about perfect. Don't tell anyone."

Still Loki didn't speak, so Tony got up, pulled Loki up and dragged him to the shower. "Let's get you sober, bitch."

-O.O-

Tony would have laughed hysterically at Loki at the conference if he wasn't trying to keep his poker face.

The shower hadn't done much in the name of sobriety, and Loki - who disliked bright lights and sunlight at the best of times - turned up wearing sunglasses and trying to walk in a straight line.

"I have an idea, Tony." Loki had said. "I'll find a way to make glasses that filter light without darkening the lenses."

"Yes, dear." Tony had replied patiently.

Then Loki had turned to glare at him as they sat in the taxi. "You did not do your hair."

"Well, just this time-" Tony had started, but Loki had been a man with a plan, wiping excess goo from his own hair to slick Tony's into sticking up the way Loki liked it.

"Fussy bastard." Tony had groaned. "I'm not your doll."

"I will not have you walking around looking like no one looks after you." Loki had pouted.

"No one _does_ look after me." Tony had pointed out.

That had seemed to really antagonise Loki. "I do. I'm your boyfriend. That's what I'm for."

"I'm glad you're drunk right now, or I'd be seriously worried about your sanity."

The day had progressed in much a similar fashion.

The most interesting part, from Tony's point of view, was when Loki was asked to speak about his latest advancements in the field of his micronuclear batteries.

Loki stood up around the table of the current best and brightest in the field, held up one of his MNBs, and looked at it derisively.

Tony suddenly had an epiphany: he shouldn't let Loki speak in public while drunk and in a bad mood. Too late.

"When I first created micronuclear self-sustaining batteries, four years ago, they were an enormous breakthrough. Safe, theoretically infinite power, almost enough to rival the work of our own Mr Stark's arc reactor, but with a much less guarded patent." Loki said, waving a hand at his partner. "Now? It's old technology. Boring."

"Excuse me, but could you please take your sunglasses off?" One of the spectators asked.

"No." Loki said bluntly. "Now, if you all remember correctly, our planet was in fact invaded by aliens a few months ago. Their technology, on the whole, far surpassed ours, and I'd be a poor businessman if I did not try to cannibalise it in some sense. Currently Stark and I are working on a project capable of powering the entire planet, if done correctly."

The only thing that really told Tony was that Loki fully intended to reclaim the Tesseract after the war. Oh, and that a drunk Loki was still an articulate Loki, but he'd already known that.

Ever the showman, Loki refused to give more information, just sitting down and making everyone wonder. Then eyes turned to Tony, who just shrugged.

Loki's little ploy had worked; all of a sudden everyone was whispering about the enormous project that the two greatest minds in the field were now working on together.

"You know, for someone who claims to not be social, you sure do have a good grasp on using people." Tony frowned as the pair went out for lunch.

"People are easy to manipulate. Especially unintelligent ones. If you work with your instincts then you become predictable." Loki explained.

Tony understood Loki's point, and he tended to do the same thing, but he hadn't refined it to an art form like Loki had.

The rest of the day passed with Loki getting bored and resorting to his usual entertainment, that being annoying Tony. It started with dirty texts and ended with Loki's foot in Tony's lap gently massaging his crotch. Tony kind of wanted to punch Loki, but the spidery man had already been punched once in the last 24 hours and had the purpling of his eye to prove it.

Then back to Loki's flat for a homemade dinner, followed by Tony forcing Loki to watch a movie and then bed.

The next day, Tony was trying and failing to make breakfast while Loki showered, when the door knocked.

To Tony's shock, it was Natasha smiling coyly at him.

"Tasha!" Tony said excitedly. "Fuck, I thought you were in Russia! What're you doing here?"

"My mission ended. Fury suggested I visited you." Natasha deadpanned. Holding one small duffel bag - how does one be away for three weeks with only a small bag? It must be bigger on the inside - she walked in, gave Tony the obligatory half-hug, and then froze when she heard Loki singing.

" _There's a starmaaaaaaaaaan, waiting in the sky-_ " Loki sang.

"I'm quite impressed by his ability to miss every single note." Natasha smirked, and she was right, Loki was a terrible singer.

"I know. He has such a nice voice, all gravel and velvet, and then whenever he tries to sing he sounds like he's yodeling." Tony sighed. "At least he listens to good music now. It was all classical when we met."

Natasha just gave a quiet laugh.

"You're coming back to New York with us, then?" Tony asked hopefully.

"Fury's given me clearance to continue working with the Avengers, at least until the invasion is over." Natasha confirmed, lips quirking in a small smile.

"Great! Loki'll be over the moon. I think he has a crush on you." Tony grinned.

Natasha seemed to find that an amusing thought. Tony didn't just think that, either; he knew it. Loki did have a quiet little infatuation with Natasha, which had very little to do with any romantic attachment and was mostly her physical attractiveness combined with the fact she was someone who could both scare and outsmart him.

It was just then that Loki came out of the bathroom, one towel around his waist, the other turbanning his hair in the universal style for women (and Lokis) with long hair.

He made eye contact with Natasha, looked shocked, and then said "I'll admit when I began singing I was unaware of your presence."

Natasha and Tony just laughed at him.

-O.O-

At the second day of the conference, the final one Tony and Loki were attending, things were mostly peaceful.

Oh yes, except for when Loki randomly sank into some kind of meditative state during a lecture and then snapped back to full attention yipping about how he'd figured it out, before dashing outside to make a phone call.

Tony began to wonder if Loki had dipped into his stash after all.

At lunch, Tony dragged Loki into a corridor and asked him what was going on.

"It was Justine Hammer." Loki blurted.

"What?" Tony said confusedly, his genius intellect trying to follow Loki.

"The Crimson Cowl. It was Justine. I recognised her tonation, as well as the technology."

"Shit, really?" Tony gasped. It had been Loki's pet project more than Tony's to decipher the true identities of the constant supervillian assaulters, so Tony hadn't been following his research much.

Loki nodded seriously. "Somehow I doubt she will be apprehended. But the point still stands."

Tony patted him on the head like a dog. "Well done. You made a smart."

Loki glowered at him for a moment before asking if they were having lunch.

"'Course. We'll find a place." Tony replied, before checking the corridor was clear, standing on his toes and kissing Loki. "You're such a genius. I didn't know I had some weird kind of brain kink 'til I met you."

That made Loki laugh, and they set off.

-O.O-

When he'd discovered Loki was coming to England, Odin had issued both Tony and Loki a very cordial invitation to dine with him and Frigga. Loki had nearly cackled with spite. Then he'd sent a very sarcastic 'no' in reply.

A compromise had been reached. That day, after the second day of the conference, Loki had gone to a long afternoon tea with Frigga. The afternoon tea had stretched out to dinner with the mother Loki usually only heard from over the phone once a week, and when Loki had come back, the smile on his face was that rare, genuine one Tony loved.

Hell, Tony loved all his smiles, even when they were evil.

-O.O-

Natasha actually had the gall to try and make the pair of them give up the only bedroom in the flat that night, at least until they reminded her what they'd been doing on that bed, and then she acquiesced to letting them keep it.

That's a point against chivalry.

The next day was their last in England. After a brief wander around town, they caught their plane and headed back to New York, and Loki and Natasha had a serious discussion about the invasion while Tony sat on the back of Loki's seat and braided his long hair for his own amusement.

"There!" Tony had said once he'd finished a half-dozen braids. "Aren't you a pretty princess?"

Loki had swatted him.

"Don't be mad, babe. I think you're a beautiful sunflower."

The said beautiful sunflower had been a very angry sunflower.

-O.O-

Arriving home was uncomplicated. Everyone nearly wept with joy when they saw Natasha, and all was well for the next week or two.

Physical training was made mandatory for the Avengers, even for Bruce, which Tony pointed out didn't make much sense, but Danny Winchester gave the orders and made sure they were followed.

For some reason the group on the whole always enjoyed seeing Loki being taken down a peg by Natasha. This also worked in that Loki didn't mind when it was Natasha beating him. He respected her intelligence and talent in the same way he didn't _seem_ to respect Tony. Of course, he secretly did, but whatever.

Therefore after that particular match, Loki was left gingerly rubbing his bad right hand where a few fingers had been bent awkwardly and feeling both amused and a tad sorry for himself.

"Here, 'Lo." Tony grinned, handing him a glass of scotch. "Hey, not too bad for a guy with no formal training and no superpowers."

Loki smirked and muttered a word of thanks.

"That's a lie." The recently arrived Darcy pointed out. "Loki has the superpower of being able to successfully place anyone on the Kinsey scale within five minutes of meeting them."

"Fun fact." Loki said, taking a sip. "That is actually true."

"Wow." Clint said sarcastically. "You should've been snapped right up by SHIELD for that one."

"Do not mock my powers, 2." Loki replied with a wicked grin. Clint flushed slightly and threw a peanut into Loki's hair with unerring accuracy.

-O.O-

The main priority for Loki as November rolled to a close was, of course, preparing for the invasion. He was working his ass off, building and planning to the tune of the grand master plan forming in his head.

The grand master plan that he wouldn't tell Tony about, even though there was no risk of Tony being mind-whammied.  
This was fucking Tony off.

Now, people like Tony and Loki were always going to fight. They were both intelligent, opinionated Alpha males; clashes would occur. In fact, they already had, many times. Their fights tended to start quickly, all fire, and then burn out by the end of the day for make-up sex.

On this particular occasion, with this particular clash, the ramifications would be huge.

It started with Tony lying on one of Loki's workbench, munching popcorn and being thoroughly bored.

He was wondering exactly what Loki was doing with a replica of his sceptre, the sonic paralyser banned by Geneva, the knives Malekith had given him to conceal in the Sparkly Shit Suit, and the Tesseract energy readings. And so he asked.

"It is none of your business, Tony." Loki said distractedly, squinting at the screens.

That irked Tony. "Actually, yeah, it is. Remember, I'm your second in command? Oh, and your partner?"

"The point still stands. I would rather keep this to myself." Loki frowned.

"Why?" Tony insisted irritably. "Come on, you know I can help. Or even just provide a willing pair of ears."

"No." Loki was on his way to full-out pissed off now. "Not a chance. This is my work, and if you don't like it, feel free to remove yourself from my tower."

"Uh, how about _no?_ " Tony snapped. "Fuck's sake, Loki, you don't have to be so fucking uptight."

Loki made a low, venomous noise and returned to his work, ignoring Tony.

Tony wasn't about to let it go. "Is this whole invasion business just some big ego trip for you? Are you just trying to keep it all under your helmet so everyone's wowed by your brains when you do your big reveal? Cause really, Snow White, that's low, even for you-"

"Shut up!" Loki shouted. Tony noted, rather spitefully, that Loki didn't deny it. "If you're going to talk to me like that, Stark, you can fuck off. I do not need you here."

"Yeah, you've already made that pretty obvious, Lone Ranger. You said that we could be _partners_ , remember? I also remember something about full trust from here on. Looks like more bullshit, hm?"

Loki rubbed his face with his hands, tugging at his hair to force it into order. Taking a deep breath, he pointed at the elevator. "Leave. You are both annoying and distracting."

"I'll fucking-" Tony snarled, but he was distracted by his phone buzzing to announce a text just as SADIE told Loki Fury needed to assemble the Avengers.

Doom was back. A shit burger had turned into a whole shit restaurant.

"Get your bloody suit from my penthouse and get out." Loki growled, suiting up in a gold flash and vanishing.

-O.O-

The shit restaurant was now a shit minor franchising chain.

Whatever Doom had been doing in his time underground had clearly involved the construction of yet another army of his incredibly annoying bots. The thought process behind it seemed to be 'defeat the Avengers, defeat the world', and so far the Avengers were getting their asses handed to them.

It didn't help that Tony and Loki weren't working together.

"Iron Man, cover Loki's back." Steve commanded.

"I am fine!" Loki insisted over the comms. "Keep to yourself, Stark!"

"That's good, cause I was already planning to do that." Tony snapped in response.

Tony mowed down a few bots, fully aware of how incredibly tough the newest models were. They were smarter, better built, better armed, and they were kicking ass. He was just glad he'd bought a few extra laser cells to mow them down when possible. JARVIS watched his back, keeping him safe as the Iron Man flew. Tony loved his AI.

Loki was on the ground, using the infallible stab-with-sceptre-and-then-suck-out-energy trick, which was severely limited in that he could only destroy one at a time. He was out of breath already, heart jackhammering, sweat pouring down his flushed face. The suit was really taking it out of him.

A blast hit Loki on the back, making him stumble forward. _Shit._

The three bots gathered in his vicinity lit up and called others, bringing them from the sky to properly outnumber Loki.

"Rogers, I need help." Loki deadpanned as he slashed with his sceptre, tearing gashes in the bots. He would've teleported away, but his heart was smashing his ribcage and he didn't think he could manage it.

"Sorry, Loki!" Steve shouted, dealing with a few of his own problems.

"Stark." Loki said flatly. "A little help."

This was the pivotal moment that changed everything. Tony hesitated, caught between spitefulness over Loki's sudden Lone Ranger act earlier and wanting to help.

The bots kept advancing even as Loki struck out. "Tony! Please!"

Internally questioning why Loki didn't teleport away, Tony opened his repulsors to fly down to his partner, watching the events like they were in slow motion.

Loki's pale, spidery hand punched the torn chest plate of a bot, leeching energy. It should have taken a split second, but somehow the bot held on, looked at him with its sensors, and shocked him with a spare battery pack, causing a power surge.

With a shout of pain and alarm, Loki tried to pull away, crying out for Tony, finding his hand stuck, needing to escape. He felt like he was standing on an edge, or maybe watching cracks spread across a dam. Something was happening.

Tears were running down his face. In a last moment of clarity, Loki tried to teleport away.

That was when the tension snapped. The Sparkly Shit Suit shorted out all of a sudden, and the man inside screamed from the sear of the burning wires inside.

Then a split second of suspension, before a white-hot, searing pain radiated out from his heart and he collapsed, whimpering as the bots closed in.

Tony saw all this just as he landed. "LOKI!" He howled, using his last laser cell to bifurcate the bots around them before dropping to his knees and flipping up his faceplate. "Loki! Talk!"

Loki's eyes fluttered desperately, and he didn't say anything unless a moan of pain counted.

"Steve, Loki's down!" Tony shouted. "JARVIS, run an analysis!"

It took just a few seconds for Loki to come to his senses enough to try and get proper help from Tony. "Heart - left side -"

Tony put the pieces together just as JARVIS said "Sir, Loki is showing symptoms of cardiac arrest. I would recommend immediate medical care."

"Shit!" Tony cried out, leaning over Loki. "Breath, Loki. Stay calm. Steve, I need to get Loki to a hospital _now!_ "

"Hawkeye's down!" Natasha informed them, just as a falling object - Clint's bow - caught Tony's attention.

Everything was turning to hell. Forget minor franchise chain, this was a shit McDonald's.

"Loki, just - breath. It's okay. You're gonna be fine." Tony said in a strangled voice. He needed to go fight, he had to help the others, but he couldn't leave Loki, not as any colour that was in Loki's face drained to nothing, not as his eyes glazed from the pain down his long arms, fuck no.

He thought that he and Loki had more _time_ , for fuck's sake!

And Clint. What had happened?

Loki drew another pained breath, and Tony _didn't know what to do!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back when I thought of this story, like half a year ago, the storyline was rather different. Basically, the movie plot led straight onto this bit, which was the first thing I thought of when I came up with Loki's suit. And then Loki's mind control was added, and then I meshed the story out, and here we are, nearly 100,000 words later. It was going to be short, goddamnit!


	42. The Air Dispersal Has Become Jammed With Fecal Matter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, things aren't going great.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! On time! I'm so proud of me!

Tony's gauntlets were on Loki's face and tears were splattering against his visor.

"Tony! Take Clint and Loki and get them to hospital!" Steve shouted. "We'll hold Doom off!"

Heart pounding in his ears, Tony checked Loki over again; Loki was breathing, shallowly and flatly, but according to JARVIS, in a few minutes, he wouldn't be. His heart was beating irregularly, which was atypical for cardiac arrest, but it didn't really matter because either way oxygen wasn't getting around.

His ability to think straight was being messed up by adrenaline and panic, and the fact was that the man he loved - he did, it was true, but he wasn't about to tell anyone - was dying, but one thing was clear: Loki needed medical treatment that Tony couldn't give him.

Tony wasted no time in scooping Loki up; after cardiac arrest, brain injury could occur quickly, and Tony really did not want that, much less the other issues like _death_. Unlike Loki, he wasn't equipped properly to defribrillate anything, and CPR in the Iron Man could lead to broken ribs.

The Sparkly Shit Suit seemed to have completely shorted out. JARVIS didn't register the usual whirlwind of energy it normally spat out.

He debated leaving Clint to die to make sure Loki was safe, before deciding that was a fucking terrible idea. Instead he gathered Clint from his perch and carried the pair of them to the nearest hospital as fast as he could.

Clint himself didn't seem much worse than a long burn and a concussion, to Tony's relief.

By 'Tony's relief', he was still panicking, but he'd slipped into a businesslike, productive panic that had him landing in front of the nearest hospital, storming into A & E, propping the semi-conscious Clint against the counter and shouting "We need a doctor, come on! Loki's been in cardiac arrest for over a minute!"

Surprisingly quickly, two doctors and a number of nurses surged from the woodwork to gather Loki.

"Take the armour off," Tony said quickly, breathlessly. "I don't care if you destroy it. Please, just-"

"Mr Stark, we will do all we can." A nurse said soothingly. Already the doctor there was beginning CPR.

There was nothing Tony could do about either Loki or Clint, which just burned him; he hated to just wait for something good to happen.

Wait. There was something he could do. Fucking _destroy_ Doom and his bots for _daring_ to come near Loki.

With a 'good luck' to Clint and a 'don't fucking die' to Loki, Tony stormed back out of A & E and took to the air to get back to the battle.

The three Avengers remaining there were getting their asses kicked.

Doom was tricky to spot amongst the bots - they were all robotic and dressed the same, which was probably intentional. But Tony had JARVIS hunt down which one was transmitting when all the others were receiving, and he had his Doom.

Before anyone had realised he was there, Tony surged at Doom and activated the EMP he'd recently added to his suit.

It didn't knock out the bots, they were too shielded, but they did freeze for a moment as the signal was disrupted. Tony took that time to punch Doom in the back so hard he flew forward and crumpled on the rooftop he'd been standing proudly on.

"You fucker!" Tony shouted. "I will tear you limb from limb! You can destroy my city, hell, you can fucking destroy _me_ -" Repulsor blast after repulsor blast sank into the metal before Doom snapped from the pulse and swirled his magic to fight back. Tony blasted him in the chest again, even though the bots were coming to life around him. " _But you do not hurt Loki!_ "

Some part of Tony's brain registered that Doom probably had no idea what had happened to Loki - he wasn't controlling each bot individually, after all. But someone had to pay.

Doom's metal body was bent and burned and Tony had him pinned to the ground, now. "Call your army of metal fuckwits off and I won't strangle you." Tony snarled.

"Doom will not-" The metal man began, but Tony started to squeeze his throat, making him change his mind. "Thanos is coming." He spluttered instead.

That caught Tony's attention. "What?"

"Exactly what Doom said, Man of Iron." Doom replied, sounding smug. "Unhand him, and Doom will take his forces and leave."

The talking in third person thing was really irritating. "If you're lying, I will kill you." Tony growled, climbing off Doom.

"You'll be seeing Doom again, Man of Iron. Do not forget, Thanos is coming." Doom said, before vanishing.

All was quiet, except for the Hulk's roars of confusion. The bots were suddenly gone.

Natasha and Steve called for Tony to tell them what had happened, but he was not about to stick around and wait for them. Loki was dying.

On the flight back to the hospital, Tony rang Darcy and gave her the condensed version of what had happened, and Darcy burst into tears and vowed to be there as soon as possible.

As soon as he was in the hospital, Tony tore his helmet and gauntlets off and demanded a report on Loki and Clint. The receptionist wasn't particularly impressed with Tony, but finally told him he couldn't visit Loki, who was in the Cardiac ICU, but he could see Clint.

Clint was only going to be kept overnight, as he was concussed and had a long burn that stretched across one bicep and up his neck. Tony plopped down in the chair next to his bed as the nurse finished dressing the burn and told Clint to take it easy but not sleep.

"Hey, you barely even got hurt." Tony said with a dry smile.

"Just a flesh wound." Clint grinned, before growing sombre. "I heard Loki's in here too. What happened?"

"I don't know." Tony admitted. "One minute he was fine, then he wasn't. From what I saw, he got electrocuted by a bot, tried to teleport, and had a heart attack. I took him here. And that's it."

Clint looked pained. "Shit. He wasn't kidding about the teleporting pains then. Have you heard anything?"

"Not yet. Darcy'll be here soon to sob on your war wounds." Tony said distractedly, leaning back in his chair and rubbing his hair, trying to somehow use ESP to sense what was happening to Loki. That was a thing, right

Darcy arrived a few minutes later with the Avengers, breaking a few hospital rules with their numbers. No one was going to complain. Not with a Steve full of patriotism on the prowl. Darcy herself was all over Clint before becoming dark and gloomy as she worried about Loki.

After about half an hour, a nurse walked in. "Darcy Lewis and Tony Stark? I was told you'd be in here?"

Tony stood up quickly. "Yes?!"

"If you'll come with me..." He gestured.

Tony shot Darcy a confused look as the male nurse led them to a family consultation room.

"We're officially Loki's next of kin." Darcy explained.

Tony's chest constricted; Loki had quietly, in his own way, acknowledged their relationship. Tony's next of kin was Pepper. He'd somewhat assumed Loki would dump his ass at some point.

"Shit." Tony frowned. "Someone needs to call Frigga."

"I'll do it soon." Darcy soothed as they walked into the room.

-O.O-

Hospital lights flattered no one. The most beautiful became garish.

Loki did not look good under them. His skin looked translucent and worn, his black hair greasy, his bad hand disfigured, his lips too thin.

Out in daylight, Loki looked like a god. Here, he looked common, plain.

Tony sat down heavily in a chair in the CICU next to Darcy and watched the man sleep, sedated to keep his heart rate steady. He dreaded Loki's awakening and the news he'd have to give.

-O.O-

Loki swam back into consciousness. Everything hurt; even his fingernails, somehow. Machines were bleeping and the air was deathly still.

His chest ached.

He had an IV.

Now, this wasn't the first time he'd woken up aching with no recollections of anything that had happened, or even the first time he'd woken up in hospital under those conditions, but that had been years ago and he wondered what had prompted this particular descent into debauchery.

Loki remembered snarling at Tony, storming away with his heart somewhere in his throat.

Had Tony done this to him? Somehow? It seemed unlikely...

Then he remembered Doom and the electric shock. The suit shorting out and his chest burning as he tried to teleport. Tony crouching over him, trying to soothe, sobs sounding strange through the helmet. Feeling strange as Tony carried him to the hospital. He'd had CPR, been defribrillated, then sedated.

Now he was in CICU.

"He's awake." A hushed voice said.

Loki wholeheartedly agreed with that idea. He reluctantly cracked his eyes open.

Glaring white. He slapped them closed again.

After a few minutes of just lying still and breathing, another voice reached Loki's ears. "Mr Laufeyson, could you please open your eyes?"

"No." Loki said bluntly, his voice coming out a lot quieter and rougher than he'd expected.

He vaguely registered Tony's bitter chuckle. "Come on, Sparkles, you know you want to."

If Loki was awake and alive, why didn't Tony sound happy?

"Loki, if you do as you're told, I'll flash you my boobs when you're better." Darcy said seriously.

That made Loki smile a tiny bit. He summoned the weak force of his wrecked voice and replied "What makes you think I wish to see them?"

"Double D. And I remember you being very fond of them. Come on, Lokes, don't be a little bitch." Darcy replied.

Whenever someone called Loki a little bitch, which was surprisingly often, he did try to listen. Thusly he opened his eyes to see a doctor leaning over him, examining something.

Loki's limbs felt like jelly, but he leaned forward enough to look at his chest.

 _Shit. Fuck._ There was a wire trailing from his chest.

"What happened?" Loki asked. "How long have I been sedated?"

Darcy and Tony looked at each other. "Most of the last day." Tony said eventually.

That surprised Loki. "What is this in my chest?"

The doctor looked at Tony. "Would you like to explain, Mr Stark? I have a feeling he'd take it better from you, and you've had an explanation."

Tony nodded gravely and moved to sit next to Loki's bed. "Uhm. You're not allowed to say a word, right?" He asked the doctor. "About personal stuff."

The doctor agreed.

"So, lover of mine, I don't know how to start." Tony sighed. "You didn't have a heart attack. Everyone really wishes you did."

Loki's eyes betrayed his blatant confusion.

"See, in your heart, on the ... right side? There's this group of cells, pacemaker cells in the atrium wall. They basically tell your heart when to beat." Tony explained. "The last two years have been damaging yours. Especially since you became an Avenger. Yesterday was the last straw; they're severely damaged now and you have a serious and permanent arrythmia. That thing in your chest is an external pacemaker. If they take it out you'll be dead in ten minutes."

Loki still didn't say anything. He was shocked, terrified by that knowledge.

"Er..." Tony said. "They want to stick an internal pacemaker in you. Even then, you're going to have to cut back. No more alcohol, no more crazy sex marathons, nothing stressful."

"I'd have to cut the fags too." Loki said.

"Fags?" Tony asked, wondering if Loki was referring to him.

"Cigarettes. _Philistine._ " Loki said. He was trying to distract himself by not focusing on the big stuff.

"Fun fact, Loki." Tony said with a weak smile. "Your heart rate after teleporting or using the Lightningrod suit is the highest recorded ever. Like, 350 bpm or something? No wonder it messed you up. But you're going in the Guinness Book of World Records, apparently."

"I won't be able to use it, will I?" Loki asked, his voice slightly higher with panic.

"No. Even if it didn't fuck with your heart rate it'd short out the pacemaker." Tony replied.

"Fuck. Fuck shit!" Loki gasped, trying to sit up. The machines started to blip as his heart rate spiked and he began to panic.

The doctor dove forward and pressed a button to sedate Loki again.

Before Loki passed out, he vaguely registered that the world was probably doomed.


	43. And Someone Cleans The Air Dispersal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony's epiphany goes somewhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've been reading my other fic, you'll know I have a severe wrist injury that's limited my writing somewhat. So sorry about the lateness and the shortness, but it hurts to type. So. I'm not overly happy with this chapter, but screw life, I'm not rewriting it.

"The safe period's over." Clint pointed out as the Avengers plus Darcy and a panicked Pepper sat in a waiting room near Loki's ICU. "All we have now is a general public terrified about the aliens, and a twenty-four hour warning for when Thanos begins to open the portal."

The public announcement of the invasion across the world had been met with general chaos and panic. Unfortunately, evacuations weren't an option, not when no one had any idea when Thanos's crew were actually going to turn up. Some time in the next year or so.

Tony rubbed his face with his hands. "I can build a stronger pacemaker, one that lets him live his normal lifestyle. But not use the Lightningrod suit."

Pepper and Darcy were both in tears, leaning on each other for comfort.

"I'm glad you guys are here." Darcy sniffed. "Two years ago, it'd just be me sitting here. Maybe Thor and Frigga and some ass-kissing business associates."

"They're waking him up." Natasha observed, looking through the windows and across the hallway to Loki's room.

Tony and Darcy got to their feet as the doctor walked in. "Mr Stark? Ms Lewis? You can continue your visit once we've run some tests on his mental faculties."

"And then there's that." Tony sighed.

-O.O-

"Tony?" Loki asked blearily after answering another bunch of annoying questions. "Darcy?"

"Yup, it's us again." Darcy grinned, walking over to the bed to pet Loki's messy hair.

"Mr Laufeyson...?" A nurse asked, holding up another sheet of questions. "Long term memory, now."

Loki nodded. "Go for it." He said exhaustedly.

"Date of birth?"

"14th February, 1980." Loki answered immediately.

"Name of your lease pony?"

The questions had been written by Darcy to check Loki's memory.

"Sleipnir."

"Favourite childhood movie?"

_"Labyrinth."_

"First kiss?"

Loki twitched. "Age fifteen, Sif."

After another half a dozen questions, which Loki answered without much delay, the nurse thanked him and left.

"Now." Loki turned to Tony. "Do not lie to me, dearest. Why are they doing so many tests?"

Tony winced and tried to come up with a good answer. "Okay... Loki, you got electrocuted very badly when your suit shorted out. Then your heart stopped beating properly."

Loki nodded. "I am aware."

"They think there's a small chance you have brain damage. But you seem oka-"

"It just keep getting fucking worse, doesn't it?" Loki scowled.

"Loki, you seem okay. Your memory and whatnot clearly isn't affected, and you're talking and functioning fine. They're gonna keep an eye on you in the long run, but so far everyone thinks you're going to be fine." Tony said quickly, moving forward to sit next to Loki's bed.

"Apart from the obvious." Loki frowned, twiddling with the wire in his chest.

"Fucked up hearts. You and me both, love. Why is it, whenever there's a drama, it's always you?" Tony said with a wry grin, tapping the arc reactor in his chest thoughtlessly. "You're just like -"

"Like what?" Darcy said, looking at Tony, who'd suddenly stopped talking.

"Like me." Tony repeated dumbfoundedly. "Loki, I have an idea. I think I can fix you."

Loki's face lit up. "Really?"

Tony pulled off his t-shirt to look at his own arc reactor and the faint scarring around it. "Definitely. Fuck, I need to go! Loki, Sparkles, Snow White-" Tony lowered his voice. "Refuse the surgery to have the pacemaker implanted. You can do that. Just do it for three days, give me three days and I'll be back with something or I won't. I promise, I will work my ass off."

A slow, appreciative smile was crawling onto Loki's face. "Thank you, Tony."

Tony tugged his shirt back down and leaned over Loki's bed to kiss him on the forehead. "Just give me three days. I swear I will do anything I can. I really freaking love you, Loki, and I'm going to fix this!"

He dashed out of the room, going to find the suit and fly home.

Darcy was gobsmacked. "Did he just say he-"

"Loved me." Loki finished, looking thoughtful.

-O.O-

Tony did exactly as he'd promised, confining himself to his lab for three days non-stop, building, burning his fingers, sketching, all with the thought of Loki lying in bed with a hopeful little smile on his face keeping him going.

He called the hospital every couple of hours, asking Darcy what was going on, talking occasionally to one of the other Avengers or Loki or Pepper. Nothing much changed. The doctor had given the go-ahead on Loki's mental state and recommended the subcutaneous pacemaker, but Loki had refused the surgery, just as promised.

Apparently Loki was also very, very pissed off at being a damsel in distress. He'd been Malekith's thrall, the sickest when they'd caught that virus, and now he was hospitalised, and he found the rescue-Loki culture very annoying.

"I am _not_ a blushing maiden." He'd told everyone many, many times.

But that didn't change the fact he was waiting for Tony Stark to ride in majestically with a grand solution.

It had been three days. Tony hadn't shown.

Meanwhile, the press had been vicious. After Loki had first been taken to hospital, theories had flown everywhere about whether or not Loki was still alive, whether it could be attributed to being Lightningrod, or if it was some kind of super-STD. A quick press release announcing Loki had had a heart attack - which wasn't quite true, but whatever - had been met with a surprising amount of scepticism.

Shortly after, the news of an impending alien invasion had, in fact, kicked the Loki-is-dead theory a long way from the front page.

You've got to keep priorities, after all.

-O.O-

Loki was unconscious when Tony finally arrived. Apparently Loki had thrown a tantrum over being force-fed when he wasn't hungry, and he'd had to be sedated because he'd been so pissed off.

The tale made Tony smile. It was so Loki.

But now Loki was being woken up as Tony sat next to him clutching a metal case.

"Hey, Sparkles." Tony grinned instinctively at seeing the vibrant green of Loki's eyes. "I did it. I really did."

Loki twitched.

"Don't try to move." Tony soothed. "The sedative's wearing off. You'll have to wait a minute."

"Fuuuuuck the rules." Loki slurred.

Tony smiled at that. "Loki, I did it. I can fix you."

Loki nodded minutely, gesturing for him to go on.

"See, making a more powerful pacemaker isn't too much of an issue." Tony explained, reaching into the metal case and pulling out a little round device. "I spent a while on this fucker. It can sustain heartbeats up to 400 bmp, which would cause a heart explosion, and it can work even with your lack of pacemaker cells. There's a chance it could even function normally without pacemaker cells telling it what speed to work at. It also won't stick out freakily like they normally do, which is good for your fussiness over aesthetics."

Loki blinked a few times, clearly understanding, before murmuring "Sparkly Shit Suit?"

"Not just with this. It has a theoretically infinite power source, but the Lightningrod suit would short it out." Tony elucidated. "So I did some working out. The Lightningrod won't short it out if they're both powered by the same thing."

"Micro-nuclears?" Loki asked.

"Not if you want to get lead poisoning and die, sweetie." Tony sighed. Then he reached into the case and pulled out an arc reactor, much like his own, except it was glowing green, not blue. "It's your choice. To make it simple, to be Lightningrod, you'll need one of these instead of your sternum."

"Why is it green?"

"I had some time while JARVIS knocked together the pacemaker, and it's your favourite colour, soooo..." Tony said with a bright smile.

"I am going to have that inserted in my chest." Loki said with a nod at the arc reactor. "It's hardly like the Earth would survive long if I didn't."

"Well, I figured as much." Tony said wryly. "Just a note - this isn't me fixing your heart. You're still fucked up, you're still ten minutes away from death without it. When you use the Lightningrod, your heart is still deteriorating, just a bit slower, maybe. After the invasion, you'll have to hang up your horns, because I honestly don't know if you'll survive when you run out of cells to destroy."

"I understand." Loki said flatly. He gestured at the pacemaker. "May I...?"

"Guessed you'd want a look." Tony smiled, breaking it open. "This isn't the real one; this is just for you to look at."

Loki fiddled with the device for a minute or two. Darcy was in the room too, and the Avengers were sitting outside watching, giving the odd feeling of being inside a TV.

"This is incredible." Loki said thoughtfully. He looked up at Tony, eyes glittering with something that had better _not_ be happy tears. Hell no. "Tony, dearest, have I ever told you you are the single most brilliant man I have ever met?"

"Not often, no." Tony grinned.

Loki wasn't looking at the pacemaker, but instead at Tony, focusing on him. "You very much are, love." He said, crooking his finger like he had something to whisper to Tony.

When Tony leaned down, Loki snatched him by the hair and crushed their mouths together, moving his lips with intent against Tony's.

They only pulled away when the heart monitor started to beep alarmingly at them.

"Hey, look at me." Tony smirked, feeling slightly hot and flushed. "I saved the world. Again."

The doctor was coming in to examine Loki again, so Tony and Darcy were ushered out. Outside, everyone was smiling about Loki's improved fate, except Steve, who looked a little disturbed.

"Oh, come on, Capsicle." Tony said cheerily. "Haven't you seen two guys make out before?"

"No, it's..." Steve said, gesturing at where Tony's shirt had ridden up a little.

Everyone burst out laughing at Tony's Captain America boxers, including Loki, who'd spotted them at the same time as Steve and had a crazy grin on his pale face.


	44. Squicky Shit Be Happening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki gets his operation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yah, I know it's short, but it needed to end where it ended.  
> Meanwhile, I've finally broken the 100k! Words aplenty!  
> Oh, and WARNING: this chapter contains semigraphic depictions of surgery. If you're squeamish, just skim it or something, though it's not too bad.

First priority was getting Tony to sleep. Three days of consciousness meant that as soon as the excitement of telling Loki his news wore off, he crashed. Hard. Steve scooped him from his chair to dump him on the bench in the waiting room and put a quilt on him.

Tony slept for several hours, and Loki did too. When Tony woke up, he had to have a conference with the cardiac surgeons to explain exactly what alternative surgery Loki had elected to have.

To simplify it, they had to install the pacemaker as normal, but instead of placing it subcutaneously above the heart, they were effectively sawing the middle of Loki's sternum out and placing it there. A squicky operation for the ordinary man, but Loki didn't mind and wasn't exactly ordinary anyway.

Once the whole had been sawed and the pacemaker carefully inserted - the pacemaker had its own power source just in case something happened to the arc - a housing for the arc would be inserted and shaped, and then the arc would be connected and slotted in.

Tony was going to be present in the operation, connecting the arc and helping with the housing. For that, he needed to be well rested, so he was banished to the realm of sleep for a while longer after a quick visit to Loki to tell him what was going on and give the bony man a hug.

Once he'd had another four hours of sleep, a nurse shook him awake and told him to shower, get dressed into scrubs, and go meet with the other surgeons.

 _Other surgeons._ Tony was pretty sure he'd never been this nervous in his life, with his lover's heart in his hands - literally! - and a team of surgeons _tsk_ ing at the idea of shoving a fucking arc reactor into Loki Laufeyson. But, hey, Loki was paying them.

The briefing passed way too quickly for Tony's liking. All of a sudden the operation was ready to start, Loki anaesthetised, the theatre ready, and someone was plugging in an iPod to play Loki's music of choice, the album _Station To Station._ The Avengers were behind the little window for observation, Loki's face was easily the most peaceful Tony had seen it without an orgasm beforehand, and there was equipment and nurses and Tony's hands felt nasty inside their gloves. He reflected for a moment on the lack of powder in the gloves before deciding to focus.

Tony was an observant only at this point, but he wasn't going to turn down the opportunity to learn something.

The operation took hours, and some parts of it made Tony want to puke through his little mask - the careful first incision, piercing the perfect pale chest Tony had kissed and nipped a million times, was enough to make Tony uncomfortable despite the fact he wasn't even a little squeamish normally. So was the buzz of the little oscillating saw that cut through bone. _Nasty,_ every bit of it.

But show a little kid something 'icky' and they'll be all over it, no matter how gross they proclaim it to be. Tony couldn't help it, even after looking into his own chest a few times; he stared with the utmost fascination at the hole in Loki's chest where the skin had been retracted.

" _Holy shit._ " Tony murmured to a glare from a nurse.

Despite Tony's awe, the surgeons were working effectively, attaching Tony's pacemaker and disconnecting the external one that had been running. There was a moment of caught breath and then - then Loki's heart monitor continued to beep at the same rate.

Thank fuck and all its little fucklings. If Tony had messed up, he would never have forgiven himself.

Now the extra weird part. Tony had based the depth of the arc housing off his own, but Loki had a narrower chest and Tony didn't want to crush anything.

The surgeons had cut the hole to exactly the right size and the housing slid in with a sickly noise barely audible over the music. It was, surprisingly enough, according to the woman advising Tony, just the right size. That simplified things.

Next, they replaced Loki's skin back to normal and cut the shape of the housing out, tucking the edges under the rim and delicately stitching the incisions. It looked like Tony's housing now, just newer, which was perfect.

"Mr Stark?" The female surgeon said, eyes twinkling with a smile behind her surgical mask. "Everything's ready for you to connect the reactor."

It had been hours since Tony had first stepped into the theatre; his legs were now stiff and he was itching to do something. He picked up the glowing green reactor from the little tray it had been placed on and approached Loki.

In spite of the intense operation, there wasn't blood everywhere or complicated machines bleeping constantly, just one heart monitor and one patient breathing slowly, like he was sleeping.

Tony slipped his hand into the socket - not the first time he'd had his fingers inside Loki, haha - to grab the connecting wire and join it to the reactor as he slid it into the housing and clicked it into place.

Oh, and he knew what was going to happen next. In a blitz of blue light, Loki was illuminated, to the surprise of the Avengers in observation. Then he settled back down on the operating table, the arc glowing serenely, perfectly, just like Tony's had been doing for some time now.

Despite the anaesthetic, Loki's eyes flickered open for a moment. "Tastes like fucking shampoo..." He slurred before passing out again.

Shampoo? Tony thought it was more like coconuts and metal. But, oh yes, Loki's favourite shampoo had coconut oil.

"It fucking _worked!_ " Tony said jubilantly, before giving a whoop. The surgeons were not quite as excited as they checked stitches, examined the seal around the arc reactor, and finished up.

A male nurse cleaned the remaining blood off Loki's chest and dressed his stitches, but really, there wasn't that much to do. Inside, yes, his heart needed to adjust to the intrusion, but outwardly he looked fine, barring the cuts where the skin had been retracted.

As Loki was taken back to his room, Tony was dragged to a debriefing.

"Mr Stark, I'd like to remind you that Loki Laufeyson is still very ill. It will be some time before he's hale and hearty, but thanks to your technology, he'll be able to function close to his original levels. I'd recommend breaking his alcohol and cigarette habits." Loki's doctor told him. "And as you're fully aware, he shouldn't be using his Lightningrod suit or teleporting."

Tony nodded sternly. "I understand. I know he's not a toy."

The doctor smiled at him. "When the anaesthesia has worn off, we'll give you a call."

Tony thanked her and headed out to the family room, where he was yanked into simultaneous hugs from Pepper and Darcy.

-O.O-

Loki took a while to wake up, but when he did, his first action was to lean over and puke into a little cardboard thingy exactly for that purpose.

"That's disgusting." Loki scowled.

Tony cracked up laughing as Loki downed water for his sore throat and nasty aftertaste and fell back onto his bed, running his fingers over the arc in his chest.

"Cool, isn't it?" Tony grinned.

"Some relationship guide I skimmed once recommended understanding your partner's self. I don't believe this is what they meant." Loki frowned.

"You read a relationship guide?" Tony smirked, sitting on the edge of Loki's bed to feel the reactor himself.

When he pushed down on it a little, Loki hissed in pain.

"Shit, sorry!" Tony gasped.

"It is fine; do not worry yourself. Just a little sensitive. If yours is any indicator, it will fade." Loki sighed. "Thank you, Tony."

"I should record that and play it over and over." Darcy teased. "At least then I'd get to hear it."

"You wish for me to call you Tony?" Loki mocked.

"That might be a bit intimate." Darcy winced.

"The invitation's always open to you and Barton, Darcy, remember that - fuck it, Tony, pass me the puke bucket again."


	45. And You Jerk It Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki's released from hospital in time for the world's chaos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, another short chapter, but as you can tell things will be kicking off very soon.

Loki's post-anaesthetic nausea passed quickly, which was good considering that Loki considered throwing up to be quite possibly the most repulsive thing imaginable.

One thing that surprised Tony was how fast they expected Loki to be released. The estimate was five days before Loki was expected to leave.

Back home, everyone was shitting themselves, Latimer as much as anyone. Any day, they could get that warning from Bruce's program telling them there was 23 hours and 48 minutes until the skies split open across the world and a multitude of aliens came forth.

When asked to describe what Thanos's armies actually consisted of, Loki shrugged and said "Whatever races would ally themselves with him. Skrulls and Chitauri mostly. Thanos was preparing to be more proactive with the leadership in this attempt compared to the last."

"Is it cause this is higher stakes?" Tony asked. He hadn't heard that last bit before.

"No, it's because I executed his previous leader." Loki grinned. "For incompetence, you see. The Other was expendable and it started my plans with enough terror to make people listen to me."

"You're a menace." Tony laughed, trying to put on a bright face at his lover's traumatic experience. After checking there weren't any civilians nearby, he leaned forward and kissed Loki. "Four more days. Then you can come home and I can _appreciate_ you properly."

"Mm. We need to test my capability for a high heart rate." Loki chuckled. "My ideas aren't overly scientific, but they are most definitely enjoyable."

"Oh really? Tell me more." Tony smirked lascivously.

"Now's not the time for thinking with that part of yourselves." Darcy sighed as she walked in, holding her phone out. "It's Frigga. Talk to Thor too. Or else."

Loki rolled his eyes and accepted the phone. "Hello, mother." He said, smiling genuinely when he heard her voice.

-O.O-

Day four, and Tony was fixing the Sparkly Shit Suit on Loki's request in his lab when he got a call from Darcy.

"Tony," She sighed. "They want to release Loki early. He's healing quickly, and he's not being a very good patient, so Loki's doctor wants to charge him into Bruce's care and remove his badly-behaved butt from their bed."

Tony burst out laughing. "What did he do this time?"

"Well, he doesn't eat or sleep unless he wants to, and generally he doesn't. He started walking on his own to the bathroom way too early and objected heavily to help. But the straw that broke the nurse's back was when he got obscenely bored and meditated to raised his heart rate. I didn't know he could do that, and I don't think the nurses did either." Despite how disapprovingly Darcy was talking, Tony could hear the smile in her voice. "They thought he was going to have another heart attack, and when they charged into his room he told them off for breaking his concentration. They're just sick of him in general. Even the people that thought he was pretty."

"I can imagine." Tony chuckled. "Okay, I'll tell everyone and drive over."

-O.O-

Loki's recovery in Stark Tower was only logical, really. Tony would be on hand and foot - a little embarrassing, but he did want to help Loki - and JARVIS and Bruce would be on response.

Once he was back at Avengers' tower, Tony parked under the building to keep away paparazzi and helped his boyfriend to the elevator.

"I'm not fragile, Tony, get your hands off me." Loki protested as Tony wrapped a protective arm around his waist.

"Honestly, Sparkles, you being hurt has awakened crazy protective instincts I didn't even know I had. My arm stays where it is." Tony replied tolerantly.

Loki rolled his eyes but patiently allowed Tony to kiss the side of his head. After a short elevator ride, Loki was settled in Tony's bed with pillows propping him up.

"Protein shakes, Chocolate Orange, a footwarmer, a quality movie on the screen - if you're to do your job properly, love, you'll need to get onto those." Loki grinned.

"I understood all of those except the chocolate orange." Tony frowned.

"Americans." Loki sighed. "Fetch me an ordinary orange."

"What did your last slave die of?" Tony snorted.

"I had him executed." Loki said with a straight face.

In the end, Tony fetched all of them and decided now was the time for a feel-good session, so he joined Loki on the bed to watch _Labyrinth_ and munch citrus fruit.

When the movie was over, he leaned over Loki to examine the arc a little closer. It was much tidier than Tony's, with much less scarring, because Loki's had been done in an operating theatre and hadn't been followed by palladium poisoning. That seemed oddly symbolic. Regardless, the rim of the casing hid the still-mending flesh underneath, so the only noticeable injury was the long, tidily stitched cuts where they'd retracted skin. For such a shocking operation, it really didn't leave much of a mark.

Tony realised when he looked up how pensive Loki was looking. "After the invasion, everything's going to be different." Loki said quietly.

"I had an idea, Lokes. While you try and find a safe way to teleport, you and I can work on making you a suit like mine. I mean, it's a complete fucking waste to retire a tactical genius who's almost disturbingly good at fighting considering you're a skinny rich bitch from London. So we'll keep you out there. It's not like it'll be hard for you to get used to the suit." Tony grinned. "Iron Douche. That's what we'll call you."

Loki mock-pouted. "That's a rather cruel thing to call the man you claimed to love just a few days ago."

"Yeah...about that..." Tony said awkwardly, examining Loki's face carefully. _He'll run like a deer if you give the wrong answer._ All Tony could see in Loki's surprisingly expressive green eyes was fear at being rejected. "I wasn't lying. But it's fine if you don't. I mean, I don't know what you wanted from our partnership. I thought - I'm rambling. Sorry."

Loki bit his lip anxiously. "I am not certain what I wanted from this relationship either. I -" He was doing the _uncomfortable conversation_ stutter. "Security, certainly. I care about you a lot, Tony, more than I ever expected to. You _understand._ It's like - the moronic starry-eyed couples I loathe, they say they have another half, and I respect what they mean. Tony, I do-" He seemed to choke up. "I struggle to say it."

"Emotional constipation. I know the feeling." Tony soothed. "It's fine if you can't."

Loki took a deep breath. "Anthony Edward Stark, do not expect me to repeat this, especially in public, but I accidentally made the mistake of falling in love with you."

Tony beamed ear to ear; this was a moment in his life he'd never expected, and he felt fuzzy all over. This was Loki Fucking Laufeyson, electronics and clean energy patenting genius, Tony's rival in business, pleasure and heroics. And here he was, admitting love, and this was the best feeling Tony had ever had.

So he kissed Loki, soft and loving and perfect, and Loki pulled him closer with a weak hand.

"You're perfect, you know?" Tony smiled, peppering kisses on the other man's face. "I don't think you're quite up to fucking, or I'd be all over you."

"Well...we did wish to test my heart's ability to accomodate higher heart rates..." Loki smirked.

-O.O-

Four days of rest passed surprisingly quickly when Loki got stronger every day. By day three of being in Avengers' tower Loki was roaming around the building, chatting constantly with Darcy and commandeering the kitchen to cook. After a few delicious meals, Clint had finally stopped making 'Englishmen can't cook' jokes.

Tony felt great. There were no aliens dropping from the sky, and Loki was getting better quickly. Meanwhile, he had a fuzzy glow of being in love, and Pepper was in town temporarily. The Sparkly Shit Suit was repaired, the countries involved had their forces armed, and the general public panic over the whole situation had subsided.

Unfortunately, evacuations weren't an option. With only 23 hours and 48 minutes' warning, it wasn't possible to get people out of a town in that time, and they couldn't start early without an idea of when Thanos would turn up.

-O.O-

After the fourth day, Loki was allowed out and about, and he intentionally attended a ball to make it clear to everyone that Mr Laufeyson was alive and well (he wore a thick singlet to hide the arc reactor - that was a story for after the invasion, when people weren't already questioning his ability to lead). He projected as much confidence as possible, trying to make people have faith in him. It was a big ask, considering a decent number of people didn't believe he was fit to be an adult, much less protect the Earth.

By the time a week had passed, Loki was getting nervous. This wasn't out of fear of the invasion itself; more a fear that he'd miscalculated Malekith. If he had Malekith wrong, then who knew what else he'd misjudged?

Tony tried to comfort him as much as possible, but there wasn't much he could say when Loki's fears were entirely justified.

It was mid-December when JARVIS set a siren wailing through the tower.

It had begun, as endless theatrical movies would say.

Instantly Loki sprang off Tony's couch, catlike, letting his book drop to the floor as he put on his slacks, retrieved his phone and pulled a letter from his suit jacket.

"What's that?" Asked Tony.

"A cordial invite to Thanatos, Titan Of Death, to a juncture on the roof of Laufeyson Tower." Loki said stiffly.

 _"What?"_ Tony gasped.

"Exactly what I said. If you intrude, Tony, I will forcibly remove you." And with that, Loki placed his phone neatly against the letter and teleported it away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, can't you imagine a kid Loki loving Labyrinth?


	46. The Witch Is Dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki vs Thanos. Can Loki's weird-ass plan hold up?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The odd thing about this story is that while we have plenty of accounts of what's happened to him, there aren't many accounts of how he saw it.

Preparations had to be made. 23 hours and 48 minutes, counting down, until the skies opened and the world ended.

As soon as Tony got over his shock at Loki's plans, he sprang into action. He redressed - Loki and himself may or may not have been lounging around in their underwear - and got into the elevator with Loki to meet the others.

The assignations were simple. New York was the only city being attacked; the others were all well armed military bases. Bruce was being deployed to a military institute in the Middle East where sand was abundant and he couldn't destroy too many buildings; Steve was heading south a tad to help an American centre of affairs; Clint and Natasha were attempting to protect the streets of New York; and Tony and Loki were shutting down the portals.

Therefore Bruce and Steve were being mailed away, ASAP. Tony was going to sit around in the suit and wait for orders.

"...And I am meeting with Thanos one hour before the portals open." Loki finished.

"Why? Why would you do that?" Clint groaned.

"If Thanos is alive during the invasion, we will lose. Thusly he must not be alive." Loki explained shortly.

"Do you think you can kill him?" Steve asked.

"Of course." Loki grinned wickedly, a friendly reminder of his mental acuity. "He may be a titan, but I'm Loki Fucking Laufeyson."

No one had a rebuttal to that.

Barring Clint. "Why didn't you tell us about this earlier?"

"Because you would try to stop me." Loki shrugged. "The invitation is sent, the plans are laid, and I must attend."

Tony felt a little hopeless; he could lose Loki today. This wasn't Lokes, his boyfriend, it was Field Marshal Laufeyson preparing to kick ass. There was no softness, no cutesie moments of having his head scratched as he drank a protein shake. Odds are he'd be covered in blood and sweat by the end of this, and Tony wouldn't even want to touch his hair. But there was no protecting Loki, no dissuading him; this was what he needed to do. Tony's defensive instincts were useless.

"Everyone needs to go, get ready." Loki commanded. "Remember to sleep as much as possible; I have no idea how long we'll be forced into wakefulness."

With that, Bruce and Steve filed out to catch their respective transports to their locations.

"I've warned Fury, he's given the order for as many people as possible to shelter in New York. Subway tunnels, fallout shelters, hell, basement car parks, so long as they're not getting shot at. There's food and water for everyone." Clint said, all consummate professional. "Keeping underground facilities guarded is the job of the National Guard; we're hoping for the most minimal of civilian casualties."

Loki nodded authoritively. "I think we should make any and all preparations now, then eat and sleep. Myself, I need to check over the Lightningrod, but aside from that, all is in order."

With that, everyone broke to go their separate ways. Loki's task was a perfectly rational one; the Lightningrod suit had been cannibalised to plug into Loki's arc instead of to the micro-nuclear battery pack, and there'd been a few blips getting it to connect automatically. It seemed okay, and Bruce had been telling Loki off for working in his condition.

With his stitches out and the cuts closed, Loki didn't feel any weaker than he had before the incident. In fact, he felt a little better, what with not getting out of breath as easily and no chest pains. The main time it hurt was when he hiccupped - his chest flexed against the casing and it burned with pain. Fortunately, that didn't happen often. When it did, Clint and Darcy (and often Tony) had the tendency to piss themselves laughing at the little 'squeak!' Loki made.

After manually dressing himself in the suit - buckle after freaking buckle, why did he design it like this - it connected itself. All good to go.

Having been mostly living at Stark Tower since he'd been released from hospital, Loki's suit and his favourite tools were in Tony's lab, and the man himself was fiddling with the Iron Man's helmet as he waited for Loki.

"Everything's 100%." Loki said distractedly to his partner, checking all his additional equipment. "Twenty hours until I need to be on my rooftop. I propose a large meal."

"Large by my standards, or large by your standards?" Tony frowned suspiciously.

"Don't mock my eating habits." Loki fake-pouted as they walked over to the elevator together.

"Hey, you asked for it, Mr Victorian Waistline." Tony teased, affectionately tickling Loki, who spasmed and glared at him. This kind of messing around was good, nice and relaxing.

"I haven't corsetted." Loki pointed out, smirking at Tony. "But I imagine you'd love to see me do so."

"That's going on the list for when this is over." Tony grinned.

"List?" Loki enquired as he walked into the kitchen and went through the fridge to find something vaguely edible.

"Kinky shit we're doing after the invasion." Tony replied.

"I don't need to hear that." Natasha said dryly as she walked in, curious at the mention of food.

"But _mooooooooommmm."_ Tony whined.

"The kitchen is for food, the bedroom is for pervertedness." Natasha deadpanned.

"Do not forget the larger couch in the living room." Loki tutted.

There was a shuffling noise through the doorway as Clint moved to a different couch.

"Hm...I can do something riced based. A curry, perhaps." Loki said thoughtfully into the fridge.

-O.O-

It was half an hour until Loki needed to be on the rooftop. Thanos had replied in the affirmative, with a blue spark of magic that Loki nostigically identified as belonging to Malekith.

"You all think so badly of him." Loki said idly, rereading the simple letter for the millionth time.

"Uh, he tried to conquer our planet." Clint pointed out.

"It is not as if he had a choice." Loki shrugged. "He's the last dark elf. Without Thanos, he'd be alone and hunted for his crimes."

This was more than Loki had ever told them of what he knew of Malekith. Nobody knew what to say.

-O.O-

Quarter of an hour left. Loki was doing some kind of memory game, matching cards together. To Tony's surprise, he kept messing up, even when the matches seemed obvious. It was probably nerves.

"Lokes?" Tony asked. "You okay?"

"Fine." Loki said without looking at him.

"Drink your protein shake. You haven't had it for the day." Tony urged.

"I'm not hungry." Loki said. Tony knew that that was the warning statement - if you tried to make Loki eat after he said that, all hell would break lose. One does not simply force-feed Loki Laufeyson.

"Whatever. I suppose cutting down on the liquids is good. I mean, you can't piss in your suit like I can." Tony chuckled.

Loki's nose wrinkled. "That's disgusting."

"Hey, you try getting the whole thing off in time." Tony pouted.

Loki smiled fondly as he continued with his game. He flipped the King of Hearts, then triumphantly flipped the Ace of Spades. "Fuck it."

-O.O-

Two minutes, and Loki was sitting on the roof alone, sceptre in hand, security cameras disabled so Tony and the other present Avengers couldn't look in on him. He'd either win or die; if it came to blows, Loki would lose. He may have been tough, but he wasn't a titan.

As soon as his watch beeped to warn him, there was a red shimmer and the titan appeared. He was clad in his usual ridiculous clothing, and flanked on either side by green-skinned, pointy-eared creatures, large and formidable. Loki knew them as Skrulls; powerful shapeshifting warriors. These ones were part of the mercenary force Thanos had gathered. As well as their prodigious physical prowess, they were armed with some kind of laser weapon. A wrong move from Loki and he'd be dead before he could swear.

Loki got to his feet with a languid stretch, projecting an unconcerned, unhurried air. "Thanos, darling. I'm glad you could come."

"Speak your matters quickly, Loki, Prince of Midgard." Thanos commanded. "I have an army to order."

"See, that is just what I wish to speak to you about. I would like to negotiate a crude sort of pax; as you said, I'm one of the leaders of this land, and I'd like to keep my subjects alive if at all possible." Loki stalked closer to the titan, sceptre clasped loosely in his hands, the jutting horns adding intimidating height to his stature.

"You wish to threaten me?" Thanos snorted.

"I would like to negotiate a crude sort of pax." Loki repeated, wondering how his words sounded in Thanos's Allspeak. "You fuck off my planet for a hundred years or so, I won't fight you, because I'll be dead. But if you want to make a fight now, I can guarantee you will not win."

"I do not fear you, Princeling." Thanos warned. "Your threats ring hollow."

"No, somehow, I disagree." Loki sniffed. "Come, now, I made your plans for invading Earth. You don't think I could counterattack my own work?"

"The plans are flawless." Thanos countered flatly.

"Hm, well, I've seen a few gaps in them that I've mostly kept to myself." Loki chuckled. "Honestly, Thanos, you cannot win."

Thanos measured Loki up for a moment or three. Then he turned his head to the slightly larger and darker of his guards and said "Seize him."

In a moment, the guard was behind Loki, binding his hands behind his back as his sceptre clattered to the roof.

"Get your filthy Skrull hands off me!" Loki snarled, kicking backwards, his leather boot ineffective against combat armour.

With a flick of his hand, the sceptre was in Thanos's grasp.

"No!" Loki gasped, trying to draw away.

Grinning cruelly, Thanos touched the staff to Loki's arc reactor, willing his own magic to permeate the staff. As the staff went pinky-black, the Skrull holding Loki stiffened and stilled, as did the other and Thanos himself.

Loki teleported from the Skrull's grip with a laugh. "I can teleport, you fuckwit." He snorted, reclaiming his sceptre as the three creatures wilted, the two Skrulls propped into standing by their armour only. He reached up to his ears to tug out the two sonic-proof earplugs. "Very clever of me, I thought, marrying Stark's sonic paralysis technology with my own magic sensors and perhaps a false sceptre. This is steel, not uru. I apologise if you have an aneurysm; I don't have information on the physiology of titans and the dosage may have been a little strong. I suppose it doesn't matter anyway, considering I fully plan to kill you very soon. A little burst blood vessel here and there will be of no consequence."

Thanos's stare was 100% disbelief as his godly healing power struggled to put his scrambled mind together.

"I was rather upset when I returned home after time in your servitude." Loki continued, crouching next to the paralysed titan. "The moment my mind was my own, I was planning, looking for loopholes in my own machinations. I found them. I've grown a little more human recently, to my distaste, aided along by the man I once spared in exchange for a punishment from you, and with this humanity comes a fatherly protectiveness. I wished to defend the Earth. And here I am."

 _I have time_ , Loki thought. _Time to vent to a dead man._

"By human standards, my childhood was relatively normal, punctuating by displays of temperamental emotions, astonishing genius and gloomy times of bullying." Loki said, seating himself on the asphalt next to Thanos. "This all came to its climax in a rather painful incident, notable for restricting the use of my right hand and for the concussion that made my moods noticeably mercurial from there on.

"Then the blatant and highly pleasurable debauchery, featuring such hits as 'pregnant lover who overdoses on meth and miscarries my daughter', 'the rise and fall of my beautiful leather boots that were stolen after I passed out at a party' and 'I can't remember what happened at all' - the latter was rather frequent - as well as others. Now, I don't suppose you're interested in my life, Thanos, titan of death, but you're at my mercy and I rather feel like venting.

"I became Lightningrod to finally fulfil the little dream I always nursed as a child of one day defeating Anthony Stark at his own game. Needless to say, I became a little sidetracked, because now I'm more than a little enamoured with that ridiculous creature. But at the time, I didn't comprehend what I'd grow to be. It's like a sickening fictional tale, one of those marketed as a 'thrilling tale of self-discovery and the true meaning of heroism.'" Loki snickered. "Honestly, if you wrote it all out in detail, it'd come across as blatant porn more than anything else.

"But here is the plot twist in that ridiculous tale; owing to a recent injury, I have brain damage. I can feel it. My mind skips over memories occasionally. One morning, I woke up completely unable to remember any of my teenage years. Not a thing. However, I was fully aware of their importance, and researched myself, only to be surprised by what I found - one of the more surreal and existential moments of my life, I promise you. The memory games are helping, I think, and the fact my friends haven't noticed bodes well. I don't like not understanding myself. And it might kill me soon. Who knows?"

Loki sighed heavily, dropping his head into his hands. "I don't want to lose my mind. It doesn't look like I have a choice."

Thanos and his guards were managing to move a tiny amount, and Loki knew his reprieve was over; action had to be taken now.

Slowly, with an odd sense of detachment, Loki climbed to his feet and slit the throats of the Skrulls. Then he crouched over Thanos and pressed the tip of his sceptre to his chest. "You know, I've often fantasised about this moment. It's turning out to be rather anticlimactic considering how much thought has gone into it. After a particularly dark nightmare, I quietly revered the idea of sodomising you with this blade. Sadly, that idea was scrapped, simply because of the logistics, - terribly messy, you know - and a simple stab through the heart was settled on."

Loki moved the blade, touching the tip under his jaw, preparing for a sharp thrust into his brain. "Perhaps your death will stop my nightmares. Who knows?"

Then the blade was shoved through flesh and bone, causing a violent spasm on Thanos's part that soon quelled to nothing.

"Very anticlimactic." Loki repeated, pulling the sceptre out and climbing to his feet and pulling his cellphone out to call Tony.

"Ding, dong, the witch is dead." Loki said dryly into the receiver.


	47. The Return Of The Prince Of Midgard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The much-awaited meeting of Malekith and Loki

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's obscene how late this is. I do apologise. Blah blah you're not interested in my personal life, so have a chapter. Even if it's not my best work.
> 
> Note: This was written before the Thor 2 trailer and before Iron Man 3 came out. I'm not going to change the plot for them (a bonus to writing AU's, I guess) and nor will I change Malekith's appearance.

Loki teleported back to Avengers' Tower, splattered in not a small amount of blood and feeling fired up and ready for combat.

"He's dead," Loki repeated for the eighth time, pacing the living room quickly, his long legs stretching to full capacity. "Darcy's in Miami, people are safe, he's dead, and we have," he checked his watch again, "-eighteen minutes until the gaping maw awaits."

"Poetic," Tony conceeded. "We'll be fine, Sparkles, just you wait."

"Remember, Tony, we only have a few minutes to disable the cradle until the number of creatures on our side is too great-"

"I know. Calm down. We've been over this," Tony reassured.

Loki tugged his helmet off and sat down, running his fingers through his long hair. "My apologies - but this is hardly a small matter."

Tony sat next to him, the couch groaning under his weight as he wrapped a metal arm around his shoulders and leaned close to his ear. "You'll be fine. Earth's best and brightest, remember? Don't forget, even if it goes wrong, you were still the best man with the best plan for the job. No one could do any better than you."

Closing his eyes, Loki nuzzled a little closer to Tony's face. "I am aware, yes, but do you recall, in the invasion equation, the variable M?"

"Of course."

"Let us just say that a whole lot is hinging on whether or not Malekith still likes me."

"Ah."

-O.O-

There was an indefineable roar as the sky split open above Manhattan. Clint and Natasha were already in position.

"I love you, you crazy, crazy bastard," Tony laughed as his faceplate came down and Loki teleported them to the Cradle's location.

-O.O-

Loki was not at all surprised to find Malekith waiting for him. Because come on, who else would be guarding it?

"Say nothing," Loki murmured to Tony, looking Malekith firmly in the eye.

"I did expect you," Malekith said, his voice flat and steady.

"Mal, I'd be worried for your intelligence if you didn't," Loki replied, sounding friendly and cheerful enough that Tony did a double-take.

 _We only have a few minutes. We need to use them carefully,_ Tony thought.

"How fares the battle?" Malekith replied.

The enormous portals lining the room had a steady stream of the armies of Thanos pouring through them, none of whom were paying attention to Loki and Tony.

"It's barely begun," Loki pointed out. "Never mind that. Mal, I need your help."

"It cannot be a social visit?"

"Not now, not ever while you stand under Thanos," Loki said.

Which implied to Tony social visits would be occurring in different circumstances.

"We both know I must follow him, Loki," Malekith answered.

"There are other ways. Earth needs an experienced astroxenologist. And you know far more about magic than humanity ever will," Loki said. "And in any case, Thanos is dead, Malekith. I killed him myself."

The elf's mismatched eyes widened. "...How?"

"With a little help from my darling assistant," Loki grinned, nodding at Tony.

Tony could have sworn the look Malekith gave him was half jealousy, half distaste. The distaste he could understand, but the jealousy...?

Interesting.

"But never mind him," Loki continued. "It's you we must discuss. Now, with your contract with Thanos broken by his death, those that would see the last elf of Svartalfheim dead are free to hunt you. I may be many things, but I'm no politician and I cannot offer you amnesty on Earth. What I can offer you is the Avengers."

 _"What?!"_ Tony gasped, all thoughts of remaining silent long gone.

Loki ignored him. "I have a significant amount of leverage with Earth's Mightiest Heroes, and can, at least, offer you some protection from them. As you know, I also command a significant force of resources and can offer a safe location and currency."

Tony wondered vaguely if he was dreaming. Like, Loki's pre-battle nap gone horribly wrong.

Cause it _sounded_ like Loki just offered Malekith the Accursed of Svartalfheim a _safehouse._

Linking onto their private earpieces, Tony said "What the hell are you doing?"

Loki shot him a look that was the Laufeyson equivalent of _keep yo mouth shut bitch_ and smiled winningly at Malekith. "What do you say?"

Malekith shifted, his body language morphing to that of acquiescense. "You're lucky I like you, Loki. What do you need?"

Loki held out his staff. "Switch this to Tesseract energy so I can disable the Cradle."

In a moment, Malekith had simply summoned the staff into his hand, the end beginning to roil with blue energy, matching the Tesseract's glow exactly, and whirled to shove it through the force field surrounding the Cradle.

The glowing portals around the enormous hangar suddenly collapsed, causing a massive shockwave. Loki teleported forward, snatched his staff, kicked the Tesseract to Tony - who scooped it up - and wrapped the three of them in a bear hug. All were confused until Loki nodded at the mass of Thanos's army that looked _real_ pissed off. "I think we ought to leave."

Heart rates thrown into turmoil by the teleportation, they all appeared in Loki's lab, where he made Tony put the Tesseract in a protective vault. Then he turned to Malekith.

"If you would fight for our side, I would warn you of my side trying to attack you. Therefore I recommend you lie low at a quiet corner of the galaxy for a few weeks," Loki said quickly. "Then, who knows?"

"I will return, even if only for a visit," Malekith swore, reaching a hand, apparently to shake Loki's. Instead, he pressed his lips to the back of it, made some kind of elvish salute, and vanished.

"What the _fuck,"_ Tony said finally, lifting his faceplate.

Loki shrugged. "The odds were high Malekith's infatuation - or obsession, never mind semantics - with me lived on."

Tony's jaw dropped and he blurted "You _didn't_ \- I mean, you were under mind control, that's rape-"

"Which he knew," Loki said sharply. "So he did not take advantage of me. If anything, I have been pushing him around. Fear not, Tony, my love, I will take no action apart from occasionally manipulating him."

With a sudden surge of relief, Tony breathed "That's my boy."

Loki grinned wickedly. "Just do not let him know you're my official lover, or he may slit your throat in his sleep. Apparently it's a Dark Elvish custom, when the one they desire is taken."

Tony winced. "C'mon. Battle time."

-O.O-

First priority was New York. The proportion of civilian to military was so high that it needed to be secured, now.

The portal had opened above the Reservoir in Central Park, and that was exactly where the airborne forces were concentrated.

There was a decent amount of human military forces gathered in said park.

The landscaping was a mess.

Clint and Natasha were doing what they could against the alien foot soldiers, and while that was a lot, it wasn't yet enough.

 _"Stark!"_ Natasha shouted over the comms. "Blast as much water in the air as you can, then have Laufeyson shock it!"

A bloody good idea. Tony soared away, surging underwater, and blasted as much water upwards with his repulsors as possible. Once the flying aliens were good and soaked, Loki let loose an absurdly powerful blast of energy.

Though SADIE in Loki's ear warned him of a power dip, it knocked out most of the airborne army and caused a decent amount of fluffy hair from everyone involved.

"Cover yourselves!" Loki shouted as flying devices dropped like flies. Whirling into action, Loki teleported into the midst of the army, shocking and fighting, soon joined by Natasha and Tony now there were no shots coming down from above.

It was bloody chaos, it could've lasted for five seconds or five years, and there were screams and dying humans and aliens alike, and Tony had Loki's life signs broadcasted in the display of his helmet - because if something happened to him, Tony knew the world would end, or at least his would.

The Iron Man suit was slick with blood when it stopped.

The last Dire Wraith fell to the ground, its shapeshifting ended, its mercenary's life over.

Instantly Tony was looking for Loki.

The man was standing alone, a fair way from the celebrating soldiers and from where Natasha and Clint were sharing a loving hug, staring at his hands, which were soaked in blood of all colours.

Tony walked over there, popping his faceplate. Loki didn't even see him. There was no post-victory make-out session, no cheeky smile, no loving eye contact.

"I..." Loki murmured to himself, unable to get any words out.

And in that moment, Tony saw Loki. Not Loki Fucking Laufeyson, unstoppable godlike force of genius and snark and surprising physical power, but Loki. The 32-year-old man with a hole in his chest, daddy issues, possible undiagnosed bipolar disorder, and a need to crush his loneliness and validate himself by sleeping around, at least until recently. The man with PTSD who had his head messed with by an elf and who struggled to sleep through the night. The man who held a grudge for seventeen years against a girl for sleeping with his brother and was equally as forgiving in other respects.

Seeing him as he really was just made Tony love him more. Because no one was perfect. Especially not him.

Tony walked over and pulled Loki into an Iron Man hug, breaking the man from his thoughts. "S'okay, big guy." He whispered.

Loki twitched in pain, a tear rolling down his cheek. "My chest hurts."

"What?!" Tony gasped, jumping back and looking him over.

Loki wiped a hand on an inner fold of his outfit, before dipping it down his chestplate to inspect. "I've burst an incision. It is of no consequence."

"You're going to be okay?" Tony asked, not just referring to the wound.

"Eventually," Loki sighed. "Now, come. This was not the only place that required defending."


	48. Heavenly Creatures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The consequences of the battle could be worse than the battle itself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...this is short. But the whole story has less than ten chapters left, I think, so bear with me.  
> I've seen Iron Man 3 twice, and I was curious, would anyone be interested in a (much shorter) sequel in which our favourite billionaire genius boyfriend philanthropists work through Extremis and the like?

Killing was not in Loki's training, nor in his nature.

He was aggresive and threatening at times, yes. But he wasn't a killer. He wasn't raised as a warrior.

Tony? Sure. He'd been raised with the concept of ruthlessness.

Clint? He was an assassin.

Steve was a soldier.

The Hulk didn't care.

Natasha - oh lords, don't go there.

But Loki had been raised in an ordinary school with an ordinary, caring family, and while he'd been in a few fights, never before the events of the last year had he gone in to kill.

However, this was war.

Wars, in their many forms, are the same the universe over. Defeat the other person. Whoever loses the least resources wins, or whatever.

And in this war, Loki was their best weapon, capable of fatal chain lightning.

Tony, Natasha, Clint and Loki all appeared in a military complex in America, where aliens were raining down just like in NY.  
Half an hour later, they were done, Loki covered in charred flesh and looking like he was near the end of his tether.

But there were still nine places to be.

-O.O-

"Nat! On your six!" Steve shouted, watching Natasha whirl and knife a bizarre-looking alien through the eye.

"Clint, keep her back!" Loki called, spreading a burst of energy across several bug-like flying things. Clint jumped down from his vantage point to be back to back with his partner.

"Budapest, huh?" He laughed. She elbowed him in the ribs, just lightly.

-O.O-

America, Russia, England, China, Middle East, and more. Teleporting the five of them (having picked up Steve) from place to place and then fighting hard, without a rest, was making Loki reach levels of exhaustion he hadn't been at since Denmark.

The others were bad, of course, but they didn't have an electricity suit draining them constantly, and they'd left Bruce back in the desert until he calmed down. Plus Loki had to keep recharging the Iron Man.

It had been over half a day of non-stop combat before they'd finished clearing their last destination, a military base in Russia.

Loki was sitting on a burned-out Chitauri flyer, looking up at the sky. Tony sat next to him.

"It's starting to snow," Loki noted tiredly. "What a sickening cliche."

Indeed, soft white flakes were falling on greying prefab buildings, charred corpses and blood puddles, adding an odd, fairytale look to the scene.

Human and alien bodies alike, covered by snow. Loki was right. What a stupid fucking cliche.

"At least it's not Christmas Eve or something," Tony laughed. "That would be a bit too much."

Loki didn't answer. He'd leaned against Tony and fallen asleep.

"Guys?" Tony said. "Call Fury, get him to arrange a plane. Our transport's all tuckered out."

-O.O-

As it turned out, Fury had already thought of that, and the wait for a helicopter to take them to the airport was short.

Tony let Loki sleep. His black-haired boyfriend really needed it.

He wondered what would happen next. Would Loki's nightmares and various issues go away with the looming threat of Thanos's invasion? He sure hoped so.

Actually, judging by the way Loki was twitching, it didn't seem all that likely.

"Shhh, man," Tony said, rubbing his back gently. "Helicopter's here."

Tony scooped up Loki, glad for the Iron Man's strength, and carried him over to the helicopter. By the time they were settled in, Loki had woken up again, and was politely drinking from a bottle of water that the assistant had handed him.

His hands were shaking.

"Loki? Are you okay? You can sleep on the plane," Tony said worriedly.

"Fine," Loki said quickly, rubbing his hands edgily.

-O.O-

In twenty minutes, they were on their plane, talking about it.

"Steve, man, you should've seen what Nat thought up. And Loki! Dude!" Clint said excitedly. "The lightning thing in Central Park! You were so awesome."

"Don't mention it," Loki said flatly.

"Hey, no modesty here. You were amazing! When Tony threw the water in the air and-"

"I _said_ don't mention it!" Loki snapped, pale and edgy.

Clint raised his hands. "You okay?"

Loki put his head in his hands and tugged and his hair, before glaring at Clint. "I knew a lot of them. I talked with them. I lived with them for weeks! And then I butchered them all. Do you think I am okay?" He took a few deep breaths, fending off panic. "Burned them all, and I - oh, fuck-"

Loki scrambled to his feet and locked himself in the bathroom.

The vague sounds of throwing up came through the wall.

"So," Tony said. "Loki's a civilian, unlike you folks. And he just committed genocide. Let's let him get his head screwed on straight again before we trigger him, okay?"

"I'm sorry, Loki," Clint said as Loki walked out of the bathroom, looking deathly pale. He sat down stiffly, not reacting when Tony gripped his shoulder.

"Loki?" Tony asked.

No reaction apart from a twitch.

"Shit, guys, he's panicking," Tony said. He'd seen Loki do this a few times, in really bad moments, like when he'd been back from Denmark. He didn't respond to you, unless you tried very hard to get in.

"What do we do?" Steve asked.

"Er, my job, I guess. Make yourselves scarce," Tony said. Everyone filed away as Tony tugged Loki against him. "Hey, man. I know you're probably thinking that you did the worst thing ever, but there're worse. If you hadn't done any of that, humanity would be in the shit. Honestly, I'm proud of you for holding it together so well. I know a lot of people who would've cracked under the pressure you've been under in the last few months."

Loki made a choked little whimpering noise in his throat.

"S'okay," Tony said smoothly, rubbing Loki's side, bringing the man into an awkward little cuddley hug situation. Loki moved then, burying his face in Tony's neck, and if Tony felt the hot moisture of a tear or two on his neck, well, Loki's pride had taken enough blows today.

-O.O-

Natasha looked at the pair. "You know, I initially had a few reservations about those two as a couple, but it's pretty obvious they're a good match."

-O.O-

Doom. Goddamn Doom had been licking his wounds and had evidently decided that New York after Thanos had half-mashed it would be a great thing to attack.

Everyone wearily suited up, hoping coffee and adrenaline would be enough to fight with. Doom's forces looked a little junky and weedy, suggesting this was a last minute operation, so hopefully it wouldn't be too much of an issue.

Tony shook Loki awake. "Sorry, big guy, we have more stuff to do. Doom's in New York."

Loki's eyes flashed with a pure terror that Tony rarely saw. He shook his head. "I think I'd rather not."

"C'mon, Loki! You're an Avenger! Battle time, then sleep, then marathon victory sex!" Tony urged.

"I'd sooner eat my helmet than go out there," Loki said, and Tony could see he was still in shock. His hands were shaking and he looked terrified.

"Sorry, Loki," Tony sighed. It did make sense - Loki was still freaking out from the last conflict and last time he'd tangled with Doom, he'd ended up with a 10cm hole in his chest and a pacemaker to match. "It's okay. I'll take you home, okay?"

Loki looked like he was furious with himself. "I - I can't-"

To Tony's surprise, the person to reassure Loki was Clint. "I get it, man. We all have bad days. You should go to Miami and take a moment with Darce."

"It's fine, Loki. We've got you covered!" Steve called warmly.

"Get some sleep. You're a hero, Loki," Natasha smiled.

Tony pulled Loki down to him - damn height difference - and pressed their foreheads together. "Clint said it. Go with Darce, take a break. We've got your back."

Loki snatched his helmet, briefly brushed his lips against Tony's and muttered a "Thank you" to everyone before vanishing.

 _All is not going to be well,_ Tony thought.

-O.O-

Doom had obviously decided that there was no better time to attack than when the city was weak and the Avengers were away. Unfortunately, it did not work as well as he'd thought - the Avengers were there, tired, a man down, and pissed off.

There was tiredness. Then a period of hyperactivity. Then real tiredness. Then blatant exhaustion.

Tony had long past that stage by the time he'd defeated the bots, put away the suit, forced some food into himself, and made his way to Laufeyson Tower. He'd hoped Loki would've made his way home with Darcy by now. A text message on the drive over there confirmed it.

Stepping out of the elevator, Tony saw Loki sitting at the bar waiting for him.

"Hey, you waited up for me!" Tony smiled. It wasn't actually bedtime per se, but both of them just wanted to be unconscious.

"I wanted to apologise," Loki said, a mixture of miserable and awkward.

Tony walked up to Loki and grasped his large, pale hands, the right one feeling weird with its misshapen bones. "There is nothing wrong with what you did. Like Clint said, everyone as bad days. When I came back from Afghanistan, I was a mess - I didn't see it at the time, but, well, hindsight - and I'm working through it. So will you. I mean, I still see that fucking wormhole in my nightmares, and the mess on the other side-"

"I lived there for a time," Loki soothed. "I understand. We're both fucked up messes."

Tony laughed bitterly a little. "Fucked up _hot_ messes. Don't forget it, bitch."


	49. Mind Over Matter And Other Sayings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes your injuries aren't just a burst incision in your chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I abuse science again! I know I'm doing it, but a huge amount of research later and I was still getting nowhere.
> 
> To be honest, I viciously procrastinated writing this because I can't deal with the fact it's nearly over.

Loki woke up. By the light, it looked to be around midday. He wondered vaguely where he was.

It took him about ten minutes of intense mental archiving to recall that he'd moved to America and had built himself a tower, and that Tony Stark was supposed to be in his bed.

Three minutes later he remembered everything that had happened yesterday, and sat up to hang his head in his hands.

_I'm going to lose my mind._

A brief rustling next to him led to lips being affectionately pressed down the back of his singlet to his boxers waistband and back up to his cheekbone. "What're you thinking, babe?"

"Nothing of import. Make me food," Loki replied.

"Sometimes I forget you're a little princess, Snow White. You know I can't cook," Tony smiled; Loki could feel it against the side of his face. "I should probably learn, if I'm going to become your handmaiden - handman? Hand...thing. That doesn't sound right."

"What do you mean, _going_ to become? You've already been drawn in," Loki teased. "There is no escape. Look at Darcy; it's been eleven years and now she's been Stockholmed."

"Well, I'm not leaving now. I've put too much into making you an honest man," Tony grinned.

"I don't think I'm an honest man," Loki said, leaning back so he could see Tony and press a light kiss to his lips.

"Yeah, well, name three lies you've told me recently," Tony challenged.

Loki leaned secretively down to murmur in Tony ear "That dress does make you look fat, dear."

Tony laughed before saying "That's only one."

"Close enough. Make me food."

"I'll call out. You okay?" Tony asked worriedly.

 _My brain seems to be rotting and I committed genocide. Of course, dear, I'm fine._ "Dandy, if I wasn't so hungry."

"I get the hint. SADIE, order something Loki would eat. Loki, get that singlet off so I can have a look at your incision scars."

Loki slid off the singlet, baring the thin paper stitches holding the slices together. "They seem fine. There is no pain or bleeding."

Tony ran his fingers down one of the cuts to the arc glowing verdantly in Loki's chest. Loki flinched when it tickled him.

"You're seriously ticklish around the arc?" Tony asked.

Loki pulled his singlet back on and climbed out of bed. "Perhaps. You won't use it against me."

Tony rubbed his hands together. "Oh, I am so using that against you."

Loki looked thoughtfully at Tony, thinking about exactly what this man would do for him, and said quietly "When we make our relationship public, many people will not believe in either of us truly having feelings for the other."

"Yeah, well, screw them," Tony shrugged. "I mean, we'll convince'em somehow. Or not. It doesn't matter what they think."

"For what it matters, Tony, I do love you, even if I don't excel at showing it," Loki continued.

"I know, Sparkles," Tony said softly. "And I you. Now, food."

-O.O-

It had been four days since the invasion, and Loki knew he was losing it.

Oddly enough, he rarely had memory problems during the day, except for things he didn't think about often, like his early childhood or whatever.

But he'd wake up in the mornings and huge chunks would be missing. It took meditation and the occasional Google search to put himself back together, and even then, he knew there were gaps. This was a daily routine, and not one Loki enjoyed. He was quickly getting into the habit of simply scanning his life through from start to finish when he got up to check for mistakes or gaps.

There were a lot of them.

He was just thankful he always woke up before Tony.

-O.O-

Five days since the invasion.

"Nnnh - no, don't, I don't, _I don't,_ just keep him alive - please!"

Loki was whimpering in his sleep again.

It made Tony feel terrible, mostly because Loki still hadn't told him exactly why he whined that he didn't want to kill someone, or that he didn't care for someone. It was the same dream, over and over.

But Loki had requested Tony to wake him from nightmares, so Tony leaned over and gently slid a hand into Loki's hair, scratching at his scalp as he murmured "Love, wake up. 'S only a dream."

Loki stirred into consciousness, his green eyes snapping open when he seemed to register something. _"Where am I?"_ He gasped in shock.

"Loki?" Tony asked concernedly.

Loki took a few bold blinks, trying to recognise his bedmate through the mixture of blue and green light emanating from each of their chests. "Who - Anthony Stark?! What - I - where -"

Tony realised right then that Loki had no idea what was going on, at all, and was starting to panic.

He dove forward and wrapped his arms around Loki, holding him tight so the underweight man couldn't get away. "Calm down. It's okay. You're in Stark Tower, love. It's me, Tony, and you're safe and Thanos is dead."

Loki squirmed viciously against him. "Who the fuck is Thanos - get off me! - and what the _fuck_ is Stark Tower?!"

"Loki...?" Tony said worriedly, letting the other man go.

As soon as he was free, Loki sprang out of bed, snatching Tony's boxers off the floor and tugging them on.

"Loki, you need to stop and take a few deep breaths," Tony insisted. He maybe understood. Okay, he maybe understood _what_ was happening, but not the _why._

Loki turned to look at him, panic written on his face, and said "I don't understand."

"For a start, those're my boxers, not yours," Tony said, and Loki shucked them off in disgust. "Loki, just answer me this: what year do you think it is?"

Loki tried to calm himself and scanned his brain. He started to panic again as he said "I don't - I don't know - where am I? Why are you here?"

"Loki, calm down. Listen to me. You're 32 years old, your birthday is February 14th, you're in Stark Tower and you trust me. I don't know what's happened to you, but you need to stay calm so you don't panic," Tony soothed urgently.

Loki looked at Tony, really looked at him, and abruptly remembered _'I swear I will do anything I can. I really freaking love you, Loki, and I'm going to fix this!'_

Remembering only parts of the context, Loki looked at his arc reactor in shock.

Watching him, Tony could actually _see_ the moment when Loki remembered, and he dove forward to catch him as Loki began to sink to his knees.

"Tony..." Loki gasped. "There's something I haven't told you."

"It's okay. Deep breaths. Tell me later."

-O.O-

Two days later Loki was having an MRI scan.

-O.O-

Loki and Tony were sitting at a very official-looking table across from Loki's personal doctor and one of the finest neurologists in America.

The neurologist smiled and continued with her explanation. "So, all medical jargon aside, Mr Laufeyson, it's very simple. On the whole, your brain is fine - damage is minor, and you can only expect very slight issues with functions such as mobility and cognitive function. I'd recommend physical exercises such as yoga or aerobics to acquaint yourself with any issues, and mental exercises to match. Over time, it's likely this will improve as your brain learns to compensate.

"Your memory, though, is a different issue - you mentioned memory loss is only a severe issue upon waking up, though you mentioned you have a similar issue after periods of distraction or inactivity, and also with very short term. You're an intelligent man, Mr Laufeyson, we all know that, and the mostly likely explanation is that with your unusually high brain activity your constant cycle of forget and remember is accelerated to the extent that you barely notice. However, when you concentrate on one subject instead of general thought, or when you sleep, you lose memories and do not regain them immediately. Remember, you're not technically losing any memories - the part of your brain responsible for retrieving and organising memories is at fault here."

Loki rubbed his hair. "Fantastic."

-O.O-

The lonely, beaten-down part of Loki expected Tony to just leave when he heard that Loki was broken.

Because, to Loki, that was what he was. Tony liked his brain and his brain wasn't working.

To his surprise, Tony was more attentive than ever, making JARVIS wake him up when Loki showed signs of stirring to help him when he woke up, sitting down to do brain trainers and sparring with him more often.

Three days after his diagnosis, Loki woke up in Laufeyson Tower at around 3am with a gasp of terror, checked his brain over, and teleported to Stark Tower; a sudden urge was overcoming him, and he left Tony behind to fulfil it.

He'd been rationing his teleportation recently, what with the risk of death and all, but he couldn't actually drive and he was in no mood to get dressed into more than his boxers to catch a cab.

In a moment, he was outside Clint's room. He rapped lightly on the door, before politely asking JARVIS to unlock it.

Clint was an assassin. Therefore there was a very high chance that he slept on a hair trigger and Loki did not want to be caught by that.

Loki scooped a shoe off the floor and pelted Clint with it.

With a sharp breath, Hawkeye jolted into consciousness, looking around the room suspiciously before fixing his eyes on Loki. "Fuck."

"That's rude," Loki pouted, a little confused.

"Is this the shovel talk? Are you here to kill me? Cause I could fight you with my hands tied," Clint said warily.

"Would you care to join me for a drink?" Loki asked.

"Wha-?"

"Exactly what I said, Clint," Loki said dryly.

"Since when do you call me Clint?" He asked, scooping pants and a hoodie off the floor. "And since when do you creep into my room at 3am in just your underwear? Please don't say this is a regular thing."

Loki chuckled and waited a minute for the archer to finish dressing himself before wordlessly leading him upstairs.

"Where's Tony?" Clint asked as Loki poured him a drink from Tony's personal collection.

"In my bed," Loki replied. "Clint, I wanted to ask you about - well, about having Mal in your head. Malekith."

"Oh," Clint said awkwardly. "What do you want to know?"

"I'll explain. And by the way, if any of what I am about to mention is repeated outside of this room, I will fry you," Loki said.

"Got it, boss."

"Here is my explanation. As you know, I'm a 'control freak' as Tony calls it. I appreciate it greatly when everything is under my control. However, with the infinite number of variables in day to day life, true control is impossible. The one thing I can control is myself, Clint, and in general I make that my goal. Capisce?"

"Capisce." Clint rubbed his eyes tiredly; he knew that if Loki had decided that this time was the correct time to let it all out, then it would happen.

"It has taken me around five months to come to terms with the fact that Malekith brainwashed me," Loki continued gravely. "I - in the last few days, I have reached the understanding that my capture and my work for Thanos, it was not of my design. It wasn't part of some greater plan that I hadn't thought up yet, it was _kidnap_ and _wrong_ and _I didn't want to be there!"_ Loki could feel the rising anxiety in his chest as he went through the millionth mental revolution of this thought. "I don't understand why it took me so long."

"Simple, man," Clint said. "That staff, it messes with you. It's not like, it forces you to do its bidding. It just suggests it. Nice and polite. And then when it's over it feels like you were just doing what you wanted to do the whole time."

"Accurate," Loki agreed, sculling his drink.

"Should you be drinking?" Clint asked worriedly.

"Whyever not?"

"There's a hole in your chest."

"Oh, that. Ignore it," Loki said. "Tell me about your experiences with the staff."

"Same, except I wasn't under it for as long as you," Clint shrugged. "When I snapped out of it, I couldn't remember struggling against it once. It all seemed like such a good idea until Natasha was hitting me."

"Thank you," Loki said abruptly.

"Why?" Clint asked.

"I feel a tad better knowing the feeling is a common one."

"Seriously, big guy, don't beat yourself up about it. The past is the past," Clint said. "This is good booze."

"Only the finest for Tony," Loki smirked. "I apologise for waking you up, but my fears were plaguing my sleep."

"It's okay," Clint seemed to think for a moment.

"I can go, if you would prefer," Loki said.

"No! No. Er - you asked me something personal, and I'd like to do the same," Clint said.

"Shoot. Bearing in mind that I do have limits."

"What was between you and Darcy?" Clint asked.

"In what way?"

"You used to date. What was it to you?" Clint insisted.

Loki thought for a moment to get an intelligent reply. "Clint, I love Darcy more than you could imagine. She is quite truly the little sibling I was never able to have, and apparently I'm the gay friend she always wanted. But do not think for any moment I have any romantic feelings for her."

"Now, you don't. But what about back then?" Clint actually sounded a little insecure.

"I'll talk you through it, hm? I dated Darcy for just over three weeks when I was 24. My mother suggested it as an excellent way of making myself appear as a more serious businessman as opposed to a slutty insubordinate mess - which I was - and Darcy was by far the only woman I respected enough and liked enough to consider. Three weeks later, and we had already split up.

"Darcy and I were and still are too different to make anything between us work, Clint. Never mind that we really did not see each other that way. I think you should consider yourself lucky if you like her as much as I do, and void yourself of any thoughts of jealousy," Loki finished.

"What about since then?" Clint said, looking assuaged a little.

"Since then...Hm..." Loki pondered that. "About six months after we broke up, we played a drinking game where we did a shot every time Dora the Explorer spoke to the viewer in a patronising voice. By the time the episode ended we were beyond drunk. I'm not entirely certain how it came about but we definitely had sex on my couch."

"That's creepy. Apart from that?"

"Eight months or so after that Darcy broke up with her relatively new boyfriend and turned up on my doorstep staggeringly drunk and wanting to use me for her own nefarious purposes. I turned her down, make her drink several glasses of water and put her to bed. She thanked me the next day."

"Like a gentleman. So that's it?"

"Every sordid detail," Loki confirmed. "As I said, you needn't fear me."

They sat there in silence for a moment, Clint thinking about Darcy, Loki thinking about the staff and Malekith, until Loki blurted "You used to wear a hearing aid, yes?"

Clint looked at Loki curiously. "80% hearing loss, yeah. It's been fixed up now."

"It wasn't a weakness?" Loki asked.

"Of course it was. I just didn't let it slow me down," Clint shrugged. "What's the point? You either lie down and take it, or you do something about it, right?"

"Yes..." Loki murmured. "I think I'll try the latter option."

"For what?"

"Don't worry your pretty little head about it," Loki smiled. "I'm sorry, but I should likely return home before Tony sends out a search party. Thank you very much."

"Glad I could help?" Clint said, a little lost as Loki vanished.


	50. Person Of The Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Malekith wants his mehl, and Loki gets the thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last filler chapter ever of this story. I'm sure you're wholly thankful for that.
> 
> I did the procrastination thing again.
> 
> By the way, I see Malekith in this chapter as just Christopher Eccleston with long hair and pointy ears.

Clint shook Steve awake. It was 6:30, Steve's preferred waking-up time. Supersoldiers didn't sleep much.

"Dude. Wake up. I have an idea," Clint urged.

Steve looked so picturesque, blonde hair adrift as his blue eyes sleepily blinked open. "Clint? What is it?"

"Loki appeared a couple of hours ago and - by his standards - got all sad and emotional and squishy. I have an idea. You can paint, right?" Clint asked.

"Er...yes."

"Good. Right. Here's my idea."

-O.O-

Tony woke up to a weight on his chest.

At first he assumed it was Loki, because _come on_ who else would be straddling him in the morning?

But then a voice with a weird accent asked "Would Loki be upset if I killed you?" in a low growl.

Tony's eyes snapped open to see a man with long black hair and thick features looming over him, a dark-bladed dagger held at his throat.

Then he fully registered the man's words. "Yes! Yes he would!"

It took Tony a moment, but he finally realised that the person looking at him thoughtfully while considering gutting him was Malekith - Malekith with a colour change. No more dichromatic tints, he looked full-blown human. Apart from the super strength and pointy ears.

"Erm..." Tony said a little nervously. "Could you please get off me?"

Malekith opened his mouth to say something, but they were both distracted by Loki stirring awake next to them.

Ah! Tony's saviour!

But when Loki sat up and looked around, he had that look on his face where he was missing some vital memory that would allow him to comprehend what was going on.

He bit his lip, before frowning and saying "Let me guess. Amateur porn. I should stop mixing my poisons."

"No..." Tony snorted. "You'll remember in a minute. For now, _get the fuck off me you fucktruck."_

But Malekith couldn't have looked less interested in Tony - rather, he was tracing his way up Loki's chest with his eyes, up from where the sheets were pooled low on his hips.

Tony tried to angrily (and enviously) shove Malekith off him, but to no avail.

Fucking aliens.

Aliens with an interest with his boyfriend.

"Loki, now would be a good time," Tony sighed.

Loki flinched violently as he put 2 and 4 and 325 together to realise that humany-Malekith was threatening Tony Stark in his bed.

"Get off him," Loki commanded with a put-upon sigh.

Malekith frowned and sat back. "Loki, what is this whelp-"

"This whelp is my partner. He has filled this role since before we met proper - excluding your initial invasion, in which you had the gall to scar my forehead," Loki pointed out, gesturing vaguely at the very faint little scar on his forehead. "Do not hurt him. I need him."

"Aw, gee, thanks, man," Tony said sarcastically as Malekith moved away to sit on the end of the bed.

But Loki was better off acting in a cold and detached manner when dealing with a homicidal elf with a completely different cultural structure to Earth - while his sharp manner may have been unpleasant on Earth, in a heirarchial warrior society, talking to Malekith like that was an excellent way to assert himself as the boss.

Loki threw back the covers and climbed to his feet, looking for his pants as he said "Come, Mal. There is much to discuss."

Malekith and Tony were both watching Loki put his pants on.

"Oh, for the love of your gods, Mal, Tony, you've both seen me in a state of undress. Eyes front," Loki growled, slinking into his living room.

The pair followed him, accepting the offer of a drink.

After a moment of eye contact in which Tony could read whole sentences - they really were too familiar these days - Tony went to sit at the bar, away from the main conversation.

Loki settled into his favourite armchair facing Malekith who sat on the couch at an angle to him.

"Here is the situation, Malekith," Loki began to explain. "As much as I would love to simply throw a SHIELD job at you and set you on your merry way, you are loathed wholeheartedly by the entire population of Earth barring the two citizens in this room. Therefore we must do this by the book or get arrested.

"Quite simply, you have to walk into Director Fury's office, look him in his single eye, and you must tell him very seriously that you wish to repent and work for SHIELD and can cite myself and Tony as references. After that, well, who knows? You gave it an honest try, and I will make as much of an effort to influence him as possible. Do you understand? No force, no magic, nothing except legitimate honesty, because I would lose any credibility I had for endorsing you previously."

Malekith nodded. "Then, may we negotiate?"

"Negotiate what? I am no Director Fury," Loki said with a shit-eating grin that said he knew exactly what Malekith actually meant.

"Negotiate a _partnership,_ " Malekith replied with a sideways glance at Tony.

"My apologies, Mal. By the laws of your planet and mine, a life-bound partnership with your mate may not be broken by infidelity. On Earth, it would be grounds for a divorce, and on your world it is punishable by castration. That does not mean I would cast you out. Consider us friends," Loki said with a smile.

Loki being Loki, Tony had no idea what was honesty and what wasn't. Did he consider himself friends with Malekith? Was he going to support him joining SHIELD? Would he seriously castrate Malekith if he tried anything?

Malekith looked a little tetchy but made the same elvish salute as last time at Loki and what could've been an insulting hand gesture at Tony before vanishing.

In an instant, Loki's powerful, commanding demeanour slipped away and he slouched in his chair with a sigh. "My apologies for not helping you earlier."

"S'okay. Hey, did you just tell Malekith the Accursed of Svartalfheim that you and him totally couldn't bang because you were _married_ to me?" Tony smirked.

"Perhaps," Loki said with a wicked grin. "You'll never know."

"Very funny, big guy. For that, you have to play a game of Guess Who? with me."

Loki made a face. "That game is ridiculous."

"C'mon, Loki Stark. It's good for your brain."

"Don't call me that. Even if we were married I wouldn't take your ludicrous last name," Loki scowled.

"Yeah, well, too fucking bad, _Laufeyson_. Brain training. Chop chop."

-O.O-

"Darcy," Clint said enthusiastically. "I have an idea for a present for Loki."

"Why's he getting a present?" Darcy asked suspiciously.

"Because he randomly swooped in at 3 in the morning and made me have a drink with him while he looked, uh, pretty fucking miserable. Then I had an idea for something that might cheer him up."

"Obviously, I'm in. Shoot."

-O.O-

Lok and Tony ended up in Avengers Tower for lunch on Winchester's request.

"Now, it's all very short-notice, but apparently the President is just grateful enough to you delinquents to want to honour you with medals and the corresponding congratulations. Showing his support of you, you know," Winchester said. "I suppose he wants to imagine this was his idea in the first place. You'll have to be in Washington D.C in two nights."

"I understand," Loki nodded. "Anything special? Must we be in uniform?"

"Black tie is fine. And congratulations, Mr Laufeyson!" Winchester grinned.

"For what?" Loki asked.

"Well done, Loki, you really earned it this year," Steve added on.

"It's obvious I don't know what you're talking about, so explain," Loki growled.

Winchester threw a magazine in his lap. "I guess you've been a little distracted in the last month."

Loki picked up the magazine in shock. There was his face emblazoned on the cover from a photoshoot he didn't even remember having recently, with the familiar lettering:

**TIME: PERSON OF THE YEAR**   
**Laufeyson Corp's Loki Laufeyson, defender of Earth.**

"When did this happen?" Loki blurted in disbelief.

"It was announced, like, a week ago," Darcy beamed. "Seriously, you've been a hermit for that long?"

"I've been busy," Loki shrugged.

"Yeah, that's actually news to me too," Tony said in shock.

Loki curiously leafed through the magazine to the article, seeing a large number of photos of him - including ones of him as Lightningrod in battle and a nice one taken months ago of all the Avengers in uniform together with Tony punching Loki's arm - and he broke into a tiny little smile. "Why did none of you tell me?"

"Loki, this is pretty much one of the biggest social awards you can win. I thought you knew," Darcy laughed.

Loki frowned suspiciously. "People don't like me."

"Pretty sure they do, or your face wouldn't be splattered everywhere," Clint said. "Turns out if you save the world people are actually grateful."

"Only the second time," Loki murmured. "Natasha was solely responsible for the first."

"Excuse me?" Natasha asked.

"In Malekith's invasion you were most definitely the most useful player on the board. The queen. We were all...bishops and knights and rooks and the suchlike, and Fury was a king - fancy in name, useless in practice -" JARVIS announced a phone call from said king. "In short, Natasha, you are brilliant, but we must accept this call."

"Answer it, Jay," Tony commanded.

"Fury, dearest. I was just talking about you. How goes the throne?" Loki said cheerily.

"Laufeyson, you may be Flavour of the Month, but you need to give me a good reason or two as to why there's a pointy-eared _thing_ sitting in my reception area wanting a job interview."

"Can he hear me?" Loki asked.

"No."

"Because that's Malekith the Accursed and he would like a way of stopping himself from being hunted and killed by enemies of Svartalfheim," Loki answered cheerfully. "SHIELD has a history of taking in those who would appreciate a little shelter from their history."

Clint and Natasha both shot him a look, knowing full well that Loki had hacked SHIELD and read their files when he'd been asked to be an Avenger.

"What in the name of the holy motherfucker were you thinking?" Fury said.

"I was thinking that _I_ am the person who knows said elf better than anyone and the fact that I'm willing to vouch for him despite my knowledge of his person should be an indicator of his viability," Loki said, snapping into serious-negotiator Loki mode. "Give peace and elves a chance."

"But-"

"Today's my special day," Loki pouted. "I don't want to argue with you. Make it happen."

Fury sounded really pissed off. "You may be many things, Laufeyson, but my superior officer is _not_ one of them. I only called to ask what fit of insanity made you think I'd be happy with having him around."

Loki sighed, mildly resenting the 'insanity' comment. Brain damage, not insanity. "He's magic, and he's an alien with an intimate knowledge of the Nine Realms. To quote Tony - 'An intelligence organisation that fears intelligence? Historically, not awesome.' Also, this is my debt owed to him for telling him I would not allow him to take me as his _mehl."_

"I'm guessing I don't really want to know," Fury said irritably.

"No, I'd say not," Loki chuckled. "It doesn't matter. _Give peace and elves a chance."_

"Fine, whatever. I'll talk to him. But this is on your head, Laufeyson."

"That's the spirit," Loki said as Fury hung up.

"What the hell, Loki?" Clint said in disbelief.

"I like Malekith," Loki shrugged. "In Thanos's war, we were all-" he put on a heavy German accent _"Just following orders._ I hold no grudge against Mal."

Clint looked surprised. "Why not? How can you just forgive what he did to you?"

"If he hadn't been following Thanos, he would have been hunted and butchered. That really does put things in perspective."

"Hm," Clint said disapprovingly.

"It doesn't matter, in any case. I would like to study his magic. It's a completely unexplored area of physics and that is rather my speciality," Loki said.

"Team Science Bros for the win!" Tony grinned. "I'm not fond of him either, seeing as I did wake up with his knife on my throat, but come on, _magic."_

"Wait, _what?_ " at least three people in the room said.

"I'm all excited for science now," Tony beamed. "Let's go work on the Lightningrod Mk 6. Teleportation and lightning zapping without the risk of horrible injury."

"Bruce? Would you join us?" Loki asked.

Bruce smiled his wry, quiet smile and shook his head. "Not today. My specimens will be at full maturity this afternoon and I have work to do."

"Think you can wrap your head around it, Winchester?" Tony said teasingly. When he received a head shake Tony shrugged and led Loki to the elevator.

-O.O-

Tony was sitting in a wheelie chair directly opposite Loki. "How's the grey matter, Sparkles?"

"Acceptable. It is no better or worse," Loki said, feeling a little fuzzy at Tony's concern. "I can still _think,_ you know. There was no need for you to check my workings before."

Tony looked at Loki's calculations on his tablet and shrugged. "Nothing personal. I do that whenever I work with someone. When you designed the big arc reactor for this building I stayed up all night going over every millimetre of the plans."

Loki knew full well it was a pretty valid practice to be in and didn't make a fuss about it. "In all honesty, I'd completely forgotten about the arc."

"We had sex on a worktable while planning it," Tony smirked.

"That I do remember," Loki snorted. "It feels rather like that was a lifetime ago."

"Eight months, yeah. It's weird." Tony said. "Speaking of the arc, how's the hole in your chest feeling?"

"Excellent. I barely notice it unless I begin to hiccup."

"I'm sorry but whenever you starting hiccupping I'm too busy laughing my ass off to help you," Tony grinned.

"I've noticed," Loki said acidly.

They sat there awkwardly for a few moments, before Tony said "I think it's amazing, you know. The Time thing. Yeah, you've had a good year - especially with me in it, of course - but that is outstanding."

Loki picked up the magazine from his worktable again. "I have literally no recollection of when this photo was taken."

"Eh, I don't know when a lot of things happened. Though that one does look recent."

"How might you tell?"

"I don't know. From what I've seen of earlier photos of you, your cheekbones have been getting pointier as you've gotten older. They're like knives in this picture, so I thought it was probably recent."

"Cheekknives?" Loki asked amusedly.

"Cheekknives," Tony agreed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wondering - I'm just semi-wrapping up the whole Malekith thing, but I was wondering if anyone's interested in seeing his return in the sequel? Mostly for being pissed off at Loki.


	51. First Comes Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Awards are handed out like...awards!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, still procrastinating. Go me.
> 
> Fun fact: President Obama has a love of Spider-man and has already been in comic canon before.
> 
> Another fun fact: I just learned that canonically, the president in MCU is this old guy named Ellis. So Obama's gone. Which is sad.

"Morning, Sparkles. Are you okay?" Tony asked.

Loki blinked awake.

_Am I okay?_

Tony was there and he remembered who he was, so yeah, close enough.

"Mm-hm. Good morning, Mr Stark," Loki said, snuggling deeper into his pillows as the rain pounded outside.

"Don't call me that, Lokes. It's creepy. Like we're in a meeting," Tony winced.

"Business rivals," Loki reminded sleepily.

"Yeah, no. I haven't even been in a business meeting with you since, like, May," Tony snorted.

"Your loss," Loki chuckled. "Isn't it customary to spend rainy days lying in bed with your significant other?"

"We have to go to D.C today," Tony said. "We'll do that tomorrow, honest. Whoever thought you were the bad weather snuggly type?"

"Fuck public image, I'm warm," Loki growled.

"Seriously, though. When I met you in Malibu ages ago I was not expecting you to be snuggle monster," Tony said.

Loki gave a tiny little smile. "I was not expecting to be able to tolerate you for more than five minutes."

"It's been a bit more than five minutes," Tony paused for a moment as he counted. "Four months. We've been dating for four months."

That made Loki sit up. "Holy fuck, I've been in a relationship with Anthony Stark for four months."

"I thought it was going to be over in about three days," Tony admitted.

Loki rolled over and loomed over Tony. "I expected-" he pressed a kiss to Tony's forehead "-two rounds of sex-" his cheekbone next "-and an argument. Then accepting failure."

Tony burst out laughing. "We did that. It didn't change anything."

"I would not have put any money on us. We're that retarded racehorse that somehow manages to win the flowery wreathe anyway."

"That's only in movies, babe. In real life unspeakable things happen to it."

"I'm in favour of unspeakable things," Loki cackled, wriggling out of bed. "Nothing starts a morning better than a shower and unspeakable things."

"Hey, wait up, Sparkles!"

-O.O-

Goddamn awards ceremonies tended to be extremely generic.

In this case, it was a little more prestigious, what with the President giving a speech and whatnot, and the Avengers were the guests of honour, but that didn't change the fact that Loki was bored and tickling Tony's thigh with the tip of one shoe and smiling wickedly.

 _"Stop it,"_ Tony whispered across the table as everyone clapped.

"Make me." Loki mouthed.

Tony ended up eating his entree while feeling both mildly aroused and highly uncomfortable.

As they were called up to receive their awards, Tony growled "Yes, give me a boner in front of everyone who's everyone in this entire goddamn country, well done."

Fortunately it didn't show.

Loki snickered and said "You signed up for me."

Then they both realised they were hanging back together and walked quickly to catch up with the others.

"Babe, we fucking _suck_ at not acting like a couple in public," Tony murmured under his breath to Loki as Steve at the other end of the line had his Distinguished Service Cross pinned to his suit lapel by the Fury as the President shook his hand.

"Maybe we don't have to," Loki shot back quietly before standing tall and proud.

 _Maybe we don't. Everyone loves us at the moment,_ Tony thought.

Finally, Fury reached them and leaned forward to pin the little bronze cross to Tony. "I can see you motherfuckers thinking about making mischief. Don't. Do. Not."

"Now I really want to," Tony breathed as he shook the President's hand.

"Please don't," Ellis replied with a sigh.

"I can totally get you Iron Man's signature. He's my bodyguard," Tony grinned.

Loki chuckled quietly as he received what didn't look like a little cross. It was a star in a wreathe.

"First time for an non-American citizen to receive that," the President said. "First for a non-military too."

"Thank you," Loki said in surprise.

"You've earned it."

And then they went to sit back down, sat patiently through a stern speech from Latimer, and dug into dinner.

Tony knew what was coming next. Because this was already a huge, televised event in which everyone got to see the Avengers out of uniform (Natasha and Clint were fucked off because this spelled the end of a lot of undercover work) Loki was officially getting his Person of the Year award now instead of on New Year's.

As Loki got up and walked towards the stage, music started playing to announce him.

_'So you say, it's not okay to be gay - well, I think you're just evil...'_

Darcy started laughing uncontrollably and a few other people were no better.

Loki went up the front laughing - Tony noted vaguely he was wearing his favourite suit with the green waistcoat, and wondered about formalwear as comfort clothing - and shook hands with the manager of Time, receiving a nice little glass thing with his name on it and smiling charismatically as he got his photo taken.

Awards were really all the same when you thought about it.

As Loki considered going to sit back down, Tony called out for a speech, a cry that was quickly taken up by Darcy and Clint.

Loki silently asked Fury if that was acceptable, and on receiving a nod stepped up to the podium.

"Firstly, my apologies for the music. I'm willing to assume it was picked by Miss Lewis and she's under the false impression that she is funny."

A ripple of amusement ran through the room. Darcy pouted.

As Loki did a fairly impressive impromptu speech, talking about his achievements and struggles in the year and people he would like to name-drop as helping him, Tony thought about Loki.

Ever since they'd started the Wednesday night casual sex arrangement, they were never going to just be friends, Tony realised. Neither of them were mature enough to end something like that, so it was always going to end up as either a relationship or mutual hatred when the dynamic changed, and it always changed in those situations.

Tony had stayed away from casual sex with one partner for that exact reason. There was no healthy way to end it and stay single. So he'd always been screwed. He'd been double-screwed when Loki liked to drink and make science and think up new ways to mess with people and fuck around. Triple-screwed when Loki had daddy issues and enough brains in his head to be just as cynical as Tony.

But in the end being triple-screwed into a relationship with Loki wasn't so bad at all. He woke up every morning with the same person, had someone who was exclusively on his side, and most of all, had someone he had been surprised to find himself loving.

It had been a rather large surprise, considering that a year ago Tony was pretty much dead set on loathing the guy.

On New Year's, Loki had been lonely and sad and had reached out.

Tony wondered vaguely what would have happened if he hadn't.

"...And, lastly, I believe some credit is owed to Anthony Stark, my second in command and Devil's Advocate - as well as a few other demonic roles, I can assure you - for standing by me as both a colleague and a friend. Tony, could you-?" Loki made a vague gesture that invited Tony towards him.

Tony walked up to Loki amidst a smattering of applause from people who were confused as to whether or not clapping was appropriate.

"Now," Loki said primly. "Seeing as this country on the whole seems to like me at the moment-"

In a moment, Loki had grabbed Tony by the lapels and pulled him into a smoulderingly hot kiss. Tony had been expecting something slightly more chaste, but okay, Loki tugging him close for some tongue action worked too.

When Tony pulled away, the room was silent for a moment. So he said "I'm guessing that made a lot of creepy stalker internet girls very happy."

Loki nodded approvingly as all of the reporters in the room and some random civilians started shouting questions and as Winchester, Hill and Fury looked exasperated, Latimer looked vaguely like she was eating a lemon and Darcy cheered wildly.

"Questions, love?" Loki asked Tony.

"Yeah, why not. Hey, you," Tony pointed at some toilet-brush-haired young man. "What is it?"

"How long have you been together, Mr Stark?"

"Four months," Tony said. Unfortunately, that just prompted more questions, and he couldn't hear what any of them were saying very well.

"-long term plans-"

"-future of Stark Industries-"

"-future of Laufeyson Corp-"

"-why did you even-"

"-who's the girl?"

The last one pissed Loki off.

"Excuse you," he said, looking at the man that had asked it. "I am male. Tony is male. We are male. I would take off my clothing and prove it if it were not disallowed."

On the word 'disallowed' Tony didn't miss the way Loki's hand subconsciously played over the arc reactor. No one knew about that yet.

"But one of you has got to be-"

 _"No."_ Loki sighed. "Neither of us identifies as female. We are male. There is no girl."

The man looked like he could go on, but the stubbornly annoyed look on Loki's face said it wasn't worth it.

A woman piped up. "Is this just a sex thing? Like, sex buddies or something?"

And of course people would assume that. Tony should have realised people weren't going to take them seriously, not when two notorious playboys were fucking.

"We're serious," Tony said. "Actual relationship. Love and everything."

Then Tony heard something that really smarted. He knew it wouldn't be easy, convincing the public he loved Loki, but the know-it-all tone of a woman in the front row made him angry.

"-like Narcissus, admiring their own reflections-"

For a start, the more Tony had gotten to know Loki, the more he'd realised how different they were. So that was annoying.

And yeah, there was only one universal way of showing your devotion to someone that Tony could think of.

When, through the haze of questions, Tony heard someone say "What're your long term plans?" he did it.

"This is my long term plan," Tony said, dropping to one knee in front of Loki. "Loki Fucking Laufeyson, businessman, superhero, sassmaster, I don't actually have a ring, but will you marry me?"

A lot of people gasped.

Loki's facial expression was a perfect _are you kidding me fucktruck we literally talked about this two days ago._

Tony could only pray their ability to talk with their eyes was working.

 _We don't actually have to get married, Lokes, c'mon, just say yes so people stop taking the piss,_ Tony thought. _Please read my mind. You can dump me the minute we leave this hall. Just don't leave me hanging._

Loki's face spread into a wide grin - for once, Tony couldn't tell how sincere - and he said "Of course, you ridiculous little man."

He didn't know if Loki was serious or not, but in any case Tony scrambled to his feet to kiss Loki again as a mixture of happy noises and boos rang out.

The boos made Tony angry all over again. There was only so much intolerent bullshit he could be expected to put up with. He leaned forward into the microphone and said "We'll have a press conference about dates and what this means for our respective jobs and et cetra, but this isn't the time or the place - Loki, love, we should probably go somewhere more private to talk about this."

Which was how they ended up just _leaving_ the room full of shouting reporters, irritated SHIELD personnel, exasperated officials and weirdly proud teammates to dive onto Tony's jet and make for home. The others could catch a lift with SHIELD.

Tony's jet had a bedroom.

As soon as the door was closed and they were away from the public eye Loki pushed Tony onto the bed and pinned him.

"What the fuck-" Loki kissed his neck and started tugging at his jacket buttons "-were you thinking-" Tony was confusedly working on Loki's buttons too as Loki tore him out of his suit "-with that ridiculous proposal?"

"Fuck, babe, are we having sex or a discussion here, because you're using your strict voice and stripping me at the same time and I can't focus on both," Tony gasped.

"We are doing both," Loki said prissily, straddling Tony and sitting up now that Tony was just in his slacks. "Explain."

"Uh, well, they thought we were just sex buddies, so I was trying to show them how serious we are," Tony said quickly, wanting to finish the conversation. "We don't have to get married. We can do the thing where we're just engaged for so long everyone gives up on asking about dates."

Loki pondered this for a moment, biting his lip in a way that made Tony want to roll them over and just get on with it. Pity Loki was so heavy.

"I can work with that," Loki purred, leaning down to kiss Tony again.

The phone next to the bed started to ring.

"Ignore it," Loki said. "It will likely be a reporter or something of the kind."

"No one has this number except my emergency contacts," Tony sighed, leaning over and pressing a button to put it on speakerphone. "Seriously, the 'phone calls during sex' thing needs to stop."

"Tony!" Pepper said excitedly.

"Am I in trouble?" Tony winced.

"You will be when I see the percentrage drop in stocks, but for now I'm just celebrating. You are getting married! _Tony Stark_ is getting married!" She said brightly.

"And Loki Laufeyson," Loki drawled. "We're not actually getting married, Pepper. We plan to wear engagement rings and look cute forever without signing any paperwork."

"No, you're not," Pepper snorted. "Darcy and I have already started planning it."

"It's been half an hour!" Tony protested.

"And we've already decided on an outfitter."

"Pepper, I mean no disrespect," Loki said impatiently. "But you caught us at a bad moment and the colloquial term for my current mood is 'really fucking horny' so I'd appreciate it if this conversation was held at a later time."

"Oh. Sorry," Pepper said awkwardly before hanging up.

"'Really fucking horny'?" Tony quoted with a snigger. "Why, Mr Laufeyson, how risque!"

"Shut up," Loki growled, leaning down to kiss him again.


	52. Coming To A Close

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things begin to wrap up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be quite long and will wrap up all the points half-addressed in this.
> 
> I'm sorry for the lateness. Schoolwork, illness, anxiety problems and trips away to cite a few, but that's not of import.

This was now the second time Tony had woken up with Malekith sitting on him.

However, on this occasion, Malekith was being even more disrespectful - that is, instead of at least paying attention to Tony, he was just using him as a bench as he waited for Loki to wake up.

"Get _off_ , you ass," Tony snarled quietly as soon as he realised what was going on.

"Shut it, you malignant cancer on my life," Malekith snapped, though still in an undertone, so he didn't wake his _mehl_ or whatever Loki was to him. "I'm waiting for Loki."

"Hey, man. I'm Lo's fiance, so if you want him to be even vaguely tolerant of your stripy ass, then you can show me a little respect," Tony whispered. Granted, Malekith was in his human colouration and therefore not particularly stripy, but there you go.

"Yes, I saw that," Malekith growled. "I was not impressed by your lies."

"More a bending of the truth. Yeah, not married, but we will be soon," Tony rambled. "Oh, look, Loki's waking up, you can't kill me!"

Loki looked goddamn confused. "This isn't Westminster." Then he narrowed his eyes at Malekith. "Your Elrond cosplay is terrible."

"You know, Sparkles, you take this waking-up-with-your-memories-on-ice thing really well," Tony commented as Malekith shuffled off him to sit on Loki's side of the bed.

Loki blinked firmly a few times, before saying. "Mal. Yes. What is it?"

"I've been given an-" he checked a bunch of runic scratches on the back of his hand "Entership? A human job, at SHIELD."

"Internship," Loki corrected.

"Yes, that, as a secret agent. Agent Malachy Dorcha," Malekith said. Tony had a sudden epiphany as to Malekith's weird accent - it was halfway between Scandinavian and northen English and sounded pretty strange. "I don't understand the name, by any means, but I'm informing you that apparently I am to report to your laboratory on your Wensday and Thirstday-"

"Wednesday and Thurday," Loki corrected again.

"Yes, yes. Wednesday and Thursday from eight o'clock until three o'clock for research."

"That's the science days!" Tony said. "You're our new science project? What about the Tesseract?"

"Apparently neither Loki nor I am allowed near it," 'Malachy' shrugged.

"I suppose stealing it and doing nefarious things to it put Fury off a little," Loki acknowledged. "Science days are reinstated, then. Was that all, Mal?"

"For now," Malekith said, and his mismatched eyes - one light blue, one black - started to glow as he made to vanish.

"Hold on," Loki said. "I have something to ask you."

Either Tony didn't know his fiance, or that was apprehension in his voice.

"Hm?" Malekith replied.

"Can you heal me?" Loki asked. Malekith's eyes were drawn to the arc embedded in Loki's chest. "Not that. I have a few...internal injuries that could do with some magical assistance."

"I cannot heal you with that metallic abomination in your chest," Malekith said. "It's a magic dampener."

"I could remove it-" Loki said, but Tony cut him off.

"No. Loki, that'll kill you!" Tony said.

"Just for a moment," Loki said.

"I'm not certain that its' distinct radiation would not still affect you," Malekith said. "And I would not have you bring yourself to harm."

Loki pouted for a moment before acquiescing to reason. "Well, I suppose I don't want to accidentally die. Thank you, Malachy Dorcha, and I will see you on...Boxing Day, if I'm not wrong."

"That's what Director Furious said. Farewell, Loki, _you,_ " and with another repitition of _salute for Loki, dirty Elvish hand gesture for Tony,_ he left.

Loki looked very thoughtful, clearly pondering a multitude of things. "Tony."

"Hm?"

"Why do you call me Sparkles?"

"Because your Lightningrod suit used to be called the Sparkly Shit Suit, and I wanted to mock you with it. It's a sign of love now," Tony explained.

"Oh. I remember." Loki frowned. "I have a few gaps today."

"Anything I can help with?"

"...I was having a nightmare, but I do not understand it."

"That's more divination than my area, but shoot," Tony said.

"There was snow. You and I were standing in white snow at night, but the flakes raining down were red and bloody. Whenever the flakes touched either you or I we were electrocuted, but neither of us could leave. We were bound in place as dark shadows leapt through the night near us, getting closer. I do not understand that dream." Loki said, a little stiff verbally as he tried to remember.

"Well, that's definitely a weird one. Snow is Russia, I guess, from the invasion. I've only been seriously electrocuted by _you,_ when you were under Mal's thing, and by myself. And Vanko, but you weren't there for that. Dark shadows and being bound, I don't know."

"I was wondering if I had forgotten something that would help me decipher it," Loki muttered.

"Doubt it. Just one of those dreams."

"In any case, we have an entertaining day ahead," Loki grinned. "A thousand press reports on the scandalous relationship of Loki and Tony."

-O.O-

As it turned out, the situation of Malekith's employment was a lot more complicated than an 'entership', but Winchester had given up explaining it when he realised Malekith's English-speaking capablities went far but not far enough to comprehend jargon.

The Allspeak was not infallible, as it turned out, if your race has no word for 'pension' to start with. It did not translate to Elvish.

In reality, Malekith was becoming a special agent of SHIELD, a secret weapon to unleash when his magical capabilities were needed. When they weren't, he submitted to non-invasive examinations of his self, such as Tony and Loki's assignment on his magic. In return, Malekith was granted a full citizenship of Earth for the next fifty years or longer if it was not safe for him to venture out in the universe, and would therefore be protected by Earth against attackers wishing to destroy the legacy of Svartalfheim.

Fury had come out easily the best in this discussion, because Malekith was a few hundred years old and a veritable plethora of information on the Nine Realms, magic, and a whole lot more.

Dorcha, as it turned out, was just Gaelic for 'dark'. Another subtlety point for SHIELD, somewhere along the thread of 'Bart Clinton'. They weren't even getting Malekith to reshape his ears away from the points they were, or sort out his mismatched eyes and long hair, just keep away from the stripes.

Subtlety.

-O.O-

"Steve, is it done?" Clint asked.

"It came out really well. I think this is a good idea, Clint. When're you giving it to him?" Steve said.

"When the opportunity comes up. For now, say nothing."

-O.O-

Loki and Tony were wedged halfway between delight and rage at the kinds of coverage their delicious scandal was getting.

On one hand, they were on everything. Everything. The news, magazines, talk shows, everything, and having that kind of coverage was rather exciting. Tumblr had crashed, apparently. Not to mention that the photo someone had taken when they'd kissed after Tony's proposal looked amazing.

On the other hand, most of the talk show coverage and a fair percentage of the gossip magazine's coverage was not positive.

For some reason, there had to be a bad guy, and because he was foreign, most people had picked that bad guy to be Loki.

So according to many people, Loki had corrupted Tony and brought him to the dark side.

"I don't know what they think you corrupted," Tony frowned after listening to some woman rave about the evils of foreigners. "You haven't exactly popped any cherries, sweetheart."

"I'm certain I could imagine some," Loki purred back.

"Even by your standards, isn't this a little stuck-up?" Clint asked from his armchair, annoyed that he couldn't watch a movie on the rainy day and instead had to listen to people endlessly talking about Tony and Loki.

"I think I've proved I have no standards," Loki said as Tony said:

"What do you mean, standards?"

Then they shared a satisfied smirk.

"Most couples share loving smiles," Natasha deadpanned.

"Do we look like most couples? Turn it up, Jay," Tony said.

"...Why we are letting these immoral men serve as role models to-"

"I regret it. Mute it!" Tony called. "I'm not sure why people are so upset. We're fucking each other, not them."

"They seem to think it's their business, Tony," Natasha said. "It's to be expected. You've both been famous for so long that the public thinks they own you."

"I was the first ever non-military, non-American citizen to _ever_ receive the Medal of Honour yesterday. However, apparently my engagement is a far more fascinating subject to the people of this country," Loki said. People of other countries were rather interested too. Upon returning home yesterday Loki had been ambushed by his mother and Thor both excitedly calling to congratulate him. Even Odin had said a few kind words, and Loki and Odin were not on speaking terms.

To Tony's surprise, Loki had definitely murmured something in passing about wishing his real parents were alive so he could tell them about it. He hadn't repeated that sentiment when Tony had asked him what he'd said.

For all their claims of a marriage of convenience, Tony and Loki were both legitimately excited about this. Marriage was definitely not something they'd seen themselves doing at any point in their lives, and for now, they were in love with someone and unable to imagine that ending. They did argue over little things rather a lot and big things occasionally, and they were stubborn, but in the end they both knew they'd come crawling back to each other.

In all honesty, marriages had been built on much, much less.

Worst comes to worst, at least the wedding would be flashy.

But ready for marriage or not, watching people talk shit about them on daytime talks shows was actually getting on their nerves.

"We need to make a public statement," Tony finally admitted after seeing Westboro Baptist Church burn an effigy of himself. "But those guys sure can whip up a protest quickly."

"If I were you guys, I'd get an interview with someone who's going to tell the truth," Natasha said. "Last thing you need is someone twisting your words."

"I've got just the guy," Tony grinned. "Interview time!"


	53. So Long And Thanks For All The Fish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think I need to tell you that the reason this is late is that I was struggling to bring myself to write the last chapter.

**IS THIS LOVE FOR TONY STARK AND LOKI LAUFEYSON?**   
**Peter Parker reports on the new power couple!**

As it turned out, even serious reporters who didn't like to write gossip pieces were tripping over themselves to interview 'Laufeystark', as it had been dubbed.

By Tony and Loki's reckoning, that was the stupidest celebrity couple name _ever._

Regardless of their thoughts on the subject, however, people wanted information on the couple, and as there was a pretty high risk of inaccurate reporting, Tony and Loki wanted someone who was on the level. Yes, they would be feeding some misinformation, but they wanted their misinformation printed correctly.

A year or so ago Tony had done an interview on a rather controversial area of clean energy and had been met by a scientifical and investigative reporter, who, instead of taking a side, wrote exactly what Tony said.

Therefore, Peter Parker dropped everything to get the interview of a lifetime the moment JARVIS called. Almost suspiciously fast, but there you go.

His boss wanted a quick interview to be leaked a little to draw people in by that evening, as well as a longer one the in the next few days (Christmas was in a couple of days, so money was in the air) so it was still the day after Tony and Loki had broken the news that Parker turned up with a list of questions to ask them.

Which brings us back to the start.

_I **S THIS LOVE FOR TONY STARK AND LOKI LAUFEYSON?**_   
**_Peter Parker reports on the new power couple!_ **   
_As I walk into the penthouse of Stark Tower, the first thing that strikes me is how homely it looks compared to earlier photographs of the penthouse when it was first constructed. This is a home that is now being lived in by two people._

_Tony Stark and Loki Laufeyson are sitting on the couch, playing some kind of memory game while they invite me to sit down. They sit next to each other, Tony's hand unconsciously on Loki's thigh, and they look content. This quiet image of domesticity is at odds with expectations of the pair; both are known for their hellfire personalities and their valour in battle as Avengers._

_But this isn't Iron Man and Lightningrod or CEO Laufeyson and SI owner Stark, it's Tony and Loki, the people behind those powerful images. And it seems very clear to me at this moment that this Tony and this Loki undoubtedly care for each other._

_When I pull my list of questions out of my satchel, both of them adopt a similar posture - they've been in front of interviewers their whole lives and they know what to do._

_And I begin the interview._

**Everyone's dying to know - how did your relationship start?**  
 _Well, it all started after the first battle of Manhattan. You saw when I sent that nuke through the wormhole? I would've died afterwards if it hadn't been for Loki - he kickstarted the Iron Man suit. That was when it all started. The idea that we didn't have to be against each other._  
After that, Tony and I were performing scientific research for SHIELD together. While it started with perhaps more hubris than teamwork, we began to work together seamlessly in time, aided by the fact I was spending increasing periods of time at the Avengers' Tower with my new friends. In the past, I had viewed Tony as not much more than an irksome competitor in business. As time went on, I began to understand the man better, and had little reason to cause fuss when I could have someone finally understand my work and still be worth carrying a conversation with.  
 _I was the same. I just needed Loki as someone to talk to. It wasn't just the physics and engineering, though; Loki and I just get along with any subject. Anyway, we'd become pretty close when this big Avengers thing happened-_  
At this point it remains fairly confidential.  
 _Confidential, yeah. It happened, and I may have told Loki afterwards that he was one of my best friends and amazingly awesome. He thanked me. Thoroughly. 'Thanked' is a very iffy word._  
But that was not when our relationship started.  
 _Nope. We danced around it for ages. I mean, yeah, we were still banging whenever we had the opportunity, but we didn't want to put a label on it, because we're Tony Stark and Loki Laufeyson and the idea of being in relationship with each other was too bizarre._  
Even now, it seems a little strange. In any case, this again changed when I was forced to go away for a week on SHIELD business. I missed Tony intensely. When I came back, we decided our relationship needed to change.  
 _That was when we had our first date. One of the best nights of my life. Call it sappy and unnecessarily romantic, but I knew that I always wanted to be with Loki like that. It was perfect._  
We have been together ever since with no real issues. As it turns out, Tony and I can actually be far better together than we ever were apart.  
 _And now we're engaged. Look, people can complain and protest as much as they like, but when it boils down to it, it's Loki's and my decision and I love the guy enough that I'm perfectly willing to flip off anyone who calls us the Antichrist for this. We don't belong to the citizens of America - we're people just like anyone else, and we should be able to marry whoever we choose._

 **You may have only become engaged yesterday, but what can you tell me about the wedding?**  
A great deal of the details are unconfirmed - as you said, it has only been a day. We are certain that our wedding will be held somewhere in New York, as it is not legal in either Malibu or England, where we respectively have lived most of our lives.  
 _Planner's said we're both looking at charcoal grey for suits, and really, that's all we know. We've been hijacked by our friends and we have less say over the whole thing that we perhaps should._  
I would add - we know certainly that it will be a private wedding. Owing to the extreme amount of protesting and the likelihood of our wedding being interrupted by a vast number of people with many objections to our union, it will be invitation or no entry. For that I apologise, but it is our big day and I'd rather not have to deal with narrowminded [expletive deleted]

 **And afterwards? Do you live together here? Are you planning for kids or a home together?**  
At this point, we do not live together, owing to the fact-  
 _Owing to the fact we're both way too prideful to live in a tower with someone else's name on it._  
That said, we do sleep in each other's company every night. It simply depends on the day. We've yet to discuss permanent living arrangements, though it is clear to both of us we will live together in the future.  
 _Yep. Personally, I think Loki should just swallow his pride and move into Stark Tower like a grown-up, but no. About kids - our line of work is way too dangerous for kids. We could both be killed in action tomorrow, and we wouldn't leave a kid without any parents. We've both been there and we wouldn't put it on anyone else._  
I would not have a child unless I could guarantee I could care for it fully, and at this point I cannot claim that.

**Tony, was the proposal planned?**   
_Oh, hell, no. You can tell by the look on Loki's face he wasn't expecting it! I just wish I'd actually had a ring._

  
**Is this undoubtedly the end of both of your playboy ways?**  
We may be open to someone joining us, but this is not any form of open relationship.  
 _Nope. We're a bit too possessive for that._

 **I think Wall Street would like to know - what will change with your respective companies?**  
Nothing, insofar as I am aware. My business life is different from my private life, and in any case, Stark Industries and Laufeyson Corp do not cross over in fields enough for a merger to take place.  
 _I'm not even the CEO of Stark Industries anymore, so it's not really anything to do with me._

 **A personal one now - what're you getting each other for Christmas? Is it a secret?**  
What day is it?  
 _22nd of December, babe._  
[Expletive deleted]  
 _Yeah, same here. To answer your question - at the moment, nothing, by the looks of things. It's been pretty chaotic recently._

That had marked the end of the interview. It was supposed to be quick, a short Q&A, and so Parker (who was a lot more awkward when he wasn't reading off a piece of paper) thanked them repeatedly and made to leave. Another longer interview would be conducted in the near future.

"It's unfortunate," Loki smiled at him as he left.

"What?"

"Gossip journalism is not your specialty, yet this will likely be your breakthrough article," Loki pointed out.

Parker winced. "I know."

"Good luck," Loki said with a respectful nod as he left.

Of course, their answers had not actually been entirely truthful on how they got together, but it was as much as they were willing to reveal to the public.

-O.O-

It was that evening that Clint finally decided to give Loki his present.

Everyone was at the tower at the time, and Tony and Loki had just finished their interview.

In any case, Clint went upstairs, told Loki there was a surprise for him, and brought both of them - rather confused - down to the main Avengers floor, with Loki being made to close his eyes.

Loki was pouting. "I don't see why I have to close my eyes. I will hit my legs on something."

"Loki, you've walked through this room how many times? I think you'll be fine," Clint said resignedly. "Open your eyes."

They were in the living room, everyone there watching to see how Loki reacted.

Loki opened his eyes, blinked for a bit, and looked around the room "I - oh."

That was Tony's reaction too - shock.

He knew Steve was good at art, but, well, this?

It was a hyperrealistic painting, a large one.

Of Loki's family.

That was, Nal and Farbauti with a smoky grey background, and three boys in their early thirties in front of them - Loki and two brown-haired, identical boys with the same look of mischief written across both their faces.

None of them knew what Loki's brothers would've looked like - technically, they'd never been born - but the green-eyed, short-haired boys that were just a little shorter than Loki and just as handsome and slim were an amazing approximation.

Loki's mother had had to be aged by thirty years, but she was still gracefully beautiful and exactly where Loki had gotten his Snow White colouration from.

Clint, Steve and Darcy had even managed to find a rare photo of Farbauti smiling.

They looked like a happy family, and Tony thought it was brilliant, immediately looking over to see how Loki was going to react.

Clint had finally succeeded in knocking Loki speechless. Natasha was smiling uncharacteristically widely, along with everyone else in the room.

"Oh lords," Loki murmured finally.

"Don't you like it?" Steve asked worriedly.

"It's the most amazing thing I've ever seen," Loki said, still quietly. Tony could see his eyes were a little teary. "Thank you so much, Steve."

"It was Clint's idea," Steve smiled.

"Darcy helped," Clint shrugged, but he looked very proud of himself.

"It's...so detailed. So close to looking like a photo," Loki said. "Byleist, Helbindi, Nal...They look as I often imagined them."

Because Darcy must've picked up on the same thing Tony had - Loki wanted his family. He mentioned it basically never, and he clammed up whenever the subject was raised, but he wanted the idea of the loving family he'd never been able to really get his hands on. Thor, who was an okay brother, but tended to be a little oblivious to Loki's complex and bizarre moods, and Frigga, who was an excellent mother, but not _Loki's_ mother, were not quite enough to fill the void left by knowing his whole family was dead.

"Loki, don't take this the wrong way," Clint said. "But I had to look up photos of your mother for Steve for this, and man, she was _hot._ "

The corners of Loki's mouth quirked up from where he was staring at the painting. "She was. Frigga showed me a few photos she had of her - they used to be rather close friends, I believe. Beautiful."

"Don't take this the wrong way either, but you _really_ look like her."

"I'll take that as a compliment," Loki chuckled, before sniffling and wiping his eyes with one large hand.

Loki went and sat down on the couch to continue looking at the painting, taking in every tiny detail. "This is mine, to keep?" He asked uncertainly.

"Of course!" Clint said. "For saving our asses a hundred times over. And as a sorry for the heart problem, because that really sucks and I hope you find some way to cure it."

"I'm working on it," Loki replied distractedly. "This will go next to my armchair in my living room."

"Just your armchair?" Darcy said a little disappointedly.

"Darcy, that armchair is my favourite place in the world. Would you rather I put it in my office?" Loki asked.

"Oh, yeah. No," Darcy smiled. "Merry Christmas, Loki, from me and the Avengers."

That was the start of a very good evening for everyone - sitting around cheerfully talking, eating a delicious dinner and actually acting like a team for the night, playing cards then watching a movie before bed.

It was midway through the next morning when Loki and Tony got a video call from one Happy Hogan, who had moved back down to Malibu a few months ago and was working as Pepper's head of security at Stark Industries.

Sitting on the couch together, Tony reached for his phone and accepted the call.

It only showed Happy's forehead.

"Is that Miss Potts' Forehead of Security?" Loki chuckled dryly.

"You little fuck!" Tony snapped playfully. "I was _right_ about to say that!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sCREAMING. This is finally over. After everything, it's over, done and gone.
> 
> As some folks know, I'm heading on holiday very soon and I won't start posting the sequel until I get back, so until the second week of August.
> 
> The sequel is named (subject to change, mind you) How The Shovel Talk Turned Into Saving America and is Loki, Tony, Pepper and Rhodey vs AIM, the Mandarin, and Aldrich Killian.
> 
> Also, Peter Parker will probably turn up again in the future.
> 
> Meanwhile, I might post a one-shot or two for the series, so bookmark the series or something! Also, I'll be posting a bit on Tumblr in the Frostiron tag about this, so keep an eye out = D
> 
> I would absolutely love a show of comments now this is done. Please let me know what was good so I can do more good things in the future - remember, I don't know your opinions unless you tell me them.
> 
> Thank you so much for everything, my people!

**Author's Note:**

> If you comment I'll cry with happys


End file.
